I cant let you, let me down again's Journal

Wednesday, July 7, 2004


i miss you blurty!!!!!!!!
i love youuuuuuuu

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Tuesday, May 18, 2004

9:50PM - farwell my blurty

if u want to read my journals now, u must go to


i decided to make the switch b/c everyone had lj, so its easier that way, plus, it looks wicked better

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Sunday, May 16, 2004

2:27PM - i am so tired i cant even believe it

ok, so heres how things went yeasterday

10am, jeremey tells me he's not going, b/c hes too tired, i get all amd and flip out, then lacie gets here we start doing my hair, and georgi calls, and says jeremey is gonna go, but hes gonna be late, ok fine, so i figure hes not even gonna go, so i finish getting all ready, i thought i looked wicked nice, i was happy. my hair was in a beehive, and i had ink make up and pink jewlery, it was cool. ok, so tyhen gordon picks me up, and we go to the school, and everyone looked so beautiful, and like we r gettin in line, im freakin out thinkin jeremey isnbt gonna make it, well he didnt in time to mach with me, but then like, he got there, and so it was cool, and then we were on our way to prom, an we didnt kno where we were going, so we had to stop and ask for directions, cass and gordon went in and jeremey apologizied for everything, and told me i looked beautfil, which was nice, and made me smile. ok then, we get there, and dance around a little, and it was cool and stuff, and ate duinner, and then danced more, and it was wicked fun, and i got really good pictures, so it was cool. i slow danced with jeremey and nate, it was fun, and i danced with joey which was awesome, he was so fucking wasted it was helarious, i nearly died laughing, and then after it was all done, we went to jiminy and everyone went skinny dipping, well no one was naked compeltly, but pretty close, me and jeremey jsut kinda sat and watched, i didnt go in b/c i had nothing to put on after. what else, ok, so then we went to sadies and had soooo mich fun, and bruce was so funny it was great, and then everyone went to bed, and me sadie and jeremey sneaked in the house and watched haggard, then we went to bed, but didnt end up going to sleep till like 8:30am, and had to get up at 10, so i am wiclked fuckin tired, thenb callie drove me and jeremey to my house, and him and i hung out for a little while, and it was cool, he played guitar, and then we brought him home, and now here i am typing all this, and the end., very fun night, i love my friends.

Current mood: exhausted
Current music: none to tired to bother putting something on
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Friday, May 14, 2004

7:49PM - night before prom

ok well, everyone is at lenas tonight, but i stayed home, i had to make sure i got all my shit done and stuff, i did alot tonight
cleaned, sewed a hole in a pair of pants, cleaned more, showered, blew dry my hair, straighten it, cleaned more, painted my toe nails, found jeremey a jacket, and other stuff.

tomorrow my day goes as follows, get up, shower, wait for lacie to get here, eat some breakfast, go get jeremey, do my hair, do my make up, hang out , iron jeremeys clothes, put my ddress on, wait for cass and gordon to get here, take pictures, go to the school, do the grand march crap, go to the itam, eat dinner, do pictures, finally dance the night away, and tehn i will be off to sadies at 12, then hang out at sadies, then sleep, tyen get up, then go home, and speel more most likely.

i have soooo much work to do, i think i am going to stay home money

i think tomorrow im gonna try to con jeremey intop playing my guitar, and playing feelings and for eternisty, and other good songs.

i really hope i have alot of fun, and i hope everyone else does, and i hope everyone stays safe this year, there is some ppl i am worried about, but heopfully they will be alrgiht.
ok well thats all for now.

Current mood: anxious
Current music: reel big fish
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Thursday, May 13, 2004

9:52PM - close your eyes, kiss me one last time

ok, well yup, had another good talk with audrey tonight, it was nice. we're gonna make pillows out of old band t-shirts next week,, my mom gave me the idea, and i thought itd be fun, i made a skirt tonight, yeah i had a nice long talk with lacie tonight too, she gave me good advice on something i had to do, then did, and found out i didnt even need to do it, yeah that pissed me off, if u read my journal today, u would know why, i dealted it, cuz it turned out to be not true, so yeah. oh well.

damn my cd just got over. i love nofx.

i'm gonna wear that skirt tomorrow,it came out so bad, but i dont care.

what else, hum, i had a nice talk with sonya today too, wow, i had long talks with alot of ppl today, i dunno, im just like in one of those moods i guess.

i have homework tongiht, but im not gonna do it . oh well.

