Date:	2003-07-01 15:51
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	dorky

So, what am I thinking of? I want Fritz to read his email...might as well stop procrastinating - he won't. Other than that? Thinking bout what's going on...going to Paul's tommarrow, Joe's the next day. But that's durring the day, need something to do in afternoon night. Probably won't be doning anything - no one around. Hope they have fun though! kick ass at game kay? (without me....shouldn't go, fritz'll be there) Arg. Ohs Wells. Me awake, unfortunetly. Now Im bored. Going to listen to music. Hopefully do something, get kidnapped, something....ART! Call Me! Muahz! *smaks self* Dork!

Date:	2003-07-01 07:52
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	amused

Go To this, copy and paste it into your address bar - http://mallmonkeys.com/comics/030621.jpg

If anyone knows how to link other journal entries to other back journal entries and how to put links into journals I'd appreciate the update. Thanks!

Date:	2003-07-01 07:43
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	chipper

Okay, for the record. This is the first time I've ever expierenced pms. Cause now, Im fine - and I know why I was so wacked up the past week and half. I've never had pms before - I never would've guessed that's why I was acting like that. Sorry, to everyone. I really am. I thought I was valid, Im not. Sorry.

So, besides that, now that everything's gonna be alright again. Im out of behind the wheel - and guess what! Im a good driver! No, the teacher said I was an excelent driver, but I am not ready for passangers. He said the thing that worries him is that when I screw up, the littlest bit - I spaz on it. I do not have confidence basically. I am very paranoid on the road, of the fact that I'll screw up and hurt someone. So I tend to be very tense and in attack mode while I drive. But I drive good!!! :-D Practice, more and more Practice. Fiero!!!!!!!!!!!! I WANT MY FIERO!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Next, Im FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE - hehehehe - YAY!!! So, now what? BIKE BIKE BIKE!!!! To someone's house - whose? Mmmm....who knows? I like where Gen lives, I wanna scope that place out some more - it's fun, and the people are really nice!

Date:	2003-06-30 20:11
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	contemplative

Been thinking....of Fritz and Jon. I'll figure it all out, eventually. Im just a wreak right now. I agree with Gen, I need a cuddle and a break. After summerfest it'll all work itself out. Hopefully Fritz and I will work out, I just wish someone else would tell him along with me. Arg, not my buisness to ask though I guess. Luv Ya'll

Date:	2003-06-30 08:45
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	tired

Alright, to be more spacific about yesterday. Basically put, I came to the party to celebrate with Gen and enjoy myself. "Leave your shit at the door" That's the first thing I do each time Im going to hang out with anyone - so no big deal. Unless shit gets started in the door. Aka - accident, my fault. That being done, I walked off so the party stays good and unessissary words and fights break out. Yet they do, Dave's attacking Jon - classic, and Fritz - well, we need to talk...and I didn't do that too well. Gen, she deserves to be upset really and hate us all. I'm sorry for bitching so much, I did break the rule. I hope things got better though. At least Get better. She deserves a lot better than what she got. After my break down and going insane after I left - I was basically kidnapped. By a Jon, Bex, and a Joe. Jon...we're getting closer as friends - and he is a great friend. He does a lot and takes nothing for it. He's great, I can deffinatly see why Gen is happy to be friends with him again. And for the record. Before we even left, the first thing Jon said was "we need to stop at Gen's sometime - I said I would instally some speakers." Although as it looks, he didn't get around to it, sorry Gen. Bex talking to me, Gen talked to me, Jon hugged me and did hold me for a bit till I stoped crying, Jie and I flirted, Bex and I flirted, Jon bit my neck right where I like it - and adding everything just done and said. The evening - went pretty damn well...I cheered up, I needed all that. Everyone helped. Thanks. Im ususally not this way - no I do not have my peirod, and I do not expierence pms so I don't know what's going on. Actually I do, my maturity has fallen to my age finally. Which suxs big time, cause I used to be able to handle being treated like this - and right now I can't. Today, unless I really get bored Im thinking of staying in - and knowing my friends - minus wensday - they will all be at summerfest. Although, I really need to talk to Fritz. So I guess on my bike - it's stop at random people's houses time and hope they aren't gone. Maybe I'll go over and eat lunch with Wolfie again. That would be nice. People have proved to be very good friends, I guess my mind set was off in a different direction. I thought I was baggage to you guys, and if I am - just let me think Im not for a couple more dayz please...Thanks. Thank You for Everything. I Love You.

