I cant let you, let me down again's Journal

Wednesday, April 28, 2004

7:09PM - funny convos

HeAthEr9021 (9:14:10 PM): so say something funny u silly hoe
xXxTooFarGonexXx (9:14:19 PM): something funny you silly how
xXxTooFarGonexXx (9:14:20 PM): *hoe
xXxTooFarGonexXx (9:14:23 PM): sorry had to do it
xXxTooFarGonexXx (9:14:27 PM): it was like my job

HeAthEr9021 (7:03:38 PM): oh my, i am invisible
xXxTooFarGonexXx (7:03:42 PM): really?
HeAthEr9021 (7:03:52 PM): yeah, look on ur bl, it says im offline
xXxTooFarGonexXx signed off at 7:04:35 PM.
xXxTooFarGonexXx (7:04:38 PM): haha bitch i am too
HeAthEr9021 (7:04:52 PM): muhahahahaahh
HeAthEr9021 (7:04:55 PM): WE R EVILLLL
xXxTooFarGonexXx (7:05:04 PM): totally
HeAthEr9021 (7:05:53 PM): so badass
xXxTooFarGonexXx signed on at 7:05:55 PM.
xXxTooFarGonexXx (7:05:57 PM): haha yes
HeAthEr9021 (7:06:17 PM): wow, we must be really boring ppl, we found that so ammusing
xXxTooFarGonexXx (7:06:25 PM): yeah
HeAthEr9021 (7:06:35 PM): lol
HeAthEr9021 (7:06:54 PM): so what r u doin
xXxTooFarGonexXx (7:08:05 PM): umm being bored
HeAthEr9021 (7:08:19 PM): yeah me 2






HeAthEr9021 (9:21:32 PM): wow, u take looooong showers brent

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Auto response from TheLackOfLove (9:21:32 PM): Rub-a-dub-dub-fat-ass-in-da-tub!




HeAthEr9021 (9:14:58 PM): so whats up
cassie1121988 (9:15:09 PM): haha
cassie1121988 (9:15:09 PM): actually
cassie1121988 (9:15:14 PM): i have to go now
HeAthEr9021 (9:15:18 PM): u suck
cassie1121988 (9:15:37 PM): so see you tomorrow
cassie1121988 (9:15:37 PM): yes i do
HeAthEr9021 (9:15:42 PM): ok, bye
cassie1121988 (9:15:44 PM): sometimes
cassie1121988 (9:15:47 PM): when i feel like it
HeAthEr9021 (9:16:00 PM): cassie
HeAthEr9021 (9:16:09 PM): will u suck my penis some day?
cassie1121988 (9:16:20 PM): yes
cassie1121988 (9:16:28 PM): when ever you get one

Current mood: procrastinating
Current music: something corporate
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Monday, April 26, 2004

6:03AM - survey

yeah, i stole this from someone, oh well



--? Me ?--
[-name-] Heather
[-nicknames-] whorefeet,mullet, cd, wildabeast, frankie, cook (onlu pat calls me it tho)
[-birthday-] july 19, 1987
[-astrological sign-] cancer
[-location-] new york
[-eye color-] brown
[-height-] like 5'3"
[-status-] ...single
[-siblings-] 1 sister
[-pets-] 2 dogs 1 cat
[-kids of your own-] none EVER i hope

2) Have you ever had a song written about you? yes like 4
3) What song(s) makes you cry? just enough (acoustic)-the early november
4) What song(s) makes you happy? well i love music, thats a silly question

5) What do you like to listen to before bed? something corporate

[right now]
What color trousers are you wearing? green poka dot pjs
What's the weather like?: raining
How are you?: im ok i suppose, tired
Your cd player has in it now:public access
What makes you happy?: my friends, music
Who makes you the happiest?: cassie, kt
What's the next cd you're going to get?:i dunno
If I were a month I would be:august...hot and lazy
If I were a day of the week I would be: friday
If I were a time of day 10pm, bed time, i love sleeping
If I were a liquid I would be: non-alcholic, i dont drink
If I were a tree I would be: red wood
If I were a kind of weather I would be: hot and sticky
If I were a musical instrument a guitar
If I were an animal I would be:a a wildabeast
If I were a color I would be: yellow
If I were a fruit I would be: apple, b/c i eat so damn many of them
If I were a sound I would be: farting
If I were a song I would be: one u want to have sex to
If I were a word I would be: de-loco-licious
If I were a number I would be: 1,923,435,867

