Blurty for Sonja.

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Saturday, March 5th, 2005

Subject:The Big Dumb Entry About Big Dumb Stuff
Time:9:10 pm.
Mood:Happy As Hell :D.
A. I inserted an INSTEAD Softcup for the first time evah yesterday.

While I much endorse the use of menstrual cups, I make partial exception for INSTEAD® (being a disposable product, after all). I ordered their 'free sample' primarily in interest in having 'clean' sex during my period without having to actually try out the whole diaphragm thing.

Premenstrual Impressions:

-Was intimidating in appearance
-Went in and into position quite nicely!
-Not particularly similar to the Keeper
-The idea of leaving a cup in for 12 hours is soooo appealing.

So, I've been lookin' into things and found conflicting information. Should anyone have access to such intelligence, I would much like to know if there is more than a minor risk associated with use of a diaphragm as a menstrual cup.

B. Despite my hairiness, the deodorant crystal seems to work for me (this time of year). I would find it quite excellent were that to not change come summer. :) Seriously. My armpits smell very nice.

C. A few nights ago, I saw an Icelandic film. "The Seagull's Laughter". Toward the end, I felt a strong sensation indicative of a full bladder. So, I presented myself at the ticket counter and asked a city councilman (Steve Volan, if ya must know) for directions to the bathroom. It was to the right of the teevee (there was a teevee). :)

D. Immediately following my vaginal adventures with the INSTEAD cup, I took a slightly more adventurous adventure down Kirkwood. There, much happinesses occurred and I foolishly splurged.
New Skirt (and then my tilted head--it's a new top too...I also had vegan junk food at Soma--damn these beautiful days):
New Skirt, ya knowTilted Head, yo

E. A Rare Look At Me With Hair Down And Without Metal In My Ears :D
Bed Time
The above was taken just prior to sleeping on the night of my Kirkwood adventures (there were later adventures as well... including a drag show--and acquiring a shoulder wound from a flying fist--alas, I photographed neither of the above). In any case, it seems I no longer find myself unsightly with naked ears. I'll elaborate.

F. It seems I've more or less destandardized beauty in my own mind. Though attraction to specific body types may seem natural, it's quite culturally prescribed in the sense that people in different times and places have had quite contrasting views as to what is attractive. An argument could be made for facial symmetry, but chubby vs. thin, dark vs. light, mighty vs. humble chests... they've all been loved quite liberally by their shares of groups. It was noted in a book I recently read that the closest to a culturally universal characteristic of an 'attractive' woman is 'plumpness', quite a contrast from what is currently promoted in my own society. Of course, a few hundred years ago, even my wide-hipped, chubbeh self might have been considered hott as hell (excepting the nose, of course :D).

In short, phrases like "You're hotter than *insert name here*" lack even artificial meaning to me at this point. Folk used to say one is more than the sum of one's parts. Technically, I can't embrace that statement. ...but the intent is nice. One can be quite lovely to many many people with a 'substandard' nose and stomach and chest... and hell... substandard everything (which, by the way, is precisely what I and countless others have). Culturally-prescribed standards can change, making homely people beautiful and lovely people homely. That certainly makes them seem less than truthful to me.

G. I've recently made cooking a weekend hobby. How bizarre.

A. Musical notation! <-I said that once in an email. How nostalgic.
I Want Your Sex

Monday, February 7th, 2005

Subject:A Quick Word On Boobies:
Time:2:23 am.
The following is a (minimally edited) poorly written email I threw together about a week ago. :) I have minor tendancies toward lameness, but perhaps I'll someday work up the courage to tell you all the short story of how I came to find 'importance' in such matters.


As I awaited sleep last night, I was thinking, as I tend to do. For some reason, bra-burning entered my mind. I used to think, "why the bra?" I thought I liked bras. They prevent jiggle; that must serve some sort of athletic purpose (though, I suspected women were at least as athletic in years before their advent). Besides, wearing them makes me feel less flabby. They reshape, so I don't think my boobs look so funny under clothes. ... Wait... sh*t! Damn society! :) Bras are descended from corsets. Their purpose is to reshape...unnaturally...since, you know, a natural shape could easily be achieved without a bra. Primarily, they're oversexualized fashion objects. Were we not all binding our boobs up, we would likely all (women and men) damn notice and realize that most boobs really don't look as we try to make ours appear. They tend to hang a little... sometimes a lot... frequently pointing outward. ... They're asymmetric by nature. The standard boobs of media-based industries, even when unaltered surgically (though likely still airbrushed and with the benefit of flattering lighting and selective photography), are usually very much atypical... and they aren't identical to those that were in fashion 50 or 100 years ago.
Furthermore, I started reading... Apparently, by wearing bras, I may be inhibiting melatonin production (which is certainly believable in my case), super-increasing my risk for breast cancer (a side-effect I'd heard of many times before), and causing the ligaments that support my breasts to atrophy (and thus, my boobs to 'sag' more than they would otherwise...not that there's anything wrong with that godf*ckingdamnit :D ), in addition to supporting beliefs that encourage insecurity in women whose boobs don't quite match and appropriately perk and all of that other awesome stuff that boobs just tend not to do on their own. Oh yeah... and supporting breast cancer, sleep-deprivation, and premature aging in women in general. Go me!!!!!!
Jiggle in athletics, unless perhaps one is very large-chested, is not dangerous.... and likely only avoided because we are unaccustomed to it.
So yeah... I got myself all annoyed. :) Will I stop wearing bras? Nah. I can't. Society has gotten to me. Perhaps someday I'll be a stronger person.
I'm already fighting the urge to shave my legs. I think I'm strong enough for that battle. ...which probably makes me stronger (in that sense) than most of the women I know. Give me a few years for the armpits. :D
Holy crap. I must have had a lot to say. Sincere apologies!

