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Tuesday, November 4th, 2003
| Time | Event |
| 3:22p | yeh. i havent written in a while. lesse... thursday- i dont remember that far back. friday-halloween-fun-hung out w/ my buds sat-nothing sunday-nothing yesterday-oy. sum one in my house took my sisters purse. she had 90 bucks in there. so my mom says were all grounded until some one 'confesses' to taking saras purse and if no one does then we all have to pay sara back and im like uh..no shes not getting my fucking money. n im wearing a fucking skool pad, and if im not goin home then im gonna need more, cuz i don't think this one is going to last much longer. and if im still not in a good mood by 530 i am NOT goin home. i want chinese food. |
| 5:49p | what is your favorite method of self injuring? choose only one. i'm a good ol' fashion cutter, myself. give me a razor anyday. any burners here? i just thought i would make an on-topic post, because (no offense) a lot of the posts have been pretty personal lately. Current Mood:  drainedCurrent Music: Living Each Day Like You're Already Dead : Atreyu |
| 7:53p | so yeh. i went home. then during dinner my mom was talkin to me n my sisters (my dad was working overtime i guess) and was giving us the 'this is serious some one is taking the pills and money' talk for the millionth time in two days, and i just kept a 'poker face' i guess u could call it,through the whole thing, then she went into this story bout how in her house (when she was younger) they had to hide there $$ cuz my grandmother would steal it for her vodka n shit, and my mom got her wisdom teeth pulled and went to go take sum pain med. one day and there was one left my grandma took 'em, and im like *insert poker face* and she was like 'do you care?' n i nodded and shes like im not getting a look of caring on ur face! and im like well IDK! i was scratching my wrist cuz its itchy and i was sick with myself. cuz i dont really care about wuts goingon in my house, im not the one taking the shit, and none of my shit is getting stolen, watch, to get herself off of blame carly (my younger sister, also the beleived to have taken the stuff) she'll hide sumthing of hers and say it was stolen, and make it out to seem like im taking all the shit. so after the talk i was like mom can i go out w/ amanda til like 845 (i was afraid to push for 9) n shes like y. n im like idk cuz its something to do? and shes like i feel like im not getting to anybody *waits a min n a half* fine if ur going out call her so i did and my dad called and i told my mom and hung up the phone cuz she answered it in her room and i told her i was leaving and she's like FINE EM! and im like *in a mimicing voice* fine em under my breath, and left, slamming both doors as i left. if anyone has a place i can stay please please let me stay! i dont care if i hafta walk a thousand miles! i need to get away from my fucking house, i cant live there anymore, i cant take all the shit going on in there, i havent cut once since the whole purse thing happend, but i dont want to get pissed at my mom and show her all my scars only to get grounded prolly, cuz if i do get mad and show them out of anger cuz i have my own f-ing problems, and i get grounded for it, there is NO WAY IN HELL that im staying there. i need to save my money and move to wisconsin ASAP. its a shame im not 18. only 2 yrs one month and 5 days to go. i hope it goes fast if i dont die first. get me outta my hell. YOU CANT CONTROL ME... BOUND TO THE CUFF... SLAVE TO THE BLADE... |
| 8:36p | ::sigh:: today- my g/f duzn't want me to go out w/ this kid. she went out w/ him b4 & he hurt her. she sed she duzn't want me to bcuz she hates to see me hurt. this gurl that we both know sed to me that my g/f sed that if i did go out w/ this kid than she would break up w/ me (it DEF. duzn't sound like her at all) so now my g/f & this kid r in a fight. the skool fucking called me down to the office & told me that i couldn't go to skool anymore cuz i sleep at my dads house who lives in a different town. i missed 1 month of skool last year wut makes this year n e different? i don't fucking care anymore it's all gay. fuck it i just want to fucking die. my parents r fighting over custody of me. i want to move out of my moms house. she resents me. i hate her. my dad yelled at me cuz i couldn't remember wut my vice-principal sed to me today cuz i wuz crying. fuck him to. i want to die so bad. just to fucking get rid of it all. it'll never go away. ever & i can't do that anymore. i'm sorry i keep getting off track here. if anyone has any kind of problem with it, tell me & i'll stop. -asia Current Mood:  depressedCurrent Music: bleev it or not- rap |
| 9:47p | yup so yes.. its kayla.. [die_shaking] my other blurty got deleted for sum bloody reason, so alas i must start over again. why am i tlkaing like a brit.. i dunno.. whatever. i finally got the energy to cut last nite.i think tis 10 cuts, theyre pretty deep. they bleed for hours, and it was horrible. i was kinda freaking out. julie saw it in gym, i didnt want anyone to really.. im not mad that she did, its my fault for not hyding it very well.. i mean im not scared of her knowing, cuz she does knwo, and she gets everything cuz shes awesum, but its the fact that sum on ACTUALLY saw.. i mean.. i dunno.. is that weird? i dunno.. well.. my writing notebook broke last nite.. i creid.. over a writing notebook.,. me and my mom got in a fite. she was bitching at my brother.. so he left, so she had no one to bitch at, so i was her target. she blamed me with alotta stuff i didnt do, liek how my brother hates her.. its not my fault she drinks. its not my fault he doesnt liek hr cuz of it, and cuz of how she acts... gawd, i love my bro.. but he gets soo much shit from my mom.. and dad.. ahh.. then again everyone gets alott shit form them. they smell. my cuts hurt.. bad.. my pants keep rubbing against them.. its an ouchie. well.. i msut leave u darlings.. *cough* thers that brit ness again.. ps-JESSE GOT BOCK FROM ENGLAND YESTERDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!oh.. did i mention.. i cant rememerb.. our assistant principal got STABBED yesterday ... in th bathroom.. we were on lock down for liek.. 2381986 hours and it sucked.. the lady came on the loudspeaker at 915 and just said "code blue code blue code blue.. ahemm.. but wtf is a code blue.. no one knew.. its was fucking crazy. we got let out eraly tho.. but they still havent found the kid who did it.. ; \ we had skool today ANYWAY.. i missed jesse like mad.. ; ] im so glad hes back Current Mood:  distressedCurrent Music: im watching the matrix - there is no spoon |
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