Blurty for Etienne.
|Saturday, October 4th, 2003|
"In everyone's life, at some time, our inner fire goes out. It is then burst into flame by an encounter with another human being. We should all be thankful for those people who rekindle the inner spirit. When you come to the end of everything you know, and the next step is into the depths of darkness of the great unknown, you must believe one of two things : either you will step out onto firm ground or you will be taught to fly."
I'm all for flying...
|Friday, October 3rd, 2003|
These last few days have been rough -- to say the least. Things at home are improving at less than a snail's pace -- 9 years and ain't seen daylight in the sex or intimacy department in years.
Recently took a lover -- a married lover -- only 6 weeks ago -- but it seems like a long time ago. All of our encounters have had such intensity, such passion that has rewired my brain and my cock all at the same time.
Not only has the sex been extraordinary but, the level of connection and intimacy has made the whole thing even that much more incredible. But like all good things ... as they say ... must come to an end. My lover, who only weeks ago, had a "2-3 year exit plan" from her marriage has found it necessary to make that move ASAP. And, the message is clear, "When he goes, so I go too ..." How much does that suck?
Although I understand the idea of it -- her needs and situation will change and therefore -- with her single and me married, the whole thing will no longer work.
Call me crazy but, I see it working. At the minimum, I could be the "transition guy" -- how pathetic is that?!? But, it's how I feel. It's been a long time -- a decade or longer -- since I had to let someone who mattered go.
For the time being, at least, I'm all for sticking around ...
This week I made more than one mistake with her by letting my own emotion consume me without regard for the fact that it was she, not I, that was about to leave a marriage. After hitting a big hot-button with her via email, I still could not get out of my own way. Actually, below is the email I was about to send -- but came to my senses at the 11th hour and sent a "happier version" -- a version that served more to celebrate the fact that we are still together and, to stop being so fucking heavy, analytical and self-absorbed.
Here is the deleted version:
I'm all for the socks thing -- been wearing em already -- had a Grandma who told me the same thng! How funny ...
Glad to hear you're feeling a little better. We've both been where you are -- it's no fun, I know. Hope you have many more better days!
You're "no dissappearing" reply means a lot to me Christine -- truly. Although I have no expectations about our future, there are two things about our relationship that are ever-present in my mind; it is rare for me to meet anyone, male or female, who I so quickly and easily connected with in such a meaningful and intimate way as I did with you. My friend Jon (my Trixie) described it as being like "two thoroughbreds" meeting -- equals on so many levels, able to connect, relate, move apart and connect again when the sprit moves them (that's the "meet me where I am" comment I recently made to you).
Although that could sound like such a "guy-analogy," it does resonate with me. From the first meeting I felt that way about you -- once the nervousness subsided
;-). That feeling remains. For me, it's a good thing and a critical element in me being with someone -- being with someone in a way that matters to me. In my life, there are only a few of those people and I'm grateful for each and every one of them. They have all enriched my life in some way. You definately fall into that category ... :-)
Secondly, I also feel the "inevitability" of our ending. It never crossed my mind until you broached the subject during our last time together. Your honesty there also means a lot to me. However, I didn't think it would be in front of me quite so soon ... :-(
Earlier this week I was reviewing my AMEX bill and saw a Westin charge. It took a moment for me to realize that it was our first dinner meeting. I was stunned to see that it was in late August -- just about 6 weeks ago! Now there was a reality check! Our diving right in definately tweeked my perception there a bit. Hard to believe we know each other this well in so short a
SInce we spoke the other day and I got a real sense of how deep into your stuff you were. Since then I've had this sadness under the surface and it's made the "inevitable" that much more real for me I guess ...
Truth-be-told, the idea of you exiting does make me sad, I can't lie about that ... sorry ...
But before I get too deep and send you running for the door (!) I'm glad to hear that you're game for Monday. That put a big smile on my face :-) -- Also glad to hear that you seem open to see where this all leads and that chances are, nothing will happen tomorrow, so to speak.
I know the January thing is hanging over your head -- I understand that. I don't feel the same but I respect your feelings as you know.
