Sunday, October 26th, 2003

Time	Event
12:07p	hi im spike..im new here..i cut almost everyday and ive attempted suicide a bunch and thasts what started me cutting..in like 4th grade i attempted suicide..it dindnt work..obviously..i liked the feeling of blood running down my arm..i liked to see the blood..i liked the pain..and thats why i started to cut..i stopped for awhile cause it was really bothering my best friend but when she started hurting herself to i picked it back up agian..i live with my gramother cause my "dad" is in jail and my mom od'd when i was 6..gramother sent me to a therpist and all they did was have the doctor perscribe drugs to shove down my throat..ive suposivly have depression,post traumatic stress disorder,obsessive compulsive disorder and a bunch of other things..thats pretty much my story..leaving out the details.. -spke Current Mood: cold Current Music: jack off jill-strawberry gashes (6 Comments | Comment on this)
3:53p	hihi- i know i havn't posted in a while i burned myself twice. the lighter thing. infected. of coarse. with my luck... duh. last nite my best friend got pissed at me i went into the bathroom & cut my wrist 1 line down my wrist i wish i could've dun it deeper & not b here now she also got mad at me cuz i wuz on the phone cuz i wuz feeling that bad i needed to talk to some1 who understood so i did but she got mad & made me feel worse i can't fucking stand it can't wait till i die... i'm hungry can i eat myself 2 death? is that possible?? that'd b fun sorry... i'm gunna go hide from my grandparents play my newly found guitar hopefully calm myself down - invisible blob of skin Current Mood: exhausted (9 Comments | Comment on this)
6:15p	hey... well this is the first time i have ever posted in a community... so yeah... Umm i dont really know what to say, but i cut myself... i try not to because my b/f doesn't want me to... so yeah... umm, i havent done it in like 2 or 3 weeks though, so im doing good, but i feel like i need to. im always sad and i always feel like im gonna cry, but i try not to. so yeah... im going to go now... Good luck at the doctors and woth the baby Wickedly Torn (is that how you spell it? Sorry if it isn't) ~Kitty Current Mood: sad (4 Comments | Comment on this)
6:46p	worried... well..i have a doctors appointment in the morning...to make sure that the baby is all healthy...im worried...im sure ill be fine...but who knows..they know about the scars that i have on my hip bones...so hopefully its just like a regular check up...i hope...i havent cut in almost a week...though ...its very tempting...he hasnt talked to me in three days..and yet i still sit here like a dumbass wishing that he would care...knowing that he never will..how can he message me and tell me he loves me...when he really doesnt?...if he did...hed be there for me...and the only thing he tells me is he doesnt agree with abortion but in this case he wouldnt mind it...that hurts so much...:(...its like he is tearing me down in his own lil way..i just dont know about anything anymore...all this stressing cant be good for the baby...:( Current Mood: worried (6 Comments | Comment on this)
8:11p	the only broken hearted looser you will ever need i feel liek telling about my day..im bi..and my very christain grandmother somehow found out..and she had my grandfather hit me figuring it would knock some sense into me..right..so i went upstars and went into the medicine cabent and found a bottle that said poison on it and it had thouse skull and cross bones on it..i didnt really think it was poison..so i sniffed it and then drank the bottle..it tasted like shit..but after i felt sick,dizzy,barf..i puked for about 3 hours and then i felt like it had passed and my gramother screamed for me drinking all her medicine and had my grandfather hit me agian..so i cut myself with a razor..really deep..deeper than i intended to and it bled for awhile..and i cryed until i was literally sick..my lovley day -spike Current Mood: confused Current Music: brand new [x] magazine (Comment on this)
8:11p	the only broken hearted looser you will ever need i feel liek telling about my day..im bi..and my very christain grandmother somehow found out..and she had my grandfather hit me figuring it would knock some sense into me..right..so i went upstars and went into the medicine cabent and found a bottle that said poison on it and it had thouse skull and cross bones on it..i didnt really think it was poison..so i sniffed it and then drank the bottle..it tasted like shit..but after i felt sick,dizzy,barf..i puked for about 3 hours and then i felt like it had passed and my gramother screamed for me drinking all her medicine and had my grandfather hit me agian..so i cut myself with a razor..really deep..deeper than i intended to and it bled for awhile..and i cryed until i was literally sick..my lovley day -spike Current Mood: confused Current Music: brand new [x] magazine (Comment on this)
8:11p	the only broken hearted looser you will ever need i feel liek telling about my day..im bi..and my very christain grandmother somehow found out..and she had my grandfather hit me figuring it would knock some sense into me..right..so i went upstars and went into the medicine cabent and found a bottle that said poison on it and it had thouse skull and cross bones on it..i didnt really think it was poison..so i sniffed it and then drank the bottle..it tasted like shit..but after i felt sick,dizzy,barf..i puked for about 3 hours and then i felt like it had passed and my gramother screamed for me drinking all her medicine and had my grandfather hit me agian..so i cut myself with a razor..really deep..deeper than i intended to and it bled for awhile..and i cryed until i was literally sick..my lovley day -spike Current Mood: confused Current Music: brand new [x] magazine (Comment on this)
8:11p	the only broken hearted looser you will ever need i feel liek telling about my day..im bi..and my very christain grandmother somehow found out..and she had my grandfather hit me figuring it would knock some sense into me..right..so i went upstars and went into the medicine cabent and found a bottle that said poison on it and it had thouse skull and cross bones on it..i didnt really think it was poison..so i sniffed it and then drank the bottle..it tasted like shit..but after i felt sick,dizzy,barf..i puked for about 3 hours and then i felt like it had passed and my gramother screamed for me drinking all her medicine and had my grandfather hit me agian..so i cut myself with a razor..really deep..deeper than i intended to and it bled for awhile..and i cryed until i was literally sick..my lovley day -spike Current Mood: confused Current Music: brand new [x] magazine (Comment on this)
8:11p	the only broken hearted looser you will ever need i feel liek telling about my day..im bi..and my very christain grandmother somehow found out..and she had my grandfather hit me figuring it would knock some sense into me..right..so i went upstars and went into the medicine cabent and found a bottle that said poison on it and it had thouse skull and cross bones on it..i didnt really think it was poison..so i sniffed it and then drank the bottle..it tasted like shit..but after i felt sick,dizzy,barf..i puked for about 3 hours and then i felt like it had passed and my gramother screamed for me drinking all her medicine and had my grandfather hit me agian..so i cut myself with a razor..really deep..deeper than i intended to and it bled for awhile..and i cryed until i was literally sick..my lovley day -spike Current Mood: confused Current Music: brand new [x] magazine (5 Comments | Comment on this)

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