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Wednesday, November 5th, 2003
| Time | Event |
| 1:45a | ::looks around, grins:: Guys... good news. My GPA for first quarter rounds off to be an 80. So, that's good, right? And Danielle and I are back to normal.. no more Kayla. And Jason and I are messed up, but I suppose that's normal as well. Like at home is still a mess... and I'm still lonely and depressed. But, I think I might live... Current Mood:  hopeful |
| 11:50a | "If I told you this was killing me, would you stop?" I haven't cut since.. thursday, I think. Yesterday, me and my mom came home and saw my sister and her ex-boyfriend's brother trying to break into our house. they fvcked up the door and we couldn't get inside for 20 minutes. it sucked. i'm not going to school today. yesterday I was sick, and my mom let me stay home from school today cause.. i dunno she just did. I think i'm going to break up with david. i really love him, and i really dont want to.. but rebecca is hurting so bad. and I can't stand knowing that i'm making someone hurt. blah, i dont know. her and david can be happy together.. i dont care if I hurt. yes, i've decided; i'm breaking up with him. -jaime Current Mood:  cranky |
| 3:44p | yeep i stayed home today. i was "sick".. i just needed to NOT go to skool. ; [ so i cut again last, bad. worse then the other day. ; \ oooo welll.. i dunno what to say. well while i WASNT at skool there was ANOTHER code blue. sumone pranked the skoool and said there was sumone with a gun in the building. i dot feel safe there anymore. .. i d ont wanna go back.. its kinda weird.. i bet we'll have a code blue everyday now. lol. i think its odd that people feel the need to say "hey.. theres a gun in skool" i dunno.. im gunna o now.. "i love the ones the world just loves to hate" ~kayla Current Mood:  contentCurrent Music: nutttthin |
| 4:28p | hey. nothing of great intrest really...just kinda here. goin to the band compitition on saterday cuz im doin color guard for the rotc *rifle-ige, shame they don't shoot lol* so yeh, could be interesting. i haven't cut in a while...*pats self on the back unenthousiastically* oh yeh, i forgot to mention that my cuzin's wedding was on halloween. a funky day to get married on. |
| 5:31p | im new hey everyone, im new here. my name is alycia i am 15 years old. i started cutting in march 2003 because of many things, depression, things building up, one thing that was bad.. . my mom found out i had been cutting in may and i was put in a partial hospitalization program for 2 weeks, after i got out i didnt cut for 2 weeks but then i started again. it was worse than before, i cut my wrist and legs this time, and my mom found out again in june and i was put in the hospital for a week, when i got out i just started cutting again, the hospital didnt help at all. then a week afta i got out i tried 2 kill myself. i cut my wrists, obviously i didnt do a very good job, and i was put in the hospital again. i stayed in the hospital for 2 weeks, i got a lil betta which is awesome. i stopped cuttin 4 the most part, i did it a few times afta, mostly kinda bad on my wrists. i wish i could do it but i have no access 2 sharps at my house and i dont wanna go back 2 the hospital again :-/ and myu boyfriend doesnt want me 2. so i try, its really tough sometimes. i am depressed, i take lots of meds 4 it and things are really good right now but underneath it all im always depressed :-( my bf understands so thats good. i kinda sorta have an eating dissorder which sucks and i think i do it 2 replace cutting :-/ but yea thats me Current Mood:  accomplishedCurrent Music: nadda |
| 8:44p | my friend allie. i've been friends with her for so long. since middle school. but on and off. last year me and her got really close. we began telling eachother everything. we never lied about our feelings. ever. shes just like me in so many aspects. and i love her becuase she's there and she understands how it is to wnat to never wake up. and we write letters to eachother every day. and today she told me i have beautiful arms. no one ever says good things abotu my arms. bruised, burned, cut up, and generaly ugly to everyone else. i think it's pretty at times. other times i don't. but someone else saying it made everything better. but i always know she's there and she'd be there for me. even though she's gone through her attempts i still love her. she's beautiful. inside and out. pretty on the inside. sigh. *tear... sniff* in one of the past entries ihatemyself303 asked what's the favorite method of self injury. i'd have to go with bruising. sitting there and beating the crap out of your arms, and body just feels so good. and feels so right. i always want to break my bones. but i don't think i can becuase thyre' too strong. sigh scratching would be second. but cutting is fun too. sigh. |
| 8:45p | its been a long time..... yea i miss u guys have not updated in sooo long... life was gettin better but the shit hit the fan again.. what else is new i got over my eating disorder almost 6 months ago and its coming back again i stopped eating again i dont know what to do i mean i know whats goin on but its like i dont want to / cant do ne thing about it i dunno and my fave thing is to burn.. and then cutting i dunno y i just like to burn myself.. the flame... the lighter.. just the whole thing the blister after the scare i dont know i just dont know what to do any more i want to drive my car into a wall and die..... |
| 10:26p | this is cherry_aneurism for some reason my journals gone bizerk and now i cant post or reply to comments but i want to say THANK YOU SO MUCH to BREATHOFLIFE you're lovely and yeah thanks. new journal woohoo go me. |
| 10:51p | i know this is gunna sound like an awkward question since this community is basically to try to stop cutting... but since i cant, i guess ill give it a shot... does anyone know any other way to cause pain? through cutting, burning, etc...anything... im open for ideas. and dont worry. im putting myself in risk. just please... if any... comment... ive tried cutting and than putting alcohol over the open slices... ive done burning... ive done punching myself in the stomach... pulling hair... any other techniques that you know of that maybe im missing?... i feel like trying something different. thanks.... Current Mood: angryCurrent Music: demolition lover x my chemical romance |
| 11:16p | srry off topic again...after my mom was bitching at my brother and sister today i was sitting on the couch minding my own bisness and she comes over to me and screams something like "what is wrong with you" i jsut looked at her and was like "what the fuck" she was like "you look like your pissed at the world sitting there like that." all i said was "my god leave me alone." it was weird... and last week she red one of the poems i wrote... she said it was just sitting there open which i deffently know it wasnt she asked me if i was depressed and shit and my excuss was "what i wrote doesnt mean how i feel it just rhymed." ta ha and she bought it. i was so fucking mad. well i havent cut in 2 days... i'm gonna crash by tommorw and end up slicing my arm. i havent been doing my homework and thats not good becasue thats what keeps my grades up cause i fail all my tests. has anyone ever had an "online reationship"? well this one guy that ive kind of been close to over the internet i found out he has a girlfreind now... it sucks so bad cause he doesnt even talk to me anymore. can this week get any worse? i jsut had a vision of someone cutting my arm for me.... risky? Current Mood:  confusedCurrent Music: |
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