...and don't even get me started on menstrual products. :)



The responses I received from female recipients were all expressions of agreement. However, they all (four females total) expressed an insecurity that would prevent them from ever going braless in public. All but one actually used the word 'deformed' to describe their own breasts. A further update... I managed to 'do the town' tonight bra-free. :)
I Want Your Sex

Friday, January 21st, 2005

Subject:*desire for clever quotation on difficulties with vaginal insertion*
Time:4:10 am.
Music:"City of New Orleans" -Arlo Guthrie.
After three years of senseless failure, I have now successfully (and repeatedly) inserted and removed a menstrual cup from my own body. I'm tampon-free, babies. :):):) This comes at a time in which I seem to have become increasingly focused on minimizing my physical impact and all of that crazy hippy jazz. ...even though hippies aren't particularly noted for diggin' the jazz. In any case, this is what I shoved into myself. It looks a lot like a toilet plunger, no? :):):) TOTALLY comfortable. Honest! :)

My Very First Vaginal Plunger
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Monday, November 29th, 2004

Subject:I'll be brief. :)
Time:6:05 pm.
Mood: cranky.
Music:"leaving on a jet plane" ...but only in my head.
Long ago, there was a very unhappy marriage between two very unhappy people. As have so many, this particular one resulted from an unplanned pregnancy, and it was probably a direct and indirect cause of a lot of unhappiness for a lot of people. The unsmiling couple? My maternal grandparents!

Should anyone still require filling in, here's how the story played out. She was 18. He was about 5 years older. He claimed sterility. She was naive enough to believe him. A marriage was forced. Both held jobs. When she returned from hers, she promptly handed the paycheck over to him. She was a child when they married. He didn't much like the adult she would grow into.

Eventually, he would find someone for whom he apparently had genuine affection. After seventeen years, that was the welcome marriage breaker. Their three daughters moved with her back to her childhood home in Indiana. A few cards and letters and one long-distance call, they drifted away like the leaves in the fall. ...

A few decades later (also known as 'last Saturday'), Mr. Sterility reentered 'the picture'. I, a byproduct of his loveless copulation, was one of many to attend the reunion. One who didn't attend was my maternal grandmother, his former wife, the woman who raised me, who I call "Mom".

She provided my transportation back to Bloomington today. She cried part of the way here. In the last three days, two people had separately remarked that she could have been 'somebody'. ...just as the reason she believes she wasn't hopped back into her daughters' lives.

Then she got mean. ... brutally mean. It was my turn to cry.

As everyone now knows, the weekend's event isn't an unusual one for me this year. It's been a whole four months since my reunion with my formerly estranged father. That hasn't resulted in a great deal of happiness for me either.

He and and his wife request phone calls. I give them. They say I don't call enough. They request cards. I send them. They tell me how disappointed they are that I didn't include pictures. I send email. They tell me how much they would prefer more phone calls instead. I send cards to their relatives. In a disheartened tone, they remind me exactly who provided the seed from which I sprung. I buy them a gift (in this case, a framed photo)... not so much as a warm 'thank you'.

Why am I bothered? I don't know. I have a really bothersome guilt complex. I'm going to get over it this time. ...but until that happens, care to listen?

I'm not the only child who sprung from my father's seed. There was a boy child too (who incidentally has told the father how guilted I feel--it was interpreted as an accusation, a nature in which it was not intended). Like me, he was ignored by the planter for about sixteen years. That doesn't bother either of us in the least. Totally cool.

