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Friday, September 19th, 2008
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11:41 pm - Settling In
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Hi everyone. First update in my new place to let you guys know how I've been doing. Well, I'm doing fine, and settling in to life here at Riverside pretty well. Temperatures are cooler than Las Vegas, yes, but it still averages 90-98 degree with more humidity than I'm used to. But hey, it cools off to about 65 degree at night, and cools immediately after the sun sets, and is cool in the morning until about 10am. So, I'm happy with the weather, any cooler and I would probably be too cold.
I haven't started lab work or my classes yet (that's next week), so I've been making sure that I have everything taken care of before Monday. I've gotten my CA Driver's License and Car registration and AAA Car Insurance done. I've had Charter Cable and Internet installed and am NOT looking forward to their shitty service and high prices (if any of you are curious, they rate the worst on consumer reports, and you have to pay your bill for the UPcoming month of service and not after the service month... stupid). I have new CA Bank of America accounts, and have closed the Nevada accounts. I have paid my own Life Insurance policies that my dad started and I inherited this year. I've paid for my brand new refridgerator, stocked up on my food, unpacked all the boxes, built my new TV center and coffee table and recycled all the card board boxes to my dad. So, I've been pretty busy.
I just had Graduate School Orientation today, and yestruday I had my program orientation. I"m excited and eager to start working, and have pretty much settled all the school related issues.... like I have my own ID card, and I've signed up for services of health insurance and web services.
Come next week, I'll be jumping in head first. Lab rotations and one class. I also have Lab Training and workshops to attend next week too.
I've been biking to school, since it's literally a mile away... takes about 20 minutes to get to the center of school. It's weird, I haven't biked in so long that my butt hurts! lol. I'll get used to it. I also can take a campus shuttle that picks up outside of the UCR undergrad apartments, which are right next to my complex. So on days I don't feel like biking, I have that option. And of course, I can walk, it'll just take longer.
Personally, I've been doing alright. I've been stressed and anxious for awhile, but I'm moving past that...slowly. I haven't been too lonely yet, but I do miss having compaionship for my dad or brother, or even my dogs. But when I keep my mind so occupied, I don't really miss anything. Its calm and relaxing to live by myself, because I don't have to consider anyone else. But I have noticed old habits die hard, because I've had times where I am eating chips on my couch and if I put the bag down on the floor, I immediately pick it back up as if to prevent my dogs from getting it. I only hope everyone back in Vegas is doing alright and not "missing" me too much.
Anyways, it's late, and I'm tired. Took awhile to get the photos up for you all, but hope you enjoy the tour. Until next time...
http://theviolet41.deviantart.com/ <-- Photos here.
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| Thursday, May 29th, 2008
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6:25 pm - My week from hell.
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Seriously, this has been one of the crappiest weeks of my life. Shit has been dealt from all corners of the world… onto me. Just… there isn’t really a good starting point, so I’ll just start with the shity ass school that is UNLV.
So… as you all know, I’m graduated from UNLV. Right?... Ha… wrong. Dead wrong.
See, what happened was this. Graduation day was Saturday, May 17. At that point, all of my grades weren’t posted. I figured nothing of it. As soon as they post, the BS degree is confirmed, and I’ll be able to send off my transcript from UNLV to UCR, giving me definite admission status (that’s because, as of right now, my admission is “Provisional” until I show I’ve obtained my degree). So… When my grades posted around Wednesday, May 21, I figured I had nothing to worry about. But when I go to print out my “unofficial” transcript and DARs (Degree Audit Report), I realize something. No degree is posted. In fact, on my DAR is states I still need 4 credits to graduate….. So.. I didn’t freak out right away. I figured I’d just call my advisor, sort it all out then. Because of Memorial day weekend, I didn’t get a chance to call my advisor, Janet Reiber until Tuesday
On Tuesday, I give the Science Advising Office a call, asking if they know when degrees post onto the UNLV website, and I’m directed to the Graduation Office. Quite blatantly I am told that I’m 4 credits short of graduating. I say, that can’t be right. My advisor signed off on it, that I have enough to graduate, there must be a mistake. The Graduation Office person (Jeaney) asks if I still have any more credits that haven’t been added, and of course to my knowledge, I don’t. I should be done. So… I’m told to talk to my advisor.
As I call my advisor, I’m thinking “How the HELL can I be short?” Not only did the advisor sign off on my graduation packet, but so did the Science Department Chair, and the Sciences Dean, AND at the graduation office. Four separate people looked at my transcripts and classes and SIGNED OFF on it, saying I was a-okay to graduate. What the fuck happened?
When I finally get a hold of my advisor, she looks up my file and does the little *gasp* and states softly…
“I’m so sorry… I see what happened…. When I added your credits, I added 2 classes twice, making it look like you had an extra 6 credits you didn’t… Natalie, I’m so sorry…”
I was absolutely horrified. Now what? I have to take summer school? … Yep, 4 credits worth. And all out of my own pocket, since I don’t have a scholarship covering my expenses anymore…. I got nothing. I could petition for the Millennium Scholarship to pay for it (since I still have some left), but because it’s summer school and it doesn’t automatically pay out… that petition could take months to pay me. Meaning I am on my own paying for 4 more credits worth of class.
And of course, I’m told that I have 120 credits right now, and the “University standard” for graduation is 124. I could fight to have them graduate me, but because EVERY Single major has the university standard of 124 credits needed for graduation, yelling, and blaming someone wouldn’t do me ANY bit of good.
I’m told by people “Well, you should have been more on top of your own credits, and keep track of your credits yourself”… well.. yeah, I DID…. It’s kinda hard to keep track over the amount of electives I needed. I never had a “set number” stated to me. And it’s funny… all I am missing is 4 electives. No major classes, no general education classes… just stupid meaningless electives. Besides… when you have an advisor paid to look out for students, who’s main JOB is to make sure you have all the credits you need, and THEY fuck up… what do I do? I only met with Janet for 10 minutes… she said she had looked over my classes, gave me the list of classes I needed for the Spring semester, said I’d be alright, just get the packet signed and diploma paid for. I was in and out in 10 minutes flat. And because I was so excited to finally be in the home stretch of school, I didn’t BOTHER to ask to re-tally the credits again.
So, anyways… after a bit of crying, and fretting over what the heck I was going to do, I bucked up and started doing what I needed to do. Figure out what classes to take to make up 4 elective credits.
I was told the best option for me was to go to CSN (College of Southern Nevada), and get my credits done there. It would be cheaper, mainly. The only hard part would be getting the credits transferred over to UNLV. Normally it’s a 6-8 week process, but because of my situation, Janet (my advisor) said she would tell the graduation office to rush mine, as long as when the grade posts as CSN, to get an official transcript, and instead of having it mailed, I am to physically pick up at CSN and hand-deliver it to UNLV. That way it can be processed immediately. So, I figure that won’t be too bad. The only thing is that now when I receive my BS degree, it will say I graduated from UNLV in August 2008, no longer May 2008.
So… I had to head to CSN, and I did that on Tuesday, just wanted to get it over with. Me and Remy headed to the W. Charleston campus, because it’s basically the more “administrative” campus. From there I had to basically jump through a few hoops to get everything settled. I never applied to CSN so I have to put myself though an admissions process… basically fill out an online application. Thank god it doesn’t have to take a few days to process. Then, because I’m a “new student,” I need to talk to a counselor to see what “they can do” for me. For a half-hour wait, I looked through the Summer course catalog to see what I could take for 4 credits. I really wanted to take the Beginning Photography class, because it would be something interesting, and not take a lot of “book work”. But of course, when I see the counselor and he looks it up, it’s completely full.
What was funny is the counselor, when he asked why I was there and what they could do for me, and I told him, he just laughed… Said I must be really anal to have done ALL the major requirements and finish a tough degree in 4 years, but fall short for electives. He even said try to pick something fun, since you don’t need to really worry about much for “requirements”.
In the end, I ended up signing up for an online class… Child Psychology… what made it suck was the fact that it required Psych101 as a pre-req. I did have it, of course, by it had to go through a “pre-req waiver” to sign up. Which meant visiting the Psychology department, getting the necessary paperwork all squared away. At last, I paid for the 3 credit class… $195 total.