My position at this point will remain as it has been since day-one with you and me -- I'm in this thing 100% until it's clear things change. What I know is that I love hanging out with you, I enjoy our talk-time immensely and our time when we have been physically intimate has been nothing less than awesome for me. All in all, that's a very good thing ... :-)
I'll be at the Marriott in Pasadena again. I'll send you the info this weekend. I'll be there in the early afternoon -- 2:30-3:00 -- you know me, come as early as you like. The more time I get with you the better! Let's plan on dinner. OK?
--- Christy wrote:
> I'm happy to hear you're feeling better. Was it
> some 24 hour virus? Regardless of how feel at the
> moment, you should still take it easy. Thankfully
> the week is almost over and hopefully you'll be able
> to rest a lot over the weekend. When I got sick as
> a child my mother would always remind me over and
> over again to keep my socks on. For some reason she
> was under the impression that maintaining warm feet
> would make the virus run its course quicker ......
> ? I never questioned it. Oddly enough to this day I
> make it a point to wear warm socks when I'm sick.
> Go figure.
> I am doing fine. Today wasn't a bad day. I read
> and studied for most of the afternoon... and this
> evening I attended the usual CB program.
> Regarding your concerns....
> I promise to never just "disappear into the
> woodwork". It's not in my character to do that. I
> will always (as I hope you feel I'm doing) keep you
> informed about my current situation. We both know,
> as I've explained, that it isn't possible to
> maintain what we have if my circumstances change. To
> steal your phrase... yeah, it will really suck. But
> I don't foresee anything happening in the immediate
> future... so I'm not too concerned about it right
> When we first met I had no idea of the things that
> were to come. I had no intention of leaving at
> all... but life got in the way. Anyhow... I have
> January hanging over my head so I suppose we're in
> the same boat.
> About Monday...
> Count me in. I don't have hotel info anymore so can
> you resend it to me? Also... give me a time frame...
> Take care of yourself. Hope you feel 100% soon...
> What was that oldwives tale again? Feed a cold and
> starve a fever? Something like that. But most
> importantly .... wear socks."
The sadness still presists but, after seeing her reply and letting myself be nore in the moment, I have found some solace in knowing that at least for now, she is still a part of my life and I, of hers.
More to come ...
|Wednesday, October 1st, 2003|
Today I did a fucked up thing ... without really knowing it. I "reached out" to my lover who is going through the worst time of her life. We're both married, both good at keeping our relationship clearly based in reality -- I thought. The "sin" I committed today was offering to "be there" for her during this troubling time.
In the beginning -- which was actually only a few short months ago -- we met online and from our first meeting (drinks and dinner -- ended with a lame kiss (me) followed by a very hot kiss (me recovering) ), we knew we had found a good match. The chemisrty was definately there.
Since the start she was adament about "reality" and even "warned me" that the last guy she was involved with back east got the boot when he used the "L Word" and hinted at them leaving their respective spouses and hooking up. She seemed so clear with him about the need to look at what their relationship was based on -- two married people cheating on their spouses (Duh!) -- and that it would never work. Needless to say, he was out.
Somehow, however, something in my gut told me that no matter how adament she was with me, something in her was actually fighting the very feeling she was trying to "prevent" from reoccuring. She was emphasizing these points too strongly and I think I missed the cues.
Now, in only a matter of weeks, she has gone from a "2-3 year plan" of exiting her marriage to announcing it yesterday! To be clear here, her intention is not to be with me. On the contrary, she wants to be single -- for now. The shitty part is that when he goes, I have to go too. She was clear about that. The reason -- which I agree with -- is that when she is single, all the rules (and needs) change. It wouldn't be fair to me or her ... how much does that suck?
Back to my "little sin" which is what tipped me over and opened my eyes here -- my offer to be there, even as a friend, set off a reaction in her that shocked me. I was sure to emphasize in the email in question that I admired her strength, I was not looking for a "Damsel in Distress" to rescue (need a better term than the Damsel -- guys -- don't ever use that one -- not even in jest!) and, that sex was not my only interest here. We both admitted that early on as to how strongly we connected on every level ...
