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Below are 25 recent journal entries, after skipping 25

	2004.01.08  23.52 blah blah blah Sometimes, I get this terrible fear. A fear that I'm somehow this huge snob and don't even know it. Maybe it happened when I went to Hockaday; maybe I just was one to begin with. But, is it wrong to expect a certain level of depth from people? It's really just my roommates. There is never any discussion about anything but "cute guys", drinking, and music. It just so boring. There is never really even discussion about anything remotely personal. Except, of course, who wants to be dating whom. Did I just miss this dullness by going to Hockaday? I guess I just never really thought that people didn't occasionally sit around and shoot the shit about stuff?really just for the fun of having a debate. I mean, it wasn't even always all about the actual topic. I guess I'm just wondering why I feel like this is not really my fault. Like they should want to do these things. I mean, I just always thought that's what friends did. Mood: blah Music: The Family Guy in the background

	2004.01.07  18.35 I miss people who can sit around and debate stuff without having a conniption and running off. Its just so....boring to not do that occasionally. Mood: aggravated Music: Kellis- milkshake

	2003.12.06  06.48 All aspects of society further the motives of the powerful social elite. I've decided to personally reinvent myself into who I want to be. I figure what better way to find a way to like me then be something I can like. Here's to a popsicles chance in hell. And it's 2:14 to go until finals officially begin. Mood: awake Music: Fiona Apple- Sleep to dream

	2003.12.04  00.48 When even writing on and on for three pages didn't make you feel better, it might be time to eat a lot of dark chocolate and play with fire. literally. Anybody up for a huge fire?

	2003.12.03  23.08 Every time, its like I shouldn't even bother.

	2003.12.03  11.32 don't you wanna take a ride with me? I'm so tired of going through the motions of life. Getting out of bed in the morning is harder then anything else. If I sleep all day, then I never have to see people, I don't have to pretend about anything, and I can just be unconscious in nothingness. I'm not even sure what's me and what isn't anymore. Mood: uncomfortable Music: Poe- Hey Pretty

	2003.11.27  05.46 Get into it, get stupid. I've had the time to ponder for a while today, the entire university infrastructure that is excessive drinking. And, I've come to several conclusions. First, no level of drunkenness is an excuse for someone's actions. You are responsible for what you do, even when shitfaced. I will take care of you if you're really drunk and need it, and by need I mean so out of it you could hurt yourself or someone else. Second, I don't think it will ever be particularly "cool" to binge drink. Sure, if it makes you feel good to chug till you vomit, go ahead. But I don't respect you for it. And third, life is just more interesting when you remember most of it. It's not funny when you can't remember where you were or who that guy is and why he knows your name. While university is supposed to be full of smart people I have to admit that the sheer level of drinking makes a lot of people really unimpressive. I'm not saying that drinking is bad, but be a fucking adult and accept your actions and their consequences. That is my rant. I'm done now. Mood: blah Music: Black Eyed Peas- Lets get retarded

	2003.11.22  04.33 All your sex and your diamonds. It seems that I go to shit at the worst possible moments. The David Usher show last night was good and the walk home was nice. Then I just kind of lost it all. And I woke up with a huge migraine this morning...all weird sounds and the inability to handle bright light. Today was fabulous, really. Mood: sore Music: David Usher- Black black heart

	2003.11.21  02.31 Sometimes you just need one person to understand.

	2003.11.18  01.57 Its an underwear date then? It's not a vacation if I can't shop at VS, eat gelato, drink Starbucks or drive my car ridiculously fast. Mood: sympathetic Music: Craig David- Fill me in

	2003.11.17  02.01 what happens when you go from predator to prey?

	2003.11.17  00.00 you try being me.... ?how to be you? a refresher course. Some people have a very twisted sense of humor. I sort of feel like my weekend started on Wednesday, and that's possibly a very bad thing. We had a windstorm that night, and we decided at 3am to go see Taylor. Of all things tragic, Kyle was asleep when we got there. Such a pretty, pretty, naughty thing. Might I add, small cars, high wind, and recycling bins do mix well. It was like a demonic obstacle course. A couple of the guys from Windsor were up here on Friday, such a terrible influence. Tobin thought I was wussing out when I had to stop taking shots?didn't get that I'm just really small and a lightweight. Somehow I managed to kick ass at pool and made $50. At this point I sort of desperately want to go home and hang out in Dallas for break. Shop and have great food. Not freeze my ass off. Might have to find myself a job thought, make some money and avoid boredom. If life weren't such I big deal?I wonder if I'd want to still joint the Peace Corps or something. Mood: optimistic Music: tegan and sara

	2003.11.11  03.16 I've come to the realization that I'm a mental slut. Mood: amused Music: Black Eyed Peas- Shut Up

	2003.11.10  02.42 My phone now rings to the pink panther theme, I've read 100+ pages on middle eastern architecture, one of my roomates is losing her grandfather and I can't sleep. Still not sure what to make of the last week.

