Oh, jesus.   
10:34pm 08/02/2005
 
mood: blank
music: Sarah Mclachlan - Possession
Rachel got out of the psych ward a few hours ago. She called. She seems happy, her normal self. How do I tell her it feels like I'm a different person even if she isn't?



I can't breathe.


I'm sorry I had to leave Rave, Rachel flipped out.


I really wanted to talk to you.


I love you.		  
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How depressing..   
12:34pm 05/02/2005
 
mood: drained
music: Sarah Mclachlan - Possession
Last night Tara was talking to Ash's g/f and I try not to dwell on the past or anything but I miss being friends with Ash. I got this really odd feeling of being sick to my stomache and it sucked. How saddening. Hundreds of questions popped into my head, but I'm glad to hear she's okay and all. Tara offered to ring her up and give her a word with me, but I'm sure she hates me. Which is a reasonable thought. Oh well.

Rachel will be in Windsor for the next 2 weeks. Now I have no one to go to the rec with me.

My website is annoying me.

So today I'm sick and all this snot is just flooding out of my nose, quite frankly, it's beautiful. I'll probably have to burn everything I own just because it's all infected. I usually don't get sick, which is why I know this is serious. I eat way too much fruit to get sick, actually.

I've got to take a ton of pictures for Journalism, so I've hijacked Danielle because she's pretty and she's driving four hours just so I can take her picture.

I'm so demanding.

The snow is finally melting and my car can almost handle the streets. I haven't driven it all winter because it's not good on ice and taking it out is asking to be in a ditch.

I've put a ton of new pictures on my website kiddies. Sam posed, they're so cool.

My drums are out of tune and I've just bought a new drum key because my others have dissapeared. Most likely, I put them away somewhere that I was supposed to remember but didn't.

Dave just ran out to get me grapefruit, it was awesome. I called him and told him I was sick. We got to talking and I told him how for some odd reason I wanted grapefruit. It's so cool.

Danielle will be here at 2:00 p.m. so I should probably go, I've got an hour to get my camera ready, change clothes and maybe shower.

aren, is cool.		  
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So, Rachel OD'ed last night...   
07:53pm 03/02/2005
 
mood: indescribable
music: The hum of Dave's voice in the background.
So, Rachel took 10 Altram last night and then started seizuring. Her mother said she thought she was dead. The police called me up and accused me of being a drug dealer. Fortunately, my step-father told them I was unable to leave the house last night because we didn't have a car, and that I had been with him all night. Plus, Children's Hospital in Akron has medical records of me taking several blood and urine tests every month for the past couple of years. Rachel is in Windsor right now, and I promised to pick up her homework from her teachers. I don't know how I'm going to do that, but I want to help out any way that I can... She'll be gone for ten days at the minimum and her mom is only allowed to talk to her for fifteen minutes a day. What the hell... happened?


Mum and Lacy went to the candle light vigil for Jessica. They said it was huge. Only, Lacy gave Danielle my C.D. player and C.D.'s because Danielle wanted them. Lacy would pay hundreds of dollars to have people like her, it's always been like that. I'm so pissed that she pulled that, because I doubt I'll get all my C.D.'s back, and I know Danielle will fuck-up my C.D. player. I'm telling Lacy that if she does, she's buying me another $100 C.D. player because I can't pay for her to have people like her.


She's done shit like that since we were kids.


hi, aren. 		 
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Somewhere, something is waiting to be discovered. -Carl Sagen   
08:44pm 31/01/2005
  A few days ago, this girl I knew got shot in the face by her father. She was living in my uncles house and working at the pizza shop to get away from her father whom was raping her. My uncle said she was still alive and screaming for him to help, she just slowly died. I haven't cried yet, I'm sure if I did I wouldn't be so angry all the time. I actually called this kid a "cocksucker" today, but then again, he really did deserve it.


Whatever.

School newspaper came out today, as usual my stories are mangled by the girl whom calls herself editor. Or should I say "evil incarnate" or... "stupidity incarnate" something along those lines, I'm sure.


My hair is cut.


cool.


////fuck your version of love.



hi, aren.		  
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Somewhere, something is waiting to be discovered. -Carl Sagen   
08:39pm 31/01/2005
  So lately I've been in a horrible mood. I've been trying to apologize to everyone that I've snapped at, this morning I called this kid a "cocksucker" and truly realized the extent of the madness. A few days ago, this girl I knew was shot in the face by her father. She was living with my uncle working in his and my aunts pizza shop to get away from her adopted father who was raping her. Shot in the face. In the front yard. My uncle is a zombie. He says she was still alive, that he could hear her screaming for him to help her, but he couldn't leave my cousins. Oh my god. I haven't cried yet. Maybe I should.


Anyway...


Today I got head raped by my friends. They obviously really like my hair. Which was, of course evident by my bent over form in the hall and my head between my hands as my friend Chris insisted on calling me "hot." People just don't call me "hot." I don't know.


