!5 (SaVe us from the PaIn)'s Blurty

*Dream On My Dear*
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I've been doing a bit of thinking and seemed to realize that my cutting is a bit out of control at certain times. For example, if my mom gets mad at me...for the littlelist insignificant thing I'll get the urge to cut. I mean its a pointless reason to cut. and thats not the only thing....
Other times I'll just get the urge to do it out of no where
Also, I'll go numb and everythings seems to fade away, and when I react I'll either be cutting, or I'll be rocking myself back and forth
I've been thinking about getting help at the college I'm in, but I'm scared to do so
I've been having enough things to worry about, with skool and honor midterms (which i know im going to fail) and now I have to conduct a meeting tomorrow for my SMO organization. I mean the meeting isnt the big deal, but I dunt know what to do or say, or what to bring up and when. announcements, old business, new business.. I duno! I dont want to let the new members think, "oh we joined this club for nothing".

I guess I'm to hard on myself on little stupid issues, but I cant help it. I have really really low self esteem, Im very pesimistic, I feel like everything I do is not good enough. And stupidly enough I'm pissed cus my bf has only called me 2 times in the 2 week period we've bee together. Its like what the hell is wrong with me. I've never cared if a guy called me or not. Its stupid, I know, but its weird.

Ok...but the point is... I dont know if i really should go get help
I feel stupid because Im a failing "honors student" and Im freaken 20! I just feel stupid thats it. I feel pathetic

I feel like cutting right now, right here in the computer lab, but why? do I get this urge

Sorry for waisting all your time peoples, but Im just really stressed and depressed

Unloved
::DarK::
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Current Mood: depressed
Current Music: * Dead Can Dance *