Erin's Blurty Entries [entries|friends|calendar] Erin [ userinfo | blurty userinfo ] [ calendar | blurty calendar ]

(Express Your Thoughts) [14 Jul 2006|10:08pm] [ mood | gloomy ] [ music | None, I'm sad ] So everything with me and Corey is great except he wont touch me. He says its not me but I think it is. He says he is a very sexual person and that he likes having sex but whenever I touch him he practically cringes and it makes me feel like shit and unattractive. Hopefully this will change but I dont think it will any time soon......

(1 Voice Their Heart Express Your Thoughts) [27 Jun 2006|02:14am] [ mood | happy ] [ music | Rise Against * Swing Life Away ] So, I miss writing in this thing!! It's been 2 years and I decided that I should start doing this again....so I'm gonna! ...So, I'm not with Steve and I am with Corey. My best friend. It's just so easy!! I can't help but think that maybe it should have always been this easy, but it never was... I don't have to try to do anything with him, everything I do is exactly what he loves and everything he does is what I want! Its so perfect!! Thats it...I'm not moving to Canada, I am staying here and I love being this happy!!!

(Express Your Thoughts) Next Trip To Canada [28 Mar 2005|03:30pm] [ mood | sick ] [ music | Rammstein * Amerika ] Canada This had been the debate in my most recent dreams......

(Express Your Thoughts) Scary [29 Sep 2004|10:35am] [ mood | tired ] [ music | Billy Joel * New York State of Mind ] The last dream I remember was such: I was living with Steve and we got into a big fight. I knew I was dying but I was stubborn and upset and continued to fight with him. I can't really remember what we were fighting about, but I do know that it was somethign stupid. Anyway, we were screaming at each other and I was crying. He was pointing his finger at me and was about to say something very mean but just then my nose started to bleed, a lot. I covered it with a paper towel and said I was fine. He seemed concerned but still angry. I could tell he was debating on wether or not he was going to finish his comment but before he got a chance I walked past him to go throw out the paper towel and I passed out. My mind went black and when I woke up I was in a catscanning machine. I was bound at the feet and hands and I started screaming immediately. I didn't know where I was or how I got there. My first thought was that I was buried alive (it's one of my biggest fears) and I started having a panic attack. The doctors slowly slid the tray I was laying on out and Steve came running over to me and untied me. Tears covered his face and it hurt to see him like that but I started screaming at him. Asking him how he could do that to me and that he knows I'm claustrophobic and why he would go behind my back and call the doctors on me when he knows how I feel about them. He just stared at me but his eyes were filled with love and sadness. He leaned over and hugged me and told me that the doctors found an inoperable tumor in my brain. I grew furious. I was so pissed at him for bringing me here and for telling me something I was trying to deny. I already knew I had a tumor even though no one had told me, I just knew. I didn't want to know what was wrong with me because I didnt want to let medicine or doctors visits or even chemo take over my life. I felt like Steve had betrayed me and I couldn't even look at him, I was so angry at him. He kept trying to hug me and I just kept pushing him away. And then I woke up. I've been having dreams of this manner lately. Needless to say they aren't fun...

(2 Voice Their Hearts Express Your Thoughts) phew [05 Aug 2004|08:28pm] [ mood | creative ] [ music | Vanessa Carlton * Wanted ] So I made a new journal (you can visit me there). I still sometimes use Blurty (I'm turning that into a dream journal (I have been having the most fucked up dreams and I want to start keeping track of them.) And I also have a live journal that I haven't ever used but want to. I think I am going to keep track of quotes and lyrics and thoughts of the such in that journal. So that's that. Now I am in charge of all 3 damn journals that I have. *sigh* I make everything such a project! But such is Erin.....