Though that means I still have 1 credit of elective to take… I tried to look for anything that was 1 credit that could transfer, but nothing could be found. So… As a last resort I had was to take a 1 credit at UNLV. That way it wouldn’t HAVE to transfer, it would just be there, but that also means going to UNLV for an actual class. I wanted to take another Pilates class, but because I’d be “repeating” it (and the whole thing of replacing a previous grade with a repeated class), I needed to take something different. Finally settled for taking a Yoga class. As much as I’m not interested it in, I guess it’s okay. I still have to head to UNLV for an hour and a half every other day...
After signing up for the Child Psychology class, I knew I had to get the book for the class. Go figure that the Charleston campus book store didn’t have what I needed, I had to travel all the way to the E Cheyenne campus… it was trip down “memory lane” for Remy, considering he took all of his classes of one semester at that CSN campus.
So.. after a hectic and long day I pretty much had all my summer school figured out. It sucks that I’m going to have to PAY almost 191 dollars for my one credit class at UNLV, 91 dollars for my Child Psychology book, and 196 for my 3 credit class at CSN. Total cost: about 500 dollars and Six weeks of balancing work and school. Not something I expected at ALL this summer. The extra expense sucks, and the less time to make money sucks more (since I’m spending more money).
But… that’s not the only thing that eating away at my money… ha, I wish it was, but no, I have enough HUGE expense that’s taking away more of my money, and making it harder for me to make enough money for my move to Riverside.
Two words: My car
Last Friday, I went to the Saturn of West Sahara dealership service station. I realized when I tried my AC during the heat streak during my graduation weekend that it didn’t work, it blew only hot air. I figured I’d have it looked at and get my oil changed while I was at it.
But after sitting and waiting for 3 and half hours, I got that bad news about what’s broken in my car.
The A/C is extremely messed up. The AC compressor is blown, meaning it needs to be replaced. That part itself the quotes as $622. Also, 2 hoses leak, so those would need to be replaced to hold the Freeon (well, whatever refrigerant they use now). The entire estimate just to fix the AC is $1250 dollars.
Saturn also took the liberty of inspecting the rest of my car. The told me my brakes are at 25%, meaning they’re going to begin their screeching and grinding soon. And then they also noticed THREE hose leaks… one on the water pump, one on the intake, and one on the thermostat housing. The parts are the only estimate they gave me totaled $300. If I include labor, I’m probably looking at over $600 dollars to fix ESSENTAL repairs.
After my class, I definitely don’t have enough money to do all the repairs. I have to make sure to do only the necessities. And after doing some research into parts, I decided that Saturn is totally ripping me off, for both the parts and labor. Looking up at Saturn AC compressor part shows an average value of $350. Saturn jacked up the price too damn much, and I will not go back to them.
So… tomorrow, I’m hoping to head to an auto repair shop to get it looked at, which has been recommended to my by my friend, John. It’s possible I’ll get a discount because of his recommendation, or because it is an AAA certified repair, and I am an AAA member. I hope it works out, because I really would like to pay as little as possible.
And lastly, in all of this, I’m desperately looking for more money. At this rate, I’m terrified of not having enough money to pay for my move/rent at Riverside. Heck, I don’t even know if I’m going to be able to make enough money to pay for monthly expenses I have NOW. The jobs I have right now… just.. I don’t picture them cutting it.
My last resort…. At the 2nd week of August, if I don’t have enough money to make it, I have to actually borrow money from My uncle. He’s been hanging the fact that if I needed money I’d “sell” part of my percentage of the house (that much trust money is) and he’d pay me out cash… But that was before I told him about needing to take summer school, and after being finagled by mom, he said he would give me an actually LOAN that I would pay off at no risk to my trust money… but if he’s gonna be that fucking anal about it, I don’t know if I can trust him. But other than him, I don’t really have anyone else to turn too… My dad is barely making enough to get rent/expenses here, and he needs to save up for HIS move out… Nick is got to save for his move back to THIS house and he’s gotta pay off his credit card… My mom, although she said she wants to help me out, is too stupid to realize that she doesn’t even have enough money to FEED her son, let alone give me… and my brother John is contributing already by giving me a fridge, microwave, toaster, and a futon couch…
So… jobs… are difficult right now. I don’t even want to talk about all the difficulties with my jobs right now. The most important thing is me getting PAID. I need as much money as possible.
It’s possible that I might hold down 3 jobs… the SNDS, the job I’m doing with Victor at then Dental Lab delivering dentures and picking up molds, and MAYBE a retail job on the weekend. Although the difficulty with finding a retail job is twofold… 1 the pay won’t be great, and 2, they’ll want my schedule to be available to work a lot there.
Sew (hehe.. I’ve used “so” too much)… that’s if for today… this helps quiet my mind a little, but I still have way too much on my mind. Hell, I have to figure out when I need to head down to Riverside and check out apartments. Hopefully, I’ll get that next week.
Hopefully, I’ll make enough, get through my classes, get my degree and be able to MOVE without too much hassle.. Funny how I thought this summer would be a breeze, and now, is crazy.
current mood: distressed
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| Monday, May 19th, 2008
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8:31 pm - NO need to read it all!
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So... it's finally "free-time" for me. This week has finally come to an end, and I can start doing what I need to prepare for September.
Tuesday was hard, with the last two of my finals. The hardest part of the day was staying awake until 6pm for my immunology final. I feel I did decent on both of the finals (Biochemistry and Immunology), but have still yet to actually have my grades posted.
Wednesday was a day of home cleaning. Not knowing how my uncle would respond to seeing the house, I scrubbed the bathroom and kitchen, dusted thoroughly the living room, and cleaned the front and backyards. All in one freaking day. No real "rest" that day. But that night, around midnight, I get a call from my mother saying that they missed their shuttle from the airport to their hotel, and wanted ME to pick them up. So... I did all that, but didn't get home and to bed until about 2am.
I end up waking up at 7am on Thursday, with less than 5 full hours of sleep. The whole is filled with dealing with my mother, her friend Cynthia, and my uncle Paul. Visiting Venetian, going to lunch at Olive Garden, running home to get ready for me and my dad to head to my Awards Night.
Awards Night was kinda lame. They provided a simple "buffet-style" Mexican food line-up, which really wasn't appetizing at all. There was only about 80 students with their families there. Which isn't much when it was Supposed to also be the Graduating Students Reception for the College of Science. Only about 20 students go awards, me included... an award for being the Provost Scholar (which I have been over the past 4 years, *Shrugs*). So... it was something me and my dad did to be together, but something I could have done without.
By the time we finish that, head home and change out of our nice clothes, we head to go pick up the "clan" who is out walking the strip. We found them at the Caesar’s Palace, and Cynthia had the bright Idea that she wanted to go see the "Pirates show" at Treasure island. By the time we get there, it's 10:10.... the show had been at 10pm... the next show would be at 11:30... and guess who wanted to wait? Yep..... I was so exhausted, but no one gave a care, because they wanted the "Las Vegas experience".... So... I am fighting being hysterical because I'm so tired, and then around 11pm, the announcement of the show being canceled is FINALLY given. All that waiting for damn nothing.... I could barely make it to the damn car, and we wanted for nothing. By the time I got home, I couldn't sleep, I was beyond sleep. I took some solace with a visit from Remy, and was in bed by 1am.
Bright and early on Friday I was up. Picked up Nick and my Uncle Paul, and headed to visit an Attorney about the prospects of our Vegas House. It was productive for being such a tense topic to talk about, but we made progress, and hopefully all will fall into place with Nick living in the house when me and dad head our separate ways
After finding my mom and Cynthia in Stratosphere, we all headed to lunch at Denny's (nick's pick)... from there, I shuffled them off to my brother, so I could try to relax, catch up on sleep, and chill out, that afternoon. They were in good hands, and went to the Blue Man Group show that night.
I enjoyed a nap, and by the time I had a bit of time to myself, my brother and his girlfriend showed up, and they took me out to drink and gamble at Ellis Island. It was my first experience of actually throwing money into a slot machine, and watching it slip away. Kinda anti-climactic really. In the end, you lose all the money you put in.
Saturday was the big day… my graduation day. Big day. I considered myself lucky to be a part of the second ceremony that day, starting at 2pm, rather than the 1st ceremony, which started at 9am. But I regretted that, because I was required to be at the Thomas and Mack center early, and they made us stand out in 100+ degree weather for over a half hour. It just was terrible. We were all sweating and disgusting by the time we were allowed in to line up.
