Sonja's Blurty

Subject:	Happy Vegetarian Anniversary to me! :) + I cleaned my room.
Time:	2:40 am.
Mood:	accomplished.
Music:	"Mouth" -Merril Bainbridge.

Sexies, I want to see your results.

1. Secular Humanism (100%)
2. Unitarian Universalism (90%)
3. Nontheist (85%)
4. Theravada Buddhism (70%)
5. Liberal Quakers (63%)
6. Neo-Pagan (49%)
7. Mainline to Liberal Christian Protestants (47%)
8. New Age (34%)
9. Taoism (30%)
10. Reform Judaism (28%)
11. New Thought (23%)
12. Scientology (23%)
13. Mahayana Buddhism (17%)
14. Christian Science (Church of Christ, Scientist) (14%)
15. Bahá'í Faith (9%)
16. Orthodox Quaker (9%)
17. Sikhism (9%)
18. Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (Mormons) (0%)
19. Eastern Orthodox (0%)
20. Hinduism (0%)
21. Islam (0%)
22. Jainism (0%)
23. Jehovah's Witness (0%)
24. Mainline to Conservative Christian/Protestant (0%)
25. Orthodox Judaism (0%)
26. Roman Catholic (0%)
27. Seventh Day Adventist (0%)

It turns out, despite identical questions and answer choices, the famed version of this quiz found at Beliefnet will yield significantly different results than will the version I've linked to above. I mention this because I originally posted results from the Beliefnet version. Those results are still visible in my LiveJournal (though only to me). :)

"Would it be my fault if I could turn you on?"...babies.

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Subject:	Freedom is just another word for nothing left to lose. That's kind of what I'm goin' for. :)
Time:	6:51 am.
Mood:	awake.
Music:	"She Drives Me Crazy" -Fine Young Cannibals.

Last night, as I faded into dormancy, it occured to me that now might be time to let a few old textbooks go (I have about $7 in checking and pocket combined).
So...I've been reading them since 3:30, just in case I missed something important the first time through. :)
Hopefully, a few of them will be gone and I a little richer by noon. :)

Which of Henry VIII's wives are you?

this quiz was made by the proper Victorian ladies at Spookbot

You're
the United Nations!

Most people think you're ineffective, but you are trying to
completely save the world from itself, so there's always going to be a long
way to go. You're always the one trying to get friends to talk to each
other, enemies to talk to each other, anyone who can to just talk instead of
beating each other about the head and torso. Sometimes it works and sometimes
it doesn't, and you get very schizophrenic as a result. But your heart
is in the right place, and sometimes also in New York.
Take the Country
Quiz at the Blue Pyramid

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Subject:	"If you're goin' to Winnemucca, Mack, with me you can ride."
Time:	10:05 pm.
Mood:	working.
Music:	"Rock Me Amadeus" -Falco.

I had the following conversation en route down Kirkwood tonight (it's back, are ya freakin' happy?):

Man: Excuse me, Miss. Do you have any spare change or anything?
Me: *checks pockets sincerely--finds student ID, mailbox key, and a single penny* I'm sorry. I don't have a thing.
Man: It's alright. ... You're mighty pretty though!

The experience left me feeling both crappy and a little flattered.
__________________________________________________

So... I was working out my plan for a May '05 graduation and talkin' to my brother about name-changing, statutory rape laws, and travels when I began to wonder...
"Has Richard been around more than I have?"

The maps:

Because Richard will see THREE new states over spring break, and I only one, I've decided to make the following maps representative of post-March '04 Richard and Sonja.

Post-March Richard has been to or through eleven states. He has memories of all but one. He has spent the night in five.

Post-March Sonja has been alive for approximately three years + eight months longer than Post-March Richard. She has been to or through nineteen states of which she can remember seventeen. She was in two of the afore mentioned nineteen states for less than a half hour and has spent nights in ten.

Three years + eight months ago, Post-March Sonja had been to or through twelve states. She had memories of ten (the same number as Richard of the same age) and had spent the night in six.