My guess is that the connection with me has triggered stuff in her that has been lying dormant (denial) for a long time and she hit the wall with it all. Now what? I also suspect that her feelings for me are much stronger than she is willing to admit ...
I want to reach out to her because I do genuinely care but, she seems to need space. I'm due to lose her at any time because she already gave hubbie the word -- I don't want to just lay down and roll over -- the connection is great, the sex is world-class -- I feel like there's a lot at stake here ... tough spot ...
To my own credit, I have done a much better job than I would ever have imagined at balancing my own home and work life while having this affair. Let's face it, coming from a marriage where the number of time we had sex annually could be counted on one hand compared to extreme sex with intimacy evry time was a fucking challenge. It interferred just minimally -- not my usual style ... although, it's been more than a decade since I did anything like this. It actually never happened in my current marriage until just now -- 9 years and still chugging along. The first marriage lasted in tact for 5 years, limped along for 2 more rampant with affairs (mine) and then out with a blaze.
This time, my tolerance levels were much higher and I lasted for 8+ years without even the hint of another relationship. This experience is, then, somewhat new to me. I guess that makes me a "Virgin" to it ... wishful thinking.
My marriage, both marriages, are like most I know hear about -- start off strong with fun, romance and lots of great and adventerous sex. Once "hitched" -- in this case -- her (their) interest in all of the aforementioned dwindled over time (2-3 years) until it seemed to all just dried up. How sad.
Me, I'm always the "hopeless romantic" who brought flowers home just because it was Tuesday, planned fun weekend getaways, cooked fab, fun dinners, etc. I've always been like that in all of my long-term relationships. Partly, because it's me and just how I'm wired. Partly because I know that good, strong relationships take some amount of effort to keep them fresh and alive.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not the type who has to be doing something new every fucking minute to keep busy, occupied or happy. No way. I'm cool with the parts of the relationship where "settling down" is OK -- I like quiet time with my spouse, just hanging out, not saying a word, just being together. But, it can't be all that. It also can't be what we ended up with -- living with a partner who put more time into developing "her own life" that did not include me. Fuck that! It was not even outwardly social, just her "Own private Idaho" as they say. No fun there. And the sex stuff -- the list of "why I don't want to" was approaching Gueinnes Record proportions. That part undid me.
Tonight I think I hit the wall again with all of it. The lover is in the shitter (I feel powerless there), my wife is getting on my fucking nerves (by the way - she's on "probation" -- seeing a therapist against her will under threat of divorce) with her cool & aloof demeanor and the only thing left for me here is an amazing three year-old who I adore and would give my own life for. Thank God for small miracles -- literally.
Work is an avalanche -- am I whining sufficiently now? -- it's the old "Be careful what you ask for" syndrome. You know the ancient Greeks had a saying, "If the Gods were truly unkind, they'd grant our every wish" -- how fucking trus is that?!?
Last year at this time my biz was so bad (post-9/11 effect) that I nearly lost my house. This year I'm so busy I may lose my mind. Lose house? Lose mind? Tough choice.
It's had me working (I own my own biz) 70-80 hours per week. Daily! The grind has me stressed out to the max, tired as hell and still chasing around this young "babe", sexing it up and still maintaining house and home. How nuts am I?
The answer: pretty fucking nuts!
|Tuesday, September 30th, 2003|
Flights of Fancy
No one word could be used to describe how they felt towards each other, the spark between them was ever-present and translated into so many other feelings; lust, fire, “juice,’ and passion coupled with a respect and near admiration for each other.
So strange to look at another and see so much of one’s own self staring back, at times, perhaps, almost unnerving. In some strange, maybe funny way, it reminded him of the story of Narcissus; staring into the pool at his own reflection until he became so transfixed with the image of himself that it consumed him.
That probably is not a fair comparison but, the first that comes to mind.
They were not consumed, but the way they bantered about, verbal jabs, blocks, crosses and counter-moves exhibited a dynamic between them that was challenging, compelling, testing yet, never mean-spirited. It was more like a dance between to creatures, equals, who were each moving about, twisting, turning and gyrating around their “opponent” in this intricate dance that served more to exercise some hidden muscle rather than for one or the other to win. Although she always saw fit to taunt him with her usual, ”You do know that I am in control, right?”
