White Comet, Black Cow: Takahshi "Ry" Ryosuke's Friends

Life and Stuff
You know what’s sad? Weeks have gone by, and there’s really nothing special to say about my life. Don’t worry, I still have plenty to talk about. There have been a few momentous events worth noting. Most of this post will probably end up as my contemplations, but anyone who reads this should be used to that by now.

The other weekend, I visited Amy and Jen (who was at Amy’s). I hadn’t seen Jen in years, and I know it’s been quite some time with Amy. It was really nice seeing them again. We just pretty much hung out and talked, eventually ordering pizza. The pizza was quite greasy…it was sooo good dipped in ranch dressing. It was almost like Leombruini’s in Byron. Anyway, we then watched Blades of Glory while Jen and I tried sniping pictures of Amy with our cell phones. I was expecting the movie to be horrible since I really hate Will Farrell. Surprisingly, though, I thoroughly enjoyed it. Jon Heder is really hot when he wants to be. I was hoping that his character was gay, but alas, he wasn’t. Figures. After the movie, Jen went home, leaving Amy and I just to hang out and chat. Amy left for Michigan the following weekend, so it was definitely good timing. Hopefully we can hang out again in the near future. It’s too bad they live so far away. I think Jen is like 45 minutes from Amy in the opposite direction, and I’m an hour and fifteen away. My favorite part, though, was driving to her place by memory. Sure, I had the directions, but I didn’t really use them. You figure I’ve only been to her place a couple of times, and that was over three years ago. Ehn, I was impressed with myself.

Jeff suggested that we hang out after my visit to Amy’s since Sycamore was on the way back. Sure. It had been awhile since we had seen each other (though not nearly as long as it had been with Amy and Jen). Again, I somehow stumbled upon his place. Although I had directions, there were absolutely no street signs in Sycamore to indicate where I was supposed to go. In his fairly large complex, I was able to make my way to his building. Well, I was actually a building off, but that’s okay. The two of us left for Wal-Mart right after I got there. He wanted to get some mixers so we could have a little to drink, and I wanted to get a new nosepiece for my glasses. See, after showering that afternoon, I was toweling off and somehow managed to knock my glasses onto the floor. I picked them up, and noticed something different. Oh yeah, the nosepiece was gone. Luckily, that was the extent of the damage since I can’t really afford to buy new ones right now. -_-() Anyway, Jeff and I had a couple drinks as planned while watching Brüno. When I told people that I watched it, their reactions were along the line of “Oh god”. They were expecting pretty much what I had been. In actuality, it was a decent movie. I wouldn’t put it in my top ten, but like Blades of Glory, I was a bit persuaded by an attractive lead character. It was interesting to see everyone’s reaction to this very flamboyant crazy guy, though I wonder which issue people took offense to more…? After that, we watched a couple episodes of South Park. Then it was bedtime. Seeing as how I didn’t even make it to Jeff’s until almost midnight, I was surprised that we had stayed up until 4+ in the morning. It wrecked my sleep schedule, but I enjoyed doing it. The next morning, Jeff was nice enough to make us omelettes and Tater Tots. Not too shabby. Then we played around on his X-Box for awhile before calling it a day. Good times.

This last weekend, I went over to my dad’s. We hadn’t seen each other or really talked since August, so that was nice. He needed help collecting and organizing Jeff’s expenditures over the last couple of years, so I was able to do that for him. Other than that, we just kind of hung out. We went to Pizza Hut Friday. I guess they had a deal where you could buy any size pizza with any toppings for ten bucks. Okay, it’s still a rip-off, but that’s a great deal as far as Pizza Hut’s concerned. I went home Sunday evening, but not before he treated me to Sunrise. The biggest surprise of the weekend was him giving me fifty bucks. I know his financial situation—like everyone’s I know—isn’t ideal. So, it was a very nice gesture. I tried to refuse the money, but he wouldn’t hear of it. Perhaps I spent too much time talking about my joblessness and financial insecurities? He invited me to go to Golden Corral on Thanksgiving with him and Jeff, but I had to decline since I already agreed to stay here and prepare the meal since my mom works the night before. I felt pretty bad declining his invitation; I didn’t know exactly what to do. He was invited over here, but he decided against it (though claims it was Jeff’s call). I can’t imagine he’d feel comfortable being here, especially since it has been disastrous every Christmas attempt…

I saw Krista on Tuesday for the first time in awhile. We went to DeKalb, eating lunch at Steak ‘n’ Shake. I had gift cards for it, so I figured why not use them? Turns out there was only five bucks on them. I wasn’t thrilled that I had to pay for the rest of my meal out-of-pocket, especially since I’m on a complete spending freeze at this time. My money is only going to two places—my cell phone bill and the monthly set of Woot monkeys for me and Dan. I actually just bought a pair recently. They have rainbow tie-dye capes with a big yellow smiley face on them. Truly, they are the epitome of me and Dan’s friendship. I’ll be the rainbow tie-dye, and he can be the smiley. :-3 Okay, I know I’m lame. Anyway, she had to print out some stuff at the computer lab, so I kept busy filling out a crossword. Sure, I could’ve helped, but she had to print out A LOT. I was too embarrassed, especially as a non-NIU student, to print out that much. It was really awkward being at an NIU computer lab. All the users seemed…like children. I felt so old sitting there amongst them. Anyway, we went back to her place after a side trip to Target Copy to make a few color copies. We just kind of chilled (a theme amongst the people I spend time with), and watched Biggest Loser when it came on. I’m not the biggest fan of the show (no pun intended), but it’s fun to see crazy fat people starve themselves and exercise. After that, Krista cooked dinner for us—taco quiche. It didn’t sound too appetizing, especially since I had a chipotle burger for lunch. However, it was quite tasty. She used leftover rotisserie chicken, so the meat was pretty tender. We decided to try to make a fajita version of it sometime. That sounds even better (I like fajitas more than tacos), so it should be interesting.

