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Friday, April 2nd, 2004
10:38 am - So what have I been up to?
Well, a lot of thinking about everything. I was talking to someone the other day and he touched something in me that hasn't been touched in a very long time. A place I had buried long ago. By doing this he sparked so many questions about my life and who I am that I couldn't begin to tell you. My life right now is rather pointless and I think it's been like that for some time. Originally I was content in my ignorance at just how pointless my life had gotten. Not anymore. That's a large part as to why I'm in Texas right now. I came to visit my mother, but that's a joke. She works like twelve hour days and I never get to see her. Steve hasn't been working at all on the other house so even when I manage to get a job down here I'll still end up staying with my mom...at least for awhile. She's rather irritating me. I'm not even aloud to wear my pendant because it's a symbol of my religion and she thinks it's evil or something. I don't know right now. All this time I thought that people were avoiding me, but I come to find out they think I'm avoiding them.

It's not a lot but at least it's something......

current mood: lonely

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Wednesday, November 5th, 2003
3:46 pm - What do I say? What do I do?
Well, I have to post this somewhere and I see no reason why not here. The longer I stay here with my grandmother the less welcome I feel. I'm leaving tonight. I'm putting myself out on the street. I can't handle being a strain to her and I can't stand not feeling welcome in the only home I've had for the past five years. Besides I don't want to stay here with Ray and Debbie.

Anthony is going to be hella pissed and what not, but maybe I'll get lucky and he'll understand. Riiight. Anywho. Neal probably won't even know since I can't seem to get in touch with him no matter how hard I try and he obviously doesn't care anyways since he hasn't even so much as sent me an email. As for Daniel...well...who knows what he'll have to say...or if he'll even read this....oh well I guess....

See ya

current mood: crushed

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Thursday, July 10th, 2003
9:18 pm - When are you gonna understand...
I guess I could do an email of this instead of posting it here, but I don't want to. Why is it that a certain person can't understand how much I love him and that, that's why I have such a hard time talking to him? See, when your feelings are as strong as mine are for him and they've lasted as long as these ones have it starts to hurt not being with that person. I mean how long has it been? Four, five years? You get to that point where you have to put a stop to things or go crazy from the pain....

current mood: depressed

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Tuesday, July 8th, 2003
11:25 pm - Reposted......just for you
As I sit here sipping my French Vanilla flavored coffee I'm trying to remember what all I was going to talk about in this entry. It's so odd. I had so much to say, and now I can't seem to remember a single word of it. Well here goes something, I guess.

Let's see, to start with most of you probably know I just got back from Neal's a little over a week ago. You probably also know about what transpired there. If you don't......email me and I might tell you d= I had a lot of fun spending time with Neal again. It brought back a lot of memories and it's nice to have things back to....well normal isn't the right word, but whatever. Oh yeah that reminds me, for those certain people out there who really enjoy trying to screw things up......give it up no one has been able to make either of us give up and no one will. You're only going to end up screwing yourself over in the end...........Anywho back to the actual entry... ^_^ While at Neal's, him and I both made a lot of (re)discoveries about ourselves and each other. There's nothing equal to spending time with someone you care about, learning the new things about them and their lives and sharing in the memories of the old things you both shared. The sorted details of my stay are my business and those who are close to me, so in other words.........I love ya man, but don't ask d=

Anthony just left my house yesterday. He came to see me for his monthly visit....only this time was so different. It's the first time we've spent time together here and not been a couple. It was actually kinda hard. We did a lot of arguing. I hurt him pretty badly and I feel horrid about it. He does understand though, and he is still my best friend.......the only one closer to me is Dan........but that's a different story......I'll be seeing Anthony every day come the 4th of August. I sort of have mixed feelings on the subject though. I mean it's going to be hard to be around him so much, but at the same time I'll have someone close to me that's actually......close to me........ d= I'm sure everything should turn out great.....