If the words were spoken by nearly anyone else, it would have quickly angered him and he could be quick to anger when provoked. Instead, it aroused him, invigorated him and usually inspired him to punctuate those moments with a kiss on her full, dark and delicious lips or, to caress her soft, fleshy frame – or both.
“In control? You? I guess so … if that’s what you need to believe” was the common retort – always delivered with a deep grin.
This dance was so common for them and always involved their intellect, their wit and their “charm.” There was something more to it as well. It ran deeper. It appeared as though it was how they broke the ice, set up the turf, if you will, before they dove in. It was fun to watch yet clearly not designed for anyone else but them to witness or experience. There was something strangely intimate about it too. That was so apparent.
He remembers the first time they met, at least met in the intimate sense, that is. After one dinner meeting to “check out the goods,” I think it’s referred to as “chemistry,” their next meeting was at his hotel suite.
From the very first encounter he found her to be very attractive. Her dark hair set against much fairer skin, dark eyes and an incredibly delicious mouth easily kept his attention. Her ease at navigating through their first conversation was something to see as well. It was clear that she had been here before. Her instincts sensed his nervousness and newness to this game. Over time, she skillfully moved between testing him, and running him through the paces juxtaposed against skillfully pulling him out in a seductive, playful and teasing way making him feel so much more at ease.
It was also clear from the outset that no subject was taboo here and neither wasted much time testing those waters either.
So many times that first night he heard the voices in his head loudly breath a sigh of relief that he had met his match – so rare an opportunity in so long a time – smart, funny, very delicious and a willing subject to play the game.
Although it took him some time to gain his footing in this very new territory, the emerging spark between them renewed his confidence and the fun and sparring began right there on that very first night.
I guess that first meeting set the stage for how they would connect and relate for some time to come.
As he watched her carefully, intently, that first night he also had no doubt it was the “the fire” in her, as much as the physical beauty that made him so aroused. Actually, throughout their first time together he found it so hard to focus on the conversation at hand with the distraction of his own arousal.
Her coolness, her control peppered with this almost-hidden innocence and sensuality only added fuel to his fire and furthered the distraction.
By night’s-end it was clear to both of them that meeting again was a given.
As fate would have it, he would be traveling on business and near her in the weeks ahead. They planned a rendezvous and that was the start.
They first met at his hotel suite. He had planned an elaborate and fun surprise for them – a silver tray laden with ice cream, fruit and the most sensual flowers of all, orchids. Although orchids are often seen by many as such a sensuous flower – often compared to a vagina in their physical appearance – the geek in him knew that their name actually came from the Latin Orchi – scrotum – but who was he to argue with such things? They were gorgeous no matter part of the human anatomy they resembled.
They spent hours that first afternoon talking and navigating their way through learning about each other in mundane ways, fun ways and setting the stage for what was to come.
Although his special surprise lay on the crisp, white linen sheets just a few steps away behind the suite’s bedroom door, it was apparent that the timing was such that waiting was the only way to travel here. That sense, coupled with her announcement that she “Hated surprises,” further delayed partaking in the pleasures of his special creation.
After awhile, however, he delicately broached the subject of at least taking a peek at it – no expectations or pressure – and she acquiesced.
After some seemingly innocent play-time with the fruit he knew he had to feel her full, fleshy lips. He leaned forward and initiated what slowly became a long, slow deep kiss. He kissed, nibbled and licked her lips. As she opened her mouth and took his tongue playfully and sensually into her own mouth, he felt every nerve in his body come alive in a way he hadn’t felt in a very, very long time.
What was once a dormant, barely-glowing ember of passion within him had suddenly been awakened and the fire began to grow. His groin ached and he felt the blood rush there and fill him in such a satisfying way. Yet at the same time, it was almost painful. It reminded him of times long ago in places so very far away where he learned the fine art of “pleasure in pain.” Those are times one does not forget so easily. In that remembrance he indeed found pleasure.
As she returned, and initiated, those deep, wet and sensuous kisses, she let out a quiet, yet distinct moan that vibrated and resonated in his mouth and all the way to his blood-filled and throbbing erection. He had to have her. From the pace and intensity of her kisses and touch, the desire was clearly mutual.
