| How I feel |
[22 Sep 2006|09:02am] |
Seeing as I can't type what I need to type on myspace it's good to go still have the old blurt account hanging around. I'm not going to update my life or anything because it's pretty much sensless...soooo....
Joseph ha asked me to stop telling him all of the things he does wrong (especially at 7 in the morning) fair? definetly. So here is where I will complain...even though I think this is much larger then a complaint.
We've been back together for almost a week now and I have asked him repeatedly to just make it up to me. (lying/treating me like shit) I asked him try and win back my heart, and wow he did...really...for a day. One fucking day. and all he did was send me a bagillion text and voicemail messages...which was sweet, and I loved it, I just figure that after breaking someones heart you would try...idk like being sweet more then just a day...idk. Last night his roommate left some water on and the kitchen flooded, and water was dripping down the apartments below theirs. I helped his rommie clean up and I used one of joseph's towels, thinking that richard would have washed all of the towels before he left...which he didn't. So joseph sees the towels, and the mess, and he gets pissed...at me. for using his towel. Ummmm there were no more fucking towels in the entire apartment...what was I supposed to do? He was pissed about the situation and took it out on me.
I feel myself pulling away from him slowly. He doesn't love me like he used to. When we would sleep he used to make sure that I was comfortable, last night i was forced to sleep on the floor.
I'm so pissed that he isn't trying to make this all up to me! I revolved my life around him, chose him over my parents...I've done everything for him...fucking drive him around for 8 months, let him repeatedly break my heart and always forgive him...for what?
It's obvious that he doesn't feel for me the way he should. He should be the one jumping through hoops and ladders...not me. I did nothign wrong. Yet i feel compelled to keep us working...why?
He used to love me the way I love him....write me poetry, talk about our future, everything. I feel like we're still together because we're afraid to be alone. We're comfortable.
I have to ask him to give me a hug/kiss me/have sex with me. None of this comes to him naturally. Not the mention the sex has not even been close to what it was 6 months ago...my pleasure isn't as important and it doesn't last as long (which is what people told me...but damnnnnn).
I asked for Joseph back and that was the dumbest decsion I have ever made. He should have came for me. He didn't even fight me when I broke up for him. He was showing me it was for the best and I didn't see it.
I feel myself falling out of love and it is the saddest experience of my life. I don't want him anymore. I really did see him as my husband, as the father of my children one day, but when it comes down to it, why? I care for him much more then he cares for me, and as much as he hates to hear it, I love him more. He has yet to show me otherwise.
I'm afraid to break up with him but I know it'll happen in a few days. For good this time. He stopped being the man I feel for...he stopped loving me. I'm like his best friend who he sleeps with when she asks. I'm fucking pathetic...I hate this
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fill me with artifical sweetner
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| This is the only safe place |
[04 Jul 2006|01:15pm] |
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 pissed off |
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music |
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system of a down |
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I need to vent! This is the only palce where i'm safe from my roommate. Haha. I fucking hate this place HATE IT. My roommates labeled everything in the house....EVERYTHING....I DON'T EVEN EAT THEIR STUFF. My roommates are assholes and I really hope something terrible happends to them...I'm really not htat type of person...i'm really forgivign and patient...but they can't stand me and they make it obvious. I am not welcomed in my own home. I spend more time at Joseph's then at my own place...and he shares a room with someone. I really want out of my lease and stay with joseph but my parents would NOT have it. Not in the least. Me and Joseph will be getting married in April so at least i get out of my lease one month early....fucky fucks. I wish i could be more mature about this...but no luck.
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(1 filled me with sweet fakness) fill me with artifical sweetner
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| *hick* |
[01 Nov 2005|03:01pm] |
i know i said i wouldn't update this...but i just love these pictures...this is last night (halloween) it was fun...oh and it has a few pictures of the boy for you guys
             i don't know how to put pictures next to captions so here are my captions 1. Joseph will kill you 2. John is hot like whoa! 3. boobs please 4. grab my boobies one more time 5. pass out time 6. we are the couple that makes you go "chicka bow wow" 7. slutragious! 8. my skirt is short..deal 9. Hammer time 10. joseph is not afraid to keep it gansta 11. john has more toys then i ever had in my life 12. i'm tired...he's crazy...i love it 13. courtney is a polar bear...rawr
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(2 filled me with sweet fakness) fill me with artifical sweetner
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| whoa. |
[17 Aug 2005|10:20am] |
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Wow i haven't used this thing is god knows how long, and this should be the last time i use it, but im keeping it open just so i can get to some of my old entries. I just wanted anyone who reads this to know what happend to me. But first i owe a big big thank you to JEN, jen if you read this i talked to you one day after i took 23 asprin (sorry for lying about how much i took) I ended up hallucinating pretty badly and i was really scared, but just you talking to me helped me focus on what you were saying instead of the things that i was hearing. You told me to go get help from a doctor, which was good because it felt like one person actually cared about me.