Overall, the ceremony just sucked. You would expect it to be a bit more professional because you’re achieve a Bachelor’s degree, you’re a older more mature group of individuals….. HA! I’ve never seen such debauchery and disrespect for what was supposed to be a professional ceremony. A few of the highlights:
-People decorated the tops of their caps… with felt, sequins, sparkle gel pens, writing and EVEN flashing LEDs. I get the purpose of it was to make yourself more distinguishable in a sea of black, but common! It looked so tacky and trashy.
-People didn’t just wear the cords, medallions, tassels that they received. People added their OWN types of ‘attire’ to their gown, included big beaded necklaces and leis of flowers around their necks. Again, it looked tacky, but they probably though they were going to “stand out”
-All throughout the ceremony, people where on their cell phones, chatting with family and friend. Yes, I get that you were trying to find them in the gigantic sea of parents and family, but common. Find them, and shut up, don’t sit their having a conversation about how you can’t see anything and you have no idea who the speaker is and you don’t know where you want to go to celebrate afterwards. It ruined the ceremony for anyone who wanted to pay attention
-One word: Beachballs. During the undergraduate speaker’s speech, someone decided it would be funny to bust out a beach ball… but notice I said plural “Beachballs”… One came out, and was bounces a few times, and then 2 MORE popped up and were being bounced back and forth by students. It never reached the back of the group, so it was always in front of MOST of the people. It distracted everyone, including me, from the great speech that was being given.
-Another word: Gandaff…. The Board of Reagents speaker tried to make a reference to Lord of the Rings and a conversation being held between Frodo and Gandalf. He continued to pronounce the wizard’s name as Gandaff (the end being pronounced like “daff” in “Daffy Duck”) It was find a few times, but after 4-5 times, people began cracking up and shouting that he was saying it wrong… another speech ruined.
-A bunch of guys continually tried to get the crowd of students to chant “Rebels, Rebels” every single time there was a long extended applause. That’s fine and all, but if it doesn’t work, DON”T KEEP TRYING… (of course, they tried about a half dozen times throughout the ceremony)
-Airhorns. I don’t know HOW many audience members had airhorns and would blast those things for MINUTES after hearing their graduate’s name announced. Seriously… it’s annoying. Not only do you make people go deaf, but you prevent the people from hearing the NEXT person’s name. On one occasion, a single blow of an airhorn after a guys name was said Overshadowed the next SIX names!!
The ceremony was terribly long. Having been at the T&M center at 12:30, and basically standing until 2:40pm (when we were finally all seated down), then having to stand when all the college was going up to have their names called, then the last 30 minutes of the procession out of the building, I was completely exhausted. I can say this, that I really was thankful for my college being the SMALLEST group of graduates. We had about 2-3 rows of students, while most colleges had 10-15 rows. So… we didn’t have to stand long, before we were all seated down together.
The ceremony was finally over around 5:30pm. By then, I hadn’t eaten since 9am, and had nothing to drink but a sip of water from a fountain. With the temperature being over 100, had it being even hotter in a black, non-breathable gown, I was near hallucinating and fainting when we began taking pictures outside the Thomas and Mack…. But if you see the photos, you know I suffered it up, put on the big smile, and enjoyed celebrating as best as I could.
As soon as photos were over, I was so glad to have Remy there to help me back to the car. He was so wonderful and even took the time to get me a drink at a gas station, before we all heading to Applebee’s to have dinner.
Before the drinks were even served, I made sure to order plenty of water and a simple chicken finger platter, saying “I don’t care if I get my food before everyone else, I am starving, get it here as soon as it’s done”. The host understood, and I received my food before ANYone even ordered. Hehe… By the time I had eaten, and downed about 3 glasses of water, I felt a little normal again.
Once I finally got back home, I did by best to relax and chill out, but with everyone wanting to “talk” or go out, I really didn’t get to bed until 10pm, and that was because EVERYONE had left, either going to Fremont street experience, or to Ellis Island, and I had the house to myself.
But even THAT wasn’t the last day of chaos. I had to wake up at 4am on Sunday to go pick up the “three” at Circus Circus and get my mom and Cynthia to the airport. I had to take my Uncle Paul back home, because he couldn’t stay at the hotel after they checked out. I went back to be at 5:30am when I got home, only to wake up 9:30am to take Paul to church, then it was back to bed for another hour.
When I went to go pick up Paul, he wanted me to “walk in the patio”… which meant, facing some of the people that I had gone to church with before my family had been “kicked out” from that church. Very uncomfortable because I couldn’t exactly tell them “Thanks for being so nice to me now, when you’re the reason I don’t want to do anything with the Byzantine catholic church *Smile*”. I ended up meeting a “lovely” 15 year old girl who was so excited to have a few things in common with me (having played the flute, and been to Silverado High school, of which were she “wants” to do track, but doesn’t yet). She was so sheltered, having been home-schooled, and in private school (Bishop-Gormon H.S.) all her life, and thinking the ONLY thing she would want to do is go to a Private college where nothing but religion is taught. She wanted to keep in contact, I politely accepted, but doubt I will every talk to her…. for fear that I will tell she is sheltered and will never amount to much when she finishes a degree because she won’t know how to deal with “sinners and heathens” having never experienced it.
So… after pick Paul up, we headed to meet with My brother John and his girlfriend, who were having lunch at Ellis Island casino, taking all of Paul’s stuff with him. After having a lunch there, John and Christina decided to head off, and they took Paul down to Barstow along the way.
I finally had sometime off last night, but I only was only for a few hours before Remy cam to visit… which I enjoyed thoroughly because I hadn’t seen him much over the whole week.
And today, I finally got to sleep in…. from 11pm until 9am… I took my time in the morning getting up, and figured I’d start figuring out what I’m going to do during the rest of the summer. I have to begin earning some money to afford the move to Riverside.
So, I heading to the SNDS and talked to Bob. And just like that, I have a job working as a runner for a Dental Lab, to make deliveries of dentures or dental appliances to dental offices across town, and to pick anything as well. For $8/hr, it’s decent, and I’ll also be able to work at SNDS doing a few projects too. I didn’t have enough time to talk to Diana at NDA, but if she’s got anything that needs to be done, I’m the go-to girl. Heck, the $8 bucks and $10 bucks at SNDS are better than any retail job I could hope for. So I just hope I get enough hours to make it worth it.
I start my runner job tomorrow. My boss is Victor. I’ll be talking with him tomorrow about how my job will be exactly, so I’m a bit excited/anxious.
So… I’m finally getting a break right now, but it’s not really enough, in my opinion. But, I don’t have a choice. I need to get out there and make some money… I also have a lot to do to begin preparing for Riverside. A lot, a lot.
If you want to pictures of my graduation, I have a few posted on my DeviantArt profile.
http://theviolet41.deviantart.com/
Time to start chilling… for the few hours I can.
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| Monday, May 12th, 2008
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9:12 pm
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Day one is done. *sigh* only one more to go.
Today has been the hardest day to keep motivated. After completing my Biogeography final (which was incredibly easy), I have this weird sense of confidence that is keeping me from studying too hard. Ugh.. it's tough. I know I have plenty to still cover, for BOTH my finals... So... I keep pushing, for as much as I can tonight. Until I give up and go to bed, but even then, I'll still cram before and between both tests tomorrow.
Anyways... although it's getting harder to get back to studying, I must.... I keep taking TV breaks, internet breaks, News breaks, gettting up for a walk breaks, hugging and petting dogs breaks.... ugh... too much.
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| Sunday, May 11th, 2008
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10:04 pm
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Alright, so the time is finally almost upon me... First final is in about 12 hours. *exhales*
I've studied for my Biogeography class enough, and printed the notes for last minute "cramming". But then I really didn't want to start Immunology (not in the mood), so I was able to start a little house cleaning. I accomplished my bathroom, it looks spotless. I can only hope to keep it clean enough for the next couple of days. It's one less thing I have to clean on Wednesday.
I tried on my graduation dress and my black gown today to see how it would all look like for Saturday. I figure it looks fine, I just look like I'm swimming in my gown, it's so damn big.
I hope to take plenty of pictures, then I'll post them on dA for everyone to see.