As they lay on the bed the kisses continued – lips, no, whole mouths, engaged in the play began to arouse her more intently as well. He could smell her scent now. That smell from a women’s body when she is aroused is so distinct yet, so hard to describe – it filled his nostrils and consumed him. He had such a nose for this scent. Once captured by it, this delicious and indescribable scent drove him. He had to taste her.
He kissed her neck, her face, her mouth in wave after wave of these passionate exchanges. What made him the craziest was her responsiveness, her sensuous assertiveness, her drive to please and be pleased – she was a willing participant and was fully engaged.
As he moved his lips and hands along her body away from her neck, he slowly and delicately kissed his way along her body – first, along her full breasts and large, dark brown nipples. They, too were so responsive and so very erect.
Raising her top to expose her stomach, he continued to kiss her north, south, east and west – every point of her stomach had to be kissed, licked and nibbled on. She was ticklish – not expected – he continued.
The further he went down, the stronger the scent was now. He could not stop himself. Unbuckling her belt, he slowly slid his hand down into her jeans. He moved beneath her underwear and she moaned and her body writhed at his firm but soft touch.
As he slid his hand further down, her stomach contracted in a welcoming way, making room for him to go further – a deep, dark welcoming tunnel of flesh and fabric with only his imagination to create what may lie at the end.
As he first stroked between her soft legs, he felt that she was very wet and he gently rubbed his fingers around her labia and clitoris. Her body moved under his hand like a snake on a hot, tepid day – moving slowly, deliberately from side to side. She moved like some beautiful and ancient creature engaged in a dance long-ago forgotten yet still alive in the souls of those who came after her for generations to follow. An ancient dance created to draw men into her – into to her in a way they could not escape once they began that journey.
They began to undress – shedding the only barriers that stood between them now. As her clothes came off what was revealed was a soft, sensuous body, Rubenesque in shape, fleshy in such a delicious way – such a refreshing departure from the soulless stick-figures he see in hordes each day on the streets of LA.
Now naked and fully exposed, he took time to kneel back, gaze at her for a moment from head to toe and take in her sensuousness, her readiness, he had to have her.
His first instinct was to taste her. At first she resisted. He could not imagine why. He could not restrain the thought in his head, “If she does not like this, I’m fucked and she’s crazy!” It was almost as of she read his thoughts, some thought that is, and she quietly indicated that after hours of driving she may not “be fresh.” He was puzzled. Obviously, she had never tasted what he had tasted and it was “not about fresh,” this was a primal act, one of submission and dominance all rolled into one for all involved.
He urged her to allow him to be the judge, as it were. She complied.
At first taste his whole mouth was ablaze with the consuming flavor of her. At this point she was so very wet and he easily imagined himself “drinking every last drop.” As he gently rolled his tongue and fingers around the outside of her now-swollen pussy, it seemed as though she had no regrets of her decision to let him continue. Her gentle moans gave him every indication that she was utterly enjoying this.
He slowly and deliberately quickened his pace of rolling his tongue around her fleshy labia and now-erect clitoris. As he quickened his pace her moans and pelvic movements matched his increasing intensity.
At one point, he slowly pushed just one, long finger inside of her as he continued to lick and suck her. This entry only heightened her intensity and he grinned, at least on the inside, that is, at knowing that he hadn’t seemed to have lost his touch.
He now used his finger in a way that seemed to make her crazy – rubbing the inside of her pussy – creating pressure and a dynamic tension that he hoped would drive her mad. As he massaged the exterior he matched those movements on the inside creating a sensation for her that increased the intensity of her experience. Her moans grew a bit louder now and her body’s movements moved in synch to those sounds sending her into deep inner places of which he may never know. At the same time as he witnessed all of this, his sent his brain exploding with pleasure and it made his already-hardened cock so full of his rushing blood he heard his ears ring.
After what seemed like a timeless eternity, he increased the intensity of his rubbing, stroking, sucking and licking. He now had two fingers inside of her probing for some sweet spot that if found, would surely send her off the bed towards the ceiling.