Here's the thing. As I worked hard to make two people a little happier, the boy child sent nothing, said nothing.... just nothing. Until he desired money for more sexy name brand clothing and a sparkling new cell phone plan. He hasn't had a brilliant life, and I have an understanding of why he does what he does. ....but he's now having money and gifts thrown at him from every direction I can see. ...the maternal family, the paternal family.... mulitple relatives on each side...even from me. Persistence really can pay. ... and reasons why my brother's use of such knowledge irks me follow:

1. These people are poor and often sick, particularly "Mom". He doesn't care. ... and he won't consider caring. I find that frustrating.

2. I try sooo hard to help in sooo many ways. Perhaps not everyone all of the time. ...but everyone apparent who seems in need any time it's brought to my attention. I don't want to want recognition. ...but sometimes, it seems I get the opposite. The more I give, the more it's noticed when I accidentally don't. Sometimes, I really do wish someone would notice that the reason I'm expected to give is because I started giving in the first place. ... that I'm a nice person. ...not the kid who hasn't done *everything* she could possibly without having a breakdown. No one does all s/he can. Were I not human, I'd make a stab at it... but I'm not quite ready to self-induce emotional collapse just yet. :D ...or you know... to work hard or whatever it is that most people do. :):):)

3. I just sold books for a meager $60. I promptly handed it over to Mom, who promptly tried to hand it back to me. ...and then I left the room as she hollered an assortment things that made me feel bad. I'm going to spend the rest of the semester eating nothing but rice and pasta. Who will notice? Not the homefolks. Why not? I don't want them to give me money. Why am I frustrated? I'm a crappy person. Why does that bother me? Perhaps I'm not entirely crappy. ... but, you know, who is?

Anyway... I'm back in Bloomington, as you might have guessed. :) Mom departed grumpy and left me feeling like the largest piece of poo on the planet, just for having been born (which, by the way, was not my idea). Something about my computer doesn't work. I don't know why. I could probably figure it out, but I don't care enough just yet. I'm sure I'll welcome telephonic company tonight--it's been a rarity in the last few months. You know the number(s).

...but I did finally receive the Greek God Pan cassette from my elementary school music teacher! I totally remembered her handwriting! Such a fine example of perfect denelian! I'll give the tape a listen as soon as I leave the lab. I have papers to write, but I'll probably read instead.... out of convenience more than any other reason. I'll throw something together last minute. Everything'll be okay. Somebody make out with me, please. :):):)

...and in case there's any doubt, I don't really think my life's so unpleasant. I'm sure there are worse. ... and probably happier people living them. I also don't think myself 'worse (by whatever definition)' than others (though I don't hold others to any designated standards as I do myself). I'm just not quite perfect enough to be above dissatisfaction. :):):)
I Want Your Sex

Thursday, November 11th, 2004

Subject:"Pan, Pan, Greek god Pan! One half goat, the other half maaan."
Time:6:02 am.
Mood: awake.
Music:"Always On My Mind" -Willie Nelson :D.
I'm primarily writing this for my own brief amusement. SO... don't grow attached, sexies. :):):)

The night before last, I emailed my elementary school music teacher. Long story short, she'll soon be mailing me a cassette recording of the narration to my favorite childhood film strip.

Gosh. Such anticipation!

... I think I'm losing mental function. ...or otherwise finding it increasingly difficult to focus on anything pertaining to interpersonal communication.

...but I'll get to see "La Cenerentola" tomorrow. w00t. <-ignore that :)


I'm told I'm a bit too heavy on the pretending I suck. People might accidentally start believing me. Allow me to clarify. ...and please don't think me a butt hole for compiling this list. I'm drowsy and already feeling guilty.

1. By most standards, I'm not even remotely an ugly troll (whatever that means).
2. I'm not really mathematically retarded. I'm mathematically 'above average'.
3. If I imply that I can't cook, what I really mean is "don't watch me cook--I'm psychologically damaged". Similar statements can be made for almost every activity on which I make such implications.
4. I'm not really crappy, a butt hole, a terrible person, or any such thing I may call myself. I'm secretly a rather intensely caring person with significant guilt issues (thanks to my psychological damage).
5. My psychological damage is very minor as these things go. :):):) With that said, I really will dwell on nearly anything if not provided with proper reassurance.
6. While it is exceedingly true to say that I can't speak Dutch, I can easily speak it as well as those other kids in my class. :)
7. I call myself a wimp, but I can 'take (physically or otherwise)' most things more easily than can most that I've known.
8. Stuff I don't care to recall due to an intense desire for sleepzzzzzzzzzzz <-not plural--that was supposed to indicate my falling asleep at the precise moment at which I finished typing the word 'sleep'. That didn't really happen. I'm going to bed.
3 Comments| I Want Your Sex