	2003.11.02  16.34 My all-American girl No matter how much you love someone, people can only be horrible so many times before enough is enough. It seems to me that it's usually self-centered when it happens. Now, as delusion as I may be, I think I fall more into being self-revolving them being self-centered. But that brings to question just what the difference is. I guess its all up to personal interpretations. I've always been sort of proud that I don't let people treat me like shit. Having seen the abuse some people are willing to take and what it does to their self-image and self-confidence, I think its something well worth always avoiding. I don't know, I guess I'm just a little off-center and confused right now. Mood: contemplative Music: Matthew Good- Weapon

	2003.10.31  21.28 I believe Halloween has go to be one of my favorite holidays. Why? Well, I spent the night with a bottle of nail polish, a bunny, Wayne&Garth, a fairy, and Mel "fuckthis" Gillett. And seriously, nothing more flattering then getting "swinged" all the time. Wayne (Leighton) and Garth (Pat) won $200 at the bar for best costume. It was awesome. Me, a little cold in my tiny, tiny mini shorts. But my guns looked awesome. And in the end, nothing cooler then a set of guns. And Joel, Joel can die a horrible, horrible death. Mood: awake Music: DMX- X gone give ti to ya

	2003.10.29  19.28 Ladies and Gentlemen, I am Lara Croft. Lara Croft with a huge paper due Monday.

	2003.10.25  12.32 Western 18, Windsor 24 There is something so unique about waking up on Sunday morning. It's the end of the weekend, which blows, but it's also the day that I get the most done. So, I actually watched the entirety of a Western football game yesterday. Windsor wiped the floor with Western, but it was still fun. See, this isn't just a random thing, as Mel was sorta dating a guy on the Windsor team. So I, being very cold and still sick, sat for 3 hours to watch football. That was my Saturday. Other then that, life is boring and full of work. But, I intend to devote next weekend to having fun, and doing minimal work. Because its Halloween. Which reminds me, I need to find a costume?. Mood: sleepy Music: Maroon 5- must get out

	2003.10.24  02.58 Breath fire, drink vodka. It seems like my week has vanished faster then I could follow it. I feel like I've gotten nothing I wanted to done. But then, I suppose I have. For the first time in my life, writing a paper was difficult. Literally, my every waking moment seemed to be about this PoliSci paper. But it's complete now. I dyed my hair a dark brown the other day. I just decided it needed to be done. It's amazing how it changes my outlook. It's like getting a totally new outlook on everything. It does make me wonder what will happen when I have to get it bleached blonde in May. I got the cutest voicemail. See, Leslie rules. And she's coming to visit me, way up here in the land of Canada. Now really, how many of you fly internationally to see people? That's what I thought. Of random, I bought myself a Western sweatshirt today. I've really wanted one for a while. It's lovely and blue, with that nice nubby new sweatshirt inside. I want to sleep in it. I'm in that horribly sick phase where I'm not so much ill, as just ill sounding. I feel fine, except for this harsh cough. It's ridiculous that we can treat cancer, but not the 400 varieties of the common cold. Anyway, I need to sleep so I get up in time for Art, so I can make flash cards. Yeah, university is that grown up. Mood: sick Music: Counting Crows- Colorblind

	2003.10.19  02.20 Hello, good morning, how you been? Sometimes, it seems like its all supposed to be simple, and it's all under my control. And others, it seems like it all sucks and I can do nothing about it. Opportunity is so very evident, but want is so deftly hidden. Sometimes, it seems like its all a big lie, and I am just letting myself believe it, because it’s easier to follow the outlines, but it involves selling my soul in the process. Mood: contemplative Music: silverchair

	2003.10.14  04.08 Stupid fucking bitch. I hate it when people do shit drunk, so when they come home you can't even confront them about it. So you have to put it off, and in the process I get so much fucking madder. Mood: angry Music: ICP- let's go all the way

	2003.10.09  04.26 A Man Apart There is nothing as cool as Vin Diesel and a movie about cocaine late at night to screw you over for classes tomorrow. Mood: awake

	2003.10.08  03.52 I drove for miles and miles So I can honestly say that I’ll never be an economist. You’d think that it would involve lots of money and stuff, but no, just a lot of pretty dull cost/want theory analysis. I wish I could fully appreciated the fact that I have a three day weekend coming up (Canadian thanksgiving for all those outside the circle), but its mildly overshadowed by my looming art history exam, and the two papers I have to start researching and writing in the next five days. Compounding my problem is that Pat is going to be here this weekend, and Mel’s boyfriend may be here next weekend, so I might not get a lot of work done without serious effort. I mean, I can’t get bed here before 4am as it is. And guests in this house always mean a lot more partying. Ah, life is so hard. On the plus side, we may be having one kick ass Halloween party chez us, so that should rule. I love parties, but I love planning them and then attending them even more. Now, I have to figure out how to make sponge bob cookies. Yes, really. Mood: restless Music: Maroon 5- Sweetest Goodbye

	2003.10.06  01.20 Trojan Horse Ah, the fun of people I don't fully understand. Went with Katie and Dane to a church-thing they wanted to go to. It was funny to watch Dane go from loving this guy Derek, to realizing that he's a bit of a flake. Defiantly not my crowd, I've never been asked about my "church" so often in my whole. Resounding ammunition for my anti-organized religion ideas. Got to see Mel totally passed out last night, which was humorous in the end. Drinking too much vodka is never a way to go there. Neither is puking it back up on yourself. Ah, the fun. I finally got to painting yesterday (this morning, technically), and it's most wonderful. Artistic block blows. Mood: busy Music: Stand Up- Ludacris

	2003.10.01  03.34 my perfect circle The best part of my day was that I got to play with a Border Collie puppy for a half an hour. I miss my puppy. I want a puppy. And this is where life gets serious. My essay prospectus is due tomorrow, I have an Econ exam Saturday and the snowboarding party is tomorrow, Blind Date is Thursday. I am so going to be in need of my Thanksgiving Monday holiday two weeks from now. I had to break out the teddybear pants out today it was so freaking cold. It’s officially winter when those babies see the light of day. Maybe I’ll sleep better tonight. Until last night I’d forgotten how much insomnia blows. Mood: sleepy Music: Blue October- Coming closer