Without notice or warning she began to cum in a way that came first in a quick burst and then, it was followed by an unexpected series of loud moans that filled the room in a booming and resonant way as she screamed with passion and delight. He found the spot. Her orgasm was explosive.
When her moans and body movements eventually subsided she slipped into what looked like an altered state – peaceful, calm yet ready for whatever was coming next. It was one thing he would quickly come to appreciate about her.
She raised her head, looked down at him and in the funniest and sexiest way said,” I had my ‘party’, it’s your turn now.” With that she rolled him on his back and delivered what was the most sensuous and amazing series of kisses imaginable.
She started at his mouth, taking his lips into her mouth in a consuming and sexy way. She slowly and deliberately moved down his neck, shoulders and chest delivering these same kisses with nips and nibbles mixed wildly and unexpectedly in between.
As she moved past his chest the strangest thing struck his as being so pronounced so as to almost override the rest of the experience – her hair. This long, dark crop of raven-dark hair was now gliding along his face, shoulders and chest. It was like thousand of very delicate, thin fingers touching every nerve beneath his skin as they glided effortlessly along his body. The sensation was almost overwhelming. It was a fabulous distraction and he made no apologies for it.
She continued her journey along his torso until she reached his lower abdomen. Here, she playfully kissed and licked around his thighs and groin in a taunting and playful way. It only heightened his already extremely aroused state.
When she finally took his cock into her mouth the first thought that came to his now-bloodless brain was “Velvet” – that’s what it felt like – that his engorged cock was wrapped in velvet. Imagine that?
Strangely, she never touched his cock, not with her hands, at least. She simply took him into her mouth slowly, one inch at a time. She seemed to not only be in no hurry but, she seemed to also be enjoying this immensely. She licked his shaft and head and all the while, this hair rolled and danced across his stomach and thighs adding much fuel to the fire.
At some point she looked up at him in the sexiest way and asked, ”What do you like?”
“What do I like?” he queried from his stuporous state, “This! Lot’s more of this – just what you are doing.”
She didn’t seem totally satisfied with his response so she asked again, “Tell me, what do you like, specifically.”
His first thought, of course, was that this was no time for conversation but as the balance of blood in his brain leveled out he realized that her inquiry was both sincere and genuine. She really wanted to know what pleased him and, that she very willing to deliver. “What a concept,” was his next thought.
He began to share, in some specific detail, where he was most sensitive, the intensity he loved and of course, the degree of suction that sent him wild. Without a word, she delivered.
After the longest time of being engulfed in her mouth, he bent his body at the waste and reached his long arms down between her legs. She was soaked.
Somewhere here he managed to reach across the bed, found a condom and asked her to stop. Quite deliberately he said, “I have to be inside you – now!”
He quickly placed the condom on and this brief but quiet moment was broken by her words, “I’m driving.” No need for explanations or discussion here. Within seconds she took his cock in her hand and placed him inside her.
Upon entry they both moaned in unison – her for how he completely filled her – he for the feeling and sensation he had almost forgotten. In a brief moment of nervousness he quietly proclaimed, “It’s been a long time for me – a really long time and I’m a little nervous about this. I have to be honest.”
With a grin he now sees so frequently from her she made a quick and confident retort, “It’s just like riding a bike. I’m sure you’ll do just fine.” And she started to ride.
As they took turns driving and engaged in what was fast becoming an instant “fuck-fest” for them both, he realized that her statement was either highly predictive or, simply a confidence booster. In either case, this former “One-minute Wonder,” as he often had internally referred to himself, was fucking like a champ and was on cloud nine.
At some point he ended up on top again and as he plunged deeply and rhythmically into her she began to massage her clit. First slowly and then building faster and faster until after what seemed like an instant, she came again – loudly and wildly in a way that filled the room with her sound and filled his ears, his head and then, his whole body with that resonance that rocked him.
Although he didn’t cum, he stopped and laid down next to her. It some strange way it didn’t seem to matter so much whether he got off or not. The whole experience itself had rocked him in a way that still resonated through him and he suspected that the feeling would last for some time to come.
Again, in that sexy, playful and devilish way she said, “Hey, I had another party. It’s your turn.”
