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Stasy Elaine

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(kiss me)

[09 Jun 2004|04:05pm]
[ mood | anxious ]
[ music | Everclear ]

just a couple more weeks 'till I move to California!!!! I am sooooo happy!! SSShhhhhhh!!!! But keep it
"hush-hush" 'cuz I don't wanna get "someone" jealous... lol.
;)
---------------------------------
I am still living with your ghost
Lonely and dreaming of the west coast
I don't want to be your downtime
I don't want to be your stupid game
*
With my big black boots and an old suitcase
I do believe I'll find myself a new place
I don't want to be the bad guy
I don't want do your sleepwalk dance anymore
I just want to see some palm trees
I will try and shake away this disease
*
We can live beside the ocean
Leave the fire behind
Swim out past the breakers
Watch the world die
*
I am stil dreaming of you face
Hungry and hollow for all the things you took away
I don't want to be your good time
I don't want to be your fall-back crutch anymore
*
I'll walk right out into a brand new day
Insane and rising in my own weird way
I don't want to be the bad guy
I don't want to do your sleepwalk dance anymore
*
I just want to feel some sunshine
I just want to find some place to be alone
*
yeah watch the world die
~Everclear~Santa Monica~

(kiss me)

[30 May 2004|01:20pm]
[ mood | mischievous ]
[ music | :) ]

On the road again
Just can't wait to get on the road again
The life I love is makin' music with my friends
And I can't wait to get on the road again
On the road again
Goin' places that I've never been
Seein' things that I may never see again,
And I can't wait to get on the road again.

On the road again
Like a band of gypsies we go down the highway
We're the best of friends
Insisting that the world be turnin' our way
And our way
Is on the road again
Just can't wait to get on the road again
The life I love is makin' music with my friends
And I can't wait to get on the road again

Just can't wait to get on the road again
The life I love is makin' music with my friends
And I can't wait to get on the road again
And I can't wait to get on the road again

----Things will be unexpected on our journey of life. I want to take things as they come... make the best of life and how Im dealt things. I am so happy now, that I have my own life to live for, and I am out of school, and I am moving soon. It will be wonderful.

(kiss me)

[27 May 2004|06:32pm]
[ mood | groggy ]
[ music | "I want you to want me!" ]

It turns out that I am going into surgery tommorrow, at 7:15 am to get my left ovary removed.... I have a "complicated mass growing on my left ovary." Oh god, but this is going to be fine, I know it is... I will have a massive drug cocktail!!! So the doctors are going to sedate me completely... I will be out, I wont have feeling whatsoever. Well, I am going to miss graduation this year...I dont mind so much though, because I know I am gonna get better and healthier from this operation. :) Anyways, I better go get some rest, I have a busy day tommorrow.

(kiss me)

[23 May 2004|09:16am]
[ mood | sore ]

i got my tongue pierced on friday! it hurts like a bitch, though. i like it so much. I need to go get a new barbell for it, so I dont have the long one in for so long... cuz I can't eat or anything with it in, or talk right with my tongue all swollen...*cry cry* :( oh well, at least it looks cute! Anyhow, Im gonna go now. not much else to say.

(kiss me)

[18 May 2004|10:50pm]
[ mood | thirsty ]

Your eyes shine bright:
Like a Jesus Night Light.
I'd like to touch your positive vibes...

(kiss me)

[16 May 2004|12:02pm]
[ mood | drained ]
[ music | "We are alive" - PVD ]

I got back from the club today. I slept, like, a half hour, and that's it.. lol. I went to Neon Moon again with Dustin... His "female," Ashley, slept with her little arms wrapped around me the whole night... she's so sweet. Dustin did good with her. :) It was so fun... I've never gotten so many comments on my ass before in my life.. I guess it's nice... lol! Anyhow, I saw my baby bry this morning, went to go see him at work. He is so wonderful. I dont know what I would do without him.... I love you so much, Bryan. anyhow, I gotta go wash my hair, I have to go tanninng this morning.

(kiss me)

PrOm!!!! [09 May 2004|08:39pm]
[ mood | Hung-over ]
[ music | "Nobody but you" - Paul Van Dyk ]

I went to prom last nite with my baby Bry... I love him.. He looked super sexy in his tux and pretty stuff... I wore a dress that was gorgeous... After prom ended, I went and stayed in a hotel with Ashton, chase, ashley, shively, jeff, sean and this guy I didnt know named tyler... We drank this awesome blue stuff that tasted like sour cool-aid... But seriously, they are so wonderful.. Ashton is the SWEETEST girl in the entire world... I hope we get more chances to hang out with her.

