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Tuesday, May 6th, 2008
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9:58a
i feel like i gotta get it all out. i need to express what is haunting me but yet i cannot seem to find the right words to get my exact point across. but i dont know where to start. i dont know what exactly to say. the right ideals and thoughts have yet to seep in and make themselves known for my speaking pleasure. im not sure when it is going to happen or what exactly it is going to take but i know i need it to happen soon. i need to like totally transfer my body and mind into nothing but a big ball of positivity. nothing more, nothing less. and i know its just gonna be one of those things that when it clicks its there and i will finally be at ease. i can stop putting myself through a personal hell that need not exist anymore but for some reason my brain still feels as though it does. i swear i either need to be hit in the head or like hypnotized lol my brain and though process just does not seem to get what is going on. i guess that is my fault for maybe not trying hard enough and for letting the negative still seep through and come out at unwanted times....
god dammit see i just fucking did it again...like i do it now without even realizing. i guess what im not seeing is A. how frequent i do it B. when im doing it C. and i cant seem to catch it before it just spills out.
i need to think slower and like really think about what i say before i say it. gotta stop focusing on what i dont have and what i want and do have. i gotta start feeling better about myself and not being my own worst enemy. i mean this lifestyle isnt even working anymore but yet my fat head cant just snap with these realizations and apply them to daily life!! i wish i wouldnt get doubted though. i mean i understand it may not seem like im trying or getting it etc but i really dont want to hear that you think im stuggling even if it is true. i dont feel that constant reminder is needed.....
but yeah i understand i can suck to be around....but im working on that....and i know its something that can be altered and continuously worked on. i feel like im getting there, i have gotten better even if it doesnt seem like it i know deep inside the seed is slowly starting to sprout and i am slowly letting the sunshine in to let it grow and blossom into the amazing person i know i can be.
Trust, love, happiness, success, appreciation, gratitude and positivity. these are words i need to constantly live by even when i feel one is lacking.
ok im done blabbing... feel alil better though so i guess thats all that matters im not writing to please anybody else but myself....
thats all i need to start worrying about.....
current music: John Butler Trio (comment on this)
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12:35p
this just says it all really... any of my words dont seem to work....
let it go,
let it roll right off your shoulder
don't you know
the hardest part is over
let it in,
let your clarity define you
in the end
we will only just remember how it feels
our lives are made
in these small hours
these little wonders,
these twists & turns of fate
time falls away,
but these small hours,
these small hours still remain
let it slide,
let your troubles fall behind you
let it shine
until you feel it all around you
and i don't mind
if it's me you need to turn to
we'll get by,
it's the heart that really matters in the end
our lives are made
in these small hours
these little wonders,
these twists & turns of fate
time falls away,
but these small hours,
these small hours still remain
all of my regret
will wash away some how
but i can not forget
the way i feel right now
in these small hours
these little wonders
these twists & turns of fate
these twists & turns of fate
time falls away but these small hours
these small hours, still remain,
still remain
these little wonders
these twists & turns of fate
time falls away
but these small hours
these little wonders still remain
(comment on this)
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