Just the very words sent peals of laughter through him first and then through her. She rolled on the bed over closer to him and they just laughed. When the laughter subsided, she set out to work again first kissing his neck, then his chest and then all the way down to his cock until it filled her mouth once more.
She sucked on it for the longest time – alternating between soft and delicate to harder and more deliberately. No matter where he sent his mind the fact of the matter was he was reeling from total sensory overload and could not cum if his life depended on it. How ironic?
In her now-familiar style she asked, “What can I do? We have to get you to cum, right?”
Although on some level it really didn’t matter to him – the whole of the experience in and of itself was so satisfying, cumming now seemed almost anti-climatic. But, the thought of it now started to take on some appeal.
“What will it take? Do you want to cum in my mouth” she queried, again in that sexy and almost devilish tone. What’s a guy to say to that, no!?!
She instinctively wrapped her lips around the top of his cock once more. It was soft and she seemed to enjoy that softened shape and size in her mouth. As she gently sucked and stroked it grew quickly and filled her mouth once again. She quickly adjusted and adapted to the new size and never missed a beat.
As she sucked the head and just the first few inches of the shaft he began to wrap his long fingers around the base of the shaft and started to stroke himself. This rhythmic movement excited her and they moved in unison increasing the pace. Frequently she let out these muffled moans as only one could with a mouthful of hardened cock.
As he increased the speed of the strokes he felt his testicles swell and the first dribble of pre-cum left him. As it reached her tongue she let out a sound reminiscent of the sound one makes when dining at a fine restaurant and the Chef’s most special dish makes first contact with the palette.
That single sound was enough to make his blood rush again and within seconds he felt the explosive rush of semen race through the shaft of his cock and into her mouth. Without hesitation she swallowed all that he delivered and continued to suck on him until the sensation was too much and he had to pull away.
The next words spoken were by here, “You taste like Avocado’s.” What does one say to that?
Shortly after that she announced that it was “Pumpkin Time” and that she had to depart. She dressed in the next room, returned for a kiss and said goodbye.
Exhausted and still over-sensed, he lay in the bed for the longest time reflecting on what in some way, seemed like a dream he had just awakened from.
He drifted off to sleep with her taste still on his lips, in his mouth and on his face.
He awakened at dawn as he so often did and was overtaken by the strangest thing – the bedding, the whole room smelled like this strange, intoxicating blend of her perfume and her own scent. The two combined made for a “deadly combination” for him. Before he would allow himself to get out of bed and head for the gym, he allowed himself the pleasure of just laying there, naked, and just drinking it all in. It was a fabulous moment and reminded him that he was indeed still very much alive and kicking – in many more ways than one.
Well. I'm home with a mild but sucky case of the flu. That's what I get for working so hard these days and not taking care of myself I guess ... with a kid in preschool, she's hanging out in a veritable germ factory! Every week now she brings some feaking thing home and I get it!
I was hoping to get back to my "new sport" -- Erotic Writing - tonight but man oh man, writing about stuff like that requires a clear head and, a body that "can take the heat" generated by the eroticiscm. Let's face it, I don't write the stuff just to exercise my fingers, you know! It's a full-body experience all the way.
Since I stared seeing the woman I met on-line -- just a few short months ago -- after years of sexual repression (I married a closet prude) -- no lack of desire, mind you, just hard-core lack of sex -- I came alive in an explosion of lust and desire like I have not experienced in a decade. A decade? That's far too long for any man -- or woman! -- to have to wait.
But is that so unusaul in a marriage today?
The therapist I've been working with -- with an office in Beverly Hills, mind you! -- But, with nothing BH about him -- thank God! -- has quoted me, on numerous occassions, how really fucked marriages are in the US. 76% of marriages are in trouble, grave trouble. How fucked is that? "Grave trouble" was defined in the study as the marriage partners (A term I use so very loosely ...) being "emotionally negligent" towards each other (Now there's a Dr. Phil term if I ever heard one!) -- i.e., little of no emotinal engagement. they also are known to be highly argumentative, verbally abusive and good ole Passive/Agressive -- like the first few things aren't enough!