So after that, and after my last entry I have never even opened a bottle of medicine, just the smell makes me sick. Not that i have even felt remotely suicidal since that day
But here is some more happy new. I graduated highschool (just barely) and had an amazing prom. I don't drink (well not really) anymore because it just isn't fun anymore. CJ (a guy i used to post religiously about) told me he loved me, but it was much too late because
I'M IN LOVE. Madly in love with joseph, the same guy in my "lastest" post. In fact the silly boy asked me to marry him. I said yes (i'm well aware of how young i am. But i knwo this is right, and if some reason it isn't we set the date to be at least two years in the future). We are so freaking happy it makes everyone around us a bit ill.
In sad news my bestfriend/sister moved to colorado and i am still really upset about that
and i start college in a week and i'm nervous as hell.
ok well again, thanks jen for talking to me on numerous occasions. And although my political views are no where near yours i always respected your opinion
Michelle, you know how much i love you and your writing...i'm glad i found you on myspace
kerry, you freaking rock, your post always made me smile and i wish i could of chatted with you more
you guys are basically the only ones that paid attention to me on this site.
I'm a bit different then the naive girl who began this account and i hope i grew into a more responsible adult, even though i'm not quite there yet.
if you guys ever want to email me it's now noelleabella@hotmail.com aim vinlover404
thanks for you time!
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(10 filled me with sweet fakness) fill me with artifical sweetner
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[05 Mar 2005|09:56am] |
my mom bought me and my brother bibles...i think she's on to us...
In other news, my throat is killing me! My tonsils are all red and blochy looking and i keep bitching about it...sorry guys, i gargled with asprin and hot water, i hope it doesn't work cause i need to go to the doctor. My boss said i need a note because i missed three days (epp) i think i'll get fired if i don't have a note. Well i'm off to do something somewhat productive, or maybe make some phone calls. Love you all.
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(4 filled me with sweet fakness) fill me with artifical sweetner
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[24 Feb 2005|07:50pm] |
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It's snowing outside, i got the whole day off! Woo! Can someon explain this to me, how come when you're dating someone, every guy you've known since 3rd grade seems to be intrested in you...well not everyone, but you get the point. Weird
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(4 filled me with sweet fakness) fill me with artifical sweetner
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| THIS YEAR I WILL TRY |
[31 Dec 2004|03:49pm] |
1.)To skip school less
2.) To get good grades
3.) To figure out what the hell i'm going to do with my life
4.) to get something pierce/tattooed
5.) to stop biting my nails
6.) To stop smoking
7.)To make this relationship last as long as humanly possible
8.) To lose 10-20 pounds
Heehee now here are some newish pictures of me, if your in xlikexwhoax you prolly already seen these
 rock on mofos!!!
 me trying to be scandolous
 me slightly frightened by the flash of the camera
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fill me with artifical sweetner
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[21 Sep 2004|03:56pm] |
Dear girl in lime green shirt,
I would like to appologize to you today for laughing at you really hard and pointing, that was not a very cool thing for me to do. You must of been unaware of the fact that everyone could see your boobs through your lime green shirt after they fell out of your push up bra. Maybe the right thing to do was to tap you on your shoulder and say "hey, i can see your tits" But i took the cowards way out and laughed till i teared up instead, and for that i am greatly sorry. I am ashamed of myself and hopefully i won't be seeing you or your tits, cause it would make me feel bad.
Yours truely,
Noelle...a.k.a. the girl who was pointing and laughing along with the rest of the table
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(13 filled me with sweet fakness) fill me with artifical sweetner
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[15 Aug 2004|07:37pm] |
HEY EVERYONE. FOR NOW ON I'M GOING TO KEEP THIS SITE "FRIENDS ONLY" CAUSE MY DAD IS CONVINCED THAT I'M GOING TO GET STALKED OR SOMETHING BY STRANGERS...NOT THAT THIS HELPS MUCH, BUT MEH...IT PUT HIM AT EASE...PLUS HE WAS READING MY STUFF EPP!