In the next two years, Post-March Richard is expected to see at least four new states (during a band trip scheduled for his second senior year). During that time, Post-March Sonja expects to add zero to her list. :) When Post-March Sonja was the age that Post-March Richard will reach two years from...March.... *thinks hard* ...she had been to or through... Shit! Still 12 (compared to Richard's 15 at the same age)....though she was to reach 13 about a month later. :)

So... damn it! I always thought this would be an easy win for me. :) ...and really, it is. :) I know I've been allowed to see and explore more within most of my 18 states than he in his 8. ...but I am happy to learn that Richard's life isn't as void of travel opportunity as I thought. :) :) :)

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Subject:	Aging Email Numba Eight
Time:	6:20 pm.

When one is willing to post a great deal about oneself online, one should expect occasional email inquiries. A few months back, a nice Dutch boy wrote with questions on a few things I had mentioned about myself. My reply follows. The "I'm Sonja" bit was an imitation of his email to me. :)

Hello!

Your e-mail was so incredibly informative, that I have little choice but to imitate it! :) Here goes...

I'm Sonja, born May 10, 1983, 10:43 a.m. EST (it's tough for me not to type these things the American way) in a small town called Tell City. That's where I spent most of my first 18 years. In August 2001, I began my university career. As I know you have read, I am now a student at Indiana University (www.iub.edu) ...which is located in a very cool town called Bloomington, Indiana. As activism goes, not a lot goes on in these parts. I am still technically president of Animal Defense League-Muncie though. :)

And now...my replies to your questions/remarks (this will be quite lenthy!):

*My interest in sleep is rooted in my nocturnal nature. You see, the world operates best in the morning. I operate best at night. As a result, I don't sleep much....and I want to more than you will ever know! :)

*I DO live substance-free! Not only do I not drink/smoke/use recreational drugs, but I also avoid prescription and over-the-counter medication unless I view it as truly necessary. Modern people tend to overmedicate themselves. I do not feel that I need to pop a pill every time my head hurts a bit. Our ancestors didn't and so-called "lower" animals still don't. It isn't necessary. ...and speaking of animals, I, of course, am against vivisection. All American pharmaceuticals are tested on animals. I also tend to view smoking and drinking as "rights" that inhibit the rights of others. Smoking, of course, affects the environment as a whole (I remember reading once that a crowded restaurant of smokers produces as much air pollution as a busy highway....and also cigarette filters never biodegrade). My entire adult family smoked heavily during my childhood, and the stench of burning tobacco/tar/whatever else is in those horrible things is something that I spent many years trying to run away from. I do not believe that parents should have an inalienable right to expose their children (or anyone else) to that stuff.
Please realize that I'm not some sort of fanatic who blows up at people on the street. I am actually a very nice person. :) It's just sooo easy to say all of this to some faceless person across the Atlantic! Oh...and drunken people appall me. I've had to look after a few in the past, and now I can hardly tolerate looking at them at all.
Driving under the influence is nearly inexcusable in my mind. With that said, I do actually support the legalization of soft drugs. I just have no intention of using them myself.

*The word "platonic" can definitely be used to mean "love without physical desire". The origin is in Plato's Symposium. ...but I am certainly in agreement with your belief that romance oft has little to do with physical desire. :) Sorry for the misunderstanding!

*Harry Potter's godfather is a guy named Sirius Black. I kind of have a crush on him. That is, if I could have a nonplatontic relationship with any character in any book I've read...I'd probably go with him. :) Jacques the Anabaptist from "Candide" is a close second. :) Oh...and read the books! I thought I wouldn't like them and actually didn't read any of them until sometime in July. Now, I've read them all. The last three are most interesting. If you're short on time, skip the first two. :)

*I wouldn't call myself a roller coaster enthusiast. :) Prior to this past weekend, I had actually not ridden any in about two years. I have a low-level fear of G-force-related brain injury. :)

*To be honest, I don't enjoy learning languages. I almost view it as sort of a "necessary evil". I find it pathetic that the rest of the world seems to be bilingual, trilingual, etc....and many Americans never seem to master their first language. It isn't that the American people are incompetent. We, as a whole, are just arrogant and believe that the rest of the world should and will accomodate to us. I want to be an exception to that rule....and I also am in love with the idea of being able to read literature/experience entertainment and culture that monolingual people cannot.

