A reason to be...'s Blurty Entries [entries|friends|calendar]
A reason to be...

[ website | Skeletor for MASCOT ]
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Again, like once before, my being craves to miss you, and touch you... [22 Nov 2005|03:41pm]
[ mood | hopeful ]
[ music | mad world ]

Hey. Yah. Im bored.... I havent updated in awhile.. so yah... haha... I dont really know what to write about....
Um.. I got a new awesomest comfy bed in the history of forever... so yah...
My bed is wicked comfortable....
No other bed can compare!
muahahahahahahahahahahaha.
haha. yah, im lame.
but omg.
I sooo misss peroxide <3 <3 <3
Im going to call him to say Happy Thanksgiving... sometime today or tomorrow... :-/ lol
I dont know which though.... haha....
but yah... and I also miss another person....
a person that is... i dont know....
haha but yah, i miss him....
even though i feel like retard for it.
:::shoot mee:::
haha.

ugh.
I went to butters yesterday.
it was fun, and stuff.
i havent been there in such a long time.... well...
I mean, Ive been there.... but I havent like hung out there for more than an hour lol....
so yah, it was great.
<3 the butterfields.

haha also plannin someshit about a sit in.
thats right, a sit in.
Haha, look out Hannibal school,
Its payback time!
fuckers.
haha.



OMG!!!! today is my unbirthday!!!!!
HAPPY UNBIRTHDAY TO ME!!!!
now im going to put some meaningful lyrics, to my favorite song (at the moment)

"A Stranger"

Cast the calming apple
Up and over satellites
To draw out the timid wild one
To convince you it's alright
And I listen for the whisper
Of your sweet insanity while I formulate
Denials of your affect on me

You're a stranger
So what do I care
You vanish today
Not the first time I hear
All the lies

What am I to do with all this silence
Shy away, shy away phantom
Run away terrified child
Won't you move away you fucking tornado
I'm better off without you
Tearing my will down


Yah... I love it... the song is much better... listening to.... with the music and the sound and such.... ::sigh::: i would give anything for you to be able to hear it.... lol....
download it. its by a perfect circle.

im out now.
love <3
faith

While the whole town is sleeping

Breaking all parts of that memory you try to sustain... Its too shattered for memory [05 Nov 2005|12:40am]
[ mood | peaceful ]
[ music | nothing:-( ]

Haha yah. sorry about that last entry. I was a little sad. Haha. But yah, Im not now. ALot of things have happened since that day... Uh... and I really dont know... ya know... what to do here. Haha. Cuz yah, Im really bored.
Um.. yah.....Holloween was fun. I went in a haunted house thing. It was effing scary as shit. Haha, yah I was really fucking scared. Umm... I made an awesome poofy skirt and Sarah made an AWESOME Sally dress. Haha hers was way better :-P Ugh.. Um.... I saw Slaphead on Holloween which was cool since I havent talked to him in awhile... I effing love hugging him. Yah. its cool.....
Um.. and yah... I really miss my friend Peroxide... I wish I knew how he was and shit. haha. im so lame <3
_
_
_
_
_
This is where the beginnging starts, you can feel the rumble of the earth. This is why the start happened, because the end was always needed.
Ugh. I hate random ramblings. hahaha.

Ugh Im so bored. Does anyone wanna ever do anything??? That would be awesome. Ugh.
Haha Im guna go now cuz Im sooo effing tired... :-P Sweet dreams loves

While the whole town is sleeping

Breaking all parts of that memory you try to sustain... Its too shattered for memory [05 Nov 2005|12:40am]
[ mood | peaceful ]
[ music | nothing:-( ]

Haha yah. sorry about that last entry. I was a little sad. Haha. But yah, Im not now. ALot of things have happened since that day... Uh... and I really dont know... ya know... what to do here. Haha. Cuz yah, Im really bored.
Um.. yah.....Holloween was fun. I went in a haunted house thing. It was effing scary as shit. Haha, yah I was really fucking scared. Umm... I made an awesome poofy skirt and Sarah made an AWESOME Sally dress. Haha hers was way better :-P Ugh.. Um.... I saw Slaphead on Holloween which was cool since I havent talked to him in awhile... I effing love hugging him. Yah. its cool.....
Um.. and yah... I really miss my friend Peroxide... I wish I knew how he was and shit. haha. im so lame <3
_
_
_
_
_
This is where the beginnging starts, you can feel the rumble of the earth. This is why the start happened, because the end was always needed.
Ugh. I hate random ramblings. hahaha.