(kiss me)

[20 Mar 2004|08:41pm]
[ mood | sad ]

I am starting fresh now... got rid of the old stuff in the journal and all the mean stuff I wrote in it... I'm glad. I miss Bryan more than I have ever missed a person before... My heart aches right now. I am heartbroken. There is so much that I want to say to you... I want to hold you and apologize for making you hurt... Please know that I love you, and I am sorry. I am here for you, Baby, any time you need, I want you to cry on my shoulder and let me take the pain away from you. Please feel better, I love you so much.

(kiss me)

[20 Mar 2004|08:41pm]
[ mood | sad ]

I am starting fresh now... got rid of the old stuff in the journal and all the mean stuff I wrote in it... I'm glad. I miss Bryan more than I have ever missed a person before... My heart aches right now. I am heartbroken. There is so much that I want to say to you... I want to hold you and apologize for making you hurt... Please know that I love you, and I am sorry. I am here for you, Baby, any time you need, I want you to cry on my shoulder and let me take the pain away from you. Please feel better, I love you so much.

(3 kisses | kiss me)

[19 Mar 2004|07:03am]
[ mood | thoughtful ]
[ music | Birds chirping outside.... ]

*** I feel very sorry for some of the Christians out there, and I wish that they realized how life worked, and that you cannot "live by Christain morals" if you don't live by the the rule that you should treat others as you, yourself, would like to be treated. I think this was the one most IMPORTANT guideline that Jesus wanted people to live by. He did not want us all to sit by the fire at night and pray for exactly 3 hours on our knees under a cross, and He also didn't want people to go sit and read the ENTIRE bible in order to get into heaven. It's not like when you die, there's going to be god, sitting up there with a fucking stop-watch and says, "Alright, you have 10 seconds to tell me the 4th verse of the 5th chapter of Psalms, or else you are going to Hell." Ha ha... Life isn't about getting it wrong or right.... It's about experience, and most of all LEARNING from experience.... We need to learn compassion, pride, anger, hate, frustration, joy, pleasure, and patience.... But we cannot do this by REPRESSING our thoughts and feelings and staying "brand new" and clean in a little box. I mean, if a little child has a favorite toy, they are not going to love it because it looks beautiful in the box, they are going to want to take it OUT of the box and hug it and play with it, and take it EVERYWHERE with the child. So the toy gets a little dirty, but it is still his favorite toy, because of the emotional connection between them. It isn't the worth of the toy in the end, or how clean and shiny it is when the child gets done with it, it is the USE and ENJOYMENT that the child got out of it. And also, I think a HUGE majority of people that "claim" to be Christain and have this deep desire to do good, just put on this facade in front of people to look "righteous". It dosn't matter how you act in front of your friends and family, if you really are a Christian, God isn't gonna judge you by what your friends think of you, he's gonna judge you by what you are IN YOUR HEART...... I mean, for example, I had this one guy in a class this semester, no names mentioned, and he sat right next to me, and always talked, so he was CONSTANTLY telling everyone "you gotta live by the Bible, You gotta memorize the verses, You gotta make sacrafices, go to church, Bible study....Blah blah blah..." Well, anyhow, he was all high and mighty about himself being "Righteous," but when it came down to it, I was disgusted by him... He would sit there and comment on how if he ever went into a restauraunt, he would ONLY tip the hot waitresses,and he would ONLY talk to pretty girls, not any "of the nasty ugly ones," cuz he wasn't going to spend his money on "ugly" girls........................(Ahem, I don't think that the poor girl who DOSN'T look as the pretty one is not going to notice how this is happenning...) And wouldn't it be Christian of him to BRING IN THE LESSER FORTUNATE, and HELP them!!?? Now, do I have to say more about the contradidction?? And he would do this ALL the time... he would judge EVERYBODY by their looks, and their money, and then turn around and judge people for what they were, and what they did, like he was so much better. Oh, and isn't it GOD, to all of you who think the Bible is so perfect, that said NOT to judge others, because only God, HIMSELF, can do so in heaven???... And at 18, I have come to this conclusion, that alot of people around me just don't know who they are, and are scared shitless of what might happen to them, and so they live the rest of their life like a fucking selfish COWARD, trying to find an easy way out of everything, and wanting to get into heaven when they die... Some of them spend more time thinking about death than they do about living.... That makes no sense.

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