I have a question.... why is it that nearly every time I go anywhere by myself some guy tries to pick me up? When I moved to Az in 2001 I went walking one night and this guy was following me around in his truck trying to get me to talk to him for like, an hour.....I even told him I had a husband that was gonna be home soon so I had to hurry and get back...... (I was actually talking about Neal....so it's not like I was totally lying... d= ) He still didn't leave me alone....Again, when I was in Az to visit Neal I went for a walk to the 7-11 and two different guys hit on me........one was like.....at least five years younger than me..... Then, just yesterday after Anthony left on the Metrolink I went down to the bus stop and some other guy starts in....it's irritating. I'd hate to actually be pretty cause if guys hit on me looking the way I do as often as they do......well you "hot" chicks out there must have one hell of a time trying to do anything!

In other news, my computer is flipping out...or was. I think I got it fixed now though. Most of my days are now filled with packing up boxes while either watching my new TV ( =D ), watching a movie/listening to music on my new DVD player ( =D ), or playing Mario Party on the N64 My Dearest Neal-ashke gave me. I also just got Darkstone for my Playstation (Which Neal-ashke also gave me =D ) I'm addicted to Mario Party though. I've got blisters on the palm of my right hand from playing it so much...Although it pisses me off and I tend to swear a lot...specially like with what happened the last time I played. I was in first place with ten stars....no one could touch me...the second place guy had two stars and Anthony was in third with one star and tons of coins........well I got chance time and ended up switching all my stars with Anthony.....with only three turns left. I was so pissed off I turned the game off. I'm trying to work on my swearing though. I don't know when or why I started doing it as often as I do. I used to almost never do it. Neal brought to my attention just how much I do swear when I was down there.....and now it bugs me... d= thanks Neal, Love you....pain in my ass d=

That does remind me of something else though. I don't know how many of you know that I'm anemic, but I am. The doctor (and my parents constantly remind me of this) said that it's probably because when I was growing up I didn't eat much meat and didn't get the proper iron because of that. Well ever since I was about nine years old I had decided that I wanted to become a vegetarian, so I didn't eat much meat. I absolutely hate the taste of beef and the only thing I actually like the taste of is chicken....but I can live without it. I never became a vegetarian due to the fact that I had to have the iron so I had to eat beef all the time in order to maintain my iron otherwise I was literally to tired to get out of bed. I tend to be a bit of a natrualist so I never took iron pills because I hate taking pills. The only time I do take them, even now, is when I get one of my migraines. Anyways, I'm getting off subject. For the past two or three years I've been considering trying to become a vegetarian since I never actually stopped wanting that. I always told myself I would become one after I was on my own, in my own place when I could cook and eat what I wanted (we had strict rules in my mom's house about eating/food). Well, here I am 23 and I haven't changed in habits or desires. I still desire to become a vegetarian, but I don't know what all I'd have to do in order to make up for what I'm lacking....since it's more than most people I know. Well, Anthony knows a young lady at the Cs who is anemic and she's very active and what not. He was talking to her about it and she told him all the pills/vitamins she takes in order to have so much energy and be healthy (lack of energy is a huge problem for me and it gets worse and worse......that would be a major part of why I'm not in shape anymore ^^;;; ) Well he forgot all of them......so I'm gonna talk to her sometime shortly after I get up there....Hopefully by the end of this year, with the help of various different pills and some Reliv (it's various different natural drinks that help various parts of the body.....works really great...if you're curious as to what it is ask me and I'll go more into details d= ).....I'll finally obtain that which I've desired for nearly fifteen years....

Well, I guess I didn't do to badly for myself this time did I? I remembered most of what I wanted to say I think......and then some. One last thing though........there's a few people I haven't seen for awhile so if any of you guys talk to/see them online then let them know Miss Kitty misses 'em alright? Lemme see.... Divine/Nik/Ryco (I know why he's not around, but I still miss him..... ), Evian/Evan (he said something about his computer being fried, but I thought he got it fixed... ) and Adem/Adam (His mom IMed me not long ago and told me he'll be back in....was it a week or a month...damn don't remember........oh well...... )

Well, that's it for this bimonthly report.....tune in to "Cat's Life" somewhere about this time in about two months or so...... d=

current mood: distressed

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Tuesday, June 17th, 2003
8:46 pm - blah
I bascially just need something to show how text and my posts in general will look...so....here it goes.. ^^

current mood: artistic

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