Thursday, October 14th, 2004

Subject:My angles are many. My sides are not few. I'm the Dodecahedron. Who are you?
Time:2:47 pm.
Mood: sleepy.
Music:"The Great Dictator" <-the film.
People tend to like themselves... often even those who don't outwardly seem to. It makes sense, really. We all try to possess those traits which we value or judge to be 'good'. If one values kindness, s/he is kind. If another values a sense of style, s/he becomes what s/he judges to be stylish. We develop our skills, physical appearances, lifestyles, religious or spiritual tendences, philosophies, and pretty much everything that we can based on this stuff... and since no one else entirely shares our values and judgements, we might convince ourselves that we're wiser, prettier, smarter, holier, healthier, nicer, and/or lots of other things than most (or perhaps all) of those with whom we bother to make comparisons (this is typically less evident in those who value humbleness and doesn't at all exclude the possibility of self-doubt). As a result, most of us develop what might be called 'inflated' views of ourselves (which isn't to say that anyone necessarily is overtly arrogant).
Obviously, there are other factors and much more that can be stated and/or examined, but... true enough, no?

Along the way, some of us realize what is going on, get ourselves in check, and stop with the delusions. ... Some of us even go so far as to begin having more delusions in the opposing direction. We then communicate with those who (quite wisely) like to keep their natural delusions, and we begin to overthink (which I'm told I've made into a whole new artform) to the point of ... an added dissatisfaction with assorted things.

I'm now trying to decide whether I think all of this self-lovin' tends to (in one way or another) keep more people happy... or make more people sad. In any case, I'm on to you! You all think you're 'better' than me. ;) At least it's nothin' personal. :):):)
4 Comments| I Want Your Sex

Saturday, July 31st, 2004

Subject:Hunger, it seems, becomes me.
Time:8:30 pm.
I've come to realize (again and again) that I've been conditioned from birth to hold back, to be timid, to be as humble and gracious as I can be, to slip into the background, to always accomodate to everyone else, to easily give in, etc. ... I'm not unhappy with all such habits, but the realization has helped me to better understand the things about myself that annoy me most.

I'm not an especially confident person, but that isn't because I feel I'm less bright/competent/attractive/likable/whatever than the rest of the world, nor is it because anyone has ever tried to convince me that I am. I lack outward confidence, at least in part, because my elders subtly trained me to view that sort of thing as a virtue. Even now, I find it incredibly easy to grow fond of the humble and even easier to be turned off by the pretentious and arrogant.

I mention this tonight for two reasons. The first is a phone call from my mother. The topic was "find out about financial aid options for your cousin, skank-whore (minus the bit about me being a skank-whore)!" :) ...which doesn't bother me a damn bit. What bothered me slightly was Mom's mention of an antique clock that once belonged to my great-great-grandmother.

Before I was born, it was my great-grandfather who kept the thing wound and working. After his death, it belonged solely my great-grandmother, who rarely touched it. This isn't a tale of great love and loss. I don't think winding that old clock would bring tears to Gatsie's eyes. She simply is afraid that in winding it, she will break it.

Now Mom has the clock. It has spent the last decade in the basement living room of my Tell Citian home, and that mama of mine thinks it's about time she let the clock fulfill its aesthetic potential upstairs.

... She's going to take it to some sort of clock expert, so he can teach her proper clock-winding technique. Um. I've never looked much at this particular clock. It has long rested on a high mantel, and I thought for many years that it had long ago ceased to function. It doesn't appear particularly delicate. I might even call it "robust". Perhaps it can only be wound through an extraordinarily complex or challenging procedure... but I quite doubt it. :)

Damn I don't feel like writing. I'll get to the point. ...

I was born into a line of smart, competent women who have been trained not to attempt things themselves. ...and I very much wish I weren't one of them. :)

Fuck the second reason! Blogging is a thorn in my side. I probably don't have pancreatitis at all!
I Want Your Sex

Monday, July 26th, 2004

Time:1:18 pm.
I've decided to tear a page from Jamie's book and utilize Blurty as a medium for discussing life's woes. :)
I've still not outlasted my personal dislike for blogging, so this will be relatively undetailed and poorly written. Sound like a fun read? Yeah. I totally know. Ugh.

Okay. I've not yet addressed something that will likely seem like a big deal: being reunited with my estranged father after 16+ years. I'm not going to say much about that, except that it seems a rather minor part of my life right now, yet a gigantic secret ... which I brought on my damn self. Go me. :)
Anyway, he and his wife have been calling and emailing a bit. ...and I'm feeling a slight sense of guilt for even having opened that box.