Know what I also realized today? That... of all the people I met over the past 4 years at UNLV, of all the classmates I've had to work with on projects or in labs, and off all the people I've met...... I doubt no more than 5 people will keep in touch. I can name the few I'm closest with at school: Erin, Mona (a little), Jimi, Angela, and then the usual bunch including: John, Joel/Claudia, Ben. I've come in contact with plenty more, but those are the only few that have stuck by me.... heck, I didn't even know Erin until about a year and a half ago, or Mona until this semster. And Angie, well... we haven't seen each other in a long while, since she never has time to hang out...
So yeah.. I don't know who I'll end up keeping in touch with. I really does feel like I'm ditching everyone and heading to Riverside. It will be extremely hard for me to keep in touch with people, knowing that I'll probably be busier than anyone else. It's more a test of THEIR ties with me, and if they want to keep in touch. but honestly, I know that everyone will say they're busy.... and we'll all lose touch with each other, and I'll have to make new friends at UCR.
Anyways... I gotta get my stuff together for tomorrow. I have a bunch to cram for tomorrow after my test..... Just... I knew the days would fly this week... and here they go... busy busy busy.
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| Saturday, May 10th, 2008
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4:17 pm - The week ahead
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So... I'm sitting here in the library, taking a break from studying for my finals. Boy, I've been here since 11am, and it's 4:30 now? Over 5 hours, and I've barely made a freakin dent in my material. It sucks. I have so much to do and so little time.
But, I guess it's still slowly hitting me. That this is one of the last times I'll be sitting in this library to study. This will be the last week I even need to be on UNLV's campus for anything. This week will be the last time I have to fight my way through traffic up the parking garage to find a spot. By Tuesday, I'll officially be done. But till then, I'm busy busy busy.
Today, I"m hoping to finish my Biochemistry studying. If I can truely complete it ALL today, I'll be happy.
Tomorrow, work on my Biogeography class. That probably shouldn't be too hard, considering we breezed over 5 chapters, and I won't have to focus on anything he didn't mention in class. Then tomorrow, I need to go to pick up a few things at Walmart too... to prepare for cleaning on Wednesday.
Monday: Biogeography Final at 10am. Then after that, I'm up in the library all day cramming for my Immunology final, since it IS the only final I have that is comprehensive (but, hey, I've been doing so well in that class, I'm trying not to worry too much about it)
Tuesday: Going to lab in the morning, one last time. Not sure what Rebecca will make me do, but I won't be back. It will be my LAST time in that lab. (hahah, moving on to bigger and better). After that, Biochemistry Final at 1pm. Then cram cram some more for my Immunology Final at 6pm. (so goddamn late... errr).
And then... that ends school. But oh, I don't get to relax... Nope. Not in the least. Because I have to prepare the house for the lovely vistors this week.... (i.e. my mom, her friend Cynthia, my uncle Paul (bastard.... ), my brother John Michael and his girlfriend Christina). It's not gonna be pleasant.
So Wednesday, is cleaning day. The Bathrooms, the living room, the Kitchen and the back yard... all need to be spotless before Paul gets to see it. Just... ugh.. not looking forward to his stupid criticism on EVERYTHING.
Then Thursday/Friday is time with the "family".... I have NO idea what that entails, other than at some point Nick, John, Paul and Me all have to sit down and discuss Nick moving/taking over the house. (Joy f'in joy).
But then, lastly. This Saturday is my graduation. At 2pm...(thank god too, I would absolutely hate to have the ceremony at 9 in the morning like the other colleges are having). After that, that's it. No more UNLV. I'll be done. Which... is scary, and soo exciting at the same time. I"ll just be so bored out of my mind at the ceremony.... ha....
So yeah, that's my "week outlook". Literally, it's ONE full week. This time next week, I'll probably just be getting out of the ceremony. Just... yipes. So much to do!!
Oh, and yeah... for anyone who reads this, I found a site to start posting all my photos. It's better than Flickr (that absolute worst for photo sharing, only a 100MB upload a month and only shows 200 photos), better than even Photobucket (which only has a max of 1GB of space). I'm putting my photos up on DeviantArt, because from the looks of it, there is NO limit whatsoever, and it's kept free by the people who allow their "art" to be bought and the site gets a little money off of that. So... Here's the link for everyone to browse.
http://theviolet41.deviantart.com/
Voila. Enjoy. It's back to studying for me.
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current music: Hearts of Space (my study tune-age)
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| Tuesday, April 22nd, 2008
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9:40 pm
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Hmm... so much for sharing my new-found "interest" ("hobbie"... "timewaster").
I know Remy was only trying to show me off, but that's the last time I share with anyone who would use it as an entrance to show THEMselves off.
No more than a couple days after showing him a couple pictures off my laptop, he decides to put almost half a dozen of his own... including ones that are "errily" similar to the types of shots I took... (read: flowers and landscapes found on campus).
I would be taking SO much more pictures, if I weren't so stressed and caught up with much more important things. Even now, I don't have the time/energy to really do that much be sit here, listening to the Deadliest Catch, and think of what I "could" be doing.
I "could" be heading to bed, to rest my exhausted body and maybe stop feeling like every step I take uses all my energy. I "could" start studying for my Immunology exam for next week so I can have questions to ask on Thursday. I "could" even be messing out with photo editing, because I would love to show what 'itty-bitty little snipet' of talent I may or may not have.
So... I don't know... I feel irked that "self-proclaimed" artist felt he had to "show me up" because it's "what he does." It's his life-style... hell, it's his life, it's all he does. hmm... thinking about it... maybe I shouldn't worry.... me, who really doesn't have an artistic background, who doesn't do this for ANY reason other than 'waste time', and he feels "threatened" enough to post retaliation pics? ha... sounds insecure to me.
Oh well... I'll get to posting all the pics I want... at some point.
I wanna take a weekend that NOT windy and just go and walk around a mostly empty campus. I just don't like the human element ruining pictures. I'm not in the mood to have a random person walking a sidewalk in front of the shot... unless the person is the thing I want to highlight. See.. I can't take pictures with people roaming on each side of me, staring at me, wondering what the fuck I'm doing taking a picture of something so insignificant as a flower, or a bush. I just don't wanna deal with that shit. I would consider trying taking pictures of things OTHER than flowers, because well.. they're slowly fading out as the desert warms up too much. So... try a building pictures.... possibly make a "make-shift scrapbook" of UNLV before I basically move and never come back. I'm not into scrapebooking THAT much, but maybe a collage, or a "flip-book" of some sorts? I don't know.... It just would make a nice thing to share with future grad student friends I make at UCR.... ya know... when the ask "What's Vegas like?"
Anyways, I'm done for tonight. Too exhausted to share thoughts now...
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| Thursday, December 20th, 2007
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4:58 pm
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I can't believe it....
She's in the house for 5 fucking minutes, and I am telling her to calm down so dad can actualy Get some sleep before working graveyard, because he'd only get another 3 hours from now...
And what does she do?
She walks around the kitchen and says "if you wanna do something, why didn't you do the dishes when you got home, huh?"
UGH! Oh my fucking god!
She doesn't even LIVE HERE ANYMORE, and yet she thinks she has the right to "nit-pick" on my fucking house????
I haven't even seen her for more than 10 minutes, and I"m pissed.
Thank god Nick is going to tag along with us tonight, because I have a feeling that I'm only going to get more irritated and annoyed with that fucking woman.
UGH.
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| Monday, November 12th, 2007
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10:20 am - Family shit.... take 2
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Funny how the last thing I wrote about a couple months back was family.... Now it's back again, it a whole new form.... My uncle.
This last year and a half has been difficult. We had the problem with the sewage drainout pipe being busted, then replaced, but not after removing the large tree in our front yard. (And I remember it's been more than a year and a half now, because REMY never saw our large tree, and that was March of Last year!!!). And then we had the water intake-pipe replaced..... And ever since we had that tree removed, we have been asking for landscaping to be done on our front yard, and backyard
Now, obviously.... landscaping isn't urgent.... not as urgent as living without water.... but Fucking Christ, My uncle postponed and postponed.
And Friday, we recieved a notice on our door, from the Clark County Public Response.... basically stateing that our house yard is violation, and thatn we have until November 27th to landscape it, or we are faced with fines and possible court appearance (yeah, someone in our neighborhood got sick of looking at a dirt and weeds).... But now that we have this freaking notice, Oh, NOW It matters to Paul, NOW we have to get something do, because he doesn't want to pay fines, or come down to Las Vegas.
