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Depressed...I don't want to know why. A good thing, Im becoming a loner again, only talking to two people. I haven't done that since the beging of school. Heh - *looks around* I've picked up reading and writing again. *looks around* I feel alone again, I can be with people, but I still feel alone, I've begun taking myself "out of body" agian too, Im listening and analyzing things again too - it's funny, 8th grade - I never would've changed - now, now I do. Now every third quarter I have friends and hang, but then once fourth quarter comes around Im gone, again and don't come around till January. My mind leaves - *looks around* You know what;s really fucking annoying? Juniors - yeah Juniors that Love you and think you're coola s hell and then want all the insites into your life - the fact is, everyone in school thinks me and a mysterious man named Fritz are going out - try no, the only reason they have any clue? Juniors - God, so annoying, they seggested mea ntoher person goes out - I said I have a bf, no way am I going out with the other guy as is - well now the school fucking thinks im going out with Fritz - whom half of which think he's made up. Good thing noone fromt aht goroup of ppl in thier right mind would come to Whitnall. I've been thinking a lot lately...about my "friends" I realize that yes, maybe two of them really do care about me and want to talk to me, but the others, naw - I think they jsut think im dead weight - but who will ever know...I can't read minds. Think what you want, but if you really do hate me and want me gone - tell me, ill back off. See that's the thing, sometimes I come off as an emotional person and that either pisses worries or concerns ppl, in then they don't tell me how they really feel - if you do it in public, im not going to cry, I WON"T! NEVER IN PUBLIC WILL I SHOW ANY EMOTION. However, over phone or interent - yeah I will cry, but better I cry for a night and you be happy than be miserable for my sake - least that's how I feel. Tim's right, it's hard to keep track of who's on good terms with who with everyone, but me? I have no problems with anyone - I love them all. However, people may have problems with me - in which they have not told me and I cannot help you unless you tell me, but that's your choice I guess. I will fix it if it does bother you though. I also realized soemthing else too, Im looking for someone persistant - I tell people nevermind and to back off all the time, but really and truley, a lot of the times - I want you to persist, I want you to bother me, come to me, ask me again, I want you to! But there are times I do want you to back off, Im sure you smart people can figure out when that is though. Oh yes, another thing. i am going to attempt to be more quite, just so people can't say im the load annoying one anymore...so if im quite - nothing may be wrong, I may just be trying to back off on my talking and loadness. Well, that's one heck of an entry for now, I gots to goes though - anyone one want to do soemthing this weeekend? Im free half day on friday, saturday, sunday, and off monday too - talk to me, let;s get together. To anyone going to Evenancence tonight: HAVE FUN YOU LUCKEY MOTHER FUCKERS! |
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mellow.
aggravated.