My great-grandma in the hometown is suffering from Alzheimer's Disease and driving folks in the homeland mad. I love her dearly, though she's kind of a mean lady. :) She has been frustrating the rest of us for years with her overt musical brilliance, excessive pride, and self-righteous attitudes (all of which I'll likely be sad to see go). Nearly all of the actions she's taken in her lifetime have been enacted with the motive of teaching someone else a much needed lesson. That can be rather annoying from the outside, but it seems she has always set out with noble intentions. Actually, I've long felt rather sorry for her.... as well as for those of us who've had to put up with her. :) The fact is, like the rest of us, she isn't in control of what her brain's thinking... and she's never really been happy, always dissatisfied. I love my Gatsie... and I love my mama. ...and this whole ordeal has taken its toll on both of them. ... so today I did the only thing I really felt I could: I mailed each of them a postcard. :) Weak. :)

What's causing the largest head/chest/face-ache right now is my university's Financial Aid office. Just when I thought things had worked out, I received yet another "you're so screwed" email. So... I phoned Mom and spent a half hour sobbing into the phone, being reassured that everything would be okay. Mom was in an unusually cheerful mood. It seems her consistently high blood pressure has been hangin' out around 120/50 since Gatsie was placed in a nursing home on Thursday. Also, according to the mama, Gatsie has been in good spirits, cracking lots of jokes (enough, in fact, to "go on Johnny Carson") and generally being a pleasure to be with. :) It's about damn time! :)

Okay. It seems there was more ugh to report, but I've now cheered myself up by thinking about a dream I had last night. Care to hear it? Screw you! I'm tellin' anyway!

I dreamt I was seeing some nameless blues lady at Emens Auditorium in Muncie.

Insignificant Part:
For some reason, Billy Ray Cyrus was hanging out in the audience ... and the past. Like... I was looking at Emens in 1992 or something. ...and as Billy shook hands with adoring fans, a news reporter spoke of Billy Ray-mania. The weird part? This reporter seemed to be under the impression that Billy Ray Cyrus was a woman, and thus, she couldn't understand how s/he had become so popular. ...but she did note that Billy Ray would make an attractive man. :)

Significant Part (i.e. part I seem more focused on, which will likely only amuse Mom and myself):
I couldn't locate my proper seat, as I couldn't see well in the dark (2004) auditorium. I ended up sitting several rows back on the far left, leaving one seat between myself and the end of the row. A very well-dressed, big city sleek-looking woman then sat between me and the end of the row.
The songstress appeared on stage, looking very... big city sleek as well. :) ...and then she broke out into (not damn kidding) "Detroit City". :D

I'm not sure how many of you know that particular song. It isn't so obscure. Just old. It's one of the country classics Mom and I like to belt out in the car and contains that line I'm so inexplicably fond of: "by day I make the cars; by night I make the bars!"

Damn, I was pleasantly surprised to hear a blues rendition of that! So pleasantly surprised, in fact, that I began to enthusiastically but quietly sing along. I noticed that the woman seated next to me was doing the same...rather unattractively. At the end of the song, the woman leaned toward me and spoke the following words:

"You know, that was in *can't remember*. You were really off". Um... thanks, Lady. :) ...and I was bothered by the idea that I could perhaps be so oblivious as not to have noticed that myself... and I began doubting my perception of everything (which, by the way, isn't a new thing for me).

Oh... and the following cheered me up slightly as well...

A Weeping Willow/Jame-woman says:
I love you.
Scandinavian Skank/me-woman says:
Scandinavian Skank says:
I love you more.
A Weeping Willow says:
Not possible.
Scandinavian Skank says:
Oh. Strike that then.

Jamie's so cool! ... still loving me when my brain is dead and all! :D
3 Comments| I Want Your Sex

Tuesday, July 13th, 2004

Subject:The dust that Pancho bit down south ended up in Lefty's mouth.
Time:11:59 pm.
Mood: listless.
Music:"Guitars, Cadillacs" -Dwight Yoakum (not Roxette :D).
Though I did not end up speaking of Alex, I actually did wake yesterday with restored health and cognitive function. :)
That resulted in the composition of no fewer than three new entries, a potential paper, and a letter to an elected official, all in my head (none of which are likely to make it to print). Rather than allowing thought inspire action, I opted to spend some time with "I Love the 90s", "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy (the movie)", and senatorial discussion on the proposed constitutional amendment to ban same-sex marriage (with occasional interruptions for which I can thank recent weather conditions). ...and then the illness reclaimed me. :D

In my diseased state, my ability to concentrate has waned considerably. That's what led me to log onto for the first time in a couple of years. :) There, I read survey responses I had given at age 18, including such gems as...

1. What do you expect on a first date? (A kiss, a hug, sex, etc.?)

I make a fantastic friend. As anything else, I'm terrible. I'm one of those lucky girls whose IQ drops 70 or so points when in the presence of anyone who she's even mildly attracted to. For that reason, I expect nothing of value to me.

3. Do you believe sex before marriage is acceptable?

It's acceptable, though I haven't made a practice of it.


9. Do you have any nicknames? Why do people call you them?

Colly: I was named Sonja Colleen after my grandmother and my mother, then promptly labeled the misspelled name of a dog breed to avoid family confusion.

