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Below are the 25 most recent journal entries.

	2004.04.04  19.22 This entire weekend has been unconstructive and filled with random empty things. It was a waste and I'm loathed to do anything about it. So there. That's all I've got.

	2004.04.02  03.20 TeeHee Well, it's the first night I've spent in all week. And putting a dent in my birthday chocolate hoard and watching all of SATC's 4th season disc 2, I did a bunch of thing, and came to one conclusion. I think I found whatever it was I was looking for here in London. I haven't had a bad day in a month, and I am really looking forward to all the nutty stuff that goes on during finals weeks. Its unfortunate that my roommates aren't in all this at all, but when given people to compare them to, they just fell way, way to short. I less then 2 months I've become better friends with Jen, then I did in an entire year with either Danielle or Melissa. And with most of the new people, I don't have to pretend I'm having fun or that I care about their ridiculous mini-dramas. And that is maybe the best thing of all. Mood: contemplative Music: maroon 5- songs about jane

	2004.03.22  03.22 The Placebo Effect Well, its not all bad. For the first Sunday in a long time, I was out at the bar. It was nice, hung out with AO after chapter meeting. My newly appointed 'big sister" is nice, and I think we'll have a good time together. This week there see to be a million little things going on. And then I have initiation on Friday, and a formal on Saturday. And then Monday is Martini night for my birthday! And, I must admit....I feel that being twenty is really old. So there you have it. I'm old and I have way to much time to spend out partying. Mood: lethargic Music: sade- i'll be there

	2004.03.16  23.38 After much super glue...my sanity is back! I'm throwing a little party....cause I have no papers and no exams for 3 whole weeks. For at least a month I've gone from completing one thing to starting another, with pretty much no breaks. But no more. I laugh at turnitin.com, deadlines, and due dates. They don't matter for 3 weeks. So now I can go out during the week, actually drink, and not spend Sundays in the library. Now, it just has to stop snowing and get warm, and I will be the happiest person alive. Mood: happy Music: hey mama-black eyed peas

	2004.03.13  03.14 out of the madness, into the mayhem I won't go with the "when life really sucks good things happen" line, because well its really more of stating the obvious. But I did have a crappy day, made better by the cool guy who spilled my coffee all over me and my books. And I did talk to Meghan and it did remind me that there are still cool people out there. And think I've finally found a way to fix all this mess I seem to be surrounded by here. And I like my new sorority, and I want to live in the house next year. And I need to go to bed, as I have an exam tomorrow. Mood: moody Music: Orgy- Eva

	2004.03.12  02.21 I'm about this (-) close to beating the crap out of someone or something. I'm just so fucking mad right now. And I'm not even sure how to verbalize it..so I leave it at that,

	2004.03.09  02.02 defining device I have this uniquely special relationship. Now, it might not be normal or conventional, but none of that matters. My closest, the ones who knows everything. The tangerine palm m130. I realized today that I could probably not live without it. It must go everywhere with me. The one day that I left it at home in high school, I took my much needed lunch time to drive home and get it?.a round trip of about a half an hour. While most people have a nightly routine, I doubt that for most it involves HotSync, which I do every night of the week between brushing my teeth and removing my contacts. It stores all my information, on everyone and everything from the second fax line at my house in Dallas to a complete list of all birthdays. It maintains a running list of all class readings and due dates, organizable by due date or GPA importance. And most importantly, it shows me all the places I have to be and all the appointments I have to keep. It is the most trustworthy relationship I've ever had. It even has solitaire. And today, when asked by a curious observer if I found "those organizer things" useful, I found it hard not to take offense, for you see, its not just an organizer. Its my life, my safety net, and my piece of mind when it seems like I have something huge due to everyone, all at the same time. My palm is like my Blankie. Without all the holes. I confess. Music: usher- yeah

	2004.03.03  23.37 its all there...its just in pieces Online shopping is the devil....I want...I want...I want....this cute necklace of a mud flap girl. Also, I seem to have commandeered a prescription for sleeping pills...and I didn't even want it.... See, the shrink I see occasionally thinks it might help my insomnia. Oh, and I see a shrink every now and then. Sure beats talking to myself... I've started a new painting titled "Saturday Night", and it's the first totally original work that I've created in months. I have a formal pining ceremony for Alpha Phi, for which I have to dress up 'nice'. I think the cute shoes I bought have a purpose now. They will look stunning with my black suit. Oh, I'm joining a sorority by the way. See, life is funny in that Margaret Cho kind of way. Mood: amused Music: blue october- come in closer

	2004.03.02  22.54 After much scrutiny, I have amended the list-of-things-that-make-me-happy due mostly to the fact that well, economics is three very long and boring hours. The new lists resides below. thunderstorms, rain, dirty jokes, worn jeans, days off, sarcasm, engineers, pad thai, new nail polish, grey fleece, sushi, chapstick, orchids, dark chocolate, scary movies, flannel pants, cute waiters, sexy underwear, vodka martinis Mood: amused Music: sade- by your side

	2004.03.01  02.02 So I've had my week off, which was nice and uneventful. I did some work for my dad, so I made some money. I made a pretty serious dent in my VISA bill shopping (who knew Nordstrom Rack had such cute shoes). I went out to dinner several times, and got to spend some good time with my dad. I really do miss him. I got used to him being around so much in high school and over the summer when I worked for him. So its weird that I don't really talk to him when I'm in Canada. My mum and I went shopping, which I realized we really haven't done in years. I always used to shop with my friends or it was all 4 of us girls. It was sort of funny. Although kind of nice, as she convinced me to get some stuff, even though she knows I don't have that much money. In all, not to bad a trip. Now, I just have to get through two more months and I'll have my summer break. Mood: nostalgic Music: nerd- almost over now

	2004.02.21  02.21 K. McGowan...fuck you.