(Express Your Thoughts) When did I get this much hair?!?! [04 Aug 2004|07:27pm] [ mood | complacent ] [ music | Nickelback * Woke Up This Morning ] I dyed my hair last night and I didn't realize how much hair I had, or how long it had gotten. It being summer I keep it up mostly now from as soon as I get out of the shower. I think only one time in my life was it longer, when I was 5ish, dunno, but it was down to my butt and then my mom cut it. Or something like that. I was 5, I don't really remember. Anywho, The museum called me and asked if I could work there again. I gladly accepted, it was great working there! In the center of Manhattan, a couple blocks away from Central Park (I ate there with Jeff for lunch, he doesn't work too far away from there). It was almost a year ago and Marie said that people still talk about me, that I was a hard worker and the such. I loved working there, the people were so nice and caring, the nicest anywhere, even SCARC, (Not including my guys...but they are much nicer than the administration...). I start on Monday (10-6), this is exciting for me! A scaled down picture of the award winning architecture of the museum: Now, I made out a list of all the things I need to talk to Steve about and its a full page long. His sister emailed me and said that if I talk to him I should tell him to call her mom, I hope everything is ok. The thing is that I do tell him to call his rents, I'm sure they miss him as much, if not more, than I do. I hope he calls soon, I really miss him...If he doesn't though I will be able to talk to him in about a week, when he gets home and gets my 20 something letters. So, I think that's all I have to report for now, I'd like to talk about other things but I scare myself when I do, not to mention the people around me. So, I will hold it in for a later date...

(2 Voice Their Hearts Express Your Thoughts) Off to Jersey [07 Jul 2004|12:39pm] [ mood | relieved ] [ music | Incubus * Clean ] I updated my photo album with pictures from Coney Island:  <-------Little Mr. Innocent (yeah right ) Well, I leave for Jersey today.  I've been trying to get a hold of my mom but no one is answering the phone.  She went into surgery yesterday and should be home by now, I just want to see how she is doing.  I wish someone would just pick-up... -Sigh-  My mom just called me back.  She's ok, just tired and a little sore.  Thank God she's ok!  Now, I can stop worrying about her. Well, I found out that my brother is in Iraq right now.  He's in the marines and was routed over there.  They gave us an address, so we are gonna write to him and make sure he's ok. Well, I must go get ready to go down to Jersey.  I wish my allergies would stop acting up!

(Express Your Thoughts) Stupid Emotions.... [03 Jul 2004|12:58pm] [ mood | anxious ] [ music | Bif Naked * Lucky Ones ] Today we are supposed to be going to the Central Park Zoo, this makes me happy! I love the zoo and I can't wait to see how AJ reacts to the animals. That is going to be a lot of fun! Although, it's 12:45 and Jeff is still sleeping. I'm going to go walk the dogs and come back and wake him up soon. The zoo closes early (5ish I believe) and it takes an hour to get there. On another note I am upset about this whole Steve thing. It's crap really. I told myself I was done with it but I miss him so much. I haven't talked to him in about a week and it's driving me crazy. Actually, I was fine until last night. He was supposed to call me and didn't. I'm not upset he didn't call, I know he was really busy and he'll call me first chance he can. However, what bothered me was that I was looking forward to talking to him. And I miss him so much! I have a lot more free time on my hands than he does and when I don't talk to him for a week I'm afraid he's going to...I dunno, forget about me. His last girlfriend and him just lost touch with each other and they lived in the same town...This worries me. I want to just stop thinking about it but it's really hard to. I want to have faith in our relationship but I know my history. I finally have something so perfect and it's really hard to just be so free with it, and not worrisome. I'm not worried that he's going to cheat on me, he's a good guy and wouldn't do that. I'm just worried that he's not going to remember what we have...I guess then if that happens than it's not as perfect as I thought it was.... I wish someone would talk to me and tell me that it's going to be fine and reassure me that he loves me and won't forget about me cuz I'm something special. That won't happen though....

(Express Your Thoughts) Time again [01 Jul 2004|02:39pm] [ mood | sick ] [ music | Incubus * New Skin ] Bring on the quizzes! What Do You Wear to Bed? Brought to you by Faytrial ...I do sometimes wear underwear, in the winter.... According to the "What Weather Phenomenon am I?" quiz: My forecast says you'll check it out! Click here! ...In my defense, most of the time they are tears of happiness! What Color is Your Brain? brought to you by Quizilla ...I actually like planning ahead Brain Lateralization Test Results Right Brain (76%) The right hemisphere is the visual, figurative, artistic, and intuitive side of the brain. Left Brain (36%) The left hemisphere is the logical, articulate, assertive, and practical side of the brain Are You Right or Left Brained? personality tests by similarminds.com ...I always thought that the left side of the brain was the artistic one Take the What animal best portrays your sexual appetite?? Quiz ...Rooooooooar.... Clipped Wings You're a free spirit and you need your freedom and your room to breathe and express what you are about. What's your greatest fear? (images) brought to you by Quizilla ...I wish I had wings... You're Jalapeno! sure, you may look sweet and innocent but packed inside you is enough spice to bring people to their knees. What Cheese Are You? brought to you by Quizilla ...Spicy