*I consider myself agnostic by default. One becomes agnostic by default when s/he a. doubts his/her beliefs. or b. doubts his/her disbelief. I used to fall into the first category. I'm now in the second, and I think I perhaps should elaborate. :)
Let's assume that a majority of western agnostics are somewhere between Christianity and atheism. I'll call them "Christian/atheists". They're generally former Christians who doubted their faith but never were decisively convinced of God's nonexistence either. That used to be me. Now, I think I'm more deist/atheist ... or even atheist/deist. What that means is...
I lean atheist, but because my weak human brain doesn't understand everything, I can't absolutely be convinced either way.

*Fruitarianism is very idealistic to me. I desire to be a fruitarian, but it's really difficult to see myself as such. Of course, there was once a time when I thought similarly about veganism. I've written my reasons for advocating fruitarianism before. Rather than typing it all again, I will forward that e-mail to you. :)

Wow. You Dutch people can really write! I'm not complaining, mind you! It's just that the few Dutch people I've encountered have all written much longer e-mails than the typical American...or Brit...or Aussie...or German...you get the idea. I'll stop generalizing now. :) If you have any additional questions or viewpoints, I'll certainly be glad to hear them!

Well wishes,

Sonja

PS. I once slept through a FIRE ALARM, so I can actually believe that you might have slept through an alarm. I've also turned my alarm off in my sleep....several times. I once missed an exam for that reason...but I'm such an incredibly trustworthy student that I was permitted to make it up later that day. :)

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Subject:	Aging Email Numba Six
Time:	5:22 pm.

I still cringe when I read this one. I've omitted the bulk it and decided to keep quiet as to the original recipient, 'cause...none of your business!!!! :) There's a hint of uncharacteristic passive aggression in my tone, especially when I make reference to my best friend (this will be better understood by the who gained access to my thoughts at the time). Damn it, I'm not proud of this. This is the email that shoved me into a relationship that never should have been. It sucks out all of my happiness...just like a dementor. I'll likely post the remainder of my aging email messages within the hour, just so this will be shoved farther down on the page. :) Happy reading! :)