Most of these hard-cases actuall stick it out for some time as well. A strange stat in and of itself.
The high rate of infidelity ("Guilty as charged your Honor") was also incredibly high for bith males and females. Only 2/3, however, actually leave in a reasonable amount of time, if ever. What's up with that?!?
Me? I've stayed. Why? Simple -- kids I won't live without. Period. As I get older my tolerence for bullshit, on the one hand, is low. On the other hand -- looking at my kids -- raises that tolerence level to heights I never would have imagined. I'm staying. As an "older Dad" i don't see the "When they go off to college"option -- I'll be too old or dead by them!
Solution: Went on-line, met a few freaks (emotional vampires), weeded them out and eventually, met someone who I really clisked with -- also married and like me, in that fucked 76% category.
Although we are both hard-core realists -- we know we should never be together as a couple -- we have created anh escape -- like so many other unhappily married people and are enjoying ourselves in spite of our circumstances.
We've met about 5-6 times in the last few months. As fate would have it, I have a client near where she lives so doing overnight hotel stays there is easy. Although we don't do sleep-overs (that would be fucked and emotionally dangerous), we spend lots of time talking (we have a "no-dump" rule and a "No spousal abuse" rule too) -- sometimes hours -- we have not let it be just a fuck-a-thon. Oh don't get me wrong, we fuck our brains out -- best sex I've had in a decade -- but, we have thrown some connection behind it and it has changed all the rules in a good way.
We have created a space where we can experiment sexually, pleasure our partner and be pleasured -- what a concept, eh? Irony of course is that we each want that with our respective spouses, can;'t get it and have to go outside the marriage to get some -- bizarre or what?
To say it's been fun is an understatement. It's been so great to have a like-minded person to talk with and to have world-class sex with too -- best of both worlds I guess ...
For awhile there I thought I "had lost it" -- fellas, you now what I'm talking about. Ladies, you know too ... it's that feeling of "use it or lose it" -- scary.
The good news is that during our first intimate encounter we had been through hours of chatting which led to an hour or so of extended foreplay (which I love -- what IS the rush people?!?) which led to a couple of hours of oral sex, intercourse, more oral sex followed by more oral sex ... you get the picture. It was like being wandering in the desert for what seemed like an eternity and to suddenly find water.
Although i must be totally honest here, after hours of playtime -- pre-intercourse -- when it came time for entry I was quite nervous. i heard myself say "I'm a little nervous, it's been a really long time." To which she responded, "No worries, it's just like riding a bicycle" at which point she firmly and deliberately pushed my hardened penis into her very wet vagina (What liberties can we take here with language, anyway?)
Good news is that she was right! It was not only "Like riding a bike" it was better ;-) -- and, it lasted for a very long time ... now that's a good thing ... each time we met was better than the last. The fab sex just keeps on cumming ... add to that mix the great conversation (I have to have a good head attached to a vagina) and trust and there's a winning combination.
More to come ...
So, who out there wants to start a community around Erotic Writing -- the juicy kind, preferably non-fiction ;-) ?
|Monday, September 29th, 2003|
Well, this is my first foray into the world of online journaling. Not that I've never kept journals before but, this "public display" is somehow feeding the voyeur within -- to be sure.
I'm hopin' this becomes a good venue for me to vent -- I'm in my mid-forties, married (unhappily), with one child and one on the way. The kid part I dig -- the marriage part, well,, it's overrated. What can I say? More on that later.
I have owned my own biz for 15 years. Now that it's finally successful, I'm in that syndrome of "Be careful what you ask for." I'm inundated with work and travel, not seeing nearly as much of daughter as I would like and, have a wife (9 years) who has "not been on board" or, "on the program" as they say, for longer than I can remember. For me, it's sort of a toxic combo.
To that latter point, after years of dire and unbearable frustration, I met a woman online and took her as a lover. She is also married and in the same boat. Although neither of us has any illusions, or delusions, as to where it will all go, we are both having one helluva little "escape from reality" and it's the most fun I've had in years.
Meeting her and engaging in our weekly interludes has been a wild time for us both. More on that later as well.
Blurty for Etienne.