Thoughts:

Does race influence what music you will listen to?

I want....someone.

While this is all fresh in my mind. I LOVE Gen, and Im sorry that reacked your party.Im sorry bout Fritz, Im still mad, but I have to apologize - I really don't have a choice. On the up side, I did enjoy the conversations I had with those I did. Joe and I are better friends, he's very nice - and ticklish. Hehe - Bex and I are getting off on the right foot. I know some don't like her, and it is valid, however, she's done nothing but help me. to my knowledge - the only ones who I actually have a problem with (anyone) for the first time is anne, dave, fritz, and hobs - of course I will apologize. But Im telling you right now, Im leaving for a while after summerfest - taking a break from it all. This is what happens and unless Im pulled into something, Im backing off - need the break from people. Fritz and Dave spacifiacally. I LOVE GEN, And I was there for HER. I enjoyed her party. Thank you for inviting me! Im sorry it didn't go as planned - I Love You.

Date:	2003-06-29 06:40
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	awake

Okay, first of all - the guy who might be selling his car to me. It's only to me, and you don't even know his name - and he's not advertising so you get no car. Second - little girls were swiming in the pool with me and adults left me to babysit them - the problem? They love me so much they pile ontop of me. I ahd to leave, they wouldn't let me out of the pool - they kept pulling my seimsuit bottom and straps down and my top up. Geez........ohs wells.

Today - GEN"S ROCKING PARTY!!!!!!!!!

Tommarrow - I GET A JOB!!!!!!!!!

Errrrrr - okay Paul? I don't mean to be rude but I would pay $20 bucks for those Spirit Creek cds - and they're driving me nuts wanted them. And ya know what? Next time Im over at your house im taking those spirit creek cds n burning them myself. SPIRIT CREEK!!!!!!!!!!

Im sorry, I am nagging, and I do apologize for being annoying, but you said you'd burn them for me how long ago? ARG. Now im being rude, but Im getting them anywayz! Lol.....I Love You Paul - Thank You!!!!

*wants spirit creek*

Date:	2003-06-28 07:45
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	awake

mmmm....*yawn* Tired. But prolly am going to listen to some music soon. Hehe. As summerfest kicks in full throtle, so do I, until monday. Two grad parties back to back. much fun to be had. I wish i didn't have behind the wheel on monday though - that way I could stay with Gen and hang longer. Can't change things though unfortunetly. That's all there is about now...i think the only thing that';s bothering me is my sister. As you all know she's grounded. - that supposedly gives her even more of a right to demand me to get her stuff that was taken away from her back to her and get her other stuff. Since I haven't she's being a bitch. Arg. I will speak with you all later - Parents are up.

Random notes on today...

IM SOAKING WET - HELL YES!!! I LOVE RAIN. GET ME IN IT PLEASE!!!! IT'S THE BEST N SEXIEST DAMN THING ON EARTH!!!

Got a babysitting job - YAT! And possibly a real job - YAY!

Little Kids were fighting over me, tug of war - who gets sam, who loves sam more, who gets beak'n - blah blah. And than - in the pool? Little Girls were striping me!!! AHHHHHHHH!!!

Yesterday...

Sam in shower - *ring ring* "sam phone" - "Gen, hold on a minute let me get some clothes on." - "oh God"

LMAO - Gen you called at the PERFECT TIME. Thanks! Sorry summerfest wasn't so good for ya, hope it gets better today. Luv Ya'll!

So in conclusion - SUNDAY! SUNDAY is the best - Gen's Party!