But of course.... Just because He lives in across the country, means me and my dad have to bust our butts to get estimates and actually BE here for the work to get down.
UGH, I'm just so sick of him, because he doesn't get how fucking stressed and exhausted my dad is. God, take even today for example.... He just finished working a double shift of 16 hours of work (having slept 3 hours yesturday), and now today, he has a landscaping coming for an estimate at 11am.... he went to be at 9am, after calling and setting up appointments for 2 other companies for estimates... Meaning, the bottom line is, my dad is going to sleep only 2 HOURS today and have to work an 8-hour shift.
FUCKING Paul doesn't see or care....
Family my ass.... I'm siding with my dad..... When we move out in August/September of Next year, We're done.... So done with My Uncle, so done with the Voida family in general.
And see, my dad isn't the only one who is stressed... I AM too! I have to be here, and yet, I still need to study, and prepare shit for my professors for getting them set to to reccommendations for me.... and geez, I haven't had time to do that yet.... wow, That's fucking Paul Voida for wasting my time and energy on you. This is all his fault for not getting this landscaping done SOONER
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| Monday, September 24th, 2007
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8:08 pm
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I'm pissed, I'm stressed and NO one fucking gets it.
I have 2 huge exams to study for.... on WEDNESDAY... All my free time should be devoted to STUDYING... but NOOOOo.... Too much FAMILY shit to deal with... Oh, let's bring back shit about the fucking Trust... Let's bring up the really sore topic about me not acknowledging ANY of my family as my family... Yeah... LET's just ADD on the fucking fun.
I was right... Bob wanted to me work an "extra long" day tomorrow... Go to work early, making phone calls... and THEN from 6:30 to 8:00pm, he wanted me to go to the Mentor "kick-off"'and take pictures... .HA... yeah... where would that leave ANY time for me to study? Hmm.... none....Thank god I fanagled SOME time to study tomorrow.. but it has to be AFTER all the shit I do for him... yay...
But no... My mom doesn't get it... She has my cousin Angela write me an email... ... UGH...I DON"T have the time or the fucking sanity to be dealing with this now.... How can I be in my write mind to write a "sane-sounding" letter on how I feel they've disowned me because I"m related to my fucking mother, how they've disowned me because I don't call myself catholic anymore.... How they haven't given a RAT's ASS about how I've been suriviving.... yeah.... How can I make that sound not so.... well.... Blunt? Ha... I can't... At least... NOT in the next week, that's for sure
Oh... and Yeah... I have to deal with a fucked up computer laptop now... I busted my 'p' key the other day when I got pissed at my mom (yeah, big surprise)... so It takes a little while longer to type when I need to do notes, and it's just all around annoying... I thank God for a break in that at least the p key still depresses and will type the letter p, and it's just not entirely busted.
Just... *sigh* can time just stop, so I can just take a breather and catch up???
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| Sunday, August 5th, 2007
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5:53 pm
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Remy just sang out the WHOLE chorus of Mariah Carey's Hearbreaker....
I think I'm going to die..... of laughing too hard...
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| Thursday, July 26th, 2007
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9:15 am - Deep thought.. (well.. sorta?)
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Is communication a survival skill? I sure as hell think so.... but in today's age, with few people being able to comminucate accurately, I am beginning to wonder where that is going to lead us.
I know science has lead us to believe that communication is the reason why are a "high-life form"... what makes us different than apes... But what I don't get is... with all the internet, use of Instant Messages, use of constant text messages, use of typing instead of actually verbally speaking, I believe we are forgetting how important it is to understand one another.
If you can't accurately communicate your thought so someone, than you're screwed. Likewise, if you cannot understand and contemplate what someone is communicating TO you, you fail too.
All this stems from a slew of IM's my mother left me this morning. She had signed on last night to talk to me, and mentioned that she was watching Mythbusters. She asked if it was one "right now" for me, but it was 7pm MY time, 10pm her time.... and I told her again (I constantly remind her of this)... I told her that Mythbusters is on at 9pm My time... to which she tells me that the Mythbuster's episode she is watching is the one where Adam attempts to get out of a car sinking in water. Before she even continued, I flat out told that that I"ve already seen that episode, it's months old. She argues that it's over a year old, to which I kindly tell her, no, it's from the newest season, meaning it's only a few months old.... she either didn't hear me or something, but then she proceeds to describe what is happening in the episode.... I couldn't take, and TOLD her again that I had already seen the episode and she did NOT need to be telling me what is going on, because i already know.... I didn't even over-emphasize anything, other than I said I SAW it already... to which she signs off, and this morning I get LOADS of fucking messages.....
Her messages were on the lines of I"m a mean hearted bitch, that the reason I do not have friends is because I am mean, and cannot talk without cussing. That the reason Faith doesn't wanna be be friend is because I'm apparently mean to obnoxious to her. That I need to learn to control myself and "be nice" or I will never make it in the work force. That she is my "wake up call" to learn to be "nicer" and that I need more hugs, and that i should GIVE myself hugs to "calm myself down".
Oookay... well... that just pissed me off... The ONLY reason she thinks I'm an angry bitch is because I get so frustrated because she never listen's to me.... sure I think she "see's" the words I type to her, but she fails on Understanding and contemplating what i say.
To everyone else, I'm fine with. People understand when I'm upset, and will either try to consol me, or back the fuck up and leave me alone. People will understand what I comminicate, and actually be able to commincate in return, using the cues I give them. My mom has NEVER been able to do that. I told her that I feel like my words I say just rush past her, and never stick.. that not matter what I say, she is never going to get it....
I"m at the point where I try to be nice, and talk to my mom. But I feel like what's the point, if she's never going to listen, never going to understand, and then well blame me for it being MY fault that I am frustrated and upset when she isn't doing her part of the commincation and that is listening!
I told her that she's one to talk... giving ME advice when she should be SEEKING advice... her life is a LOT more "messed up" than mine. I told that commincation is key, and she can't do it...
I partly blame the rising populatity of instant messaging, emailing, and text messages.... you can't see most of the non-verbal forms of commincation through those means... and maybe that's the problem with me and my mom... she can't SEE that I"m literally hold myeslf from pulling my hair out when she doens't listen.... She doesn't see how closed off I can get when I'm talking to her.
** To be continued, Bob the BOss just came in.
So... here's my deal... Communication is a survival skill... or at the very least, a necessary skill. If you can't explain something to a friend, or persuade an audience, or describe a task to an employee, how do you continue? You can't.
90% of our communication is non-verbal... It's our tone of voice, it's our body language, it's how fidgity, how you hold yourself, and where your attention is. And with people saying home and the computer, we dont' see all of the non-verbal cues we SHOULD be giving out and SHOULD be percieving. By typing a sentence, not only is all the non-verbal cues gone, but even the VERBAL ones, because you aren't even saying the words. And then you learn to comminicate visually in a virtual world...People learn to capitalize words, or Do ThIs StUiPiD tYpE oF wRitInG to be original, beacuse we've lost all of the identity given in non-verbal communication.
When I begin my research, whether in my undergraduate research, or when I go off to graduate school, I will have to be working with people, and my mom seesm to believe that much "online persona" is exactly who I am... but no... it's not... Because without my non-verbal communication cues, she sees whatever I over-emphasize to get my point across... When I'm in a personal situation, I can use those non-verbal cues when I'm in person to get my point across....
And I will not "take my mom's advice" when it comes to being, basically, a pushover... she wants me to be nice, and calmer, and wait for people to come to me.... NO... sorry... not gonna do that... If I don't be assertive, and fight for what I need, I'm never going to get it... I can't wait for a graduate to just come and accept me.. I can't wait for an opportunity to start research, I have to look for it myself... I have to take the inititive in performing research, and not just "calmly and politely" wait for someone to ask me to... It just doesnt work that way.
Just.. sort of adding it all up... I think trying to get deep emotions to be expressed on an instant message is impossible... but it's what people are expecting to do... When all the little kids grow up, who have had no life without all the use of computers and cell phones, THEY are the ones that will have a fun time learning to communicate with people. They will be at a loss for how to understand OUR non-verbal communicatin, and will be at a loss to how to accruate protray non-verbal communivation to us...
So yeah... lots of typing today... literally broken up by 3 typing frenzy's throughout the day...
