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Tuesday, September 28th, 2004
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1:51 pm - LONG time...
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Its been ages since writing in here_ life (AKA the art of not trying to fail) is currently on track, altho as with every1 a little wobbly :P
There are periods in one's life when all is catatonia_ an empty silence filled with so much sweeping of dust and the rushing of wind, but words fail_ you cant speak or talk, only recite mechanically while your senses are overloaded by emptiness. Its a sterile and painful enviroment, but filled with the promise of the cacoon_ a chrysalis out of which you emerge whole and renewed, or at least a little mutated.
This has been my mind for a while now, no creativity or energy to write or draw, just this web and silence.
It will pass_ I just hope what emerges is more adaptive than what went in.
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| Tuesday, July 27th, 2004
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3:30 pm - As you wish Miss Meggy
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1. Copy this whole list into your journal.
2. Put a * next to the things that are true to you.
01. I miss somebody right now *
02. I don't watch much TV these days *
03. I love olives
04. I love sleeping
05. I own lots of books *
06. I wear glasses or contact lenses
07. I love to play video games.. the racing ones
09. I've watched porn movies *
10. I have been in a threesome *
11. I have been the psycho-ex in a past relationship
12. I believe honesty is usually the best policy *
13. I have acne free skin *
14. I like and respect Al Sharpton
15. I curse frequently *
16. I have changed a lot mentally over the last year *
17. I have a hobby *
18. I've been told I: (women) have a nice butt, (men) am packing. *
19. I carry my knife/razor everywhere with me
20. I'm really, really smart
21. I've never broken someone's bones
22. I have a secret that I am ashamed to reveal *
23. I hate the rain
24. I'm paranoid at times *
25. I would get plastic surgery *
26. I need money right now! *
27. I love Sushi *
28. I talk really, really fast
29. I have fresh breath in the morning
30. I have semi-long hair *
31. I have lost money in Las Vegas
32. I have at least one brother and/or one sister
33. I was born in a country outside of the U.S.
34. I shave my legs (females) or face (males) on a regular basis *
35. I have a twin
36. I have worn fake hair/nails/eyelashes in the past *
37. I couldn't survive without Caller I.D.
38. I like the way that I look *
39. I have lied to a good friend in the last 6 months
40. I know how to do cornrows
41. I am usually pessimistic *
42. I have mood swings *
43. I think prostitution should be legalized *
44. I think Britney Spears is hot
45. I have cheated on a significant other in the past
46. I have a hidden talent
47. I'm always hyper no matter how much sugar I have
48. I think that I'm popular
49. I am always single
50. I have kissed someone of the same sex *
51. I enjoy talking on the phone *
52. I practically live in sweatpants or PJ pants
53. I love to shop. *
54. I would rather shop than eat
55. I would classify myself as ghetto.
56. I'm bourgie and have worn a sweater tied around my shoulders
57. I'm obsessed with my Livejournal
58. I don't hate anyone.
59. I'm a pretty good dancer
60. I don't think Mike Tyson raped Desiree Washington
61. I'm completely embarrassed to be seen with my mother
62. I have a cell phone *
63. I erased this because I don't know
64. I watch MTV on a daily basis
65. I have passed out drunk in the past 6 months.
66. I love drama *
67. I have never been in a real relationship before
68. I've rejected someone before *
69. I currently have a crush on someone *
70. I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life *
71. I want to have children in the future *
72. I have changed a diaper before
73. I've called the cops on a friend before
74. I bite my nails
75. I am a member of the Tom Green fan club
76. I'm not allergic to anything *
77. I have a lot to learn *
78. I have dated someone at least 10 years older or younger
79. I plan on seeing Ice Cube's newest "Friday" movie
80. I am very shy around the opposite sex sometimes
81. I'm online 24/7
82. I have at least 5 away messages saved *
83. I have tried alcohol or drugs before *
84. I have made a move on a friend's significant other in the past
85. I own the "South Park" movie
86. I have avoided assignments at work or school to be on Livejournal *
87. When I was a kid I played "the birds and the bees" with a neighbor or chum *
88. I enjoy country music
89. I would die for my best friends *
90. I think that Debonairs has the best pizza * [edit]
91. I watch soap operas whenever I can
92. I'm obsessive, anal retentive, and often a perfectionist
93. I have used my sexuality to advance my career
94. I love Michael Jackson, scandals and all
95. I know all the words to Slick Rick's "Children's Story"
96. Halloween is awesome because you get free candy *
97. I watch Spongebob Squarepants and I like it
98. I have dated a close friend's ex
99. I'm happy as of this moment *
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2:25 pm - Seething backwards
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Ok i am having a REAL aversion/ rejection/ allergic reaction to these campus crowds- these milling sheep in dkny and levi's, rich kids with daddies credit card in their pockets and daddy's money up their nose. The rambling religious right ambushing 'those' [me incl] people with silly pamphlets filled with hate speek and bleeting lambs. All this bubble atmosphere of guppies and minnows peeking, winking and giggling while issuing classist bull on the one cheek and racist subtext on the other. Fronting, fronting, fronting does not a real person make. They are the anti-life, killers of art and love and anything real because the moment truth is spoken they jack-rape it until its all the same.