Ugh Im so bored. Does anyone wanna ever do anything??? That would be awesome. Ugh.
Haha Im guna go now cuz Im sooo effing tired... :-P Sweet dreams loves

While the whole town is sleeping

I will amount to nothing anyways, here or there... [02 Nov 2005|11:19am]
[ mood | Shitty ]
[ music | Nothing ]

Well yah. Im a retard I know. And I hate my life. I hate everything.
Im so fucking worthless its not even funny. haha. yah. I dont do anything all day. Even though I would love to be going to school... even though I dont do anything while Im there either.... So yah. Im a retard. Im not doing any good for fucking anyone. and I hate everyone. Fuck you all bitches.
And I hope I fucking die,
Even if I have to do it.

While the whole town is sleeping

Breaking the wind, it splits, leavng me in my wonder... [29 Oct 2005|11:40pm]
[ mood | high ]
[ music | nothing ]

lying inside of my wait, I cant telll you miss to touch me..
I miss to touch you...
All i want to do is breath in the thick cloud of dust that spilled from your bones
It covers me with its wretched smell but its soothing touch as well...
it runs over my body touching and tingelling over every bump, crease, line, crevice, feeling....
feeling.....
and i love it.....





something that makes you feel in love...

While the whole town is sleeping

With a familiar smile I say hello, and you say goodbye.... [26 Oct 2005|03:17pm]
[ mood | giddy ]
[ music | Parabol- Tool ]

Well. I went to the site, and I signed up to go to its openhouse on November 22. Its in New Hapshire. Liz is bringing me. lol. We'll probably end up not going though. haha. I dont really care though... Itd be weird to go to a college so far away from home... Hmm.... I dont know... lol.
But yah. I just saw the Weasley kids on a commercial and holy shit... Theyre old... haha.. and..... the sexy twins are way different and not as sexy lol... and Ginnys older and sexier too. haha. Its crazy. Harrys a lucky man. Haha. But yah, by the way, I fucking cant WAIT until the 4th movie comes out. Its my favorite book. So yah. Im def. guna watch it. haha Alot. I dont know hwo Im going with yet though.... hmmm... Ill prolly just go with Sarah. WHO I LOVE> lol.
woo. I fed the horses. and checked the oil in the camaro. It was a very succesful couple of minutes. lol.

Sit here on the stairs
'Cause I'd rather be alone
If I can't have you right now, I'll wait dear
Sometimes, I get so tense
But I can't speed up the time
But you know, love, there's one more thing to consider
Said woman take it slow
Things will be just fine
You and I'll just use a little patience
Said sugar take the time
'Cause the lights are shining bright
You and I've got what it takes to make it
We won't fake it, Oh never break it
'Cause I can't take it

I effing love guns n roses. haha. That song is awesome. I love it. I love that song. I effin do. haha. holy shit. i was about to be wicked pissed. My computer almost didnt play a cd. Ha. Itw oulda sucked. And yah. I effing love Tool. and a Perfect Circle. They are awesome. Yes. they are.

So familiar and overwhelmingly warm
This one, this form I hold now.

Embracing you, this reality here,
This one, this form I hold now, so
Wiide eyed and hoopeful.

Wiide eyed and hoopefully wild.
We barely remember what came before this precious moment,
Choosing to be here right now. Hold on, stay inside...
This body holding me, reminding me that I am not alone in
This body makes me feel eternal. All this pain is an illuuuusion.

While the whole town is sleeping

Swallowed up by the wings of the angels... [26 Oct 2005|01:38pm]
[ mood | nerdy ]
[ music | Lords of Acid ]

Theres no just no kick with a little dick.



Haha. wow. My mom introduced me to this fucked up trippy ass band called Lords of Acid. Its fucke dup. Theres a girl singer and its like nine inche nails kinda shit... and theres this song about a blow up doll from hell and shit. Haha. And another one about pussy. Its fucked up. haha and really funny. haha. And a spank my boodie song. lol.
Anyways... haha... Im bored. I woke up, and I got online. And Im bored. But soon Im going to go to a website of a college that wrote me a letter!!!!! WOOO!! lol. The Chester College of New England. woo.

