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Monday, May 7th, 2007
| Time | Event | ||||||
| 3:39p | Blurred line between 'gift' & dowry Blurred line between 'gift' & dowry [7 May, 2007 l 0105 hrs IST  lTIMES NEWS NETWORK]
NEW DELHI: Cases of girls getting space in boardrooms are not rare anymore. In fact, they have outsmarted boys in areas once thought to be men's stronghold. One would easily imagine then that girls are no longer a parent's burden when it comes to their marriage. Comment : Yes women have earned authority ... but are they ready for equal responsibility ?? But, perhaps surprisingly, getting a daughter married is still a nightmare for many parents in India. Whatever the financial condition of the family, everyone wishes to accomplish their dream of marrying off their daughter in style. Comment : Surprise surprise.... this very intelligent article some how forgets men's plight and focuses ONLY on the young girls !! The customary gifts exchanged — or rather given by the girl's family —ensures that most girls when they leave home for their husband's house are accompanied by suitcases overflowing with clothes, jewellery and, depending on the status of the girl's father, a vehicle. Comment : Most girls.... suitcases overflowing ... oopss.. Comment : Girls wish to marry upward. So they look for the prize catch. i.e. the best earning man. There are 100s and 1000s of poor men who find no bride. But the rich women wish to get richer and so they barter a few closes for A FEW CRORES the rich groom would have... why else would these women pay ?? In fact, few parents complain about the "giving" per se even though giving dowry is also an offence. And trouble arises when demands go beyond what they one can afford. Comment : What about the trouble of false 498A cases ? Nobody is quite sure how the dowry system started, but most agree that it was formulated to protect the girl financially in a society where the boy stood to inherit all property as a provision of stridhan. Another theory that floats is that the father, to take equal responsibility of the girl, would share a girl's expenses with her husband. The practice has obviously undergone numerous changes over the years. Comment : Including the false 498A littered around. Just search on google using "false 498A" as the search string. You would be amazed at the number of false 498A or false dowry cases that abound The irony of the legal provision that states both giving and taking dowry are equally serious offences is that the only people who can complain about giving dowry are the very people who demand it. Said advocate Mukta Gupta: "It's a catch-22 situation for us. Giving dowry is an offence under the Dowry Prohibition Act but who is to come forward with the complaint?" Comment : Though the law says that both giving and taking dowry are offense LET THIS AUTHOR SHOW ME ONE, JUST ONE case where the giver has been punished. I'll show 100s if NOT 1000s of cases where the husbands who are alleged to have taken dowry are made to bear the cross Nisha Sharma, who shot to fame in 2003 after she refused to marry Munish Dalal on the day of their marriage due to dowry harassment, said it is important to be clear on such issues rather than suffering later. "It was not an easy decision for me but if I had married him that day, my life could have been hell," she said. "My daughter was waiting to enter the pandal when her in-laws asked for a car and Rs 12.5 lakh. This was sheer blackmailing. My daughter took a stand then, but most parents would have bowed down to the pressure," said D D Sharma, Nisha's father. And there lies the catch. In several cases, parents are only too happy to comply with demands till they overshoot the amount originally decided. In the case of Mukta Chandolia, who was pushed down from the fifth floor off her house by her fiance, the fight started when her family was asked to give Rs 5 lakh more, besides the sum already agreed upon. "Dowry is an integral part of our system. I personally bought furniture for Deepak, Mukta's fiance, but the trouble started when he got too greedy," said Mukta's brother Manish. Obviously, there is something intrinsically wrong with our idea of marriage. Parents who praise their samdhis for not asking for dowry, — almost as if it is a favour being done — would on the other hand lavish them with clothes, gold, furniture, holiday packages and the works. Comment : What about the 1000s of cases just in this one yahoo group where elderly parents and innocents have been wrongly charged. What about the 100s of cases in this ONE single blog. What about sad tales in other blogs all over the net like these http://divorceindia.blogspot.com/ http://whileonthisissue.blogspot.com/ http://bareact.blogspot.com/ http://merabarath.blogspot.com/ http://my2cw.blogspot.com/ http://batteredmale.blogspot.com/ http://www.blurty.com/users/vinayak