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I don't know what to do. I feel horrible. I don't want to feel that way. I know what to do, but it's not right, because I'm being forced, and there is a side to this no one knows. No one will ever know either. I can't think stright. I can't think anymore. I want the same thing I did before, a guy to hold me and to sleep with him. Oh well, can't have it. I hope Jon and I do go to Rent. I would really like to. I took some time to think about my friends, Gen, Jon, Fritz, Kendell, etc... Their eyes. Thier eyes, their different, expirenced. Certain, like they know and don't care anymore. The message they've probably been trying to get through to me for ages. But I don't beilive it. They can still. Still be the person they want to be and defy the laws. Is that the major difference? Or am I just imagining it. I look in the miror - my eyes are shiny, curious about what I can do - what I am going to do. How I am going to change the world. Then theirs - not shiny, not glossed, blunt - like they know what's going to happen. But they don't, it will change, they will suceed. I won't let them not. I will see them suceed, I will help them see. Everyone is a child inside, no one is an adult. Only those who let themselves become set in their ways. They are my friends, I Love them, I will not let them die before their time. *Thinks* Jake is in my gym class, he hung out by me constantly today. Or at least he came by me frequently. Should I be picking up a hint here? Interesting...I want to talk to Brian too. Miss him lots, want to tell him, spill my guts, I haven't talked to him in a long time. Then there is Fritz, I am going to wait I think, I won't go out with any other boy for that reason. I still have feelings for him, so many! It's not fair to be in Love with one guy and go out with another. It's not fair to them. *sigh* Will go, I hope I can talk to you soon. I need to hear a friendly voice. Luv Ya All |
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depressed.
hopeful.