I also stated that I would wait "a couple of hours" to have sex and wrote quite a lot about the brand of agnosticism to which I subscribed at the time. Reading about it reminded me of a conversation I had with Alex on 4th of July weekend. In it, each of us described our religious and philosophical pasts to the other, and now that I'm on the verge of falling asleep and out of my chair, I'm overcome with a desire to condense and type mine out. ... which I just began to do... but I'm far too sleepy. Perhaps tomorrow. :)
4 Comments| I Want Your Sex

Friday, July 9th, 2004

Subject:I love you guys!
Time:6:38 pm.
Mood: numb.
Music:"Unbelievable" -EMF.
It seems that during the past few months I've been sharing much less than usual. I'm not intentionally losing contact with individuals, nor am I being generally secretive. Apparently, being an active long-distance friend just tires me a bit... and I seem to be losing motivation. THAT is why I want everyone to visit me. :)

With all of that said, I'm not rejecting anyone. This is just a brief phase; I'll come out of it soon. :D Please feel free to nag the hell out of me for friendly love! Just... don't yell at me much for being lethargic in my communication. I totally know I've grown to suck. :) ... Perhaps I'll have more free time next summer.

In other news, I've finally replaced the old digital camera. This one doesn't flatter me so much. :D
My First New Camera Picture
To be fair to myself, I was unshowered and had been running about frantically the day I took that one.

Why was I unshowered?! ... The story's a fun one; perhaps I'll share it later. I probably won't. :)

I also just took a quiz! The result is as one would expect, however, I seem to have qualms with the description and questions/responses. Qualms, damn it!!!
...but in my realization that quizzes rarely spring from my own skull, not a worry one. :D


You are Godless! You could care less about religion. As far as you're concerned, if you can't see, touch and kick something, it's not real to you. Your day-to-day activities consist of eating, working, sleeping and the occasional Internet or coffee shop debate. Lastly, if anyone chooses to preach at you otherwise, you will either leave or debate them until they finally shut up.
4 Comments| I Want Your Sex

Tuesday, June 29th, 2004

Subject:Poverty and education still don't mix.
Time:10:12 pm.
I'll soon replace this with a fantastic entry about my fun times in Tell City-Town. :D

However, at present, I would much rather express my extreme annoyance with the state of Indiana and the IU-Bloominginton Office of Student Financial Assistance. I've been having a near nervous break-down every morning recently. Might anyone have about $5,000 I can borrow? :p

kjldfljkfdsjkldfsjklfsdjklfdsalkjsdfajkldfasgh <-pounding of fingers on keyboard to simulate the pounding of forehead on same keyboard.
8 Comments| I Want Your Sex

Friday, June 25th, 2004

Subject:Destinations to which I have lost cell phone minutes:
Time:9:26 am.
Mood: restless.
(Billing Period Ending) June (20):
1. Tell City, IN
2. Evansville, IN
3. Binghamton, NY
4. Kent, OH
5. Bloomington, IN
6. Madison, IN (Devina's grandma!)
7. Jasper, IN

1. Tell City, IN
2. Evansville, IN
3. Madison, WI
4. Kent, OH
5. Binghamton, NY
6. Bloomington, IN
7. Jasper, IN

1. Tell City, IN
2. Evansville, IN
3. Kent, OH
4. Binghamton, NY
5. Madison, WI
6. Bloomington, IN
7. Hammond, IN
8. Jasper, IN

1. Evansville, IN
2. Tell City, IN
3. Kent, OH
4. Muncie, IN
5. Madison, WI
6. Hammond, IN
7. Bloomington, IN
8. Jasper, IN

1. Evansville, IN
2. Tell City, IN
3. Madison, WI
4. Kent, OH
5. Petersburg, IN (???????)
6. Hammond, IN
7. Bloomington, IN

1. Binghamton, NY
2. Kent, OH
3. Tell City, IN
4. Evansville, IN
5. Jasper, IN
6. Bloomington, IN
7. Indianapolis, IN (J.T.?)
8. Madison, WI

1. Tell City, IN
2. Evansville, IN
3. Bloomington, IN

I look sexier than usual (which, you know... isn't so sexy). I would display the hottness had I a camera. I've been shaking my booty (to Bizet) for a mirror.
6 Comments| I Want Your Sex

Sunday, June 6th, 2004

Time:11:21 pm.
I think I know about four boys who don't think of themselves as hot. The rest are convinced that they are. *mild envy* *initiates crash diet*


JUST KIDDING!!!!!! I'm too into living forever to do anything unhealthy. :) *greatly restricts caloric intake* :D
13 Comments| I Want Your Sex

Saturday, May 1st, 2004

Subject:If I could tell the world just one thing, it would be...
Time:1:49 pm.
Music:"Shampoo Suicide" -Broken Social Scene.
Go Adopt Babies (and dogs) )