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| Wednesday, July 25th, 2007
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9:06 am
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YAY.... I actually got sleep last night... oh thank god. :) Pretty much a straight 9 hours... only woke up around 1:30am when Nick got home. Just makes the day a little nicer... no headache, and I"m not feeling like crawling in a hole to sleep.
heh... anyways.... start of the day here, and I get someone who calls to find a dentist near her. She gives her zip & cross streets, and I've got nothing within a few miles, so what does she do? Thank me and says she'll walk into an office that's down the street?
Yeah... why bother calling if you aren't going to want the locations anyways?? BLAH.
Anyways.... not much to do right now..... I'm just thankful I have my little radio, or I think I'd go insane fron it being so quiet.
weird thoughts...
-Why does a guy whose license plate is "PER4MER" weave in an out of traffic on Durango like he's late for work, when there's no place to "perform" in this part of town? And then cuts in front of 2 cars to rush into a Jack and the Box??? What's the flippin' rush, you need your breakfest burrito?
-How can girls be so fickle to count the amount of condoms a guy has, to "make sure" he hasn't been sleeping around with anyone else, resulting in few condoms than there should be?
-In comparing UNLV and UNR, what does it matter who's fatter, who's better, who's more athletic? They both suck... what's with all the competition? If they even LOOKED at the neighbors in California as competition, both would realize how small their "accomplishments" are.
alright, well.. back to my grind... looking up grad schools and studying...
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| Tuesday, July 24th, 2007
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9:37 am
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I'm so exhausted this morning. I didn't sleep at all last night, from the dogs barking at the thunder, to the thunder freaking ME out.. just... not enough sleep. I woke up every hour, to every noise and every text message... hell, even the tv my dad was watching in the living room woke me up. *sigh* I'm just too tired to be dealing with answering phones right now
I get here, and that last 40 minutes have been nothing but non-stop calls. Everyone either is waiting for Bob to get back to to them (since I leave messages on his desk he NEVER bothers to call back, so I get them calling ME again, and all I have to say is "he's not in the office right now, I can leave a message" to which they get all irate saying they did that yesturday!), or they absolutely NEED Wendy to deal with their Peer Review cases.
It's pointless... I mean... if BOB is not going to answer phones, or return messages, and Wendy isn't here to do her cases, and I CERTAINly can't do anything.... might as well NO one be here, close the office, and save so fucking money... ugh.
I'm just too fucking tired to deal with this today. The only reason I even pushed myself out of bed today (because I literally was laying there from 5:30 until 7 watching the damn clock) was because if I can make it through another day, another 80 bucks. That 80 bucks can buy half of one of my books... or buy most of my parking permit.
Cuz right now... I'm almost to the point where I'll just AWOL for a bit.... Not show up, not answer my cell phone when they call me,.. pretend I fell off the face of the earth for a couple days. Maybe I"M jus too tired, and all I want is a decent amount of "non-stop" sleep... No interuptions, and no reason to get up.
Ugh.... I have a headache... or, well.. eye ache.... that's gonna just make today that much MORE pleasant, I can tell.
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| Monday, July 23rd, 2007
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9:28 am - It's cloudy...
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This sucks... It's COOL outside, and cloudy, and I'm stuck in an office "watching" the phone (cuz they sure as hell aren't ringing... yet).
I hope it rains. I miss the rain, and I would love to just walk out in the rain, but if it rains while I"m at work... ha... I doubt I'll even be able to take a 'break'.
I"m soooo bored. I"m sure Remy isn't awake yet, considering it's still pretty early in the morning. I just hope he's alright, he's got a lot on his mind, and I only wish I were able to comfort & support him more. I always feel like I can't find the right motivational words, or uplifting comment, that can keep him going. I know I'll be alright, because I know the "end result" is worth it.... I just wish there were some way to express that to him.
I don't know what more I can do to make him realize that if I move away for graduate school, I'm not going to just "forget about him, and find another guy"... I could never do that. I"m not some fickle girl who will just "jump ship" and swim to the nearest piece of dry land.... Remy is my home, my destination... my island. I'm not getting off that ship until I'm with him, and ONLY him. Sure, I might float on by some nice little islands in the sea, but none of them will have the same things I know and love my Remy has.
I mean... I"m pretty flexible.... probably the reason why I ended up with so many guys that just "sucked"... because I would be flexible enough to statisfy what THEY wanted... never what I wanted.... All I wanted, back then, was someone, so I wouldn't be lonely. If they loved me, then even better. But I always bent over backwards for them, fit the mold they wanted.... With Remy, I just fit. WE just fit. I've never felt more like myself around anyone. I can be myself, and distort myself, just to fit what Remy wants. THAT's why I could never EVER be with anyone else. Because with anyone else, they wouldn't be able to see me for me. They would want me how THEY want me... in that little mold, or only part of me.
Sure, I'm going to meet GREAT minds when I head off to grad school. The people, by default of BEING there, are smart, inquisitive, and motivated... You just HAVE to be when that's the path you take. But just because they're smart and motivated, doesn't make them great people.
I"ve always had this thing against people of the same job or career NEVER being able to work out... why? Well, they have TOO much in common, to start off this... What do you do together, after working in the same job, and doing the same things all day? You come home to be AWAY from it... but if your significant other wants to tell you about their day, it's never getting away from work. That, and I believe people that are too much alike, drive each other way beacuse of those similarities. Sure, they can share a lot of things in common, but EVERY person will tell you, that they like having something to do BY themselves.
With Remy, he's got computer science, something I"ll NEVER fully grasp, so he can talk to me hours and hours on that, and I won't mind, it'll help him unwind. His weird music likes, and outlandish games... those are all his things he can do... I can part of them, but he doesn't need me to enjoy those things.
With me, I"ve got my biology and genetics...... something he'll listen to and try to understand, but doesn't need to if he doesn't want to. I got my sci-fi TV series to watch, my hearts of space music I listen to, and my love of any type of science experiment. Again, same thing... I would love if Remy did these things with me, but he doesn't have too.
I don't know... what I"m trying to get at is.... Remy... you shouldn't have to worry about my leaving to go to grad school. I couldn't just up and leave you, I'd always be connected to you. Daily emails, our journals.... calling atfter 9pm... Webcam chats, playing games online.... trust me.. there are many ways we can be close... It's not hand-and-hand, I know that... but my heart would never be far from you.
Heh... I'd cut out my heart, give it to you in a chest for safe-keeping.. that way, if someone tried to "take" my heart, you could stab them. :-p
Anyways... back to work.... Bob the Boss just came in.... fun fun fun
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| Wednesday, July 11th, 2007
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10:04 pm
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What the fuck am I supposed to do? Cry with my back turned? Cry under the covers in hopes that you won't hear?
Cuz that's what I feel like...
I don't want to leave you, I don't want to be without you.
But the more you think I am, the more doubts that YOU express, the more I think about it.
I DO do a lot for you. I try my absolute hardest to be with you, to do for things for you, to be WITH you physically and mentally.
and I KNOW that most of the things hindering you are totally beyond your control.... that if you want to be financially secure, this is how it is.
But WHY are you making me doubt that YOU don't want to try????
You make it seem like that it's you YOURSELF that doesn't want to try to keep this relationship going.... that you YOURSELF are not doing enough. That's what I'm stuggleing with myself, because I want to believe it's just circumstances, not actually your own doing.
..... And sure, every serious boyfriend I had, I had family problems. Ryanels parents believed I was some stuck up skinny white bitch who was gonna milk him dry because his parents were so well off.... Chris's parents .... wel.. they knew I existed, but they never even knew me after a year and a half.... My "fling"... Billy.... welll... .only "dateing" for 2 weeks, I never knew his dad (divorced)..... and Joey... well... he may have been the WORST person for me to date, but his mom sure as hell liked me.
It seems the more serious I get with a guy, the worse the situation gets with his family.... I've always known that Ryanel was the most serious boyfriend I had until Remy.... And his parents didn't like me.... Only figures that the more serious the boyfriend, the more his parents will dislike/hate me. Just my luck
Maybe it's my fault for being such a strong person... parents love girls who are "quiet-minded".... know-their-place... know how to keep a house clean... and NOT opinionated.... yeah, it's old fashioned, but baby-boomer parents still love it.
