[Most Recent Entries] [Calendar View] [Friends View]
Sunday, October 5th, 2003
| Time | Event |
| 2:46a | Hullo Hey gang, it's me again. Sorry Ive been so flighty. Been trying to stay away from the computer...and tis not workin. Anyways I was looking at my wrist the other day and I noticed my scars were fading. I want a scar there, to remind me of the pain I felt. How far I was pushed. All of it. I am so very grateful for that evening when I took that pair of scissors to my wrist and slashed away. Without even thinking, without feeling like the Karen I knew, I watched as I etched my pain into my skin. Smirking at the blood that trickled out. I want that reminder. I think I deserve that much. Problem is I'd have to cut again to do so. And I made a promise, last time I broke it they got so pissed at me. And I knwo that even if I dont tell them it will gnaw away at me. I dont know if I could stand that. I know they wouldnt understand why I want this scar, so trying to explain it to them is useless. I dont know what to do, and in the meanwhile, my scars are slowly fading. *sigh* |
| 12:18p | oy, my dad sister n brother are watching the lord of the rings 2 and my dad keeps yellin at my sis n bro cuz they keep asking questions/talking/making noise in general. me n corey were fighting yesterday online, he got mad cuz i was cutting and i was like who cares n he was like i do and he threatened to call the cops on me so they could 'arrest me and take me to court and i'd have to get help' i actually kinda want help, i don't care if i have to show my mom the scars to get it. idk how she'd act though. i just need some one to talk to, some one who won't laugh at me, some one who can help me. i know i have ppl to talk to, i just need some one...kinda like that special someone, but seeing as i don't have one i cant. come to find out damon is a pot head agen...... :'( just when i start feeling like im moving on, he comes in contact with me and i fall farther into damnation. he im'd me yesterday, though we had a 5 second convo cuz i was leaving it still hurt. idk. i need to get outta here and do something |
| 4:07p | EVERYONE LISTEN TO THE DISCO BISCUITS!! THE DISCO BISCUITS WEBSITE DOWNLOAD THEIR MUSIC, GO BUY THE CDS AND CLOTHING, GO TO THE CONCERTS... AND MOST IMPORTANTLY! SPREAD THE WORD AND TELL EVERYONE YOU KNOW ABOUT THEM! |
| 7:22p | Never say a word again, I will crawl away from you... Don't know if anyone even cares to read this, and don't care if anyone does. I found this community by accident, actually, and thought it was one I should join. I haven't cut or burned myself for almost two months now. And I want to so bad. So fucking bad. My arm, my left arm, is a burnt and slashed canvas of all my hurt. It's beautiful. I think it's the only beautiful thing about me. I just found out that my boyfriend, who I care a lot about, has been cheating on me with his psycho ex-girlfriend for the past month. And I had no clue. No fucking clue what-so-ever. I've never been cheated on before. I feel very betrayed and hurt. And ugly, unworthy, a waste of life. Why do I even bother to waste my time with guys? They always screw me over, in the end. I don't want to break up with him, I'm not READY to break up with him, but I know I have to. I'm only setting myself up to get hurt again if I don't. He lives like, an hour and a half away from me, and my trust for him has been completely broken and shattered. How can I even begin to re-build that trust if I only see him for a day or two out of the week? He could be out fucking Dana again, and I wouldn't even know it. I probably wouldn't even have found out that he was cheating on me in the first place, could have gone on indefinately, but my friend found out by accident, and he admitted everything. I just want to go back a few days, before I even knew about. Wish I never found out. I can't get hurt by what I don't know. I just want him, completely and untainted. Want to kiss him, have him hold me, fall asleep with him on his bed and have him tell me I'm gorgeous and everything's okay. But. Nothing's okay, and why I even thought things could ever be okay is beyond me. It was so easy to believe. But. Nothing's ever okay. In my head, nothing's ever okay. ((how quick the sun can drop away/And now my bitter hands chaffed on broken glass/what was everything?/all the pictures have all been washed in black/tattooed everything)) |
| 7:50p | We are artists of a different kind. Our skin is our canvas, Razors, safety pins, fire, are our tools. We create masterpieces mercilessly, And yet they’re not for others to see. Our creations are for our eyes only, Nobody can take them away. We are artists of a different kind And nobody, nobody can steal our gift. Current Mood:  lonelyCurrent Music: the used : on my own |
| 11:02p | *Eternity Awaits* * * * * * * This might be of no importance But I just had to share it My first love came to visit me on friday (wit some friends) They want me to make the homepages for their bands we all went to dennies.. anyways... when they came to drop me off I asked my love to go with me to my door and to make the story short we're back together now I have more than just the O on my arm I'm actually happy, for once I'm smiling more than usual, and my mom thinks I'm hiding something No, I havent told her. Not yet. . . although she keeps pushing me to have a bf. . . I just thought I'd share my happy little moment with ya'all Save Me ::DarK:: * * * * * * Current Mood:  lovedCurrent Music: Beloved |
| << Previous Day |
2003/10/05 [Calendar] |
Next Day >> |