Im so bored. and I have nothing to do today. What should I do today?
I hate being bored.
I should drive somewhere and... do something... or something....

While the whole town is sleeping

A reason to be is always worth living for... [26 Oct 2005|01:18am]
[ mood | grateful ]
[ music | a baseball game ]

I havent updated in awhile. Not alot of stuff has happened. But I did update my journal picture and heading lol. It took awhile.... but yah... I did it. lol... Ummm....

Omg. I went to poetry night and it was awesome. But yah. I figured out a very strange thing about me that day... A thing that I bet 99.9% of the people I would tell wont believe me. Thats why I only told Sarah. Haha, and thats all Im going to tell. who... im going to telll... lol. Hahaha. Yah. But its fucked up.. and weird... I dont know.... I was way to stoned for that. lol.

Umm... I also went to Kims house and smoked with her :-D It was awesome cuz I hadnt seen her in awhile :-D I friggen LOVE kim. OMG!!! And I talked to Kiley alot, which I havent in a friggen million years. Its awesome. Tssh and Ive been talking to Jim. Which is fucking awesome!!! I fucking love my friends. I do. alot.



---Ha. I went and saw Gene also.... Umm... sunday or monday I think.. It was weird. Ha. He was really really sad though. Like... he cried. Haha. I knew he would.... I kinda felt bad.. but I didnt want to... so I hugged him and stuff and kissed his cheeks and forehead... He used to love when I kissed his forehead... lol... so thats why I did it.. to make him feel better ya know? Haha. It probably made it worse though.... Ugh. Hes a good person and everything... but. I dont know... ::sigh::
I hung with Mike D. a little bit saturday too.... It was cool... I dont know... I love my cousin... Yah he is a retard and a fucking asshole... But when hes not an asshole.. Hes fucking amazing..... and hes an amazing musician. The most amazing musician I have ever met in my entire life. And I fucking love him. Also.... he fucking sticks up for me and shit and he really fucking loves me and cares about me. Hes awesome.


But omg. Isnt my avatar picture thingy awesome?!?!?! I realized today I wasnt getting enough anime in my life. I fucking love it. Sarah has these fucking awesome chobit books. I love it. I fucking love Sarah too by the way. Buut omg. I love my avatar, and someday you should come over and we'll watch Sailor Moon. I fucking love it. I love anime. Leave tons and tones of messages about how awesome my picture and anime are!!!!!!!!!!! :-D haha. just kidding. dont. no one reads this anyways. lol. Im just updating for own personal ya know... satisfaction.

And I have another exciting thing to say!!!!
I figured out (i think) what Im going to do with my life...
Haha. I think Im just guna get my GED and then put together a really nice portfolio of my writing and stuff and just go to college.... I mean... ya know... I can do it. Im too mature for this shit. lol.

But yah, I think Im going to go now. I love you all.
oh, and I love jesus christ. He rocks. and I love him.
He makes my life awesome.


and I will die with a sword in my left hand, and the heart of my king, in my right....

I cant wait to wake up tomorrow.

While the whole town is sleeping

Soft and quivering, I can tell you wait for breath.... [08 Oct 2005|08:24pm]
[ mood | horny ]
[ music | nothing ]

Well, I've finally done it. I broke up with Gene. But I told him I still wanted to be friends and stuff.
But holy cow. Being with Gene totally changed me. Im completley different... Well.. not completley...

But I definatley dont need a boyfriend. I dont even like... want one. lol. I mean Ill ya know...ya know... but yikes... Being with Gene also made me realize how like.... not to be... cuz holy shit.... Haha wow. but anyways yah.... Hes a good person though. and I love him as a friend, but holy shit.

now I know what people I dated had to go through.
-------I feel bad... hahaha. So yah....
Im really sorry any ex-boyfriends of mine if you read this.
haha wow.

Im so flippen bored dude. I need a damn BLUNT.
Ugh.
Im done.
peace love and drugs.