And I sure as hell don't fit that mold...well.... i get the short end of the stick.... I get jipped on ever really getting along with someone else's parents
The only "real" way to get over this whole mess is for me to just change how I act... change who I am... I can be quiet, un-opinionated"... be very "sophisticated and well-mannered". Maybe that'll change how parents can relate to me. But whatever..... it would be pointless for me to change for the parents, when all I want is Remy... and what's the point, if HE'S being the one that doesn't want to try.
So I don't know what to fucking do.
If I stop trying, I'll feel awful. But what if Remy's right, and one day, I do burn out from dealing with all this shit? I want to keep holding on to the idea that this whole situation is NOT permenant. That in another year to two years, this will all be over, because we'll be living together. Sure, nothing is set in stone, but I believe I"d be able to hold on for those year, knowing the reward is so great.
But if Remy's going to keep trying dirt on me, "burying me" in emotional baggage, then fuck it. He always expects the fucking WORST out of me, when I honestly have proven myself to be stronger than ANYONE hes' ever been with... If it's not enough, if he STILL keeps believing that I'll be EXACTLY like any other girl and crack, then whatever...
So Remy... How's that little "Self-fulfilling Prophecy" going for you????
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| Saturday, July 7th, 2007
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9:18 pm
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Man, searching for where my life is going next year is f'in HARD!!
I mean, there are so many choices, so much to think about, I don't even know where to draw the line and just make a decision.
The more I search for school, the bigger and bigger the list gets. So many colleges/universities have very well established biology graduate program that it's almost impossible for me to narrow down the list to the "top 10" even.
But the thing is, where do I go? If I look for a college, should I be considering the job market around there as well? Because as far as my search has led me, the only "market" for entry level jobs or anything related to science & research are located in Texas, Massachusetts, New York, New Jersey, Pennsylvania, Minnesota, Ohio, or California. All of them, I would have to relocate.
In my opinion, it would be easier to be going to grad school in one of the states I would eventually be working in, then I wouldn't have to move twice. But.... where do I go? Do I go for the school as my first priority, or do I go for the eventual job?
And I have to decide all this ... SOON. I have to pick the schools, so I know which schools I'm sending my GRE scores. And I wanna take my GRE before school starts in the end of August. I just don't know which schools. Most of the GREAT schools have expectations so high, even I wouldn't be able to get in. I"m not the greatest student. I'm on the upper end of "average." I don't have much labratory experience (only a year by the time I graduate), I have no extra experience of any kind. And to get into some of the great science programs, it's like I should have spent all 4 years of my undergrad work in a lab. Just... nothing seems to be good enough.
That's why I've desperately wanted to just go to school somewhere in California. Yeah, it's expensive, but it's familar. And I feel like I might, somewhat, have a shot at the schools. If I go somewhere else, I really won't know what to do. Won't know anyone, won't be familar with the places. I mean, sure I'll be where the job market is, but I really don't know what to do when I'm there.
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I'm feeling so under pressure, because I don't know what I'm going to do. I know, deep down, I can't stay in Las Vegas, Hell, Nevada. I can't. There is NO way I can use my degree while living here. I will be moving out, on my own, one day.
If I graduated from UNLV, I could possibly take a year off.... to save up money, to get a better grip on where I want to go. But, I would be just SITTING on my degree.... letting it "stagnate". It would a LOT harder to get recommendations if I wanted to get back to Graduate schools if I took a year off. I could always just get a entry level job, and work my way up a chain. But even by that track, I am EVENTUALLY going to have to get a Ph.D. Have to. So, no matter how I look at it.... After I graduate, I HAVE to be going somewhere. I have to either go to grad school, or get an entry level job immediately..... Both those options require me to move, somewhere.
I could possibly live on campus, in graduate dorms, I guess. But if that doesn't work, I'll need to get my own apartment. How would I be able to pay that, unless I were getting paid, by either a job, or my actual research paying me. So.... If I didn't get financial aid, going almost anywhere out of state (out-of-state tuition will be ouch), it's gonna be expensive. I'm almost betting I will need to take out loans just to PAY for my survival out there.
Hell, anyway I look at it... I don't know what to do. Too many variables, and I can't choose where to go.
One option is to go to Mass. My aunt lives there, and who knows? She might be able to help me out. I doubt I could live with her and her boyfriend, but at least I'd have someone to turn to if I needed help. Going there would be completely different, I'd have to make it with snow.... ha... yeah. Only two states (CA & TX) not in the "snow zone".
I just don't know. I can look up tons of information, but actually taking that leap... that leap of "Alright, I'm gonna try to apply for a school across the country" is still scareing me.
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| Thursday, June 28th, 2007
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2:30 pm - My rant and rave about work (and apparently other stuff too)
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So… I got happy news today when I came into work today…someone’s was hired to fill Lynn’s old position as the 1DAY coordinator… Paula.
This is great for me, I no longer have to deal with this shit…I’ve done the absolute best I can, but that really wasn’t all the much.
The problem with this is… She’s starting June 9. So…. About a week and a half from now. Mainly, the problem is… I’M the one who’s training her first.
Yeah…. right, me train her. I know next to NOTHING about this fucking job. The only thing I can really say I’ve done ALL month is take down her voicemails, and create stupid C.E. credit reports for hygienists and doctors. Oh, that and I’ve also entered stuff in the database before.
But I know nothing about the process of creating a patient’s chart, or finding a dentist to volunteer to take on the kid’s work, and then setting up an appointment, and giving the referral back to the agency.
I know JACK SHIT about that.
And I swear, I bet Bob thinks I do. I bet he thinks nothing has changed over the last month or so with the program, as if Lynn still was doing what she did…Though he’s never EVER taken the time to show me how to do it. I’ve asked him a quite a few times, and each time he “delayed” our meeting and going down there to sort it all out.
Thing is, after all the shit I’ve had to do with the C.E. credits, I almost doubt Lynn did a DAMN THING at her job. None of the credit reports got out when she “supposedly” mailed them out in April. None. I redid every single one. She couldn’t even print reports out correctly using the SNDS letterhead. She screwed up something So freaking simple. So… it just leads me to believe she did a shitty job all around.
So… good news, I won’t have to deal with 1DAY shit for much longer. Bad news, I have to train a woman on stuff I know nothing about…. Blah.
In other news… once all this shit is taken care of with the 1DAY program, I honestly believe I have nothing to do in this office until September. I mean, I’ll answer phones and all, but I won’t have any projects, or meetings to call about…nothing. I mean, geez, just today alone, I probably worked a half hour, and the rest, I’ve been on the internet doing nonsense shit… reading reviews, reading articles, writing in my journal (lol), and finding movie times for Die Hard. Wendy finally came in around 1:30pm… and here it is 2, and I’m just typing away on my p.o.s. computer in my little “filled with boxes and random shit” office. It’s funny… I have the biggest “room” as far as an office goes, but more than half of it is boxes. Boxes of shit that has to go to the 1DAY office too. I have shit in my office on the Give Kids a Smile events back to 2005!! Fuck, it’s just sitting in boxes, un-filed, NOT organized at all. I feel sorry for Paula, because she will EVENTUALLY have to sort through all of this crap, and come up with a better system then what we got here. I hope she’s up for it. She seems pretty motivated.
Paula won over Bob and the two other dentists who were in charge of hiring her by literally bringing up info she found on her own regard about the program. She looked up ADA website, read about other GKAS events in other states, and even came up with her own way to help fund the whole program, using governmental and ADA funding for newly founded programs…. All on her own, no one even asked her too. That takes motivation, and drive. So… if she wanted the job that much, hopefully she’ll be able to sort through all the crap Lynn left her.
In other news… Bob is gonna be gone a lot this July, because he’s got two conference’s out of state. One to Hawaii, the other one to Chicago. Because his wife is going with him to Hawaii, Bob asked me to “house sit” his apartment, to take in his mail, and water his plant. So… On Saturday, I have to go head over to his place and get keys from him to do that from the 3rd thru the 10th. I might bum around the pool sometime the week using his key, but as far as “Living” there for a week…. No. Just plain no.
Another thing is this weekend, Faith and Darin are coming down to visit and are staying at Bob’s. They've been married a month now, and well...they're already coming back for stuff... ie. cat. I don’t know. So, if I head down to the apartment on Saturday or Sunday, I’ll run into them… say hello, maybe catch up a bit.