	2004.02.18  01.11 Life right now....rather beige. I should get arrested or strip at a bar.....something to kill the dull. Mood: blank Music: Matthew Good- Weapon

	2004.02.12  01.34 Writing a paper about female nudes in art is like trying to write a paper and watch porn. You know you have work to do and you know you should be looking at its technical elements, but its just so goddamn muscular and sexy.

	2004.02.11  08.52 Best Purchase of the Week: the quaint little box of clemantines, with the little red netting.

	2004.02.10  16.20 I felt the need this morning...to not get out of bed. To lock myself in and lounge all day in my underwear. And this was all before 7am. I think that, perhaps at his point I really do need a break from everything. I mean, my palm now has those little angry lines telling me I've double booked stuff every day till the 20th. On the up side...I now own the 2nd season of SATC, and its wonderful. I got my whole house addicted to watching it and there was a collective sigh as the last one ended.I also found the most fabulous shade of pink lipstick, and hoplefully my lovely new corset will arrive on Friday in the trusted hands of Leslie. So in all, I just have to make it to Friday morning without death or folly, and it'll all be good. Mood: lethargic Music: Feel- Robbie Williams

	2004.02.02  18.52 Well, I think I just woke up from the most painful migraine I've ever had. I really wasn't sure what day it was, what time it was, or where I was. And that, was sort of creepy. Never really been out of my mind like that.

	2004.02.01  05.00 I want my stupid FUN time NOW god damn it.

	2004.01.30  16.51 Frenemies It all seems pretty funny now. See, I realized not too long ago that one of my closest friends here sucked. Sucked because, shes half a friends. I realized, that I was the one who had to do everything. Start every conversation, make every plan, and it sucked. At the end of the day, friendships like that are just going to leave you empty. And it did. So I decided to try something, just to see if I was right. I stopped doing everything… and nothing happened. Nothing as in…when we didn’t have a conversation for three days, she didn’t bother to get up and walk into my room. Now, how twisted to you have to be to think that is friendship? I can she her doing it now too, with Mel. But Mel is a bit of a doormat, so she doesn’t know or doesn’t care. Friendship is supposed to be two sided…right? Well, that’s that. Now its just fun to watch her try and make polite small talk. Mood: cynical Music: 100 year- five for fighting

	2004.01.26  01.37 Over the next year...I intend to buy every season of Sex and the City on DVD. Because....I want them.

	2004.01.26  00.26 It's a big catch-22, all this I've come to the conclusion that no matter how bad something may seem, there are always ways for it to get worse and ways for it to get better. No matter what, there is something good out there. I made a random phone call because I felt like I should, and it ended up making me feel really really good. I ordered for myself something I have been coveting, because it was 50% off and I needed something to make me a bit happier. Now, every time I think about it, I can at least smile in anticipation of it arriving. I think that if I can get started on making next year better, then I can be better equipped to shrug off and ignore the bad things around me now. At some point soon I think I'll call my parents and level with them about all the stuff going on because I know it means a lot to them when I keep them informed and show that I do need them. And I'm going to try and keep to my goal of studying harder. As lame as it seems, I think I need to actually follow through with it. I'm starting to believe in people again, and that above all has to be a good thing. Mood: satisfied Music: metallica- until it sleeps

	2004.01.21  02.51 The Ick factor I guess that I'm starting to figure out all the stuff that was really messing me up before. I'm not sure which is worse thought the confusion or the understanding. And I've never really had to approach stuff like this, which I think is making me more tentative about doing something about it. I feel like I should talk to Dane, but I also know that she probably will like the conversation as little as I do. I mean, when you realize that you can't really be friends with someone for a specific reason, should you tell them? Or is it better to keep it to yourself? Ah, I guess I just really should find someone in the know about this and work out a plan of some sort. Mood: contemplative Music: maroon5- songs about jane

	2004.01.19  22.17 My goal is to be able to touch my toes while standing.....meager but important.

	2004.01.19  02.32 This time, I'm going to try and not screw it up so badly. I mean, its four months, I can hack that. And I'll do whatever it takes.This time its all going to go my way. Mood: accomplished Music: Marron 5- must get out

	2004.01.12  00.30 Is it weird if my internal voice is British?

	2004.01.11  02.23 Ever wonder what it feels like to have truly homicidal thoughts? Does your brain sort of step back and say, man, maybe we're a little angry?