Date:	2003-06-26 20:47
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	crazy

*grins* Car, for $800, speed, part fararri, mine, all mine. Hehe - black too - could smoke Jons Car. Hehe *evil smirk* Wants Car, gonna get car once have job. Hehe - won't be sold, it's mine - hehe.

I just figured something out too - I have never seen Gen without Fritz. And ya know what? I would really like to see Gen without Fritz. I'd like that a lot actually.

Have to call Gen, sis JUST gave me the message - errrrrrrrr

Talk to ya'll later.

Paul? How'd work go?

Date:	2003-06-26 13:10
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	flirty

Alrighty than - messages to people.

Korine - NOT ENOUGH COMMENTS, MUST BE MORE CRAZY!!!!

Paul - WORK YOUR ASS OFF AT SUMMERFEST AND MAKE MONEY!!!!

Gen, Jon, Fritz, and everyone else - HAVE FUN AT SUMMERFEST, WIERD AL IS TODAY!!!

Hello - so Im planning my next week to be alone most of the week - two days of driving in the morning and than nothing. Nothing all week - except friday. Friday Im going to the Evensance concert - anyone want to come with me? I need to find out how and who im getting there with anywayz. But yeah. everyone's gonna be at summerfest so that explains why nothing all week. Which Im not complaining - actually it'll give me more of a chance to rome around on my bike. I want to bike over to Fritz's, just to prove I can. And to Gen's again. I want to bike around Gen's some more - i've never been down that far and Im curious.

Gen wanted to see me! :-D, Im sure she wanted to see other people, but the fact that she said see wanted to see me was falttering. I want to see her too! But to prove a point....Say something if you think Gen is georgeous!!! Cause I think She's DAMN SEXY!!!!

BTW - this guy, early twenties - african american. Wanted to date me. He stopped me right on my bike. He was really sweet - Im sorry Im a dork, but I fall for pick up lines really easily okay. And he said next time I came around the cops should give me a ticked for being so fine. Awww - Im easily flattered I admit it. I like it. Gen - you find a man and cuddle him to death do you understand me!!! Find one! There is one! Men better be drolling of your sexy body! Whip 'em if they aren't! You'll get 'em. I Love You.

Date:	2003-06-25 15:44
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	curious

Next on agenda...things are getting wierd again. So I don't know, maybe I'll live it out for a while maybe not. If not - you'll know. I'll disappear again. Heh - who knows? Depends what gets where really. (Traslation: What People Say and Think) Luv Ya'll!

Date:	2003-06-25 15:29
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	cheerful

"yeah it's a hard ride" NO IT"S NOT. I biked to Gen's house :-D 15th and beecher. I got to see Gen!!! YAY!!! Better kick some ass while you're sleeping Gen! Have fun though kay? *thinks* Children....they LOVE me. WHY? I don't know - they just hang and hang on me. And everyone LOVES the way I play the pelica - Beck'n - confuzzled? Church thing. Yeah Im not Christian, but I still need to go - parents don't know. The people, especially kids, Love me there. whatever though...yeah first bike accident of the year too - hehe. I feel once - looking at a guy when riding on gravel and fell. Guy was hot and saw everything - damn. LOL. Second time slipped horribly. Something clicked on my bike and yeah my knee is skinned horribly too. At Gen's I just wanted to rip it apart. Still do - Im not washing it. You'll have to make me - it's not really pain, but an extrem annoyance. But yeah...er - I hope Gen got sleep though. And I hope I wasn't bothering her. Thanks for everything Gen! I really appreciate it! I Love You! Mhm....service tommarrow and pool party friday, saturday and sunday parties. Than next week - starting wensday - ALL FREE. And guess what? I might be comming over to your house. Hehehe.

Date:	2003-06-24 20:11
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	confused

Im basically being a pest. Er - I should destroy myself. But w/e - I need to find something to do - landyard or something. Tata - Im so....I Love You.

*Smaks Self* Paul....nevermind.

So I am succussfully feeling like such a damn bitch. And I am. Not only this, but Im back to where I was when I was with Ash - No apologies accepted. But I am. SO I'll shut up as wanted...but it's not going to help things...at least I don't think so. I Love You.