(Express Your Thoughts) Lock and Load [01 Jul 2004|12:03pm] [ mood | sick ] [ music | Incubus * Clean ] Wow, it's finally July! That's good, in 21 days I can see my Stephen. I miss him so much. I barely talk to him right now, he's so busy with his corp. I can't wait until this is done and over with and he goes back home and things return to normal, but I also want him to have a fun time. This is too stressful, I'm washing my hands of it right now. No more worrying. So, we got in Splinter Cell and it rocks my socks! This game is hard but so awesome! I love it, yay. Tom Clancy is a genius! Love Ghost Recon, Rainbow Six and all of the Splinter Cell's...yummmmmmmmm. His books are so much fun too... Tom Clancy will you marry me?

(4 Voice Their Hearts Express Your Thoughts) So sick [30 Jun 2004|08:02pm] [ mood | sick ] [ music | Incubus * Megalomaniac ] Damn, I have been sick for so long. I have a sore throat again and my sinuses hurt. Not to mention the huge headaches I can't get rid of. I'm never gonna get rid of this. Although my allergies aren't helping any. They just make everything worse! Arg! Well, Splinter Cell came in today! I played it for a couple of hours and it was fun, I'll play again when AJ goes to bed. Which is going to be soon. All right, I need to go ice my face cuz it's killing me...stupid sickness

(Express Your Thoughts) HOLY CRAP! [28 Jun 2004|11:10am] [ mood | cheerful ] [ music | Incubus * Are You In? ] Mr. Boyd is soooooooooooo much hotter than I thought! Wow, so the Incubus concert was incredible! I had a blast with Suzanne! Oh man, well here are some stories from our time at Nassau Coliseum, NY. Well, we had General Admission tickets (which meant we were on the floor), and we came early so we were soooooo close, Brandon could have spit on us! So, Suzanne snuck in a bag of wheat thins in her shorts, it looked like she was packing a penis, really funny! So, we get to the floor and we are standing next to these really annoying little girls who are so stupid and me and Suzanne couldn't help but make faces of disgust at them, we didn't make any friends when we first got there. You can't when your in GA because you have to shove and push the people around you, therefore, you have to hate them or else you'll feel bad. Sparta opened and they were pretty good but when Incubus came on stage the crowd went crazy! Brandon is sooooooooo hot! He just gets better looking as he gets older, DAMN! Anywho, they played a bunch of old and new songs, and I lost my sandals a few times in a few different little pits. But me and Suzanne met these two guys that we dubbed our body guards. They beat up this guy who was molesting me and Sue and they made sure we were ok. Then we met these 3 other girls who were really cool (they are from NY too). They kept stomping on the Pervs one foot (he apparently lost his shoe early on in the show). Then set lists were thrown from the stage at the end of the show and I caught about 4, well I grabbed them away from some girl...). After the show I tried to impress some guy on a motorcycle but made an ass out of myself, it was hilarious because I tried to sound like I knew a lot about bikes but I wound up saying something like "So, you got 4 horse power?" and then I laughed and turned away. Smooth! Then I slept over her house that night and she dropped me off at my dad's house the next afternoon on her way to the Beer Festival at waterloo Village in Jersey. I had so much fun hanging out with Suzanne, she's a blast and I missed her. She starts teaching summer school today and I hope all goes well! <--- This is the bracelete they gave us for the floor admission, cuz we are special!