Due to the immeasurable decibels of sound generated by my fingers on the keyboard, I have been cast out of my room until...around 9 a.m. I am not making an accusation, by the way. Knowing sleep would not come easily, I left on my own...and I wished not to cause any additional disturbance in the sleep of the cool roommate (I really do mean that, despite my recent complaints). It is very likely....even probable that this will make no sense. I advise you not to read on, but if you must, delete the message immediately upon finishing. I'm just very tired.....and I have a deal.
The deal: You claimed to have had a thing for me...which may or may not have been the truth....but regardless, it made me think. You see, during the days preceding your confession, I had been noticing your charms....and I now have regrets. Allow me to explain, for I have nothing better to do for the next three hours. I first suspected that I had feelings for you just a week (that's an estimate) before you said...whatever you said to me. The thing is, I couldn't tell....and I continue not to know for certain.
....but anyway, I've been uncool toward you lately, and for that I am sincerely sorry. I guess it sort of bothered me that immediately when you began speaking to Jamie, you appeared to develop a preference for her. *deep breath* I am jealous. It's appalling and horrifying and I can't help it....and as I told you before, I will probably stop talking to one of you. That, of course, will be you, as I Jamie is my best friend in the world, and considering the effect it has had on me, I do believe your excessive flirtation with Jame to be moderately.....bastardly.
...but I blame myself. I'm a master of self-fulfilling prophesy. Whenever I reluctantly bring two of my friends together, I do so KNOWING that they will end up liking one another more than they like me. Now, this isn't quite the case this time, for I happen to know that Jamie quite likes another....and for some unfathonable reason, she 'adores' me. *punches self for admitting to being liked* I don't completely understand the girl's feelings of adoration for me, but then I have the same thing for Eric VonFuhrmann (the professor with the crotch).
...but anyway, in this case, the only person who my generic rule applies to is you. So...I gave you Jame's e-mail address, convinced myself that I would never speak to you again....and then I did. Fuck me, I'm stupid! ...but back to the self-fulfilling nonsense. You see, I've done this before. I bring people together, they appear to hit it off, and I stop speaking to them. Mind you, this isn't rudeness. I suppose it's just a defense mechanism of sorts. When I do speak, I'm not my friendly self...and in the end, I lose a friend or two....just because I thought I would. I would call this a mistake on my part, but that would only make me feel worse about what I'm about to do. That is, I am defriending you. I like you a lot....and I apparently even like you 'more than platonically' as you once said of me...but it sucks. I don't even want to allow myself to like boys anymore. I mean...other than Tom Hollinden....'cause I'm sort of known for that.
*large portion deleted*
...but none of this matters, and if you're still reading this, you deserve some sort of cash reward. Leave a note on my door, and I'll be sure to come up with something for you, for you are either truly spectacular or truly evil. If I had the will power and/or presence of mind to proof read this, I'm certain it would never be sent. So....if you receive this, I probably am now sleeping in the library. Send someone to wake me after class, as I am probably snoring or drooling into the keyboard.
So...yeah....that's MY deal and a bunch of other junk you should never care to know. I have an annual breakdown, and this one, being slightly delayed, is a bit stronger than the last. It too will pass, I'll probably remain at BSU....and perhaps see you around. My apologies for all of the drama. I'm really not a dramatic type.
Have a fantastic life.
Sonja (7:02 a.m.)

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Subject:	Aging Email Numba Five
Time:	7:12 am.

The "Timothy" to whom this was addressed lived just a floor above me in Summer '02. He has never been my "dearest". That title obviously belongs to my lovely Jamie. :) Also, J.T. Alwin is a very decent person. He was just, at the time, a guest who had outworn his welcome.

Dearest Timothy,
You should be happy to learn that my journey home was a safe and pleasant one.
Upon my return to good ol' Rogers 119, I concluded that your room is hell in comparison. I do not mean hell in the pain and torment sense (I obviously prefer your room to mine) but rather, "It's frickin' hot up there!" Of course, the extreme temperature didn't bother me in the least. I tolerate such things amazingly well (I credit all of that tough, small band marchin' I did in high school)! :) I only feared that I was generating too much body heat for your taste.
Though my room is quite frigid, it too contains a bit of hell. His name is J.T. Alwin. During your time away, it seems I will have only him during these hours. I don't particularly want J.T. I can live with him for a while, but I will be the happiest creature in existence the day he finds himself an apartment...not that I don't care about the guy.
So....it's now 5:30 a.m., and I'm guessing I still have a good hour or two remaining before I collapse or something of that sort. In an attempt to entertain myself, I'm listening to Bob Marley and mindlessly e-mailing. Perhaps I'll eventually come up with something a bit more inventive, or *gasp* do something productive! Neither seems likely at this point.
Oh. Wow. There's the sun. Very bright. I'm not yet tired. Crazy stuff.
Feel free to stop by before you leave. As it is, most of my visitors wish only to use my computer. I'm guessing if the thing ever ceases to function, I'll be alone in the world. Where's my darned parka?
Sonja

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Subject:	Aging Email Numba Four (here's a novelty!)
Time:	6:20 am.