Current mood: indifferent
Current music: was listening to nofx, but its over
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Wednesday, May 12, 2004

9:02PM - wow

yeah, i just got off the phone with audrey, i had a wicked long talk with her about everything, it was good, i really like talking to her, we can just ya know put everythng out therer about how we feel, and not even worry at all about it. its good, i dunno, shes just easy to talk to, but it definitly made me realize a few things, i dunno. but like yeah. it was good for me. i'm definitly hangin out with her next weekend

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5:56PM - stolen from carolyn

1. shirt
2. pj shorts
3. underwear
4. bra
5. uh, hairspray?

1. Computer
2. my dirty room
3. broom i need to clean my dirty room
4. clean clothes pile
5. fan

1. tom..haha carolyn wrote tom, and well i dont really have to change it
2. ryan
3. steve
4. sean
5. i really dont wanna name n e one else, everyone on this list sucks

1. Typing
2. wishing my room was clean
3. not the homeowrk i need to do
4. listening to something corporate
5. wishing i was sleeping

1. i'm really not that excited for prom
2. i pulled a major lie today at school
3. this cd skips alot, and i dotn care
4. I want a job..stealing this from car too, b/c i want one
5. I wish i didnt like the guy i like

1. telling guys i like them
3. cried in school..yup stealing this one too
4. failed classes
5. lost friendships i really liked
6. moved to petersburgh, oh ait thats my parents fault
7. getting mad at ppl for no reason
8. getting jelous for no reason
9. everything me and my friends do
10. yeah pretty much almost everything i do

1. salad
2. chicken
3. oranges
4. corn pops
5. french fries

1. school
2. pulled off the best thing ever at school, god yudin is dumb
3. bought a shirt from ron
4. cleaned a little bit of my room
5. when the sub math teacher asked me to be quiet, i told her maybe, haha i loved that

1. something corporate
2. me typing
3. thats all

1. white
2. yellow
3. grey
4. blue
5. red

1. the guy i dont want to like, but do
2. why didnt audrey call??
3. wow i have alot of homework
4. why am i even filling this out
5. i should do homework

10 people that rock your socks
1. cassie
2. katie
3. audrey
4. allyse
5. jeremey
6. sadie
7. justin
8. andrew
9. maria
10. brit

yes yes there are more but i only had 10 spaces okay??

1. go to college
2. see alot of awesome bands
3. marry someone
4. get a job
5. have a nice home in california
6. go overseas
7. see one of my good friends do something amazing with thier life
8. play my guitar amazingly
9. get rid of my mullet
10. drive well

1. job
2. get my lisence
3. get a car
4. be happier
5. get good grades
6. go to warped tour for the 3rd consecutive year
7. meet more people
8. be less crazy
9. see tons of good shows..wow i keep stealing hers haha
10. speak my mind LESS often

1. bright eyes
2. cursive
3. senses fail
4. nofx
5. against me

1. my bed
2. my computer
3. my photos
4. my calender
5. my clothes
6. my music
7. cassies art work she made for me
8. my fan
9. my rooster lamp
10. my poasters

1. conor oberst, but hes not a celebrity
2. john cusack, thatd be hot, like in high fidelity when they do it in the car, and hes all soaking wet from being caught in the rain
3. jesse lacy of brend new
4. ace of early november
5. chris carabba

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3:54PM - this is me updating

ok, so i saw the new year books today, they r cool, in joeys senior will he wrote "HL:Take good care of Joey" ....b/c my vagina is named joey, after him. haha!, so prom ios in 3 days, im glad everything worked out. yay. ok well what else, oh yeah, ms.cayowwod and i got into a fight, and she started flippin out, and zack diperro started laughing, and she got wicked pissed and kicked him out, i felt bad, cuz it was sorta my fault i guess. haha, i hope he doesnt get in to much trouble.

i've lost more weight woo hoo

and i think i am getting my period, ughhh, just in time for the weekend!! mannnnnnnnnnn

so hum, yeah my grade in english is a 73 and i need a 75, so i hope i can get that up. i'm gonna stay after for math tomorrow. that should uh, be fun? yeah right.

i bought my mutt shirt from ron tomorrow, fucking $9, i thought it was suppose to be $8!!