(Express Your Thoughts) Finally! [25 Jun 2004|11:12am] [ mood | bouncy ] [ music | Dream * He Loves You Not,/marquee> ] So lately my sleeping habits have been off and I have been going to be close to 8am. Well, by then it's so hard to sleep because of the damn sunlight. So yesterday I went out and bought one of those sleeping masks: Well, It just worked wonders! I fell asleep at 4 and the sun didn't wake me up at all and I slept perfectly until I had to wake up to take care of AJ (8:30am). And now I can sleep again when he naps and not have to worry about the sun getting in my eyes, what a wonderful invention! I know you might be thinking, 'well, why don't you go to sleep when "normal" people go to sleep?' Well, if you have to ask that then you don't know that I am so not normal! My sleeping patterns have been off since I was born and my parents would wake me up every 2 seconds to play with me. (Damn being cute!) I don't really blame them, it was my decision to stay awake until 8 in high school and well after that also. I guess I'm more of a night owl, even though I do enjoy the sunlight. Anywho, my point was that I slept for more than 30 minutes for the past 2 nights and that rocks! Personally, I enjoy sleeping at 4 and waking up close to 9, I get to spend more time awake and doing things I like (like playing with AJ and playing CS and talking to my friends and my babe-uh). Also, the lack of sleep keeps me in a constant drunk-like state! Who can complain with that? The only withdrawal is that instead of my liver dying, my whole freaking body suffers...

(Express Your Thoughts) "Bat your eyes girl..." [23 Jun 2004|10:44am] [ music | Janis Joplin * Rollerskates ] So, guess who's going to see Incubus and Sparta at Nassau Coliseum on Saturday? "The world's a roller coaster and I am not strapped in Maybe I should hold with care but my hands are busy in the air"

(Express Your Thoughts) It's been awhile.... [21 Jun 2004|03:53pm] [ mood | tired ] [ music | Sevendust * Xmas Day ] I know I haven't written in here in a while, but I've been busy trying to keep busy... I've been practicing MotoGP 2 and have gotten a bunch of pb's and am slowly lowering my rank. I just got in Counter Strike today, so I'm gonna play that later on today (maybe in an hour or so!) Also, I've had my hands full with AJ. He can be so cute sometimes I just want to squeeze him. Other times...not so cute, but he's 3. It's hard because I'm basically raising him with Jeff right now and it's scary. I don't want to screw him up. It's a huge responsibility, to know when to punish and when to ignore, to know when to cave into his wants and when to stand firm. I know I'm not ready for kids, soooooooooooo not ready. Maybe in a decade or two..... Well, I'm off to go watch some General Hospital and then play some Counter Strike...or sleep, which ever grabs me first.

(1 Voice Their Heart Express Your Thoughts) funny [15 Jun 2004|12:31pm] [ mood | tired ] [ music | The Animit * Dumb Question ]

(Express Your Thoughts) ALRIGHT!!! [13 Jun 2004|02:35pm] [ mood | happy ] [ music | Mariah Carey * One Sweet Day ] You are SALUTE YOUR SHORTS. You are a wangsta who knows business. You have fun in the sun and know how to have a good laugh. Which old school Nickelodeon show are you? brought to you by Quizilla

(Express Your Thoughts) PR Parade [13 Jun 2004|02:13pm] [ mood | chipper ] [ music | Mariah Carey * Always Be My Baby ] Canceled!! Not officially, but in my eyes...Jason wound up not going, and I'm not going there by myself. That's like asking to get raped! Anywho, he should be coming over later, hopefully, I miss him. And then it will all be good. Well, I went to Starbucks and they told me to go back on Wednesday. The thing is I don't know if I can because I have to watch AJ. I'll do my best to try. It's from 2-7 so I can probably get there later, unless, I bring him. I'm sure that's what all employers love, people who bring kids to the interview.....

(Express Your Thoughts) Updated Daily! [12 Jun 2004|12:17pm] [ mood | groggy ] [ music | Jewel * Serve The Ego (Hani Num Club Mix) ]

(Express Your Thoughts) Conte Partiro, beautifully sad [11 Jun 2004|12:50pm] [ mood | drained ] [ music | Andrea Bocelli * Conte Partiro ] Quando sono solo sogno all´orizzonte e mancan le parole, si lo so che non c´è luce in una stanza quando manca il sole se non ci sei tu con me, con me.

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