Back in '02, a good friend of mine decided to try her hand at obnoxious email survey-writing. :) My response to Number 9 should be regarded as a bullshit attempt at "cock blocking", but it made for good humor at the time! The answers given are a reflection of a past version of myself, and not a particularly clear one. In other words, studying this thing won't help you to know me any better. :)

1. Best Professor/Teacher?
S-T-E-V-E C-A-R-V-E-R STEVE CARVER!!!!!! Ya gotta respect the chalk....BUT life DID begin post-Tell City, so Dr. Suzie Wolfe. :)
2. Most unique Professor/Teacher?
MAN, do I miss VonFuhrmann's crotch! ...but honestly? Carver. The man has a mind like no other.
3. Quick! What is your favorite color?
Blue. No, yel-auuuuuuugh!
4. Usual clothing choice?
Five-year-old jeans and a t-shirt/sweater/hoodie--whatever on my bedroom floor happens to be clean.
5. "My Liege!" What just came to your mind? A) I’m a king/queen? B) What?! C) You’re cool! D) The best movie ever
See question three.
6. Are preps still cool?
Occasionally.
7. Worst Teacher/Professor?
Sharon Buckman. She's the evil, black-haired, condescending witch of a woman who all of the older children warned you about. *shudders*
8. What comes to mind when you hear the phrase "Coeey and Jame"? A) Strange B) What the crap? C) Dog food D) T-Shirts
My first thought was "up the bum", but D'll suffice. :)
9. Why is math horrible?
I LOVE math, 'cause Timmy Spillers, originally of Fort Wayne, Indiana (Don't have sex with him--he's diseased--I'm serious--Remember that name and pass it on to all Muncie and raver women you know--Honestly--He's the devil) is horrible at it. :) He's bad at fucking too. :)
10. What three things would you have with you on a deserted island? No, you can’t have a boat or way to escape.
After much thought, I have concluded that I would have with me a previously-owned palace, lots of materials for writing, and an animal companion, whose life would otherwise be much worse.
11. #1 food choice?
You can't go wrong with a bagel. *thumbs up*
12. Flowers or candy?
Daisies to be precise! <-didn't mean as a romantic gift. I just have a thing for daisies.
13. Merry Christmas or Happy Holidays?
"Merry Christmas" has more of a festive and seasonal feel. :)
14. Do you believe in ghosts?
Uh-huh.
15. Would you like to go to magic school?
One would have to be retarded or religious to say "no" to that one.
16. Which is better, strength or intelligence?
Intellectual strength. :)
17. Which do you keep closer, friends or enemies?
Geographically? If I had enemies, I'd want to keep them far, far away.
18. When is a time before time?
It never existed....I mean...unless you count before the invention of the digital clock...but that's incomprehensible. :)
19. Vacation spot?
New York, New York; it's a hell of a town.
20. Pooh, Eeyore, Piglet, Tigger, or Rabbit?
"I'm Colly. I'm apathetic. I talk like Eeyore."
21. Best season?
Spring. Then Winter.
22. Best thing, name-brands or sales?
Me? In a name-brand? That's rich!
23. Big Red gum or Big Red soda?
Gum, of course! Down with carbination!!!!!!
24. If a door is locked and you haven’t a key, what is your approach?
I hike to a neighbor's house, call Pete Bowman, sit in his car for 3 1/2 hours, and then lock the bastard responsible for the ordeal out.
25. Mr. Moo or Mr. Moo Cow?
MR. MOO!!!!!!
26. Strange or Weird?
Strange, if I have no other options.
27. Sandals or Boots?
How's the weather?
28. Do surveys annoy you?
Frequently so.
29. Why do you answer them?
Typically, I don't. :)
30. Later Gator or After While Crocodile?
While 'dile.

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Subject:	Aging Email Numba Three
Time:	6:44 am.