[2]
What facial feature do you find the most attractive on others?: it helps if they havea guitar permanetly attached
Would you marry for money?: no
Have you had braces?: no
What is your favorite place to visit?: i dunno? the bathroom?
What is the last movie you saw?: drop dead fred
Do you drink alcohol?: no
Did you like or do you like high school?: no
Who do you want to kiss?: conor oberst
Do you think you can draw well?: nope
Do you write poetry: i used alot, not really ne more
Which hurts the most, physical or emotional pain?: Emotiona i guess
How long is your hair?: umm, its a gorwing out mullet
Do looks matter?: smetimes
Do you trust others easily?: yeah, sometimes i guess
What do you look for in a guy/girl?: good personaity, humorus, plays/writes music, loves music
What are you worried about right now?: my english report, kt driving her messed up car
Do you think you are strong?:not at all
What's your least favorite thing in the world?: diets

-? favoritez ?-
[-color-] yellow blue, green
[-number-] 69? ewww j/k, i dunno 57 hits my ear just fine
[-soda-] sierra mist mother fucker
[-band-] wow, umm, i dunno, i have alot
[-song-] lover i dont have to love-bright eyes, feelings-m.u.t.t.( dont laugh at that, its a good song
[-magazine-] AP
[-restaurant-] dennys
[-candy-] ive always been partial to score bars
[-color to wear-] black?
[-clothes-] my rose skirt
[-shoes-] slip on vans, or my old back and white chucks
[-hairstyle-] anything that makes this mess look lell like a mullet
[-actress-] idk
[-actor-] john cusack, russell crowe
[-movie-] breakfast club, HAGGARD
[-TV shows?-] .....general hospital
[-childhood TV show-] boy meets world
[-sleeping position-] stomach
[-animal-] i always write humans on every survey
[-lyrics-]loves an excuse to get hurt, and to hurt . do u like to hut? i do i do. then hurt me

[-room in your house-] bathroom, and my room
[-favorite object in your room-] computer, and bed
[-quote-] " and maybe, just maybe u'll go out back and rub his sick crotch, meanwhile ur boyfriends at home jerking of to fuckin gay porn"

-? do you... ?-
[-color your hair-] no
[-have tattoos-]nope
[-piercings-] none
[-cheat on tests/homework?-] if i need to
[-drink/smoke-] dont drink
[-like roller coasters-] no
[-want more piercings-] lip would be cool, but i dot think id do it
[-like cleaning?-] sometimes
[-write in cursive or print-] print
[-swear a lot-] not too much,not moe than the normal person


-? have you ever ?-
[-kicked someone in the nuts-] yeah, sorry gordon
[-stolen anything-] yep
[-cheated on someone-] no, but ive been cheated on
[-cried over a boy/girl-] yeah, today actually
[-lied to someone-] no, oh wait im lying now
[-been in love-] only with myslef
[-fallen for your best friend-] not best friend but very good freind
[-made out with JUST a friend-] yep, loooong time ago
[-been in lust-] everyday
[-used someone-] i guess, i dunno
[-been used-] i dunno, prolly, but not to my knowledge, i dont have n e thing ppl would want to use from me

-? last person who.. ?-
[-slept in your bed-] hopefully me, although jeremy was telling me, he was gona do my gramma in my bed
[-saw you cry-] everyone at my luch talbe, damn u diet
[-made you cry-]jeremy, cuz he lieks that nasty hoe
[-you shared a drink with-] i dunno, i share drinks with everone
[-you went to the movies with-] prolly maria
[-yelled at you-] jeremy for getting mad about the hoe
[-sent you an email-] blurty

-? have u ever... ?-
[-been to New York-]yeah, i live there
[-been to Florida-] no
[-california-] no, i was suppose to last wek, but i didnt get to, thanks mom and dad
[hawaii-] no
[-mexico-] No
[-china-] nope
[-japan-] no
[-canada-] no, but bell gave me a pen the other day she got in canada, does that count for n e thing?