As I already indicated, I’m still jobless. Seriously, there is nothing out there. Last night, I actually had a moment of weakness and was looking into going back to school (both at UF and not). In the end, I decided not to start panicking and rushing into stuff I’ll later regret. Sure, being in school offers many securities. Financial aid is the primary one. But…do I really need to rack my debt up more? It’s almost unbearable as it is! Not only that, but what exactly would I be going back to school for? I thought about going back to school for counseling. I think that would reaaaaaally benefit me, you know? It seems that this has been my route in my quest for finding a job. Counseling abusive men, career counseling, etc…it just seems to be where I’m heading. Alas, I couldn’t find any local schools with degrees in counseling. NIU has a Master’s program in Education Counseling (like, being a guidance counselor). I definitely don’t think I’d like to do that. One, I’m done with schooling. Two, that limits what kind of counseling I can do. *sigh* I don’t know what I’m going to do yet. I don’t want to return to UF for many reasons. I JUST LEFT, for starters. But then there’s the issue of readmission, and getting a Ph.D. in sociology when I don’t want to teach (really, it can’t open up that many more doors than an M.A. would)… Even if I decided to pursue the professor route, it would be counterproductive to my long-range plan. As everyone probably knows by now, I want to follow Dan and Jeannette when they finish school. Maybe it’s just a pipedream. But, it’s all I really have to hold on to right now, you know? It’s the only hope I have. If I got my Ph.D. with an intention to teach, Dan and I would be competing for jobs. The likelihood of finding a position in the same school as him, especially when university jobs are limited as of late, is almost nonexistent. Don’t get me wrong—I’m not limiting myself for him. It’s just an addition reason for why I should not return to Florida and pursue my Ph.D… I have an interview Monday for a security guard position at Shawn’s place of work. I wouldn’t be working with Shawn since the company sends its workers to various outlets in Rockford. There are a number of downsides to this job, but my main concern is safety. *shudder* With my luck… Anyways, there are no positions open at the moment. However, they are planning on letting people go in the near future, so there may be future positions that need to be filled. I’m banking on the laziness and stupidity of others…what a world. I figure an interview can’t hurt. I have a better shot interviewing for a job with no openings than not interviewing anywhere at all.

Meanwhile, I finally got UF off my back. It wasn’t easy. I decided to ask Shawn to lend me the rest of what I owed (nearly 600 bucks). He was hesitant, since money lent in this family is money lost. I fully intend on paying him back as soon as possible. I just need a damned job first. I told the bitch I had talked to at UF (the one who treated me like I embezzled the cash) that the payment would be a week late (after she called and emailed me the day it was due). Instead of telling me “That’s fine. Just make sure it gets here ASAP,” she told me that she’d report me to the debt collection agency by the end of the month if it wasn’t in. I oh-so-love threats. I really, really do. What I should’ve done is paid back everything except a penny. Then they can report me to the debt collection agency over a penny. What’s a 20 percent fee for one cent? Oh, zero cents. Good to know. Sure, it’d hurt my credit, but they can suck my dick. I’m just glad to be finally rid of UF and all its stupid bureaucratic bullshit. I wouldn’t be so bitter at them if they didn’t have me repay my student loans that first year, threatening me back then as well. Oh, and also for their own mistake. Now I just owe Shawn 600 dollars. -_-() Out of the fire and into the frying pan, as they say.

My foot pain that I had at the beginning of this year popped up this week, too. It only lasted for two days, and was a mild inconvenience at best, but it scared me a bit. The security guard job—assuming I get one—is walking-intensive. I love walking, so that’s not a problem. But, it is probably best not to go into the interview with a limp, if you know what I mean. Luckily, it subsided.

I’ve been thinking about Dan a lot lately (surprise, surprise. When am I NOT thinking about him?). Like I said earlier, I sometimes wonder if following him is nothing more of a pipedream of mine. Something that I mulled about the other week was his position in my life. I tried explaining this to him the best I could, but I’m sure I failed. I really love that Dan is in my life. But, sometimes, I worry about him BEING my life. To label us as “just friends” is grossly inaccurate. We do have a pretty special friendship. I know this because I’ve never had one quite like it. I’m not so sure he has, either. But like I said earlier, sometimes all I have at the end of the day is the hope of following him in a few years. I don’t know if I like this. Certainly it gives me something to look forward to, but it can’t be my only goal in life. You know what I mean? Dan indirectly admitted to liking being such a big focus in my life, even though it made him selfish. It’s kind of nice that he feels that way. It helps support my “we’re not the average friendship” claim. Let’s be realistic, though—he is more than a friend, but it’s not like we’re dating or married. I don’t think he should be my life. Hell, even if we were married, I still don’t think he should be. I guess it comes down to reciprocity. Jeannette can be his life, but I would never be. It’s kind of like the idea of following him. If the roles were reversed, would he follow me? More importantly, should that affect how I feel or what I plan? I probably shouldn’t be insecure. Dude truly cares about me, yeah? That much I know. But, I guess it’s because we have a unique friendship. It’s hard to navigate thoughts and feelings sometimes. It’s abnormal for someone to move because of a friendship, but it’s normal for someone to move because of a relationship. What do you do when you’re somewhere in between? I don’t know…like I said, I’ve been thinking about him a lot lately.

Current Mood: contemplative