What Finding Nemo Character are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Okay ya know what? People need to stay out of my brain - I think I need to lock it up or something. Grounded day 1 - will be off Friday. I laugh - Haha, LMAO! I've got shits to do that they;re letting me do anyways. Mhm...so yes...I will go and update later. Luv Ya Lots!

Date:	2003-06-23 20:13
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	scared

Waiting...for either or both of them. Either IM or Call me please. Er - How? I...confused. This thing while helpful has become a nightmear for the simply fact people get offended. Night. He ims me...*shakes*

Simply Put? I’ve been acting like a whore and I’m severely embarrassed about it. I realized this when Fritz said something and I got caught. It was rude and embarrassing. On top of that, I was treating Gen like a third wheel - that is the one thing she’s NOT. I’m sorry. I Love You All. I broke down and cried and that’s something I NEVER do. That was twice as embarrassing. And I’m trying to figure out what Jon truly meant. Sorry you guys had to put up with that. Did you have a good time at the party after I left? Hope so…hope the game went well. Luv Ya.

The good thing was Fritz, what he did did help and I appreciate it - thank you. And thanks to everyone else for respecting me. Although there is one thing I would like to know. What was with Ash? Don't get me wrong - I liked it, I mean I LOVED it. He was nice and sweet. But it was wierd. I was almost positive he hated me. Guess we'll never know now will we?

One more thing..."Give me the rabbit, please God. I would love to kill it and make it my "nail bunny". I'M FUCKING SERIOUS!! GIVE ME THE RABBIT!! GIVE ME THE RABBIT NOW!! AAHHH!!!
~ROCK~" I LOVE this chich LOL. She makes me laugh - I Love Her!!!

And to Mike, Matt, and anyone else who knew me before I knew Dave....This is what it feels like

Miss independent
Miss self-sufficient
Miss keep your distance, mmmm

Miss unafraid
Miss out of my way
Miss don't let a man interfere, no

Miss on her own
Miss almost grown
Miss never let a man help her off her throne

So, by keeping her heart protected
She'll never, ever feel rejected
Little miss apprehensive
Said ooh, she fell in love

(Chorus)
What is this feeling taking over?
Thinking no one could open the door
Surprise, it's time, to feel what's real
What happened to miss independent's no longer need to be defensive?
Goodbye, old you, when love, is true

(Verse 2)
Misguided heart
Miss play it smart
Miss if you wanna use that line, you better not start, no

But she miscalculated
She didn't wanna end up jaded
And this miss decided not to miss out on true love

So, by changing a misconception
She went in a new direction
And found inside, she felt a connection
She fell in love

(Chorus)
What is this feeling taking over?
Thinking no one could open the door
Surprise, it's time, to feel what's real
What happened to miss independent's no longer need to be defensive?
Goodbye, old you, when love, is true (when love, is true)

(Bridge)
When miss independent walked away
No time for love that came her way
She looked in the mirror and thought today
What happened to miss no longer afraid?
It took some time for her to see
How beautiful love could truly be
No more talk of why can't that be me
I'm so glad I've finally seen

(Chorus)
What is this feeling taking over?
Thinking no one could open the door
Surprise, it's time, to feel what's real
What happened to miss independent's no longer need to be defensive?
Goodbye, old you, when love, is true (when love, is true)

I Love You.

Date:	2003-06-22 07:57
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	tired
Music:	Rabbit Scratching - Errrrrrrrr

Arg, my rabbit wakes me upr egardless of what day it it at 7. Er. Well now, I think Im going to run away today. I'll call Fritz later, but besides that. If it's not too buggy I will be staying at Whitnal Park. Trying to find places. *rabbit scratches* I don't want her anymore - I don't have the time for a pet, nor the patience. And Im so incrredibly tired. All this whinning....all im doing right now.

"I'm struggling between what feels right and what is right"

Still in my mind from time and time ago. Always remembered: The whisper, the hands, the eyes, the look of knowing what you want but being held back. I think of it. From time ago - long ago. *smiles*