Monday, October 27th, 2003

Time	Event
3:08p	the best part of waking up, is folgers in ur cup. today i went to skool, and i lost my razor blade some where!!!! *freaks out* lol, i felt so alone today cuz i didnt have it and i really really wanted to cut. amanda was so nice as to let me use her razor blade and i did a few scratches on my wrist where all the other lil ones r ^.^. i think i freaked this kid chris out, cuz amanda gave me her razor blade during lunch and he was like whoa...you cut urself? n im like yep. idk. i think he was scared. hehehee. so yeh, then i got home and changed, and put a new razor blade in my walet *thats where i keep it* cuz i have a lil box that had 5, and i lost one, and i took another one, and yeh. idk. im hungry. oh yeh! yesterday damon called me. i couldnt tell if it was him or if it was kyle for a minute, i was thinking so hard, cuz i didnt wanna say one name and have it be the other person, but eventually when damon said so yeh i haven't talked to you in a while, i knew it was damon and not kyle. so yeh, we had a nice chat we were on the phone for like 45min. n hr maybe. it was nice. i missed talking to him :( but i did good, i didn't cry at all! *pats self on the back* lol. i felt bad though, cuz in a few days ago entry i said i hated him or somthing of that sort, but i really dont, i just get mad cuz im trying to get over him and its taking longer than i thought it was going too or something of that sort, and i just get mad, cuz i know i need to move on, but its like im stuck somewhere in the middle. idk. im weird. i was kinda freaked out that he called me...he talked about heather and seirra and im just like *hold in urge to kill them or some one else* and yeh. idk, i enjoyed talking to him. um..yeh, thats pretty much my life at the moment. Current Mood: hungry (2 Comments | Comment on this)
6:36p	who am i............. all the sudden im surrounded by things that are not really here death and demons filling my head trying to feed off my fears a blood bath spills all around my mind no longer conscious of reality what i do know is out of my control and i am numb to what i see im sorry i can not help you i can not help myself ive grown a desire to see and feel pain and you are my self help feel the burning of the blade taste the crimson of the flood my eyes roll back into my head oh dear god what have i done to late now the frenzy has destroyed all i have and havnt become i have swallowed the pills i have broken the mirror because now that i am conscious i realize its me that ive hurt its me thats bleeding and i am feeding off myself living here all alone in my personal private hell Current Mood: high Current Music: shinedown 45 (7 Comments | Comment on this)
6:41p	shit, i should update more often. well, tomorow is the drama holloween show. im gonna be working with the sisxth graders makeup. my best friend, who has never let me down, is coming. i havent seen her in months. so ofcourse i was fucking happy. but then i find out that this other chick, yosleny, is coming because they live real close. shit, i hate her! she acts all suicidal. she was taken to the hospital because she had "cuts" on her wrist. they were only little tiny dots. they didnt bleed. not even barely pierce skin! and shes like " i need help, i hate myself, i wanna die." bitch doesnt know pain! stupid little hore bitch. my best friend completly supports her. she should know because she does cut! shit! ana is probably gonna blow me off completly. i hate this. well, sorry for taking up space. bye now Current Mood: aggravated Current Music: Broadway music (3 Comments | Comment on this)
10:25p	drowing in my tears havent updated in a while... i havent cut in a while either. well i made a little cut on my upper arm saturday or something nothing big. i keep having this picture in my head that i cant even explain its like i cut down my hand all sguiggling (cant spell) from each finger part and coliding with each other. i think it would look so cool. watching the blood drip down and then having the scar there that will still look cool. but i'm scared to do it. i dont want my parents to see... thats something i shall think about -manda Current Mood: irritated (7 Comments | Comment on this)

<< Previous Day

2003/10/27 [Calendar]

Next Day >>