Current mood: accomplished
Current music: hellogoodbye
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Tuesday, May 11, 2004


fuck yudin, i am so clever, i beat her, and showed her who was boss

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Monday, May 10, 2004

4:33PM - yay

just got home from getting jeremeys birth cetificate, yay, so hes going to prom, and im happy, woo hoo

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Sunday, May 9, 2004

9:12PM - carolyn

HeAthEr9021 (8:54:26 PM): ok ok, so would u rather stick ur finger up ur own butt, or lick inbetween my toes?
xXxTooFarGonexXx (8:54:45 PM): depends on how recently you showered
HeAthEr9021 (8:55:14 PM): ok just for background info, my nickname is whorefeet, simply b/c of how gross my feet r
xXxTooFarGonexXx (8:55:21 PM): hahahahahaha
xXxTooFarGonexXx (8:55:30 PM): hmmmmmm
xXxTooFarGonexXx (8:55:35 PM): this is a tough choice
HeAthEr9021 (8:55:51 PM): just say it
HeAthEr9021 (8:55:56 PM): ud stick ur finger up ur butt
xXxTooFarGonexXx (8:55:59 PM): i dont really know but um why would i ever have to chose between the two?
xXxTooFarGonexXx (8:56:01 PM): hahahahaha
HeAthEr9021 (8:56:07 PM): just admit it
HeAthEr9021 (8:56:11 PM): u know u want to
HeAthEr9021 (8:56:16 PM): in fact ur prolly doing it now
xXxTooFarGonexXx (8:56:26 PM): umm acutally im not one for things being put up my butt
HeAthEr9021 (8:56:39 PM): dont lie
HeAthEr9021 (8:56:45 PM): thats not what tom told me
xXxTooFarGonexXx (8:56:45 PM): infact on friday me and my 2 friends had a discussion about buttsex and how we'd never do it
xXxTooFarGonexXx (8:56:49 PM): hahahaha oh tom
HeAthEr9021 (8:57:01 PM): haha, yeah he said u liked it
xXxTooFarGonexXx (8:57:09 PM): hahahaha you liar
xXxTooFarGonexXx (8:57:22 PM): tom just thinks i have sex with ron
HeAthEr9021 (8:58:00 PM): ok, ok, fine, would u rather eat a turd, or have ass sex with ron
xXxTooFarGonexXx (8:58:13 PM): hahahahaha
xXxTooFarGonexXx (8:58:29 PM): okay, SO NEITHER
HeAthEr9021 (8:58:36 PM): ok
xXxTooFarGonexXx (8:58:44 PM): hahaha
xXxTooFarGonexXx (8:58:53 PM): oh man why are you so crazy today
HeAthEr9021 (8:58:57 PM): would u rather, see ur parents have sex, or have ur parents see u have sex?
xXxTooFarGonexXx (8:59:11 PM): oh man, that's hard
xXxTooFarGonexXx (8:59:14 PM): ummmm
HeAthEr9021 (8:59:40 PM): like hardcore animal sex, no blankets covering anyone up
xXxTooFarGonexXx (8:59:48 PM): ugh heather
xXxTooFarGonexXx (8:59:50 PM): haha
xXxTooFarGonexXx (8:59:59 PM): i love you so much right now cause you're crazy
HeAthEr9021 (9:00:18 PM): u really have to answer
xXxTooFarGonexXx (9:00:35 PM): whyyyyyyyyyy
xXxTooFarGonexXx (9:00:43 PM): why all the questions
HeAthEr9021 (9:00:50 PM): cuz thats the game, these arnt nearly as sick as the ones me and cass do
xXxTooFarGonexXx (9:01:05 PM): oh god
HeAthEr9021 (9:01:15 PM): SO ANSWER
xXxTooFarGonexXx (9:01:18 PM): hmm
xXxTooFarGonexXx (9:01:44 PM): well i have to say i would NOT want to see my parents in the nude, particularly together
HeAthEr9021 (9:01:58 PM): ok
xXxTooFarGonexXx (9:02:56 PM): oh goodness you're crazy and i love it
HeAthEr9021 (9:03:22 PM): ok, have sex with your gym teacher, or drink a gallon of jiz?
xXxTooFarGonexXx (9:03:36 PM): ughhh
xXxTooFarGonexXx (9:03:38 PM): ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
HeAthEr9021 (9:04:02 PM): haha in my head
HeAthEr9021 (9:04:05 PM): u can ask me ones
xXxTooFarGonexXx (9:04:29 PM): oh god im far too.....umm i dont know what.......to do this lol
xXxTooFarGonexXx is away at 9:06:26 PM.
HeAthEr9021 (9:06:31 PM): dont pretend ur not sick