http://o3.indiatimes.com/mEra "This is not dowry. When my daughter gets married, I would like to give her gifts. This is the dream of each parent. And when I give gifts to my daughter, how can I not give something to her husband who is now like my son? This is the done thing in society and we have to live by its laws," says Vibha Arya (name changed). "There is nothing wrong with giving gifts to young people who are setting up homes," says author Urvashi Butalia. "The problem is with the way the woman becomes the vehicle for the boy's family to acquire material goods and money," she adds. Comment : - What about young women making men their vehicle to riches ? - What about women regularly seeking better earning, wealthier men ?? - Why does this society easily accept a woman pestering the man for jewels, a house in her name, pestering him for costly sarees, and what not ? - From gold to diamonds, to silk sarees, to cosmetics, the costliest are made for women - How does that fit in to the moral high ground of this writer and others on this issue ? Parents are also caught off guard when demands come in at the last minute. Some parents are asked to cough up impossible amounts before the wedding ceremony can commence. "The education system seems to be a complete failure in this regard. How much you get in the wedding and how much you give is taken as an indication of your social status," says counsellor Sabhyata Arora. Comment : - What about the boy's parents who are caught off guard ? - what about the 1000s of senior citizen who are lingering on old age homes ? - they are there MAINLY because the daughter in law threw them out ...ain't it ??? why is there no cry about the aged Indian who sacrificed everything for his son, now in penury, living all by him / herself brought out by essays like this ? Dear....oh dear....oh dear..... when will this misandry stop ?? Original article at http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/Cities/Delhi/Blurred_line_between_gift__dowry/articleshow/2009266.cms | ||||||
| 3:58p | Virginity regained in Mumbai Women have found surgical methods to dupe men looking for chastity. Chastity is NO longer guaranteed !! While the physical scars of pre marital sex may be "operated upon", what about the mental bonding with the ex boyfriend and resultant conflict with the legally married husband ? Are we paving way for more divorces and marital discord, along with false Domestic Violence (DV ) cases ?? !! Mera Bharath Mahaan Virginity regained in Mumbai Women in Mumbai are reconstructing their hymens in the hope it will help reconstruct their lives after pre-marital sex. Geetanjali Jhala reports. Not long ago 25-year-old Ritu Patel felt depressed. She had returned from London after breaking up with her boyfriend Zeeshan Khan who had decided to go along with his parents’ wish to marry within his community. She and Zeeshan had had sex during the three years they had been together. How would her prospective husband now react when he discovered she wasn't a virgin? And yet today she looks forward to marriage. Her confidence arose from a visit to a plastic surgeon who reconstructed her hymen. It’s a 30-minute surgical procedure called hymenoplasty costing Rs 15,000 to 25,000 which has found many takers in Mumbai. A membrane is created about an inch into the vagina, using the flap of the vaginal lining. It heals fast, although patients are advised to refrain from activities like cycling for a few weeks. It leaves no scars. "Even so, I advise women not to go in for unnecessary surgery. After counselling, some of them change their minds," says gynaecologist Indira Hinduja. But for many others, the social pressure to be a virgin bride is overwhelming, and the easy restoration of virginity irresistible. "Hymenoplasty has been refined in the last few years. As awareness spreads, more women are coming forward to ask for the procedure," said Milind Wagh, plastic surgeon at Hiranandani Hospital, who does two hymenoplasties a month. He says women going for arranged marriages are sometimes accompanied by their mothers or aunts. Sex before marriage is becoming commonplace in the city with more women getting financially independent and easier mingling of the sexes at work, gyms and parties. And yet the social expectation to be a virgin at the time of marriage remains undiminished, which fuels the trend for hymenoplasty. Even older women are going for it. "Women in their 30s have come to me for ‘revirgination’," said Mohan Thomas, a cosmetic surgeon. Conflicting emotions follow the operation. Ritu Patel feels relieved that hymenoplasty has covered up her sexually active past. But she has pangs of guilt too. "I feel I'll be hoodwinking the man I marry," she said. (Names of patients have been changed on request.) Original Article at : http://www.dnaindia.com/report.asp?NewsI | ||||||
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