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Tuesday, October 21st, 2003
| Time | Event |
| 1:26a | fuck glamourbombs The End Another distant scream... Another shattered dream. Lost another bet... Another cigarette. The world's only getting stupider... Mother nature's crying, but no one hears her. "God" damns you America... Open eyes see right through ya. Everybody's fake... Independence burnt at the stake. Mass produced welfare... Never ending warfare. It's American to hate... Forecasting your own fate. Money is where the power's at... An open minded minority disagrees with that. Your God would be ashamed... This world is satan tamed. My life's lottery is one fucked up game... Under your masks, you all look the same. Discriminating, superficial, ignorant waste... Never gonna give your life another taste. Kill me more... I'll never be your whore. Look at me, and you will see what's real... A life your culture couldn't steal. Close them eyes... Another friend dies. Be blind... And no life is what you will find. A world of rape, murder, and beer... The outcasts are who you need to hear. Nothing lasts forever... But I, you will remember. You blew your chance... Let the chaos dance. Emptiness feels no pain... Sobriety's insane. One day I'll be gone and dead... Will you remember what I said? End world, here's my one last breath... Lets all watch America bring upon our death. God, make this nightmare end... We're alone my friend. Misinterpreted and shoved aside... Humanity has already died. Say goodbye... Time for us all to die. Lost it all... Watch me fall... You'll all see... The end of humanity. http://www.yoanowns.com/anundergroundworld |
| 11:13a | Last night... Last night I cut deeper than I ever have before, I was scared because I had cut right near where the veins are close to the skin. It bled forever, and I still felt nothing.. Maybe it was due to the new "problem" in my life.. Maybe it was just me, I don't know. I sometimes think that I belong to this, and I will never stop. Never.. Current Mood:  guiltyCurrent Music: The pitter-patter of the rain.. |
| 11:58a | i've decided to cut myself for every lie i tell, being that im a chronic liar i imagine i'll be cutting a lot. Yesterday i had to see my landlord about my rent, being that im about 8 weeks behind becuase ive been spending my money on much more important things, you know how it is, anyways i went to see him and told him 6 lies, so i thought insted of cutting myself six times i'd just cut a star with 6 points, so now i have a massive star cut into my leg, i like it, its pretty. IM just sad i didnt tell more lies yesterday/ thismorning so i had reason to cut. Also on Sunday night, i felt like i was dying, and i so badly just wanted to go to sleep and never wake up again, or cut myself and bleed until i was nothing. But as you can see im still here so all my wishing to disapear just go me nowhere but exhausted. |
| 3:46p | Well, it has been a while! I have not posted in this community for a while shall I say? Well, things for me are just grand. I'm 17 now. I had a boyfriend and I cut over him once, he got mad and dumped me. I cut over his dumping me and I cut again earlier yesterday because it was my birthday and my birthmom came over, she actually remembered me. But I covered this rag in blood and let it dry. It is now in my room hanging over the black cross in the middle of my room. (So dark). I don't cut anywhere except me left shoulder.. I don't get it. Whatever. It works for me. So, my mom kinda is wondering what the hell is in the middle of my room.. I can't possibly tell her I cut. Who would tell there mother that they cut, they would be in the insane asylem deal. She doesn't think I cut anyways.. I should go now. Current Mood: depressedCurrent Music: Marilyn Manson, Ka-boom~Ka-boom |
| 4:09p | nothing seems to change. i wish i wasnt seen as stubborn. i try to plan the fun things in life so everyone can have fun... and more or less to get away from all the pain and cutting thoughts but everyone always seems to get the wrong impression of me. i wanna go to a something corporate concert in november since lately music and concerts have been giving me time to heal my wounds... but than again money is always a problem and my cousin is shouting at me saying i dont have a job and she has to pay for her own ticket with her own money while my mom pays for mine... ok i understand i dont have a fucking job and im never going to end up getting one cus who would wanna hire such an annoying bitch... but...still...i just wish i could spend my life in the moshpits and crowd surfers and get away from all this drama in my life. i like doing things fun with my life cus it makes me feel im good at doing something. plus the concert would be on a weekend but ya know what fuck it im even a failure at planning shit that could be the happiest days of my life. i just wish someone would help me but even my best friend is making me feel like shit and i dont wanna sound self centered but i cant make anything of my life and i feel like such a fuck up. i dont even cry to my loneliness anymore im just so numb. no guy wants nor likes me and ive lost so much along the way. people say im young yet since, im only 16... but god if i feel this way now about my life, id hate to witness how i feel 4 years from now. it seems like alot of time to pick my life up again but i cant do anything right so i know im going to feel this way for the rest of my life. i dont even want to continue living on cus im scared to see what my future holds and i just really dont wanna be living anymore. Current Mood: bleeding tears Current Music: shell - memento |
| 4:43p | question i use just a razor when i cut, but it only makes fine lines that don't bleed a lot. i want more blood. do i have to push harder or use something else? Current Mood:  thoughtfulCurrent Music: Razed In Black x Nightmare |
| 10:38p | erh. i'm pretty worried. i started ODing on benadryl a few days ago and my stomach is weird. it won't take food. i threw up. :x i talked to shane. oh shane. i'm in love with him...see, i went through a great ordeal. my good friend suzy was in love with shane. deeply. and then she introduced him to me. and we both hit it off well. and so we met one night and ended up confessing feelings and making out. we started going out. i had to tell suzy, so i did. she attempted suicide by overdose and wrist-slitting. she got sent to therapy. things have never been the same between us since. still, shane and i stayed strong together. he was a depressed child, and he cut himself often. i remember telling him my dreams, and sitting behind dairy queen, watching the stars. he was everything. one day, when we were talking, he broke up with me. he said he was too afraid he'd hurt me. i was so upset and i cut my wrist really badly. i almost needed stitches. i was maniacally depressed. shane found out just how much i cared about him and attempted to hang himself. this made things even worse. eventually we started talking again. i fell in love with him. i told him...and he said he still cared about me. but thinking about him makes me so happy yet so so sad. we told each other quotes that reminded us of each other. mine was "you know that place between sleeping and awake? where you still remember your dreams? that's where i'll be waiting. that's where i'll always love you." he said it made him cry. and his was "i would break in two over you..."(f.a.ta.) so yeah. i need him so badly. i talked to him today. it depressed me and i cut again, on my upper right arm and left forearm, 15 times. i wish i didn't. i want him back. owch. my stomach cramped again. Current Mood:  scaredCurrent Music: Coheed & Cambria x 33 |
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