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Thursday, February 21st, 2008
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12:39p - You may hold some vision of truth, if truth can be found in a lie.
i dont know why people do the things they do.
i dont know why people would spread such a nasty, nasty rumor about me.
and still in the end the innocent cant even plea their innocence. i guess its because i never expected to deal with this and never have. theres a reason why i dont do stupid things, becuz they have stupid bad consequences.
i want this to be over. i want my innocence to shine through and continue living life lonely like i wanted to. not get involved with any other people, keep nonsense and drama to everyone else. i want to live happy with my boyfriend and not be accused of doing inappropriate things. ive never done wrong to anybody, myself or the person i care about the most.
i have done nothing but try to make friends and live my life, work etc. but i was hugely fucked over on more than one level. i really wish i knew how to explain the fact that did no wrong besides the fact that
A the only reason i can see somebody wanting to attack me is because they are a bad person and have nothing better to do, not saying that to direct correlation to the person providing the info, but even the person that first claimed this whole thing. I think the person should have came to me first and directed this accusation to me. prior to me not liking the person who said these things does not mean thats the reason why i didnt like her. i actually believe the person that may have started all of this gave even me bad input on the person. i believe i was the puppet in a group of low life, have nothing better to do for amusement but to talk about people and make up damn lies.
what else can i say? besides the fact that i am not guilty of foul play, i am loyal, dedicated and fucking worship the ground my boyfriend walks on. i have never in the past and surely dont plan on doing something like this in the future on any level. i fucking hurt everyday knowing that i am not the greatest person alive and i am working on that but i will be damned to lose the person my life revolves around because somebody got jealous. thats a good word to describe motives btw, jealousy. not to the story giver, but even the person she got the story from. i will no longer elaborate on this topic but anyone with my boyfriend. at this point i just want to clear the air by im hopeing him just believing what i said and taking my sincerity to heart and realizing this is a huge misunderstanding. im done.
it kills me to know that everything was just getting better. like only 2 days but it was a start a i felt it. i felt his love growing back for me, i felt him seeing me make an effort and trying to help this relationship and do what i can to show him i love him and im his there is nobody else. i know he doesnt like to hear this but this is infact my journal where i get shit out but for fucks sakes the day a lie ruins my life with him im done. you can count me out from that point out. im dead. u think its just me talking out of my ass or whatever but i seriously will do away with myself. life isnt worth living without the person you love and know you are supposed to be with the rest of your life. thats us.
i cant believe this. the shock factor is absolutley horrendous. im not a fucking bad person why does the world think otherwise???! why does everyone think im this big fucking idiot.
ok i gotta stop i gotta force these tears back.
fuck.
(comment on this)
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