 
  
ADD ME AND BE ADDED MOFOS
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(4 filled me with sweet fakness) fill me with artifical sweetner
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[12 Aug 2004|08:04pm] |
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Jo just came back from her grandparents and she brought me back a vin diesel poster cause she loves me. I know i wrote a post yesterday...i don't know where it is but it's not on here and that is not cool. I left the house for a few moments to walk dominoe and talk to jo and joseph. Joseph still looks hot...i don't know what he has been doing but it looks really good. For those who don't know jo= girl joseph=boy. Jo's real name is ashley and everyone has been calling her that lately but i'm very attached to the idea of calling a girl jo...so i'm calling her that til she all old and chewing her apple sause with her gums.
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fill me with artifical sweetner
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[06 Aug 2004|11:57pm] |
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Alex invited me to go to a night club with him next friday woo! For anyone who doesn't know alex is the guy at my job from argentina who i am obessed with. So if someone could turn me 21 and can teach me spanish in one day i would really appreciate that. HOLY CRAP. At the same time i was saying that CJ...my old crush just asked me out on a date. What did i do today...all i did was...nothing i didn't even leave the house...holy crap i'm in heaven.
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(3 filled me with sweet fakness) fill me with artifical sweetner
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| snubbed 3 times in one week...go me! |
[04 Aug 2004|05:57pm] |
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ugh, it sucks being happy for people when you want to do what they are doing. Joseph went to warped tour which i would have given my left arm to go to (well maybe not my whole arm...maybe like a finger nail or something), and jo got offered a job at the one place i wanted to work at since i was 13 and if i would have filled out the application right i may have been offered the job too but nooooooo. Elise is with someone great and i'm really reallly realllly happy for her. So yeah, i may be the happiest most bitter person on earth. But hey, even if i do get snubbed for all of the good stuff, at least i can make being a boring bitter person really relaxing...bath time.
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(2 filled me with sweet fakness) fill me with artifical sweetner
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[29 Jul 2004|11:41pm] |
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music |
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the police (under pressure) |
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My grandma just got here from buffalo. I hate airports but i love her so i went. And we of course were waiting around for an hour looking for her, not even realizing that her plane hasn't even arrived yet. I have a suprise party to go to for one of my cousins who is turning 40 i believe. I have about 500 cousins...just on my dad's side. Hmmm i'm sure that one of them is really famous and i can get them to speak to my graduating class. Wow...i'm really graduating this year, yet i don't feel any older or any more prepared for the future. However for some reason i much less stressed out about college and everything, cause i know my parents are really going to support me. Unless i decided that i just want to mooch off of them...at that point i would be formally kicked out.
I think on saturday i am going to ask ryan for his phone number, which is really unlike me cause i refuse to do things like that. Call me traditional or just scared but i never ask the guy hardly anything first. But obviously that is getting me no where. My dad calls Ryan Opie because he has red hair. That isn't cool...especially when ryan heard him say that. But you know what...i don't care because he is a really nice guy. He's funny, he's sweet, and he is really cute. Plus there is a good chance that he may like me. So I think i'm going to go and take a chance. But knowing me i'll back up. I think my dad forgot about my mystery date thank god. Thank goodness for bad memories
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fill me with artifical sweetner
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[28 Jul 2004|07:14pm] |
i am crazy happy because i just figured out how to put music on my xanga. I don't know how to put it on here but you can read the lyrics...even though you should be pretty familiar with Queen...and if your not...i'm sure you would remember that song in Wanes world that they sing in the car.Is this the real life-
Is this just fantasy-
Caught in a landslide-
No escape from reality-
Open your eyes
Look up to the skies and see-
I'm just a poor boy,I need no sympathy-
Because I'm easy come,easy go,
A little high,little low,