But more importantly this weekend, I gotta go with Nick to cancel his cell phone (really a smart move on his end), and I need to get a Smog Check. Once I get that Smog Check, I can head down to the DMV with my dad and change the title of my car from his name to my name. My car will officially by mine…all paid off too. It’s a nice feeling. When I bought the car with my dad, it was gonna take until I graduated college to pay it off, we got it done a year early. I thank him so much for it.
As far as everything else goes, I’m on the right track. I’m studying for my GRE test, and will sign up for it as SOON as I get paid the 30th. I plan on taking it around the middle of August, if all works out. Then I’ll take my GRE Biology Subject the only day the offer it, sometime in October or November. That gives me a few more months to study for it, in between classes.
I’ve been thinking, that because the only summer “vacation” I got was staying in CA and helping Faith for her wedding, I am probably going to take the 2 weeks off before school. That would give me enough time to chill the fuck out, buy books, write letters to teachers, and get a hold of my lab instructor to see when he’s free to get me set up to work in the lab next semester.
Can ya believe it? It’s not even July, and I’m already planning out August… hehe. Guess that’s how I am. I gotta keep on top of things, considering that when I start school, my days are been scheduled to the max. Hell, I only can hope I’ll be able to take a little time from the hectic-ness of life, and enjoying be 21 and able to legally drink!! Woo!
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| Monday, May 7th, 2007
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5:22 pm - Wasting time before my final
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Man.... I've decided to never EVER stay in this MSU tv lounge after 3pm.... that's when all the stupid ass adults whine and cry up here, while yelling at the damn kids to turn down the damn tv.....
I mean, SERIOUSLY, you came to the TV lounge! You want some place quiet to talk, go the the Lounge next door that doesn't HAVE a "damn loud screaming TV"
I'll be happy when the arcade opens up, because NO freaking aging adult is going to walk in there and tell us to "keep it down."
God, I pray that I never end up like these middle age came-back-to- college because they fucked up the first time, had kids and now want to reclaim their youthful learning self..... *cough cough* FUCKING Bull. shit. Ever time I hear the "older aged" population on this campus speak, it's always about how THEY"RE right, that technology is evil, that TV is a waste of time, and that whatever happened in the past, it's better than what it is now.... God, adults need to grow up.;.... Time moves forward, you can't handle it, then crawl under the rock you've been living in.... don't come back to collge to what? TO LEARN!?!/ LOL.. you gotta be kidding me, beceause I higly fucking doubt any of these older "students" are learning squat.
hahah... they're all like my mother..... The go to science class and ask "why do I need to know this? God created everything, so I don't need to know about evolution and how a cell works. The reason it works is because God made it work"..... Or they go to an computer class and mock students with "When I was your age, when had to do all these computations by hand, with a pencil!"
UGH....
I work my ass off to not end up where these bald, fat and middle aged adults are.... thinking they are making their lives better by going back to college, when they're only going to be handed a tutition bill, and not have enough TIME to even USE that degree they are working for. Hmm... that's why you go for degrees RIGHT after high school, not when you're fucking 40/50.
.....
It's funny.... they people who are over 100 years old, and in good health.... they didn't close off their minds.... They use modern technology, they follow the fads and the celebrities, listen to popular music.... they don't just shut themselves off from the world when they hit 70/80.... they continue to grow WITH the world...
I see these people here, in this STUDENT union.... and they've already shut themselves off to life.... they talk about bands and music from the 80's... They don't contemplate Today's hot topics, like global warming, stem cell research, oh, and the newest way to test for blood sugar for diabetes patients WITHOUT pricking your finger every few hours..... No.... these fuckers watch mind-numbing, neede no brain to comprehend... Sports.
I don't hate sports.... I hate the people who watch them like it's the second coming of christ... sure, be interested, but don't praise your favorite player, and condemn the 'enemy'... it's JUST a fucking game, and every player went through the same grueling training to get there..... How come men (and women I guess, since there are a few die-hard girls) can't see that? That sports is a game, that rooting for one person is pointless? That making a loss of your team compareable to the death of a loved one is just absurd???
*sigh*
Next final.... soon.... At least I'm prepared for it..... better than I was for O-chem, and I surprising thinkI did well on it..... .I'll know in a week or so when she grades it.... But than again, I might know sooner, cuz it's only a scanton test..... *shrugs*
But dammit I"m hungry... and I"m sick of hearing old people whine and moan.... If it's SO damn hard for you to go to classes and study, than fucking DON"T.... .I deal with far worse than these fucking old guys are complaing about....
"Hey old dude, why don't you try completeing a science degree in 4 years, with a year a research under my belt, while holding a job for 3 of those years, and paying for all my tuition and books?"...."Oh, that little liberal arts degree too hard??? You can't seem to do a measely 8 credits a semester? Having difficulty opening your mind enough to even comprehend that introductory science class you closed mind idiot"???? Pshhh... .too bad for you.. *shrugs*
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| Saturday, April 7th, 2007
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7:42 pm
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Ever have an out-of-body experience? Not when you are sleeping, but when you are awake... like, your going through all the motions, but you are just kind of observing yourself... there's no thought behind the actions, just things happen in a sequence.
Like, I just want to do something unexpected. Right now, I'm going through the same old motions of the weekend... reading textbooks, doing assignments, finishing up lab reports.... it's gotta so monotonous that I almost stop thinking, stop understanding the world around me, and just... feel not there, hence the 'out of body'-ness
But see, I can't... I'm trapped, in a sense. Sure it's nice seeing my older brother ever once and awhile, but I feel like I have to babysit him... he's a druggie, and spent literally a half hour showing me the chemical structures of drug molecules and asking me if I knew how to synthesize them using my knowledge of organic chemistry, saying that I would be able to make "him" lots of money, and I should do it. He may not admit it, but he's a little like my mother.... always thinking about themselves, always being selfish.
I mean... here's John, basically having criminal charges over his head, comes out here to buy illegal fireworks, and "hide out".... then asks my mother to give him 1000 dollars to "clear his name" from his fine from his charges... because of course, he's spent all of his money on losing to the stock market and gambling it. What job does he hold? No clue, I don't even know if he works. Hell almost sounds like Nick. Dead beat, bumming off of everyone (family, friends) just to get by.
It's frustrating.... I'm so much like my dad, I don't know what to say. He's works his ass off to support himself and his family, and he does the best he can, standing on his own two feet, no matter how tired he is. I admire him, and also feel sorry for him
My dad talked to me today, before he went to work.... every weekend, I see him gettting more and more desperate... desperate to get out of this 2 job grind, desperate to have a social life, to have ALONE time, to do something other than work. He told me to realize how privelged I am, to have a car, to be living at home while going to school and for the most part having everything paid for. And I KNOW that. I know I"m privelged, I know I don't deserve it, I KNOW I should be helping out more. but see, I TRY. I try to help out, I try to do what I can, because I KNOW how tough it is for my dad. I feel like I'm the ONLY one that feels for my dad. He told me that he was 22 when he got a car, he had used his dad's car to go back and forth to college, and work... and when he got that car, he paid for it all himself. Here I am, not even 21, and I will have a car paid OFF, thanks to my dad. And there isn't much I can do to reverse what he's paid. I mean, I will most likely pay it forward to my children, and get them car's when they need them...
It's just... my idiots of brothers.... good for nothing, really. I feel like all the pressure is on me to suceed. I mean, I have the feeling that when I make it, and have my shit settled, I am afraid everyone is going to come running to me to solve their money problems... makes me angry, really angry, because NO one has had faith in me, no one ever said that they were proud of me making it so far, for perservering, for being head-strong, for reaching for what I want. The only one that seems to be rooting for me is Remy.... but even with that, I still am going to have to strike forward without him since I'll be graduating before him.
.... the more I think about the more I see how Remy and I are similar.... he's always has the constant responsibilities posed on by his family... always feels like his has to look for them, make them happy, make sure everyone is in a good mood..... and I honestly have the same thing....Only difference is that I see them less often, and have to make more of an impression each time.
*sigh*
Tomorrow is the start of another week.... grand total of 5 weeks left of school this semester, running down to the wire. Theme of the night seems to be frustration, beause I just am SO frustrated, with school, with work.... with "other" things as well
Guess I'm gonna call it a night.... just vege out, and wean off the horrible headache I have. I still have to go out and buy dog food, and I've been WAITING for Nick to get home, but I can't wait much longer...
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