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Monday, September 1st, 2003
| Time | Event |
| 12:16a | newbie hi im Sheri... im 14, from a shitty ass city in NY. im not your typical cutter. you see, i dont cut my wrists, hips, et cetera, i take needles to cut and tear away the flesh from my finger... ive been doing this for about 4 years. ive always had problems with my family... never been just a happy regular kid. my friends found out about my hand last year and i got pretty mixed reactions. i actually found out one of my best friends also cuts her wrists, but then there are the kids im not good friends with as it is who have came and made fun of me for it and asked "why i peel my skin". so its not something i mention, even though occasionally people notice and ask what happened and i just tell them "oh, thats nothing, just got in an accident" which in its own way is true. my life feels like it was one big accident, this shits all one big accident... . my family knows i do this, but doesnt know why. i dont think they know I do it cause i like the pain it causes. i cant really feel pain in my finger anymore much though, thats how bad its gotten lately, ive lost feeling- i think ive killed nerves in it or something. i dont know, i just needed somewhere to say this all and be able to actually talk about it, and i think ive found it here... Sheri Current Mood:  weirdCurrent Music: the juliana theory// as it stands |
| 3:03a | I'm so weak... and I love it. I broke. I cut again. I'm so weak, and I don't even care. I cut last night... 8 more on my wrist. That makes a total of... ::counts cuts on wrist::... 21 on my wrist, 13 left on my hip. I don't even know why I cut last night. I was really happy. I think it was just because I knew I wasn't sopposed to. I felt so tied down, not being able to cut... that I needed a way out. It was only 1 day since I last cut. That's bad... after one day, I freaked... and cut. But, anyway... I was planning only doing like, 2 more lines, but I got so mad while I was doing it, I just kept going. And after every cut, I'd think to myself 'one more will do it' and after that 'one more' I thought 'one more wouldn't kill me'... and then I realized I covered my entire forearm. At first, I was planning on just cutting a little, and figuring that Jason wouldn't know the difference. But, I cut a lot... so, he'd notice if he saw. So, then I figured I'd just hide it from him and all was well until today. I wore long sleeves to hide it, and it did a good job... until Jason grabbed my wrist for some reason and I shrieked in pain and he was like 'ahh... i'm so sorry!!' and then he went to look... to make sure my cuts (that he had already seen) were okay. But, I wouldn't let him see again... obviously because there was a lot more than before and I didn't want him to see. But, I guess he figured out I was hiding something since I really wouldn't let him see. So, then he wrestled me down, and I knew I lost, so I burried my head into a pillow and let him slide my sleeve up. After he looked, he just got really upset/mad. I don't know. Then he left, and went and bought a pack of stoges, then came back. He said he wasn't mad... he was just really disappointed. I felt like I let him down. Like, I owed it to him to not cut... but I did anyway. I don't know.. I felt horrible. But, then he hugged me and said it was okay... and nothing was said about it really. Later tonight when we were at his house, I had a wifebeater on, so my arm was exposed and looking at my arm.. made me happy. But, infront of him, I obviously had to look upset that I had done it... blah. I don't know... I'm just upset that I disappointed him, that's all. And... I don't think I can stop cutting. It's gotten really bad. I don't know what to do.. if not for Jason, I wouldn't even think about stopping... -Mary Current Mood:  confusedCurrent Music: The Starting Line "This Ride" |
| 10:54p | Hey I'm a newbie. I dont cut that much, kinda afraid, but when I do.. I feel whole again, I feel beautiful... but that doesnt last long. Not many people know I cut. I think only my best friend (Sheri) and my boyfriend (Nick) know. My other best friend (Emily) used to know but idk she doesnt seem to care anymore. Nick says not to cut myself again, but its easier said than done. What do I do? |
| 11:32p | i just beokw down and cut..and started..hitting myself..wow i sound nuts..in need help. when i cut this time i didnt even bleed. and it pissed me off. i slashed and slashed, no blood, looks more like a burn. Current Mood:  restlessCurrent Music: Incubus - Pardon Me |
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