Anyway the wind blows,doesn't really matter to me,
To me
Mama,just killed a man,
Put a gun against his head,
Pulled my trigger,now he's dead,
Mama,life had just begun,
But now I've gone and thrown it all away-
Mama ooo,
Didn't mean to make you cry-
If I'm not back again this time tomorrow-
Carry on,carry on,as if nothing really matters-
Too late,my time has come,
Sends shivers down my spine-
Body's aching all the time,
Goodbye everybody-I've got to go-
Gotta leave you all behind and face the truth-
Mama ooo- (any way the wind blows)
I don't want to die,
I sometimes wish I'd never been born at all-
I see a little silhouetto of a man,
Scaramouche,scaramouche will you do the Fandango-
Thunderbolt and lightning-very very frightening me-
Galileo,Galileo,
Galileo Galileo
Galileo figaro-Magnifico-
But I'm just a poor boy and nobody loves me-
He's just a poor boy from a poor family-
Spare him his life from this monstrosity-
Easy come easy go-,will you let me go-
Bismillah! No-,we will not let you go-let him go-
Bismillah! We will not let you go-let him go
Bismillah! We will not let you go-let me go
Will not let you go-let me go
Will not let you go let me go
No,no,no,no,no,no,no-
Mama mia,mama mia,mama mia let me go-
Beelzebub has a devil put aside for me,for me,for me-
So you think you can stone me and spit in my eye-
So you think you can love me and leave me to die-
Oh baby-Can't do this to me baby-
Just gotta get out-just gotta get right outta here-
Nothing really matters,
Anyone can see,
Nothing really matters-,nothing really matters to me,
Any way the wind blows....
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(5 filled me with sweet fakness) fill me with artifical sweetner
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[22 Jul 2004|10:01am] |
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happy shiny people (rem) |
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Ok...i just got honked at checking my mail in my pajamas. If that doesn't call for some sort of celebration i don't know what does. Someone break out the fondue. Cause ain't no party like a fondue party cause a fondue party don't stop. Yes...the summer has offically fried most of my brain cells.
We just got a computer that we can actually use downstairs. Woo hoo. So tha means i can update a bit better now. Until i go to buffalo which should be the week after next week. I'm going to go visit my grandma...i think she may be sick and my dad has a "bad feeling" which is not really putting me at any ease.
But for all of you that are sitting at your computer wondering "hey...what has noelle been up to lately?" Man you are in for a treat. For the month that i have been off of school i have managed to now work *woo* two days a week!. I have watched countless amounts of mindless television. Ate way to many tv dinners and i have eaten out in resteraunts almost 4 times a week which with my paycheck has left me with about $4 in the bank. Wow...this summer sure is something. I mean this is wayyyy better then last summer where i actually met guys and had dates, and drank every now and then. Nope this is way better because as we speak there is a new man in my life waiting for me upstairs. And his name is Uncle Ben.
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(4 filled me with sweet fakness) fill me with artifical sweetner
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| my dad's blind date for me...epp |
[16 Jul 2004|12:10am] |
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we are the champions by queen...queen rocks....hardcore haha |
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Today after spending some time with sir joseph and jo i came home and cooked and stuff for everyone and my parents came home. My dad was all agrevated about something, but today he was cracking me up. He kept yelling at me because he couldn't hear me and i actually told him to chill out which is a no no in this household. But he laughed. Woo hoo for that. He informed me that he found me boyfriend (um what?). Not only did he inform me that he found me a boyfriend, but that this "young man" will be coming over. (WHAT?!) He won't even tell me who it is cause it's a surprise. SURPRISE! He is going to be a looooser. I know he is, cause my dad wants me to marry an engineer like him. Engineers tend to be shy, which is cute and all, but i'm passive. And how do two passive people ever really...i don't know, click? I asked him if he had a nose, limbs, and a somewhat decent personailty...which he responded with yes. Hmm i am afraid...very afraid. Later we watch the rundown with the Rock, and Sean William Scott. Plus Christopher Walkens is in it...he is too cool for words.
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(12 filled me with sweet fakness) fill me with artifical sweetner
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[14 Jul 2004|11:30pm] |
This really isn't that funny...i just wanted to read it again and again cause joseph never says baby mama and now we have proof don't we
vinlover404: hello again
TroubledMind82: hi
vinlover404: what did you do today?