Whatever.		  
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Broken dreams.   
09:24pm 28/01/2005
  I don't really know what to type. I'm only updating because I feel an odd sense of obligation towards something or another... I haven't spoken to Rachel recently. She and Ryan are going out tonight. Which is probably why I haven't talked to her. I despise her b/f. He's overly dependent on her. I hate people like that. It is still bitterly cold here, and of course.. dark. I slept all day. I don't think I'll be sleeping at all tonight. I should probably go out or something, but that requires social interaction, and quite frankly I don't want to deal with the idiots. Pirate is being pissy right now... pft. It's not like he has anything to be pissy over. Well. I should probably go play my drums before everyone decides to go to sleep.


....fuck your version of love.		  
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It's snowing...again.   
04:11pm 17/01/2005
  So today has been horrid. I've been sick all day. I don't have any food, medicine or water, either. It's so not cool. The best way to lose weight = not have enough money for food. Oh well. To top that all off my heater is broken, rofl. *ceases wallowing in self pity* Tommorrow I have to go to lunch with all these people I don't know, so I'm kind of hesitant. Rachel and I will still be sitting together, but now I have to sit with people I've only spoken to briefly. Slightly scary. I've got big issues with social anxiety. Normally I don't give a fuck, but if I have to sit with these people for the rest of the year, I want them to ever so slightly be on good terms with me... So, minutes for my phone cost more than my phone *seizures* wtf. Hm, if it keeps snowing like this, I won't be going to school tommorrow at all... I can't wait to go to the rec again this week. I love walking on the track, it gives me something to do... I have to wear a dress tommorrow. *shudders* It looks like my other clothes won't be dry in time (I hang dry my clothes) and all I have left is this slip dress that I usually wear to dance in *gasp* It's got major cleavage showage! Heh.  
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Where did Saturday go...?   
06:19pm 09/01/2005
 
mood: aggravated
music: E-Craft - Brich es'
Today is Sunday, and I don't know what happened to my weekend. eh. I didn't get to speak to Rave today. My internet has been down but thankfully it is now back up. A tree had hit my electricity line, and ect. I had no heat for a while (not that I mind I'm not really all about heat..). So, Rave's birthday is two days before mine? cool. I had it written on the old piece of paper and I just found it. Hers: 9/27/88 Mine: 9/29/87. neat-o. I went to the mall today. It was a quick trip. Sam wore these knee high boots and after a few hours she was ready to leave. There was a hundred more things I needed to get... The one thing I did get broke, wtf. This bag, the last one. grr. I'd yell at them, but the store clerk was flirting with me and it was nice flirting not like, ewmangetawayyoursonotcool flirting. So he was overly helpful. overly helpful = good. Rachel and I went sledding on these huge ass hills behind the hospital last night. It was so fucking funny because these one kids were high and were daring each other to slide off this ramp into a huge mudhole and this one kid almost snapped his neck, rofl. Tommorrow I'm just going to veg because I slept in today so I won't be able to sleep until late late late tonight. oh well. I've got half days next week! I get out of school at 12:15. (Maybe earlier depending on my schedule). I also get friday and the monday after that off, so way cool. I kept seeing this girl at the mall today and I think she was following me and sam but she gives me the mad creeps. She's friends with the one chick that stares at me during lunch time and they both have to same face like I ran over their favorite pet or something... Sam is playing the Urbz and she just shouted "THAT IS SO DUMB," video games are so awesome. I love my X-box. love love love. Not as much as I love Pirate mind you, but I do love watching DVD's and stuff. I watched Napoleon Dynamite yesterday. Swear to god, I was saying "Gosh" every five seconds....

Okay kiddies I'm outtie.

I love you.		  
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holy shit man.   
11:05pm 05/01/2005
 
mood: hopeful
music: Kill Switch...Klick - Follow Me
So, I'm talking to Rachel today, (we didn't have school, HA eat shit and die all you non-snowbelt non-cleveland living ers!) and she starts SEIZURING. And I'm like HOLY FUCK. Turns out it was because of her medication. wtf. Depression drugs are so not safe anymore. I am proud to say I faithfully flush mine. She and I are going to the rec tommorrow to sign up for Tai Chi classes. It sounds totally cool. We might even take belly dancing. woot. Although I won't be showing mine.. because I am definitely.. white as snow. eur. We're also going to do the track because winter weight is so uncool. Plus it's really nice to get in the sauna afterwards. I've got to clean my room.. euurrgh.

I was talking to Tara last night and she said she loved me. And that I was flirting with her. She was flirting back. It was nice, not to think so deeply into what the future brings and how she's going to marry this one dude, ect. It was just. nice.		  
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//heartless. much?   
08:51pm 04/01/2005
 
mood: apathetic
music: RSA
New entry. New journal. I got sick of seeing the pathetic rantings in the old one.








Fuck your version of love.		  
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violentfreaks