The recipient of #3 was a very moody boy who I befriended early in my days at BSU. The night before, a large group of us had gone out for ice cream (nothing for me, thanks), and his general moodiness had sent the evening into decline. A conversation the following morning led me to believe I had somehow angered the aforementioned moody boy. It turns out, I hadn't offended in the least, but the email remains....nagging. It should be noted that the boy and I were quite keen on insulting one another and that "$11" was a joke within our social circle at the time of composition. The message was sent on Bob Dylan's 61st? birthday (May 24, 2002); I was a journalism major at that time. :)

This is what happens when night owls are forced to take early graphics classes. We write long, terrible e-mails to everyone whose address we care enough to remember...and to those with incredibly simple addresses. That would be you. Of course, even without the mind-numbing professor and course content, I have reason to write you. That reason: I believe I may have been a bit of an ass last night. You see, I tend not to notice these things. If I say something that isn't at least alright about someone....I'm almost certainly not serious. Insults are practically compliments as I'm concerned. Cool Ryan had to convince me that I had angered you. If he was wrong, damn it.
I must admit that I don't really think you're as cool as I once did (I'm sure you feel the same about me). I'll be over it by tomorrow though. You see, it was you who came to my door and called so many times during the first weeks of class (I didn't mind. You and I were equally uncool; admit it). You stated that I was free to do the same, yet when I called, you made it look as though I were some sort of psycho. Of course that's all in the past, and now I've spoken my mind...and I can stop being a dweeb. Why'd I have to come from such strong moral fiber?!!!! I blame my upbringing. Another way my mother has screwed me!
I do believe this class is entirely useless. Might you tell me what looks best with Helvetica? There are apparently rules, which I haven't cared enough to learn.
Lalalalalala.....I think I'll get to leave soon. I need water. I'll give you $11 for a 12 pack of water. You actually should have stayed around last night. Ryan, an extraordinarily drunken German guy (named Wolfgang--honestly!), and I badly debated the second Amendment.
As much as I hope you don't read this, it seems such a waste not to press "Send". :)
Well wishes,
Sonja

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Subject:	Aging Email Numba Two
Time:	8:45 pm.

The following was written early one morning in June 2002. It was originally directed toward my good friend and hall-mate, Ryan Smith (who showed up at my door just before the email's completion). By the end, however, I had decided to let five others into my then current state of being. :) It all follows.

Even the dimmest of us have our clever moments. Mine typically arrive around 3:30 a.m. and end with my failure to remain conscious long enough to achieve anything of significance. In one sense, this morning seems the exception. You see, I appear to have outlasted my brilliance. So, as the last hint of intellect drowns in the 500 ml of bottled water I consumed in two (TWO) swigs (Consider these words proof), I find myself torn between the latest issue of "National Geographic" and "Brudda Bu's Ukulele Heaven". Neither seems impressive at the moment. Three years ago, I couldn't get enough of this stuff (which isn't to say I don't dig 'em now ). I quite like who I was in those days. I was a beatnik kid--not quite the insecure simpleton you know today. :) I had aspirations then. I honestly believed that I would someday find myself living in New York's east village, an eccentric writer/professor/theatrical flautist hosting frequent group showers. I quite dislike it when dreams die. I used to write a couple of villagers. I somehow convinced them that I was a bright kid. I was good at that. In fact, I still am (unless, of course, you're Timothy Spillers, in which case, I'm quite obviously "the biggest loser in the world"). Perhaps I should regain contact. I suspect I still have a bit of that old "Colly" in me. She's just in submission to whoever the hell's typing at the moment. SO, after wasting one of my increasingly rare moments of combined mental clarity and motivation on a two page reflection paper discussing possible methods for controlling such fuckheads as J.T. Alwin, ... I found my way upstairs and had a smoke, and somebody spoke and I went into a dream. Honestly, though, I'm on my third pack of Twizzlers tonight. I also had a couple of bags of pretzels. I'm beginning to view this as brain food. I suspect that when I actually muster the courage to read this, I'll decide otherwise.
When exactly did I give up paragraphing?
Now I'm pissed off. The damned boy spilled garlic sauce on my fucking monitor! Of course I curse him in my sleep! :) Might you have any clever ideas for keeping him away?
I have now (probably foolishly) decided to send this to an incredible SIX people instead of just the one. One of you is now in my physical presence. :)
You will NEVER know whether or not you're the original recipient!!!!!!
Sonja

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