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Thursday, February 23rd, 2006
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5:06p - Why dogs have it right
I've always been a friend of the dogs. Ever since I was born, my family has had a border collie with the exception of literally five days. The border collie tradition goes all the way back to 1973 when my father purchased Mott the Hoople while stationed at Fort Hood in Texas. He brought Mott home and she eventually had some puppies. Boss was the male pick, and my parents decided to keep him. Bogey was a sick puppy and he didn't make it long but my parents took him in anyway.
Then came the twins, Lucky and Taco. Lucky didn't make it as she got into some anti-freeze in the garage. Not so lucky afterall. But Taco, probably with the spiritual guidance of her sister, lived to be almost 15 years old. I was born one month after Taco came home, and we grew up together. Tick-Tock. She had the most nicknames of any dog I know.
After Pwee-doo, enter Domino. He's a six year old bubbas that likes to eat anything and everything. He's a good boy. My baby Molly will turn two years old this April, and she is the latest edition to the Watts family.
Why all this talk about dogs?
Well, I've been giving some thought to the way people treat one another today. My mother got a promotion at work and a bitchass co-worker is trying to stop it. People fucking have serious problems. Then, suddenly as I was playing with Domino and Molly, I noticed something.
That's why dogs sniff each other's asses!
Think about it. We've always assumed that by putting your best foot forward you can make a good impression with somebody. Or when you go to the dentist, you always brush your teeth like a banshee and maybe even fucking floss before the visit.
Dogs, on the other hand, are a lot smarter than we are. They literally investigate the absolute worst of their acquaintances and then judge them based upon that. Dogs will go to great lengths to sniff the ass of a fellow dog upon their first meeting. And it seems to be almost a rule that if another dog wants to sniff your ass, you should let them do so.
Brilliant!
You can tell if this other dog is an asshole (on no less than two levels). You don't have to waste time with small talk or putting on some kind of front. You don't have to deal with pretention; you just go ahead and sniff some ass.
Now, let's not take this out of context. I'm not recommending you go around and sniff the ass of anyone you've just met. Although I can think of at least five people that would do that if it were socially acceptable. I'm merely pointing out that by judging people based on the worst of their qualities, it might be better than judging them based upon their best ones. You can always fake the best qualities... sincerity, compassion, etc. The worst ones (backstabbing, infidelity, ass stench) cannot be faked.
The old Norwegian proverb that you do your best thinking while your in the bathroom is inexplicably true. Hands down. So, whilst I was making a trip to the throne, I began thinking about why this is. My guess is that there is not a more private moment in the everyday life of your everyday person. Could you do your best thinking when you were shitting or showering in front of a bunch of people? Believe me, you can't.
Also, one thing about shitting and showering: aside from fucking, these are the two most vulnerable moments in the everyday regiment. Perhaps vulnerability gives way to self reflection, and so on. Maybe that private, vulnerable moment allows the mind to think and plan. To compare and contrast. And for some, yes, yank their wank.
I've decided to go on the Atkins diet, and I have to say that it's a lot easier than I initially thought. I'm not extremely overweight, but I do intend to slim down for the police academy this fall. I've heard the crap about how the Atkins diet is unhealthy and this and that and the other thing. But I have to say, a lot of things that people do are unhealthy and that doesn't demean they're validity in any way. It's probably not healthy to eat pizza, cookies and pie all in one sitting either. And that's precisely why many people go on the Atkins diet anway, so the naysayer mantra seems to be preaching to the choir.
It's not really that hard giving up the sweets; the breads and pastas are the more difficult part. I've eaten quite a few pepperoni sandwiches lately, minus the bread. Otherwise known as a "cheese plate." I have to say, the spices aren't treating me too well on the other end, but hey... that gives me more time to do my best thinking.
Take care and I'll talk to you soon.
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