-? other ?-
[-red or blue-] blue
[-math or english-] English
[-radio or CD-] CD-u gotta love cd
[-What was the last food you ate?-] lasanga
[-are you bored-] not really, its pat my bed time, i just wanna finish this
[-last noise you heard-] i'm listening to spitalfield

-? your health ?-
[-Have you been hospitalized-] nope
[-Have you had a broken bone-] nope
[-Do you have any serious physical health problems-] laziness?
[-Are you on medication-] nope
[-Do you have any mental health issues-]prolly nothing i know of haha
[-Do you see a psychologist or take ant-depressants, or seek professional help?-] nope

-? are you... ?-
[-Happy-] not at the moment
[-Sad-] sorta
[-Bored-] nope
[-confused-] definitly
[-Tired-] yessssss
[-Mad-] kinda
[-Pissed-] a little

-? few more questionz ?-
[-Last time you were outside-] this afternoon when kt brought me home
[-You had a snowball fight-] snowcamp in feb. w/ cass joey and joy
[-Last time you were listening to music-] Now
[-Last time you were on the internet-] i got off like 15 mins ago, so i had to convert this to word document, and enter it tomorrow mrning
[-Last time you ate-] like 4 or 5
[-Last time you drank-] while ago
[-Last time you jumped in front of a moving car-] i dunno?
[-Last time you watched tv-] yesterday
[-Last public place you were-] price chopper w/ kt cass and grdon
[-Last things you bought-] ticket to berlin battle of the bands
[-Last person you hugged-] i dunno, someone at rons before i left friday night
[-Last person that told you they love you] sadie
[-Last person you told you love them-] sadie, brent
[-Last person you called-] umm, i dunno, i havent called n e one in aa few days, prolly cassie
[-Number of pillows you sleep with-] 1, but theres alot on my bed
[-Object you can not live w.out-] toliet paper
[-Worst feeling in the world-] lonelyness, being scared
[-The first thing you think of in the morning-] fuck berlin central school district on mon-fri, and on sat-sun, wow its sooo late
[-Thing you want to change about yourself-] wieght, i hate dieting tho haha
[-Did you have fun doing this-] well, it took me about 30 minutes to do it, so not really

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Sunday, April 25, 2004

4:28PM - whoaaaaoooooaaaaaaaaoooooo

yeah, so good weekend i guess, i was having a really bad day yesterday, i was in such a bad mood, i was real mean to kt cass and gordon, i felt bad afterwards. but yeah, didnt end up going to the public access show, oh well, i already went to 1 show this weeknd, well, it wasnt really a show, it was. ...why the hell am i explaining this? n e way, yeah, so its sunday, my gramma is here woo hoo LETS HERE IT GFOR GRAMMAS, her b-day is tomorrow, 56 and shes still sexy. haha. yeah.

Current mood: cranky
Current music: mutt
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Saturday, April 24, 2004

9:44AM - it finally starts here

yeah well battle of the bands was last night, pretty good, had alot of fun, got to see carolyn and lindsay, also meg and lindie from bennington came, that was cool, mutt played first their set was real good, they played some new songs, i guess thier set time got cut down tho, so they couldnt play feelings. that was queer, but they were good none the lass, the sunset mutiny, uhh, justin and and andrews band as i call it, b/c thier name is ever changing. they were good, i had alot of fun adn everytihng, saw alot of ppl at our little school, after we went to rons, it was fun, i got my ass beat by gordon adn colin, that was uhh...cool. hahah, yeah, i dunno. what else, yeah i dunno. mutt won, yay, thye deserved it, but i wish andrew and justin could have won too, they were soooo good.. i was so proud of them.