Auto response from xXxTooFarGonexXx (9:06:32 PM): hmm if only i could remember tom's phone number when i wanted to call him....

HeAthEr9021 (9:06:36 PM): oh fine
HeAthEr9021 (9:06:38 PM): be away
xXxTooFarGonexXx returned at 9:07:12 PM.
xXxTooFarGonexXx (9:07:17 PM): haha
HeAthEr9021 (9:07:24 PM): lol
xXxTooFarGonexXx (9:08:13 PM): i finger itches
xXxTooFarGonexXx (9:08:17 PM): and by i i mean my
HeAthEr9021 (9:08:37 PM): from sticking it in ur butt
HeAthEr9021 (9:08:40 PM): ?
xXxTooFarGonexXx (9:09:02 PM): um no, cause i cut it and its healing and it itches like alot
HeAthEr9021 (9:09:33 PM): yeah sure
HeAthEr9021 (9:14:04 PM): im gonna put that convo as a jounal entry
xXxTooFarGonexXx (9:14:11 PM): oh great haha

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Friday, May 7, 2004

10:21PM - what have i done?

so i was just sitting here, and all of a sudden i looked at a bottle of hair stuff, and it made me think, not even 4 months ago, i would never own something like that, why would i, theres no reason, im good the wa i am, i dont need to improve myslef for anyone. so it makes me think, did i , the one who for 16 years never bought into the world of looking good makep-up and hair, and clothes bs, FINALLY let my gaurd down, and become like everyone else?..... is it a good thing?, am i the same person?

well i can honestly say i am not the same person, the person i was just back at the begininning of the school yeah, would have laughed if i knew id be trying to figure out which way my hair looks best, which shirt makes me look skinnier, how i should do my make up that day, i cant believe myslef. this is rediculous. i am even dieting, and i wodner is it to be healthier, or is it to fit in with what i feel i am suppose to look like?

why all of a sudden am i scared im gonna look dumb for doing something, why am i worried that i dont look nice?? i dont get it

i'll tell you one thing though, i still am my own person, i dont think i am a bad person, and i sure as hell get alot more compliments than i used to.

it feels GOOD to hear your beautiful.

so are things better this way? or is it better to not care at all??.............ANYONE HAVE ANY ANSWERS?

Current mood: confused
Current music: the waitresses- i know what boys like
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6:56PM - then i realized what it took...

ok, so i havnt really written about n e thing thats happend this week, so heres my week in review

MONDAY: went to gordons game with cassie and kelly, hung out w/ them and tiff there, then went home

TUESDAY: came home, and did nothing, went to guitat practice

WEDNESDAY: went to rons to watch him jeremey and rodney practice, shawn came w/ them, and i went with sadie and kt, it was fun, jeremey played for eternity for me, it was awesoem, and he signed the form

THURSDAY: suppose to go to rons, ened up not b/c my mom made me come home, so we could go to goodwill, but it was closed when we got there, like i told her it would be, so hopefully going tomorow.

