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Thursday, October 16th, 2003
| Time | Event |
| 2:30p | new here. New to this community. And new to cutting. I started recently- around a two or three weeks ago I'd say. I'm moderately to severly depressed and on Prozac (been on it for a little over a month). Since I'm new I don't do too much damage to myself. Only ever cut with a razor, small shallow cuts, on my inner thighs so no one sees them. Just recently had the intent to kill myself but chickened out and did shallow cuts on my wrist... It's a habit that I want to break, but I'm afraid that it's already an addiction. It's scary for me. Really is. It's nice to know that other people struggle with it and do it as well though. Current Mood:  scaredCurrent Music: My Last Breath by Evanescence |
| 2:35p | this is bullshit. i got sent home 'cause i had a fever. i went to the doctor, and he saw my cuts and put me on an anti-depressant, lexapro. but i guess i didn't use them too wisely, i just took 7 of them...only supposed to take 1 a day, oh well life moves on. |
| 2:58p | This week... I had a really good week this week. I'm so happy. I guess it just like, traveled over from the weekend. My weekend was amazing, and then Tuesday was great and then yesterday was decent because I slept all day and today was another great day. Yesterday Danielle and I got in a fight over some stupid shit... this time it wasn't about Kayla at all, suprisingly, ha... but we're cool now. So, that's good. Kayla and I are cool now too... she actually wrote me a note today and I wrote back and then she wrote back and so forth. Like, I'm taking page long notes.. it was great. And today Jason's coming over... so I'm happy to see him. I haven't seen him since Monday. But, yeah... okay. I hope the rest of this week is good... as well as the weekend. Oh, and I let Danielle's mom know if she ever needs a babysitter, I'm avaliable, so maybe I'll have job there. Alright.. bye bye. xoxo, Mary Current Mood:  contentCurrent Music: Michelle Branch "Are you happy now" |
| 3:36p | Hi ppl This is my first time joining a community...Im depressed 2... Right now i dont want to explain why and shit cuz im in a good mood and dont want to ruin it..But check out my journal and read up on it... deaddreamer63 thats my username... Well bye for now.. Current Mood:  bouncyCurrent Music: Taking Back Sunday-Your Own Disaster |
| 7:27p | happyness, such a rare, rare thing. weee! i'm a crack whore!!! lol not really, i just look like one today, i wore a skirt (which for me is a very very rare thing, as ashley said, she doesn't think i've willingly worn a skirt to skool since preskool that wasn't a mandatory thing lol) n it goes half way on my thigh (just covers me scars) and fish nets and my sisters boot type shoes and a muscle shirt w/ a sweat shirt hoody thing over it cuz its kinda cold. lol during rocketry my buddy john rubinow was like yeh she's my whore and i was talkin to this one kid (andrew or suttin like that, it was his bday so i whipped out a peice of paper and made him a card! and gave him a hug hes a good hug giver! ^.^!) and john was like that'll be $50 bucks fer talkin to her lol. omg like 4 ppl asked if we were going out lol. so yeh i im still wearin my whorish clothes now cuz my sister *who is very very stupid >.<* came home an hour after she was supposed to *she was supposed to be home @ 530 and didn't come home til 630...stupid* and my mom found her in the woods behind salem and so they come in the house screamin at eachother and carly(my sister) was like but i wanna sleep over nikkis house this weekend and my mom is like WELL TOO BAD UR GROUNDED! so she had to call nikki to tell her that she couldn't sleep over while having a scream fest w/ my dad and my dad is like 'don't yell @ ur mother!' and she's like 'well she started yellin @ me first!' (if you haven't noticed my sister dunnit know when to keep her mouth shut) and my dad is like SHES A MOM SHE'S ALOWED TO YELL! and im just like jesus fucking christ! i wanted to cut myself cuz thats what i do when my sister gets into fights w/ my parents and i was waiting for carly to get off the phone so i could call amanda back so i could get the fuck outta my house and so eventually like 5 min later i snagged the phone and called her n now im sittin here in the library! fun no? tis a wee bit chilly outside, but i don't care, cuz im not in the scream fest! i was leavin n my dad was like em, be sure to be home on time n im like i will and carly storms off into the bathroom which is the only room out of 5 in the apartment where no one can barg in on you if ur mad! or something of that sort. idk. so yeh, amanda is my savior tonite, protecting me from hurting legs/stomach! wee! yesterday hung out w/ kyle randall mike n amanda @ the graveyard. it was fun. we are all really horny fucks who need to get some soon. lol i forgot to say that the other nite when me amanda kyle n randall hung out we had an orgy! ^.^! lol there was four of us and none of us had our shoes on! lol thats the actual definition of orgy:4 or more ppl w/o shoes on. lmao. so yeh. today was an ok day. Current Mood: stupendous |
| 7:28p | I wish... ... that cutting didn't make me feel better. But it does and I do it because it does. Have a triangle with a line coming down from the point on my left arm and a "T" on my right arm. And it's like, once I did it, I got some energy and I started to do the things I have been meaning to do. It made me feel better. To release some pain- emotional pain that I'm having. I wish there was an alternative, but for now there really isn't at all. At least I have some energy to make up my homework for college and such. Current Mood: energeticCurrent Music: Whisper by Evanescence |
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