[Most Recent Entries] [Calendar View] [Friends View]
Thursday, October 2nd, 2003
| Time | Event |
| 5:00a | The End Another distant scream... Another shattered dream. Lost another bet... Another cigarette. The world's only getting stupider... Mother nature's crying, but no one hears her. "God" damns you America... Open eyes see right through ya. Everybody's fake... Independence burnt at the stake. Mass produced welfare... Never ending warfare. It's American to hate... Forecasting your own fate. Money is where the power's at... An open minded minority disagrees with that. Your God would be ashamed... This world is satan tamed. My life's lottery is one fucked up game... Under your masks, you all look the same. Discriminating, superficial, ignorant waste... Never gonna give your life another taste. Kill me more... I'll never be your whore. Look at me, and you will see what's real... A life your culture couldn't steal. Close them eyes... Another friend dies. Be blind... And no life is what you will find. A world of rape, murder, and beer... The outcasts are who you need to hear. Nothing lasts forever... But I, you will remember. You blew your chance... Let the chaos dance. Emptiness feels no pain... Sobriety's insane. One day I'll be gone and dead... Will you remember what I said? End world, here's my one last breath... Lets all watch America bring upon our death. God, make this nightmare end... We're alone my friend. Misinterpreted and shoved aside... Humanity has already died. Say goodbye... Time for us all to die. Lost it all... Watch me fall... You'll all see... The end of humanity. |
| 6:42a | ugh... ehh i asked my mom for money to get a snack yesterday, so she gave me 10 dollars, but the real reason was i went to the store that my school campus has and i bought an exacto knife with reattachable blades. shit i cut so badly last night. tried to carve "numb" into the bottom half of my arm but instead it just looks like a bunch of bloody scratches. when i did it, i just didnt feel anything. and i dont really know why i did it. i guess the fact that Will was online last night for the first time in so long and he barely talked to me. all he said was "i am sooo high" ...i was just like.. um ok no apology for standing me up last weekend? wtf?...... hes always talking to my cousin in the hallways during school and he never brings me up anymore like he used to. ever since Kurt died. i dunno. i guess im just being selfish. but it hurts too much. whatever. fuck it all. dont matter anymore. as long as i have my knives, im fucking happy inside and out. Current Mood:  annoyed |
| 8:43a | I am the stupidest piece of shit on the face of the earth. It's like I've made a career out of fucking up and letting people down. My mom's 50th birthday is the Sat. after Thanksgiving and my sister and I are planning a huge surprise party for her. I thought I'd asked for that Sat. off, but apparently I didn't because I suck. So now I'm desparately scrambling to find someone to work for me, but of course people are going out of town, and besides, who wants to voluntarily come in on the Sat. after Thanksgiving? Stupid stupid stupid. So I cracked last night, sort of. I didn't actually cut, just scratched myself up with a fingernail clippers and pounded on my arm with a hairbrush to get bruises. There was no blood, I had to do without that, but the pain was exquisite. Now my whole forearm hurts to remind me what a retarded fuck I am. And of course, I get to press on the bruises to make it hurt worse, and noone can even tell what I'm doing! Yay! It feels so subversive, hurting myself (even just slightly) out in the open with noone being any the wiser. I do have to work on controlling the twisted smile and the glow in my eyes I always get when inflicting pain, though. Current Mood: angry |
| 7:44p | *sigh* alot stuff has been happening. of course nothing good. i dont really feel like saying what happened cause that would be to much typing for me. im lazy i know. ill tell some stuff that isnt that bad. well this morning before school and in homeroom i started to cry for no reason. maybe its cause of all the stuff that has been happening latly or maybe its just all the hw. i dont know. i just kinda feel sad, worthless, nothing. i just want to crawl into a hole and die. im thinking about trying to kill myself again. i dont know. it just theres nothing worth living for. everything is a mess. i know i wont become anything good in life. ill prolly be living on the streets with HIV.m so i should just end everything now right. well i think so. oh well. some people are born and are just ment to die young. some people are born to live a long unhappy life. some people are born to live a long happy life. some people are born to live a short happy life. and some people are just born to live a short unhappy life and they are ment to kill themselves. thats what i think. Current Mood:  depressed |
| << Previous Day |
2003/10/02 [Calendar] |
Next Day >> |