FRIDAY: that brings us to today, came home, took a shower, callie and sadie came and picked me up, went to jermeys, to bring him to bennington, but he wasnt home, SO, went to bennington w/o him and sadie and callie got htier mother presents

and yes, i dont have a prom date, yeah this blows, jeremey has 2 days left, i hope he fuckin gets his birth cirtificate

as for tomorrow, i dunno, sittin home, maybe goin shoppin if it rains, i invited cass over, so maybe shell come over if shes not busy. wanted to do my english, but i didnt bring my work home, so i guss thats not happening.

Current mood: aggravated
Current music: green day
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Thursday, May 6, 2004

5:20PM - so its been awhile

ok, so yeah, its been a while since i updated. right now things arnt looking good, i have so much work to do, i have no prom date, unless jeremey found proof of age in the past hour, and im not going n e where this weekend. yeahhh i dunno. so things could be worse i suppose. ill still go and have fun. i just wish things could have worked out.

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Monday, May 3, 2004

7:36AM - stolen from audrey

o. First name: heather
o. Middle name: ann
o. Last name: lichty
o. Nickname(s): whorefeet,c.d., mullet, too many to remember
o. Birthday: july 19th
o. Height: 5*4"
o. Hair color: red
o. Eye color: brown
o. Glasses: yep, but they broke last year and i havent gotten new ones
o. Contacts: no
o. Braces: no
o. Hair short or long: MULLET
o. Astrology sign: cancer
o. Chinese zodiac sign: no clue
o. Nationality: caucasion
o. Bad habits: not ever shuting up
o. Piercing: 0
o. Tattoos: 0
o. Are you still in school: yes
o. Favorite grade: 10th and 11th
o. Favorite teacher: webster
o. Worst teacher: lemontange
o. Favorite subject: math
o. Least favorite subject: global
o. Buy or bring lunch: both
o. School sports: track
o. High school: Berlin
o. School activities: none
o. Popular or what: i dont think my school has popularity
o. Favorite memory: being at brits, all the times at kts, shows, soomuch stuff
o. Worst memory: i dunno, if i did, i dont think id wanna talk about it
o. Number: 1,435,569,657
o. Saying: umm, i dunno
o. TV show: genreal hospital
o. Sport: is sleeping a sport?
o. Vegetable: carrot
o. Fruit: banana
o. Movie: haggard
o. Actress: dont have one
o. Actor: john cusack
o. Candy: chocolate
o. Gum: bubble gum
o. Scent: clinque happy
o. Candy bar: chcolate n e thing
o. Ice cream: i dunno
o. Color: yellow, blue
o. Season: summer
o. Holiday: christmas
o. Band: bright eyes, brand new, nofx, too many to name
o. Singer: conor oberst
o. Music: emo/punk/ska/indie
o. Fast song: "lover i dont have to love"-bright eyes
o. Slow song: idk
o. Thing in your room: computer for music, and talking to ppl
o. Place to be: at a show
o. Radio stations: i dont much like radio
o. TV channel:?
o. Junk food: nachos
o. Fast food place: wendys
o. Restaurant:dennys
o. Shape: circle?
o. Time of day: night
o. Country: canada
o. State: cali
o. Boy's name: conor
o. Girl's name: HEATHER hahaha
o. Mall: crossgates i guess, holyoke was cool too
o. Video game: i dunno
o. Shampoo: granier
o. Computer game: dunno
o. Car: one that runs and gets good gas milage
o. Music video: no clue
o. Swear word: i only really consider fuck a swear word
o. Month: july
o. Scary movie: i dont really like scary movies
o. Team: ?
o. Boyfriend/girlfriend: nope
o. Crush: meh
o. Do you love anyone right now: my friends?
o. Ever had sex: yeah with like 10 ppl, NO GOD what sorta question isthat
o. How many hearts have you broken: none
o. How many people broke your heart: .....i dunno
o. So what's your bf/gf like: dont ahve one
o. Do you go more by looks or personality: both
o. Ever kiss a friend: yea
o. Are you still friends: no
o. Do you smoke: no
o. How about weed: yea
o. Best friend(s): i have alot
o. How many friends do you think you have: alot more than i deserve
o. How many do you actually hang out with: like 30 i dunno
o. Who drives you insane: everyone
o. Craziest: cass
o. Loudest: kala graves
o. Shyest: prolly gordon
o. Best hair: kt
o. Can always make you laugh: cass, kt, sadie, joey
o. Best eyes:idk
o. Best name: cassondra, sadie
o. Most athletic: gordon
o. Shortest: sarah morris
o. Best singing voice: definitly jeremy
o. Skinniest: kala
o. Nicest: kala, jeremy, joy
o. Best personality: cassie, and kt
o. Biggest drug user: im not gonna name them
o. Alcoholic: not naming
o. Flashed someone: not in like 3 years
o. Told the person you liked how you felt: yeah, it never works
o. Gotten really REALLY wasted: no
o. Gone to jail/juvenile detention: no
o. Skateboarded: tried
o. Skinny dipped: yes
o. Stolen anything from a store: uh, sure
o. Been to a concert: yes, more shows than concers tho
o. Been to another country: no
o. Talked back to an adult:everyday
o. Given money to some homeless person: prolly
o. Cried to get out of trouble: yes
o. Kissed a friend's brother/sister: cousin
o. You ate: strawberries
o. You drank: water
o. The last place you went: gordons
o. Last thing you bought: stuff from the show at the armory friday
o. Last person you saw: my dad
o. Last person you talked to: nate and jeremy, both asking why i wasnt in school
o. Last song you heard: moshi moshi