Non makers, they 'collect' and archive and edit until anything is simulacrad. You. Me. our words and our tastes.
How do you fight that which doesnt resist, it just assimilates unconsciously swallowing u up until you look like them and they like you and we look like nothing.
Bah. my flava is my own. if u cant do it,
make your fucking own.
No, wait, you cant make can you? you can only buy it you fuck.
current mood:  pissed off
current music: Bile
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8:19 am - Busy Dayz
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Ok, decision made and the previous entries situation resolved- as best as anything can be resolved.
Course load this semester is going to be..interesting [w1d0w desperately avoids looking at the wall socket as a way out]. Ah, perhaps it would be more efiicient to tell what course I'm doing for all those blurty subbers out there. Honours in Eng. Lit. Althugh mostly stuffed with historical repeat-drivel, an odd title or two sticks out. Grab yourself a copy of 'The Collector" by John Fowles_ butterfly collecting man kidnaps girl and the relationship=- scenario between them. A must read for those into the creepy and the psycho-analytical.
More l8r.
current mood:  determined
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| Tuesday, July 20th, 2004
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10:10 am - Confused Abused Elated
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I hate life splitting decisions, the kind that strip the sleep from your lobes and render you unable to feel much except the weight of the judgement. I have to make a choice: In fact, I have no choice. No choice except to rush the snow, cross my balls and hope to come out bleeding only a little. Whatz worse is thats all about the green_ will i have enough to do it? Can i push hard enough to get enuff? I ABHOR this kind of profit-loss decision making_ where abstract cash is getting in the way of my happiness. I have no choice. I cannot cope without cutting my options in half which is where the money runs out. I only have enough to complete this business if i stayed on track right now. But the railroad is too busy and I'm gonna kill the commuters and myself if i carry on this way. I trust that my luck will hold, nerves wont snap and my heart doesnt break as the noise starts cuttin me finely, slowly, painfully.
Whining? Too bad. U see a gun anywhere?
current mood: stressed
current music: AphexTwin "Ventolin"
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| Thursday, July 15th, 2004
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10:17 am - Anticipation
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Thoughts ricochet down corridors accelerated by my skin itching electric molecular eyes hardening sharpening breathing deep and low the pulse is quickening the flesh tightening smelling the air tasting autumn coming up with memory bound the image creeping keeping me locked rocked ready to run hide bite taste lick serve and move my heart intense mind fractal until she comes and gets me.
I'm waiting in the lab.Are u coming?
current mood:  anxious
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8:11 am - Settling in
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The first week of a new semester is always filled with contradictions:
I hesitate to call it excitement, but the 'tingle' for the new matieral is there. Inevitably, it crashes once the slave monkey nature of academia kicks in. The unbelievable hordes of muggles on the campus byways, yattering and dicing with each other on whatever muggles yak about.Old friends, new enemies and the faceless 'hi' and 'bye' that fill the gap. Schmoozing, boozing, lying and crying in the air and riddling the tarmac. Memories cut into the alcoves and the alleys off the highway.
Bah.
current mood:  curious
current music: Type 0 Negative "All Hallows Eve"
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| Thursday, July 8th, 2004
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3:10 pm - New Phase
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[I find it somewhat amusing that a web diary in some wayz is designed to be read publicly, yet with hundreds of pages here at Blurty your entries are almost guarrenteed anonymity.]
Finished moving in_broke the lounge in the usual way: Coffe, cig's and a LAN. Good vibe goin on here, clean and cold: away from the alchoholic abuse and the incessant questions. Looking forward to lickin the windows of the old granny livin downstairs and generally causing irritation.
4 moonrises until my Lady getz back from Tel-A.
Hope smells like sandalwood.
current mood:  hopeful
current music: Aphex Twin "Cyclau Beats"
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| Tuesday, July 6th, 2004
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10:35 am
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Movers are arriving with my stuff for the my pad. w00t.
Finished another discharge
for my web-site.
Go look if you interested.
current mood: rushed
current music: Chemlab "Monkey God"
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| Friday, July 2nd, 2004
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11:42 am
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First access time to this blog service. Wet feet, slow thoughts_ need time to figure out what parameters this journal is gonna be run in. I must say tho, the spread for blurty is very cosmop in outlook.
Finish moving first, then dick around here.
l8r to any1 who stopped by.
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