oh yeah, and "orman", peed on justin trunck, that was great


PUBLIC ACCESS AT RPI IN TROY TONIGHT FREE GOOOOOOOO FUCKERS

Current mood: cheerful
Current music: public access
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Thursday, April 22, 2004

6:03PM - thank god

ok, so today was alright i guess, i got the dress from sonya, a bit tight on top, gives me major clevage, i dont know if i like that. if my boobs were nicer looking i might like it. but anyway, yeah so got that, and the battle of the badns is tomorrow, i hope everyone goes, i tried to convince kait, nick (from shotx3), and carolyn to go, so hopefully all of them will be there, afterwards were all going to rons for a bonfire, and then my cass and gordon will come back here, i guess im gonna hang out w/ kt sat. we might go to a public access show, i hope we have some damn money, that'd be nice. hum, so anyway, i dunno, yeah theres not a whole lot to talk about, it was nice weather today, that was

Current mood: embarrassed
Current music: brand new
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Wednesday, April 21, 2004

3:35PM - fuck

yeah, well , ok, i cant take school anymore, it just makes me so sad to go there everyday, b/c i know no matter what, its not gonna get any better, and no matter how hard i try its gonna suck. this english project is throwing me for a loop, i cant get any of it done.
on top of that, im so sleep deprived i can even make it through a whole day of school without falling asleep, i cant handle it anymore, i just need it to be summer.
i just need to relax

Current mood: stressed
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Monday, April 19, 2004

10:08PM - i saw a sunset more beautiful than you

yeah, so me cassie, and gordon, were on our way home tonight, and we were going up this hill, and we pulled off to the side of the rad, and sat in the grass, and watched the most amazign sunset, with pink prisms shooting out from the clouds. it was truely the most amazing thing i had ever felt, the air was warm, and there was a breeze, and the whole sky was dimming but the bright pink light from the sun shone so brightly. i was glad to share that with such wonderful people. i love you guys

Current mood: grateful
Current music: acoustic mix
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Sunday, April 18, 2004

1:49PM - I wish u didnt mean so much to me

so yeah,w e go back to school tomorrow that fucking sucks. i went to my grammas last night, got some new stuff, which was cool, i got my couch, so now i actually have my tv room, after living here for like 5 years. yeah hahah. ok hum, what else, vacation was pretty good i suppose, hung out with friends and stuff i enjoyed it.

yesterday i took a shower, got online,a nd waited for sonya to come over, some stuff happend, and she wasent able to stop by, but thats ok, so i went with justin to do some errands for his om and such. pretty cool, i guess lol, i dunno, i was glad to hang out with him. then he dropped me off at brits, im not even there for 15 minutes before kt, tim, allyse, and billy, get there, crash kts car in brits drive way by hitting a tree, tim smashed his head into the windshild, and hes bleeding from the fucking head, and then he passed out, it was so fucking scary, brit called 911, and tim woke up, so she hung up, they called back, brit explained, and they hung up with her, then tim passes out again, and goes into shock, they finally get him consious again, and brit calls 911 again, so they r on thier way, everyone is freaking out, im standing there with jess and joey who were right behind kts car. so then all the emts r there, everyone is crying, it was horrible, and terrifing, tim is fine now thank god. they brought him to the hospital, and hes ok. brit still had her party, and it was pretty fun.

i got into a food fight with joey and we ended up coverd in salsa and dip, and we showered and ran up to brits room, and threw her pj's on. umm, what else, yeah it was just pretty good. lets see, me, brit, cass, gordon, kt ,billy, pat, allyse, joe, matt, danny, colin, shellie, joy, jess, and joey all were there it was a good time.

i got a free cd at the amll yesterday in tsx, of society high, there really good, sound sorta like nofx. www.societyhigh.com
saw pat ,billy, charlsie, and erin at the mall yesterday too.