TroubledMind82: nothng
TroubledMind82: why
TroubledMind82: what about you
vinlover404: when do i ever do anything
TroubledMind82: lol
TroubledMind82: funny
TroubledMind82: so whats new
vinlover404: meh nothing much...i mean i found a new vortex into space...but besides that nothing
TroubledMind82: lol
TroubledMind82: for real
vinlover404: yeah, it was pretty awsome...but i got bored of traveling through time so i came back
vinlover404: did you know in another life you are a male gigalo?
TroubledMind82: really
TroubledMind82: wow i knew it
vinlover404: lol
TroubledMind82: did you talk to your woman today
vinlover404: oh damn...me and my woman talked today...but she gave me lip so i had to give her a taste of my backhand
TroubledMind82: lol
TroubledMind82: right
TroubledMind82: i found a showing for before sunset at 9;40
vinlover404: woo hoo
vinlover404: are you going to go see it with your sister
TroubledMind82: no by my self..
vinlover404: aww, why don't you bring megan
TroubledMind82: she is working
TroubledMind82: maybe i can wait for her..
vinlover404: cool beans.
vinlover404: no hooking up in the movie theater ...you'll miss the movie
TroubledMind82: lol
TroubledMind82: ill try not too
vinlover404: hmmm i have my eye on you
vinlover404: omg
TroubledMind82: lol
TroubledMind82: ok
vinlover404: omg
TroubledMind82: what
vinlover404: why did my dad just warn me not to put up naked pictures of myself?
TroubledMind82: lol
TroubledMind82: did you talk to ash
vinlover404: yeah
TroubledMind82: oh thats cool
TroubledMind82: what about
vinlover404: idk, i couldn't hear her because courtney and erick were talking so loud in the backround
TroubledMind82: lol ok
vinlover404: but we are going to have lunch tomorrow
TroubledMind82: neat
TroubledMind82: lunch lol
vinlover404: i know it sounds like i'm soo busy or something "yeah i'll pencil you in at lunch, how does that sound? Don't call my people we'll call your people"
TroubledMind82: lol
TroubledMind82: well i guess you are fast freinds with her now
vinlover404: lol
vinlover404: i know
TroubledMind82: lol
TroubledMind82: does she still hate me
vinlover404: no
vinlover404: how do you spell cenical?
TroubledMind82: snif snif...what the world com etoo
TroubledMind82: i dunno why
vinlover404: no reason
vinlover404: huh
vinlover404: u are so weird
vinlover404: lol
TroubledMind82: why
TroubledMind82: makes you want me even more right
vinlover404: oh damn baby you know it
TroubledMind82: right on
Vinlover404: lol
TroubledMind82: when is your llunch date
vinlover404: i don't know
vinlover404: my people haven't called her people with a time yet
TroubledMind82: oh ok
TroubledMind82: lol
TroubledMind82: well tell that ho i said hi
TroubledMind82: now i gotta go and be with my baby's mama'
vinlover404: uh oh
TroubledMind82: she gone and got her self felt up
TroubledMind82: bye
vinlover404: u and your baby mama
vinlover404: lol
vinlover404: bye
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fill me with artifical sweetner
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[12 Jul 2004|08:07pm] |
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 lazy |
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music |
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maps (yeah yeah yeahs) |
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The summer has left me pretty much bored. I have been watching horrible television and i can feel my brain rotting inside of my own head. Woo hoo...that feels pretty cool. But i did rewatch the Shawshank Redemption...which is maybe one of the best movies...of all time. However i have been watching a bunch of reality tv shows which took off the effect of watching the movie. I have been wasting so much time, it's crazy. I actually slept 15 hours yesterday...15 hours...that is madness. I'm wearing a football jersey and gym shorts...things are getting out of hand. I must say it...i'm looking mighty sloppy, which is pretty much my anti-look. But i must say (and i'm not saying it again), looking and being this lazy feels awsome!
On a side note...did anyone ever notice that Rod Steward and Melissa Ethrage have the same freaking voice. I was listening to the first cut is the deepest which miss crow just redid. And i swore it was melissa...i'm offically weirded out.
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(3 filled me with sweet fakness) fill me with artifical sweetner
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[12 Jul 2004|07:42pm] |
Figures...my inner child is just a few months younger then i am.
My inner child is sixteen years old!
Life's not fair! It's never been fair, but while
adults might just accept that, I know
something's gotta change. And it's gonna
change, just as soon as I become an adult and
get some power of my own.
How Old is Your Inner Child?
brought to you by Quizilla
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fill me with artifical sweetner
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