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Sunday, May 2, 2004

8:48PM - "and i love thier love"

so slept at gordons last night, and today me cass and him went on a walk through the woods, and followed a stream with wicked cool swimming hols, and i saw down on this log, and just watched the stream, and cass and gordon, and just felt so good to feel thier love, for eachother, for me, and i love them too, its times like that when u just feel so much appreciation for the ppl in ur life, yeah its corny , fuck u. its the best feeling in the world. i love all my friends more than n e thing, and id do n e thing for ne one of 'em.

Current mood: mellow
Current music: bright eyes
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12:26AM - at gordons

yep, its sat night, well sunday morning, im sleeping over gordons tonight, we wnt swimming earlier, it was so cold, gordon wouldnt even get in the pool

talkin to brent , hum, well nothing else really to talk about. i dunno. im bored

Current mood: thirsty
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Saturday, May 1, 2004

12:44PM - i wish the sun would hide, so i could watch u dream some more

so, sat. afternoon, no plans, yeah, i'm cool. i guess

............i found something out last night, that i think is completly worng, but i'm not allowed to tell ne one, its so messed up.................

i sure hope i find something to do today

Current mood: uncomfortable
Current music: yellowcard
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Friday, April 30, 2004

9:30PM - friday, hope by 9, ugh

so yeah, just got home a bit ago, i hung out w/ joey, we went to the mutt show in bennington, it was cool i guess, the other bands i didnt really listen to, we walked to duncan donuts and stuff, and we walked to friendlies, and we saw kala, and we said hey. i need $30 more. for jeremy, i dunno, he has like no money, i dunno where the hell i am going to get money from.

but yeah, i had a good time tonight, joey is awesome, and i saw, jeremy, and rodney, and ron, and josh, stepanhie, sadie, callie, sonya , nate, and logan. so yeah, i guess i saw alot of popl i knew haha. it was cool.

Current mood: drained
Current music: gob
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Thursday, April 29, 2004

6:23PM - everybody wants to be a ninja

ok, well its thursday, tomorrow im going to the show w/ nate and sonya, were goin up to willow park ot have a nice picnic , cuz its suppose to be wicked good weather.

thois week has been really stressful, im just glad its almost over, and it will be weekend tomorrow, im really proud of myslef that i did all my english

i still need to make plans for sat... ne one wanna hang out???

Current mood: accomplished
Current music: bouncing souls, the first cd mother fucker
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