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Monday, October 13th, 2003
| Time | Event |
| 12:56a | Like a lid being ripped open. Should i tell my story? at this point i'm excited to share it like i'm proud of what i'm about to tell though its left big welts of emotional pain. Anyone of you cut because your use to it being done on you from someone else? or used to being burnt so you carry it on like you have too? Possibly from a sociopathic mother? As long as i can remmeber thats been my case. Since i was a little tike she'd just slash on me or take her cigarette and burn it on my arm leg etc. When she got mad sad or manic she'd do that to prevent from hurting herself Causing others pain was more fun and thrilling then causing herself pain since it was so deep emotionally I'd hide them the best i could with whatever material was available on me at the time. Finally when I was 14 (16 now) her bf decided to live with us and she seemed to be head over heels for him. She hadn't been with another man since my Dad died when i was 3 from diabetes so this was a big deal for her. Except he wasn't prince charming.He was sexualy abusive towards me and so for about a year i put up with him, but i had to tell her i couldn't take it anymore i didn't care if she killed me it was better then facing him everynight. of course she blamed me and said i was a whore. I think that night i got the worst scars ever witnessed by her they were everywhere even on my face. I wasn't scared of her anymore i felt just as crazy as she probably did at that moment. I lost it on her i jumped on top of her and started strangling her as tight as i could grip. I didn't care i she had a chainsaw in my face i couldn't feel a thing anways. And of course her savior walked in the door and called the cops cause he was scared/ confused and had no idea what was going on. They got the story out of me eventually every little detail and my Mom got put in the Florida State Psychiatric Hospital and I got put in a Behavioral Health center (mini looney bin=) and Robbie her love got put in prison for 30yrs+ for child molestation. I live with my Moms sister and was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder but the biggest problem is i can't stop cutting even though it was never me who cut in the beginning its almost a part of me like if i don't do it she'll be in the other room ready with a razor to make me do it. and i like it from me not from her i control it now not her. Its my razor my skin my poor impulse control and i won't stop..ever. This story after reading it even makes me feel very awkward and imagine this is pretty sadistic for a few Trust me i wish i could rewrite my life=) I don't want to hear any sorries please no sorries this is just me sharing what my motive for cutting is. Comments are appreciated just no sorries=) and i'd like to hear other reasons for cutting from you all here if its not to much trouble..humor me Current Mood:  calmCurrent Music: Perfectly by The Anniversary |
| 12:38p | "the sun is up, but I'm too afraid" -manatee hi. i'm jaime. but you can call me jaims, if you wish. I don't really like talking about myself so maybe i'll tell you my.. story? some other time. but for now, i'm twelve and from Connecticut. my blurty is friends only but if you added me, i'd probably add you back or whatever.. -jaime Current Mood:  blahCurrent Music: this guy's mowing his lawn outside.. |
| 2:51p | been keepin my self humored lately. cutting words outta the news paper and aranging them in my diary so they make fun sayings. its interesting how many bad things apper in the paper. |
| 2:51p | been keepin my self humored lately. cutting words outta the news paper and aranging them in my diary so they make fun sayings. its interesting how many bad things apper in the paper. |
| 2:54p | oops sry for repeating. |
| 3:17p | This is the finished essay that I posted two or something weeks ago. Some people were interested in it, other were not. But here it is in any case. ( Self-Mutilation and One Girl ) |
| 7:14p | Hey im new here. Just started going to some shrink cause my mom saw all the scars on my arms and wrist from cutting. The shrink wants to put me on some kinda medacine for depression, he must think im really crazy. People just dont understand that cutting isnt a way of crazyness, its just relieveing the pain from other stuff, it personally helps me feel so much better. When I try to stop I find myself sitting in the same spot doing it again the next night.....its just a release. Current Mood:  artistic |
| 8:09p | well... ashley write a note to nova for me breaking up with her. i feel like a stupid bitch doin it that way tho... but i do love her & i juss cant do it... ashleys breaking up with tiffany then we're gunna go out (ashley & i) but this sux cuz now i juss find out my mom duzn't like her. STUPID BITCH!!! o well... life sux.... i'll get over it i guess.... juss not by cutting hopefully. i can't cut. the cuts i have are almost gone & i can't tell if that's a good thing, cuz then i can where most of my shirts again... or if its a bad thing, cuz then there's nothing to really pick at to keep me goin another day w/o actually cutting. the one exception for me cutting is initials... if i'm doing some1s initials its ok... cuz initials really stay forever so i think harder about doin it first. i think... idk... wednesday i might b goin to boston to c my dad play w/ phish... soundz exciting... can't wait... anywayz... my apologies... this ( and a few previous) entry(ies) are a lil off track... SORRY!! love to all ~asia Current Mood: relievedCurrent Music: nirvana |
| 11:01p | hi. i just joined. i've been cutting since i was in 8th grade (i'm in 10th now) my mom sent me to a counselor in 8th grade when she first saw them, but i stopped going. she's seen them again lately, and she says i have to stop, but she doesn't do anything, and i'm not about to stop. i moved from my arms to my thighs. i use a razor blade. i don't care how deep i go, i just like to feel the pain and see the blood. sometimes i'm not even that depressed when i do it, i just like the feeling. people think i'm crazy, but i don't think i am. i don't cut deep enough to kill myself, and i'm not trying to kill myself. i have to wear shorts for gym, and girls ask what it is, i tell them it's from my cat, but they should mind their own business. |
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