While the whole town is sleeping

The saddest thing in the world is a singer, whos lost her voice... [02 Oct 2005|12:50am]
[ mood | high ]
[ music | nothing ]

I realized recently that I love lintbrush entirley too much. And that, he is... really amazing, and theres way to much inspiration with him... Like... I dont even know... Hes just so full and bright. Hes also so.. like.... ya know... good and stufff. Haha, I dont know. Im dumb, I know. But yah... I think I might try to start staying after again... Just a couple times... to say what happens.... God, Im so dumb. Wow. Haha.

I dont even care though ya know? Its like whatever dude. Ha I dont even know. Im so high right now. Ugh. And really fucking bored...


Im so stuck right now. Theres nothing.... I need to write or something.. but I cant. Im like trapped... writers block or something. And it sucks I cant even sing cuz Im sick. Ugh. It wicked sucks.
And I have poison ivy on my back. Ha it sucks. But I dont care dude whatever.

Ha.
Woooo.
I will die with a sword in my left hand, and the heart of my king in my right!!!!!!!!!
Praise.

o O
Seriously.

While the whole town is sleeping

With faithful thinking I lay myself down into a river of peroxide... [21 Sep 2005|09:27pm]
[ mood | mischievous ]
[ music | Tenchu ]

Yay.
Thats all I have to say.






No just kidding. Not really.
I have way more to say.

Today has been a really good day so far, and Im really happy. I got to hang out with my awesome ass friends. That I love. Alot. Hell yah. I got to smoke some tree, that I love. I love tree. Alot. Hell yah.
I love everyone.
I love Sarah soo much. Tsshyah.

And I love Peroxide. Who is SEXY. HUH! WOOO!!
Haha wow Im so lame... mmmhmmm....

I think that may be it........
Yah... It is....




So yah, Ill talk to you later, and dont forget what I've told you. Ever.

While the whole town is sleeping

Side effects may include: Severe deppression, Bleeding of the ears, and Suicide attempts. [13 Sep 2005|06:48pm]
[ mood | blank ]
[ music | fan ]

I cant take much more of this shit... I really cant.
Im no longer trying to be calm, and caring.
I cant take this.
Wow. My mom is a fucking bitch.
My grandma is like a helpless pity fest...
And Im an uneducated scumbag...

Why did I have to make such DUMB fucking choices.... Why didnt I ever do my fucking work... Why didnt I just fucking stay in school... WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY. Im so fucking mad at myself....
Why am I so fucking dumb?!?!? OMG> Im so mad.....

I hate that its to late.
All I want....
You prolly already know. I dont even have to say.



I wish anyone understood.... Ha, I would probably even pay someone to understand, just because its so hard.... To, ya know... be the only person... I dont know. Im dumb.
But yah. Im guna go now, because Im done talking here. :-D Lucky for you.

While the whole town is sleeping

I've been lost for awhile and now I've found whisping winds and scars that itch... [12 Sep 2005|04:41pm]
[ mood | wretched ]
[ music | nothing ]

Well. Let me just fucking say that this weekend sucked. Very bad. Saturday night Carie-ann had another fucking ceizure.... or however the fuck you spell it... Ugh. So sunday I went to go see her in the hospital... We ( my mom and I) were there for awhile... Uh... And then, before we left, around 7, there was call we got from a different hospital saying my grandma wa sthere. So from syracuse we drove to fulton to the SO retarded hospital, that I hate. My grandma fell off some dumbasss stairs and broke her shoulder thing. Her bone pushed up into the ball of he shoulder. Which sounds pretty painful if you ask me. Haha.

UUgh. Im so bored and hot... I dont know what the hell to do with my life. Ugh. lol. Im guna go to school soon though... just to like, ya know... see... :::sigh::: Even though everything is pointless in its own... pointless way....

Ha... I hate the stupid AOL shit where things scrool up and say "so and so just signed on" or off or is away or is idle or returned from away or is no longer idle. Uh! Its ridiculously annoying. Yes.

I had a dream about lintbrush.... Only that I saw him...
and it made me realize even more how much I miss him...


I know, Im pathetic



-Delbert- Um... That was cool... And... Youre cool as shit too. And... Im sorry too. I was bitch. And Im sorry for Michael. And... ya know... and... yah.... I so way forgive you. You were my friend dude... and then.. it was like... whoa.. ok.. maybe not... lol... But yah. I still wicked heartchya as a person ya know? I dont know... But yah... Thanks for the comment....Talk to me on aim sometime..... or something ya know? I dont know. You dont have to.... But yah. Cool.