ok shower time

Current mood: content
Current music: society high
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Friday, April 16, 2004

11:56AM - so get back back back to the disaster

ok, yup, home alone, its fuckin nice, i havent be all alone in sooo long, its sorta cool. yeah so i'm trying to find a ride to brits tonight, not going so well, hopefully gordon will pick me up but its so out of his way i dunno if he'll want to. ok hum, wow im still real hungry. ok and vaca is almost over and i still havent done any work at all for the crucible.


ok heres some pure volume links-go to them-or i'll kill you

www.purevolume.com/shotshotshot

www.purevolume.com/MUTT

www.purevolume.com/publicaccess

www.purevolume.com/themenacesociety

Current mood: cranky
Current music: sugarcult-memory (acoustic) -OH BUDDY its is sooo good
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Thursday, April 15, 2004

7:00PM - it sucks wanting someone you can never have

ok, ok, ice cream is breaking my diet a little bit, but thats ok. haha. i did exercise today.

so the show last night was good. jeremy dedicated feelings to me. that was nice. we had to go to sadies that moring to get money for thier tickets, and then we went to rons to hang out for a bit, and get the tickets. we brought sadie pat and callie with us. it was alot of fun. wendys was entertaining afterwards. ahah. but n e way, shotx3 was very good. and the outcome was awesome.

theres 1 month till prom, sonya is bringing my dress tomorrow, i have make-up, and shoes, i am going with jeremy (he better get his money) and i am still trying to loose wieght to look better. but all in all, everything is working out.





going to my gramms on sat. should be good, i have to call her in a bit actually.

hopefully going to brits tomorrow, sepending on rides, and when sonya comes over.

ok well thats all for now.

Current mood: calm
Current music: choking victim
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Wednesday, April 14, 2004

4:08PM - i've always liekd rhinos, u know that

MUTT SHOW TONIGHT, GOOOOO @ 7 saratoga winners shotx3, the outcome, and greystar yayyyy

so uh yeah.

Current mood: chipper
Current music: yellowcard
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Monday, April 12, 2004

1:38AM - j.lo can suck a dick

yeah, cassie is making me watch ENOUGH, its uhh real queer. so anyway, nothing new, today, well yesterday i guess was easter, it was good, lots of good food. i have to go to brunswick tomrrow to get some crap, like a strapless bra, shoes, and make up, yeah uhh, fun?, then i guess im goin to kts to hang out, the show is wednesday, it will be good.
so everything is all set for prom, im borrowing a dress from sonya, everyone is pitching in fot my ticket, and im going with Jeremy,
I JUST WANNA SAY I LOVE ALL MY FRIENDS WHO HELPED ME OUT, U GUYS R THE BEST AND IT MEANS SO MUCH TO ME. I DONT KNOW HOW I CAN EVER REPAY U.
ok, well thats all i guess.

Current mood: gasey
Current music: none, just J.LO
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Saturday, April 10, 2004

11:26PM - girls get boners

so anyway, yeah i guess im sorta grounded right now, i dunno.
i dont really feel like updating right now, i do have alot to tell, but nothing i feel like typing.

Current mood: lazy
Current music: watching taslk sex with sue
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Sunday, April 4, 2004

9:19PM - so stop ur whining u sissy little bitch

yup, just home a bit ago, had a real good weekend, best story to tell ever


ok, so i shaved off pats eyebrow and he was gonna crap in my shoe to get me back, but he crapped in a bag, and then we came up with this elaborate plan, to mix them into brownie batter, and feed them to the kids comming over, so we did it, oh man it was so sick the house smelled like shit, we had to air it out, it was so gross, so then danny came over, and he was like hey let me have some of those brownies, and he ate 1 and we started laughing so hard, we were dying, couldnt even believe it, best part was, he ate another, then hes like "hey these r leaving a wierd taste in my mouth", so we told him and he didnt believe it, and then he finally believed us and freaked out, it was soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo good, DANNY ATE SHIT, HE ATE HUMAN SHIT.


so today, we went to cozy corners, and the mall, and it was good, then we went to gordons, and hung out, and then i went home, and here i am
ok im tired thats all for now

Current mood: devious
Current music: rocket vs. robot
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Saturday, April 3, 2004

4:22PM - hangin out

yup, so im at katies, allyse pat and tim r here, they just started a fire, yeah, its cool i guess, last night the show was so fuckin good. the menace society is AMAZING, and public access was awesome as always, and rocket vs. robot, was so fucking cool, i had alot of fun, we didnt get home till like 12:30
ok, thats all for now.