Though I've lost affection for both song and artist, I think I was trying to quote Jewel with that subject line.
"If I could tell the world just one thing, it would be, we're all okay". That line really spoke to me when I was fifteen. You see, I have a way of taking words out of context and letting them have whatever meaning I want them to have. :)
As a teenager, I interpreted that one as, "If I could tell the world just one thing it would be, we're all cool people (so chill the hell out)".
The problem with that interpretation is... in context, it doesn't make much sense. :D :D :D
My current interpretation of the line is, "If I could tell the world just one thing it would be, we're all going to be okay". Jewel was basically saying, "everything's fine (so chill the hell out)".
I still like that the song seems to be about combatting miserable apathy. ...but damn it, Jewel, I don't think we're all going to be okay.

note: I would actually encourage folks to adopt older children, but "Adopt Babies" sounded funnier in my head. :) ...but parenting doesn't really sound like fun to me. I think I'll forgo full-time child-rearing altogether and save the world instead. :)
18 Comments| I Want Your Sex

Friday, April 30th, 2004

Subject:Brood X
Time:4:20 pm.
Music:"Whoomp There It Is" -Tag Team.
I wasn't here in '87, but I'm told Bloomington is "Cicada Town". Charming. ...and the little butt holes are already emerging this year. :)

Here's a video from last time.
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Wednesday, April 28th, 2004

Subject:Word to your mother.
Time:9:21 am.
Mood: dirty.
Music:"Ice Ice Baby" -Vanilla Ice.
Go Blurty, Go Blurty, Go!
10 Comments| I Want Your Sex

Friday, April 23rd, 2004

Subject:What does Tennessee, boys? She sees what Arkansas.
Time:2:20 pm.
Mood: indifferent.
Music:"Why Bother?" -Weezer.
As unlike my mama as I am in some ways, I suppose she and I are quite similar in others . Primarily, we're both really big nerds. :) When I still lived at home, we used to do nerdy things together whenever we had the time and funds to do so. We would drive to locations from Indiana to Tennessee in search of genealogical information, visit museums and caves, see plays, hear live music... She and I have had some really fantastic times together. We were at our nerdiest though, en route to these places... in the car.
Mom and I used to do travel games like no others. We would usually begin by reciting things we had memorized, before moving on to things like "the alphabet game". Without the inclusion of alcohol, we took turns naming American cities beginning with each letter of the alphabet. Then, we'd do foreign cities... then trees, landmarks, song titles, movie titles, book titles, food products, anything promising that we (more often, she) could come up with (the most clever was actually the idea of my cousin Lacer, who suggested we play the alphabet game with Batman-style action sounds).
When I was in high school, I had a great fondness for the TV show, "Whose Line is it Anyway?" Mom and I began playing song games like "two-headed broadway star" and trying to make up "hoedowns". :)
At home, she taught me (a total woodwinder) to crappily play "It Ain't Gonna Rain No More" on piano (we had one, briefly). At this time, I was about fourteen or fifteen and going through a patriotic music phase (not exclusively American--I'm a nerd, not a patriot). Being the dweeb that I am, I came up with the brilliant idea of singing "Battle Hymn of the Republic" to the tune of "It Ain't Gonna Rain No More". That worked out BRILLIANTLY and became a travel favorite for Mom and me. :)
I went home for a visit the weekend before spring break this year. It had been quite a while since Mom and I had done anything nerdy together, so we set off for St. Meinrad to see the National Players' productions of "A Midsummer Night's Dream" and "Our Town". We stuck with the lost art of conversation during those drives, but one night after returning home, we got into a lively discussion of (get this) official state songs and ended up trying to come up with a song title for every state in the current American union. That was a little difficult, and we ended up cheating a bit... but "Idaho" cracked me the hell up. :) :) :)
You see, when I was a kid, my great-grandmother toured this state (Indiana) with her kitchen band (and might I add, the best damn kitchen band I've ever heard), "Faye's Follies". One of their usual songs was "Delaware".
So... Mom and I were going through the states in alphabetical order (because I'm nerdy enough to have memorized them that way), coming up with at least a couple of songs for each one. When we got to the eighth state, we both predictably broke out into, "What did Delaware, boys? What did Delaware? (She wore a New Jersey, if you're curious)" Damn this is almost embarrassing... but you get the picture. :)
So... we eventually made it to Idaho, and we were both fucking stuck. Who the hell has written a song about Idaho??? In desperation, I began to sing the only thing I could think of: "What did Ida-ho, boys?" Since Mom (and I think Richard was also around) is such a nerd, that got some laughs, and we eventually had to make due with that.
About a week or so ago, Mom phoned and recommended I look up the Perry Como (PERRY COMO!!!) song, "Delaware". She thought it might be THE "Delaware", and I thought she might be onto something. After all, Perry Como IS the dweebiest! *sigh* She couldn't have been more right. :) In addition, that suggestion led me to find that some DO sing the song with a verse inquiring as to what Ida hoes. She hoes her Mary-land. :)
4 Comments| I Want Your Sex

Thursday, April 15th, 2004

Subject:Jean-Pierre (still not Raffarin)
Time:5:01 am.
Mood: sleepy.
Music:"Strawberry Fields Forever" -Beatles.
A short while back, I included these lists in an email to a friend. Unsurprisingly, they still make sense to me.