Anyways. I think Im guna go.. since... I really dont have anything to write about ya know? Oh wait....
one more thing....
I wish I had a big FAT doobie.

to smoke... :-(
While the whole town is sleeping

Bite my neck until it bleeds.... [02 Sep 2005|11:37am]
[ mood | indescribable ]
[ music | Nothing ]

Ive been waiting a long time for this...
Like a month...
Im going to break up with him soon....
I love him.. I mean... like... as a person and a friend....
but no more as a boyfriend...

Some of the things hes been doing, are very concerning... And also pretty frustrating... Ugh. I like some people... I dont really know who.. Haha, well yah I do know you. One is peroxide. Who is SEXY. And the others are also sexy but I cannot speak their names!!! MUAHAHHA. Ugh. Im so dumb....lol



But OMG Im so friggen happy because my mom found my Evanescence DVD. Im so FUCKING EXCITED!!!!! Actually.. I think Im guna watch it right now. Because... Its fucking awesome. MMMHMMMM> Yah.
-----Oh, and last night was way fun by the way... With my awesome friends... we saw Aliens, and OMG I was so scarred. Yes siree Bob. Soooo scarred.-------

You're a stupid Ho

And you smell like shit, BITCH.


Anyways. Yah.... Michael came back to New York yesterday... pretty cool. pretty excititng. gotta love him. <>sigh<> ANyways... again... I think Im done now.. so Yah... So long
1 Closed their eyes...| While the whole town is sleeping

Seduction is no longer the word Im looking for.... [01 Sep 2005|12:55am]
[ mood | high ]
[ music | nothing ]

Wow... Im so high right now... And... horny... Mmmmhmm...


SHHHH!!!
I know I know... Its crazy.
Im crazy.
Hahaha.
wOW... Im so high right now... Seriously...
And Im also kinda horny.
No, just kidding. Im WAY horny.
><>< Haha. I dont know. Im crazy.
Everyone is sleeping and now Im waiting for Bon and Anna to talk to me online...
Itd be frikken awesome.
No wait, it is awesome....
Mmmhmmm....
Definatley.
Right now Im practicing not looking at the keyboard...
I still go way fast... and I hardly mess up...
But I do right now... Because IM HIGH>!!!!
My fingers smell like RESIN!!!! And its awesome.
I had to scrape both pipes. But it worked.
Hallelujah. Or however the fuck you spell it.
Psssh. Yah

Wow. I wish I could be a whore and fuck constantly
like you do

slut


Ugh. Well I think Im about done....
Um.... mmmhmm.... yah....
I havent seen Peroxide inawhile....
Little upset about that... :tear:

Anyways ya... Bye
While the whole town is sleeping

Inbetween the lines are the real words I wish for you... [31 Aug 2005|02:59pm]
[ mood | thirsty ]
[ music | sirens... kill me now... ]

Ugh...

Im so bored...

Drying out some tree since im fiending.
Hoorah.
I love tree...


...mmhmmm...

So anyways yah, how are you? Good I presume? Good. Im waiting here waiting, I guess, for Gene to get here... Hes picking me up and were going to his house. Oh joy. I was supposed to go to the fair with my awesome friends today... but yah... Im not. It sucks... Maybe ill stop by Kims house when I go to Hannibal to see her!!!! Haha we'll smoke some of my newly dried leaf. Haha.

Seriosuly, whoever doesnt smoke is tree is crazy. Its fucking awesome, and God made it. Pssh and man made booze, so if you drink and dont smoke your definatley fucked up...

you little silly heads...



Hey... I think its funny, because me and you pretend to like eachother even though we both know we hate eachother.. Haha Its kinda funny, because... We were friends but then you turned into a backstabbing thief, and we just pretend that things are the same. Haha oh, and you try to copy me. Its wicked funny. Because youre dumb. I hate you. :-D


...Hm... Sarah hasnt talked to me in awhile... But whatever...



and now here I go.. to go....

bye.
While the whole town is sleeping

The wound has again been opened... [30 Aug 2005|03:21pm]
[ mood | mischievous ]
[ music | Fucking bitching ]

The world would be so much easier if people understood everything. And I wish I understood why people dont understand. Its so fucking annoying.... GAH!!! Im so angry right now... Im so confused about everything.... My boyfriend... is like wow... I dont even know why Im with him anymore... Seriously... Hes fucking crazy and hes an asshole... I mean.. I love him as a person...but wow... I had no idea that people were actually like that.. Seriously its screwed up... /

Ugh..... anyways... I miss Lintbrush terribly.... I LOOOVE lintbrush. Lintbrush is amazing...
The end.

