Monique's Blurty Entries [entries|friends|calendar]

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[16 Feb 2005|12:29am]
[ mood | pissed off ]
[ music | Our Lady Peace - Right Behind You ]

Everything fucking sucks when you're not here.

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[30 Jan 2005|03:26pm]
[ mood | hopeful ]
[ music | Splender - I Think God Can Explain ]

I'm starting to wonder if I've ever felt love before I met him.
There were others... But I never felt quite this much for them.
So many have made me cry,
But only a handful have made my tears into those of sheer happiness...
And he is one of the few.
And I never want him to be anywhere where I am not.
Does that make me possessive?
No, it just makes me greedy.
But quite frankly, I don't care anymore...
I want all of him. All of it.

P.S.: I hope to God we'll be together and be happy like this forever.

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[28 Jan 2005|11:26am]
[ mood | content ]
[ music | Jimmy Eat World - May Angels Lead You In ]

Wow, I suppose I should update this thing from time to time...

The past couple weeks have been filled with ups and downs, mostly created in my head. I guess I'm not as in control of this as I thought I was...
But the not-so-peachy days could never outweigh the blissful ones.
All in all, I think I'm truly happy for the first time in quite a while.
I never knew it was possible to fall this hard for somebody after knowing them for only three months.
I already miss him more than I can ever really remember missing anyone before.
And he says all the things no one's ever said before. And he makes me smile when I think I've forgotten how.
And for the first time ever, I'm not petrified he's gonna leave.
For once, I know he feels the same way as I do.
I don't even know if I really believe that I even existed before this.

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[16 Jan 2005|11:49pm]
[ mood | artistic ]
[ music | INOJ - Time After Time ]

Though I doubt it will, but if my poetry every becomes famous,
I hope to God it doesn't wind up being disected by unintelligent high school students
And their English teachers.

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[13 Jan 2005|10:17pm]
[ mood | drained ]
[ music | Goo Goo Dolls - Black Balloon ]

Wow, I guess I should actually update this silly thing from time to time...
The only reason I haven't is because while my life is mostly alright, it is rather uneventful.
Everything has been the same lately...
I've been my usual neurotic self and trying too hard to hide it so as not to frighten the bejeezus out of everyone I would hate to lose.
Things are going splendidly with Jason... Somehow after a month and a half we've become closer than I was with the brown-haired boy after almost a year.
Speaking of the brown-haired boy, we're friends again and are on good terms with each other, which is good, I suppose.
I've isolated myself from many of my friends, but bonded greatly with others, so I'm not sure what to make of it.
Also, my driving is coming along splendidly. My brother's gonna take me on the highway for the first time tomorrow after school.
Speaking of school, it sucks worse than ever. I'm flunking history, which is really sad... I really enjoy learning about the past, but my teacher is kind of a dumbass.
All in all, for once in my life I actually have faith that I'll be okay.
Mind you, this will probably change dramatically when the slightest thing decides to go wrong...
But I'd rather not think about that.
I'm not miserable today, and that is, in it's own rite, a blessing.
Yay me.

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[08 Jan 2005|11:35am]
[ mood | rushed ]
[ music | Our Lady Peace - Thief ]

I am going to a birthday party tonight.
I really don't want to go...
The only reason I am is because there might be birthday cake...
And if there is, it will be free.
I go where the free food goes.

Mmm... Birthday cake...
*Smacks lips*

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[05 Jan 2005|11:57pm]
[ mood | thoughtful ]
[ music | Matchbox Twenty - Leave ]

I keep reading the note over and over again and it makes me cry every single time without fail.
I love how his constant reassurances that everything will work out and we'll be happy together,
Even though we both have our doubts.
I want to make this work. I have to make this work. I don't have any other choice.
He makes me feel everything I never knew I could feel and the feeling is just so beautiful... I don't think I could ever let go.
It just somehow doesn't seem right that someone like him is in love with someone like me...
I can't think of a single thing wrong with him, and I'm just so flawed...
It scares me to no end,
But I'm not so sure I mind...
The electrifying jolt he sends through my entire body is more than enough to make up for it.

I just think I'm silly for imagining his arms around me as I try to fall asleep.
He's the only boy who could do this to me. Even the brown-haired boy never came close.
It makes me wonder if I've ever really been in love before.
How do I know I'm in love now?
Am I just supposed to know?
How do I know that this is what everyone else is talking about?
How do I know for sure that he feels the exact same for me?
...I guess I just have to trust and have faith...
And he's the first boy in quite a long time who I've believed in enough to do so...

I don't know. I just love the safety and security I feel when his arms around me.
He makes me feel like nothing bad could ever happen, like nothing could ever go wrong.
I wonder what he would say if he ever read any of this.

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[05 Jan 2005|12:58am]
[ mood | hungry ]
[ music | Hawthorne Heights - Ohio Is For Lovers ]

I can't sleep. It is 1 A.M. and I have to be up in five and a half hours to get ready for school.
Maybe this very long survey will tire me out a little.

Here goes... )

Wow, I'm still not very tired... But I must be off. Ta.

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[30 Dec 2004|11:50pm]
[ mood | thoughtful ]
[ music | David Bowie - Modern Love ]

I love how he makes so many promises to me with the best of intentions, even though we both know he won't be able to keep them.
It doesn't really matter if they'll happen or not, it's just nice to hear somebody promise you the world.

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[25 Dec 2004|11:59pm]
[ mood | sarcastic ]
[ music | Melanie Doane - Goliath ]

Sometimes I almost wish he wasn't so damn perfect, just so I could have something to whine about.
Sigh. It's thoughts like this that make me feel so unworthy of him.

I really wish I didn't fall asleep during Jesus Christ Superstar last night.
I'm dying to know how it ended.

Tomorrow is Boxing Day.
All hail the glory of good value for cheap prices!

I miss my boyfriend. I miss my boyfriend.
I can't wait to see him.

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[24 Dec 2004|12:57am]
[ mood | hopeful ]
[ music | Lenny Kravitz - Stillness of Heart ]

It'll all be okay in the morning...

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[23 Dec 2004|12:33am]
[ mood | pissed off ]
[ music | Tool - No Quarter ]

Fuck sobriety.

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