Reasons why I don't want a boy in my life (in no particular order):
1. Emotional involvement is distracting.
2. Most boys aren't vegan.
3. Most boys aren't sterile/willing to become sterile.
4. I'm soo not into ideas of gender roles or appropriateness (which even "modern" men have come to expect).
5. I don't like people who primarily want my sex. :)
6. I suspect they all 'do' others in secrecy, potentially bringing home STDs.
7. No (romantic) relationship is likely to become a top priority for me anytime soon.
8. The ones who buy me things make me feel uncomfortable.
9. Mom's words: "Never date anyone you wouldn't want to marry; you might fall in love".
10. "Love" is fleeting and rarely ends happily.

Reasons why my mind could be changed (again, without order):
1. Feelings associated with kissing and generalized closeness.
2. Laughing and silliness while in someone's arms (similar to above, but I'm grasping for straws).
3. Sharing food and most everything else (still grasping straws).
4. Intellectual conversations in which an appropriately enthusiastic response would be making out. :)
5. Inexplicably wonderful and horrible longings for a particular individual.
6. Biological human desire to form a pair bond (for "love").

And for color...

I took the most accurate villain personality test

created by:
The Arch Villainess Gracie

6 Comments| I Want Your Sex

Monday, April 12th, 2004

Subject:I am of rather short stature.
Time:3:58 pm.
Mood: rushed.
Music:"Devil Woman" -Marty Robbins.

  • My #1 result for the selector, What Type of Feminist Are You?, is Radical feminism: Radical feminist analysis identifies patriarchal sexual politics as a fundamental organizing principle pervasive in all aspects of modern and historical societies. Radical feminist activism works to organize a mass movement uniting women to abolish sex-class on political, economic, and cultural levels.

    The order and scores of the Presidents are based on your input:
    1. Abraham Lincoln (score = 100)
    2. Thomas Jefferson (score = 88)
    3. Jimmy Carter (score = 81)
    4. James Madison (score = 79)
    5. Franklin Delano Roosevelt (score = 76)

    Take the Dead German Composer Test!

    This post went away for a day because I felt slightly like I was, in some way, boasting that I'm "soooo good". I wasn't.
    I posted something that reduced Mother Theresa to "a people loving Macedonian dwarf" and thought, "what the hell?" :)
    Many might think that's "BAD". :D

  • 2 Comments| I Want Your Sex

    Monday, April 5th, 2004

    Subject:I pity the ├ťbermensch. :)
    Time:4:52 am.
    Mood:barely conscious.
    Music:"Highway Patrol" -Junior Brown.
    I've found myself explaining things a lot lately. ...and by "things", I mean "everything"; my beliefs regarding everything, my feelings toward that same everything, and my dissatisfaction with both my beliefs on everything ...and ugh... everything.
    I'm not usually one to share what's in my head. I'm typically more content rambling on about things that don't even matter much to me and only dropping hints about what I'd really like to discuss (with people I've not yet met). When conversation turns away from the palpable... or the past or present, I turn vague.
    There are two people in the world who seem to have a knack for getting past the vagueness with which I'm prone to masking a lot of what I say. I think I would like for that number to increase... but that hasn't remedied any of my reluctances. :)
    Listening to me was recently compared to falling into a well. :) There's light at the top, but it's hard to make it to the top and figure out what I'm actually saying. I keep things that way intentionally. I've even tried to keep aspects of myself in wells, unsuccessfully until recently.

    ... but if I ever shove any one of you into a well (and I likely will... and just did), feel free to request an elaboration...or a rope. I suspect one would find reaching the light at the top much easier using specific questions. Broad questions yield vague answers. :)
    I will likely revise and privatize these words tomorrow. :)

    ... You'll all be happy to learn that I've fallen madly in love (with Jamie)!

    "Madly in Love! (75-110 points)
    Yup... you're definitely in love with Jamie. You would do anything for her, and just the sight of her makes you happy. Good luck in your relationship, just make sure Jamie feels the same for you, or she can very easily take advantage of you.... "

    You better not take advantage of me, Lady!!!
    Colly (and Beatrice)


    8 Comments| I Want Your Sex

    Blurty for Sonja.

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