| 6:42a |
psychology, kids, yoga, and snow storms.
Does everyone have so much trouble figuring out what they want to do in life? I remember as a child going through a few different phases of "what I wanted to be when I grew up" as I think every average child does. First it was an artist, then for the longest time, I wanted to be an actress until the day that my father told me that I wasn't good enough and would never make it in Hollywood. I was only thirteen.
When I was in high school I took an advanced placement psychology class for fun with no intentions on taking the exam to get college credit. I was always interested in psychology ever since I was little because my mother was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and paranoid schizotypal symptoms when I was about five. I had to live through the "abnormal" psychology of my mother for years, and still do, today.
As a senior in high school, I took an environmental physics class that I absolutely fell in love with. We designed our own energy efficient house and did an extra credit project where the whole class camped outside in someone's backyard in the middle of winter with no external heat sources as a real-life application of the thermodynamics of clothing. It snowed more than two feet that night. I don't think I slept the whole night I was so freezing!
So, in college when I had to pick a major as an in-coming freshman, I chose environmental science. I had always been a lover of nature, and adored learning about environmental influences and the such in my class in high school. My advisor, seeing my good grades (which were mostly natural ability and interest with the lack of any conventional studying) and signed me up for calculus, chemistry, and biology (and two other classes) all in my first semester. I did horribly, needless to say, panicked, saw a guidance counselor to learn HOW to study, and managed to barely pull myself through that first semester. As one can imagine, out of straight-up fear, I switched my major to "undecided".
It wasn't until my sophomore year when I chose to major in psychology. I needed to make a decision, really had no idea what I wanted to do, but knew I had always loved and enjoyed the subject.
I did very well for the rest of college, getting mostly A's and graduated in 2005 with a bachelor's degree in psychology.
Now what?
I couldn't find work, but knew that I also enjoyed being around children. I'm not sure when this transition occurred. I didn't always love being around children. Some time in college I realized I liked little kids. So, naturally, in need of work, I found myself employed for $8 an hour at a daycare. Later on I decided to go back to school full-time for my master's degree in early childhood education and left my position at the daycare to nanny.
Now, I have my master's degree in early childhood education and am once again, employed full-time at a daycare, although this time I make more than $8 (thank god). However, with a master's degree in ECE, I feel as though I should do something other than take care of screaming children day in day out in a place where only a CDA or associate's degree is required.
This is my dilemma. I don't really know what I want to do. Originally, my plan was to become Montessori certified, and then the timing of classes didn't coincide with my ability to bring income home, so I let that dream drift away. I applied for an assistant director position and didn't get it. And now, I'm stuck in limbo... what's next?
Truth is, I know EXACTLY what I want to do... it's just that it's not possible. I've never really wanted to be a career woman. I wanted to be a stay-at-home mom, who maybe worked two or three days a week at some job and joined clubs and brought my kids to special activities and was very active in the community doing PTA meetings and volunteering to do community service. That is my dream. Will I get it? Probably not.. at least right now. So....
In October I am starting an Anusara yoga Immersion. There are three parts, totalling 105 hours. This will help me learn more about Anusara, and then I have to complete 200 hours total, of Anusara classes in order to become a certified teacher. Yoga is one of the only things I can see myself enjoying as a profession. If you are someone who has made yoga a part of your life, then you'll understand. It's doing what you love for work, if you are teaching it. This is going to take some time, however. And as many have already told me, you can't make a living off of being a yoga instructor.
That leads me back to my original quest.... what now? |