Current mood: chipper
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Thursday, April 1, 2004

9:08PM - cuz im just gonna let u down

yeah so, uh, today blew hard. it was real queer, i have a 48 in math and it really sucks. tomrrow is the show yay, it will be fun, kt and tim are going out now, i am happy for them, but now i am left all alone . (sad) so what else, humm, nothing really, just excited about the show i guess. glad its time for the weekdn, it will be good, cait wait for gordon to take us out to dinner hahahahah. hum, ok, well, i dont really have n te thing to say, soyeah, i suppose im done.

Current mood: frustrated
Current music: phantom planet-lonely day
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Wednesday, March 31, 2004

9:14PM

http://www.shopshop.com/1426.htm <<<<<< yay prom dresssss
ok, so i went to gorodns it was fun, i had a good time,w e wathced haggard, it was good. i beat up gordon and he killed me and i saw his dirty little naked butt. me and cassie made fun of him, i harassed his little brother matt.
school sucked as usual, but whats new, we had some semenar today, and it was real queer, on leadership, and yeah it was dumb. so n e way. i am staying after for math tomorrow, b/c i need to bring up my grade, hardcore buddy. it will be bad if i dont.
my hands r wicked cold, and i gotta lose wieght <<< those r my complaints for tonight.





ok well done bitches.

Current mood: accomplished
Current music: swankster
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Tuesday, March 30, 2004

6:48PM - and i'll be sitting all alone underneath the moon

so um, yup, i dunno, got guitzar lessons in about an hour, dont know if i'm going. nothing new happend today really. yup, nothing new. today was alright, as far as schgool goes. i had a real bad stomach ache, it sucked. i guess kt's car overheated on the way to school, that blowes, hope its ok.

CANT WAIT FOR THE SHOW FRIDAY, EVERYONE GOOOOO
hum ok, lets see what ewlse, pretty boring night at home, which is ok, i havent been home all night, since like thursday, well i mean home bymyslf w/ no friends. its good tho.i am sooo tired.
ok well i guess thats all.


*can't get 'em outta my head.*-yea, no one knows what im talking about

Current mood: cranky
Current music: flogging molly
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Monday, March 29, 2004

9:45PM - monday night

ok, well this is gonna be short
tonight i went to bennington with kala sadie and mike, it was alot of fun, wednesday im going to gordons for movie night.
hum well, nothing really good happended today at all, but it was alright i suppose, yeah well i dunno what else towrite, the only person thats proly gonn read this cept gordon prolly. so well hi gordon, glad ur fish had babies. humm well thats all

Current mood: guilty
Current music: this time tomorrow
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11:06AM - at school

yup, so last night iw ent to walmart w/ kt, and we went to dunkin donuts. and then we went back to her house and ate dinner w/ her family and stuff, and it was fun, then i went home, and then i slept, and now im up and im at school, and sadie is sitting right next to me, i love sadie shes the best!she just kissed me...on the mouth....not really, on the eye. uh yeah
bridget is a freak
what else, what else, oh yeah p.a. show friday at cabaret, eveyone better go. its porlly like $7. yeah and i talked to jay from pa last night, and told him how good they were, yup.
i was suppose to go to gordons today, but i cant, so i guess i'll go on wed.
i am so hungry, almost lunch timeeeeeee.
ok i guess thats all for now. i think im gonna write a long entry tonight.

Current mood: indescribable
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