| 7:05a |
writing time
I usually wait until 5 minutes before I need to leave for work to decide that I feel like writing, so today, although I have nothing to write about, I am writing with plenty of time to spare.
Some things have been concerning me about this summer:
1) the weather, I mean, WTH
2) my job... I already had my vacation and the thought of dragging myself to work one more day is unbearable
3) to get kitties... to not get kitties?
Jesse and I have both been moody. Yesterday was actually one of the best days we've spent together in a long time, and for some reason both of us feel utterly useless and depressed today. It started seeping in last night like an unwanted cold... first you feel the mild congestion, and before you know it you can't breathe and you're shooting snot rockets.
I've come to the unfortunate realization that I don't really want to be employed. Ah, how nice it would be to just be.. unemployed. Not lazy or poor, just unemployed because Jesse makes enough. Ha! That is one of the main reasons getting pregnant is such a scary thought to me. I am almost ready to have children, but first, I want to be married, and secondly, we can't afford a baby. Those little buggers are costly. And speaking of babies and costly, we had decided we were going to get kittens, and recently have sort of backed away from the decision, concluding that it would be an added expense, and we would have to risk ruining our apartment, because kittens like to scratch stuff. Not to mention cat fur everywhere. I am torn on this, because I agree with all things aforementioned, however, I looooove kitties and want to have something to love and dote on.
Something I have been putting off because I was waiting until I got back from FL (which I have now been back for over a week), is looking for a new job. I think it is something I should start doing. I am obviously sick of the one I have. I was amazed that I hadn't gotten to the point yet where I find it hard to drag myself out of bed to make it there, because usually that happens around a year after employment. I've been at B.H. for about a year and a half and am really just starting to get really itchy about it. Honestly, I think another vacation would help alleviate some of my disgruntledness.
And onto other news, I have a mountain of laundry that is impressive-- when do people have the time/money to do laundry when they are living in an apartment? We've concluded that we have to either do it at my parents' (whose machine is half-broken, so we can only do small loads) or we have to go to a laundromat, because there is SO much laundry that doing it at the apartment would literally cost like 15 dollars, and the clothes would all be half-dried.
Last night Jesse asked me if I had still been writing in my gratitude journal (for those of you who don't know, it is a journal where I write 3 things I am grateful for every day before bed). I told him it had probably been a month or so since I had written in it... is there a correlation with my recent grumpiness and inability to accept reality and my lack of gratitude?
If anything, I should be happy... I have had a really good beginning to summer. I went on a great vacation with Jesse, and I have been very active and social almost every day since the new neighbors moved in. That is what I always wanted since we moved here, a friend we could hang out with that lived in the complex. I miss that dorm/college feeling, where friends and people were scattered everywhere and you could see them almost as easy as it was to open your own front door. It's nice to have a taste of that again.
Some good news is that Jesse has finally decided that he wants to start coming to yoga with me on Sundays... ALSO, I think we may have convinced my parents to give it a try!! That will be an amusing day.
I think it is finally time to sign off and make my lunch. I don't know why, but it is extremely difficult for me to make my lunches in the morning (or even the night before). I hate doing it, especially if it involves work, like I have to put food in containers or make a sandwich. Maybe I should hire someone to make my lunches for me... I am always amazed by people who can set up their outfits for the next day the night before, take a shower every morning, apply make-up, work-out, eat breakfast, make their lunch and be out the door. It is hard enough for me to drag myself out of bed, after having pressed snooze for a half hour and getting a reminder call from Jesse that it is time to get up. How come some people are that full of life that they are so compelled and motivated to do these little things? Is something wrong with me? |