No. Just kidding. Im not done yet... I need a new codename because... I do. So.. I guess... peroxide.
Peroxide is sooo fucking sexy. I wish peroxide was my lover. Haha. No, Im just kidding... But he is so sexy and nice....
And oh how I miss Terry. I miss Terry so much.Way alot.


Schools dumb and Im never going again. Just so everyone knows. :-D
But, I might if anyone NEEDS me. Which is never the case... unless your name is Gene.




I would give anything for things to be exactly the way they should be.... right now. It sucks. Everything does. But you just gotta take it all in little at a time. Hell yah. :-D

Damn I want to get waisted...

While the whole town is sleeping

Risen from sleep to find you are utterly alone. [07 Jul 2005|11:18am]
[ mood | crappy ]
[ music | fan ]

Wow. Its way hot out. And in. Its hot everywhere. Its hot inside its out outside its hot on a hill, hot at the lake. HOT<> I CANT ESCAPE.

Oh well. I guess I just need an air conditioner. MUAHAHHA. Alas....Uh.... nevermind. Wow, I havent updated in quit awhile. I dont really know what to say, except that I miss people..... and yah... I do alot. Like seriously. I miss everyone alot.

Also, I would like to thank ------- for removing ---- for his -------. Thank you.<>Respect<>

Um.... welll I dont know what else to say... Um.. I have my permit... I can drive. Im a awesome driver. Muahahahhahahhahahahaha. Ummm... I really wish I had some money right now... So I could biy some TREE. Or if all the trees and plants in the world were bud. Oh what a glorious world that would be. No moresuiocides or homicides, everyone would get along and smoke HUKAS!!!! Haha. You thought I was going to say Bong huh? lol. Tricked ya! :-P But yah, speaking of peices. My way new awesome sherlock holmes glass pipe is the BEST!!!!!!!!! COME SMOKE A BOWL WITH ME!!!!!!!!!

...........or we could just get drunk...
....but puking sucks....
...................unless your sick, or looking to loose weight...
......in which case, puking still sucks.

I went to bed last night with sarah and gene. I woke uip and they were both gone. I was scarred and I cried. Haha, Im so friggen lame. And dumb and stupid. BUT oh well. :-)

love love love love love.........

3 Closed their eyes...| While the whole town is sleeping

Clouds seperated and light shown through... The sky was opening... and there was nothing [26 Apr 2005|08:25am]
[ mood | drained ]
[ music | Ringing in my ears... ]

Eight days until the world ends....

Um... Spring break is over now. It was fun. I guess....
Had a big 420 party thing.... Smoked all day long... It was awesome.
Love Gene, my boyfriend.
Love Sarah, my best friend....
Miss Terry... I think hes mad at me.... It sucks....
Um... I want weed right now...
Um...acid.... um... dark side of the moon....
um... Yah.

Sit there and pray...

Oh, and by the way, I love you

While the whole town is sleeping

The scent of rotting skin and dried blood slowly drifts to my nose, pushing up my sleeve I see... [07 Apr 2005|03:46pm]
[ mood | disappointed ]
[ music | The Used ]

Some people get places in life because they accomplish things and they're good at things...


I wont get anywhere because I accomplish nothing and I am good at nothing.

Nothing that means anything anyway...





And what makes anyone think I care?
Maybe because its obvious...
You think I like being nothing?
Do you think I like being immature, irrasponsible, dirty, messy, annoying, a failure....
Do you think I like letting everyone that loves me down?
You think I like to dish out dissapointment and lies?
No. I dont.
And thats why I hate every fucking thing about me.

I dont care if you dont want to be my friend anymore.
Leave.
In my mind youre already gone.



all I want right now is to die alone, and for no one to even notice, and for no one to ever find my body....

if you feel like dying you might want to sing....

I dont deserve to sing...
1 Closed their eyes...| While the whole town is sleeping

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