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arrrrr! ok. last day of spring break. eh. played zelda til five. took a shower. was smelling pretty bad. all sweaty and such. do homework, almost done. going to go nutso on this fly thats flying around. it is massive. hehheh. ^_^. umm yeah. while playing my zelda i could sense "it" getting big again. im afriad it wont stop until the popo are called. again. ehh. :( freaks me out it do. she started yellin and such, figured it was nothen and would be done in an hour or so. nopenope. continued growing. louder and louder. i was on the phone with britt working on math, getting embarrassed, wondering if she could hear my mom screaming her fuck yous and such. ehh. she storms down the hall. 'i got to go. ttyl.' " something about getting my ass in the kitchen. tony too. sits us down, tells us that our dad is gonna raise us the rest of the way...??? eh. tells me i was a mistake, things are my fault, blahblahblah. and then. break my heart again, 'take away ur pretty, ur boobs... ure nothing'. gee, thanks. eh. dad comes home from getting the chinese. wooah budday! i hate watching them fight...but since she was not done raving at me, i had no where to go except staring out the window holding in the tears. ugh. im worried for tony. if he ends up like me..i swear to god. hohum. so she throws tonys paint stuff all over..apparently getting stuff on the carpet? or something? i dunno i didnt look. eh. they go outside. i tell tony im not hungry, he says hes not either. i go back to my room, shakin like crazy. i dunno why... eh. put on like five shirts to stop it, start sweatin like crazy. take them back off. she comes back down and yells, calls me a fat ass. heh. tells me to do the laundry, i get up and start goin down the hall behind her. she spins and is like 'u know whats gonna happen to u? ure gonna take some guys "seed" and pop out some babies and expect them to respect you, and they gonna treat u like a NIGGA!' lolololol! heheh... she says stuff about how she doesnt care about me, doesnt care if i go to college, tells me not to call her, how im so stupid, etcetc. its all amusing really. a few days from now, after i give her this letter ive been meaning to give her for so long... ahh. it will make or break it i think. maybe. i really dont know what to think anymore. im the problem, and so if i went away, so would the problem right? but that creates yet another problem.. i have stuff i want to do with my life. i dont wanna give it up. been there almost did that, not worth it at all. plus i always get so pissed at people i hear about doing that. err! its so stupid and er. it doesnt fix things lol. hum. i just dont know anymore though.
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