Thursday, July 28th, 2011
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10:55 pm - Where has the time gone?
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It looks like the last time I used this journal was back in 2004. I found it by following link after link of things long forgotten. Pictures, memories, people, places. It is amazing how much has changed in 7 years. I think I am a completely different person. In some ways I really miss the boy that wrote these articles. The boy that told these stories and looked forward to each and every single day with such a passion and flare and would never let anyone tell him who he is. What is funny is that I told myself more recently that I am not conforming, but in truth it was when I was younger that I did not conform to the expectations of anyone. Now I am worried about pleasing those that I work for, making sure that I perform well in college (amazing to think that I am still in college all of these years later, but I am.) I think I have taken many steps forward, but on the same note I have taken many steps back. Boy problems labeled in here seem to be the same situation except for the fact that I have aged and it would appear to be even harder to find decent guys than it was back then.
I do not regret any of the decisions that I made for they have made me much wiser, and now I am able to anticipate bad things happening more readily. I look at the journals here... with such nostalgia. What is next I wonder? I look forward to the day when I am able to finally be just me. I think that with that I am going to begin to change back to the boy that I was and at the same time be the man that I have become. There are some dark parts to myself that I have noticed developing over the years. I think it is time that I stop them dead in their tracks and regain some semblance of control over this life that I have given into.
When I was younger I never though about the things that I do today. I never really cared about where the money was coming from to pay the bills. I was freaked out by a $500 dollar credit bill... old me would have feinted if they saw the bill for just my student loans or even my truck payment. I remember being able to keep an amazing body without having to do much other than have fun. I remember practicing all sorts of sword play when I was younger and absolutely loving it. It kept me in amazing shape and I would do it for hours and hours imagining that I was in another world trying escape the harsh realities of this one. I know that I am not the only one that has changed. I have become to an extent... Jaded. This is something that I strongly desire to change. I just hope that I can regain myself.
current mood:  nostalgic
current music: La Bouche - In Your Life
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Sunday, July 17th, 2005
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5:34 pm - WOW! I forgot I had this thing again!
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Lemme see here... what to write... what to write? Oh yeah! Lately... I have become a non-stop work-a-holic, trying to earn as much money as I can before December when I move back to Oregonia... what can I say I miss the "homeland". As a very wise girl said "there's no place like home..." I definately have this feeling and am going to move back home and roomie up with my little sissy "Jessy la boo!" I've been reading a LOT of yaoi lately! Good stuff ^-^, and I even talked to that beastly beast Anaconda not long ago! *Sends out a holla to that villainous snake!* 5 months to go... I know they're going to be exciting cause I have started management training at my job and hopefully I'll be able to transfer back home as a manager so I'll be more successful upon coming back. I've been reading a lot of old stuff that I used to write and I find it to be very interesting the differences between the person that I am now and the person that I was back then. My plans are to go out and see the world, but of course I will take that one step at a time. :-) First I'm going to start with a cross-country roadtrip next summer and I intend to take that hooker sister of mine and possibly that beastly beast with me all the way to... Louisianna perhaps.. maybe even Florida! I wanna go and travel and do things I've never done before. I have caught a glimpse of what a simple choice can do to effect the rest of your life. Hopefully, the majority of my next decisions are ones that will benefit all of those that I know and care for. Anyways, I just have been blabbing on and on in here so I guess I should stop blabbing now and get back to my yaoi! Check ya later people!
current mood:  dorky
current music: Sisqo - The Thong Song
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Thursday, November 4th, 2004
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2:34 pm - Another Day In Paradise
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Wow... I completely forgot that I had this... but I might as well make the most of it :-). Now for a quick recap of the past year and a half. I finished high school and broke up with Jake right before the end of it, but we did get to go to prom together and shock the entire school before that so I guess that was a plus. I had a crazy summer driving my car everywhere seeking employment. I got a job at the local BK, blah... I dated a few guys here and there for awhile during the past year. I finally decided that enough was enough though and stopped dating for awhile and I decided to try looking elsewhere(meaning other than the clubs) for guys, all the guys in the club seem to want to do is have sex. Its frustrating and very disappointing. All I wanted was a relationship with a good guy. I met a guy near the end of summer of 2003, whom I dated for awhile and all seemed well until I realized all that he ever wanted was sex. So once again I was heart-broken and stopped dating again. I started hanging out with Angela like crazy :-). She has become my best friend! We hung out together all the time until my recent move to Tacoma, WA. I'm jumping ahead of myself a bit here. I started going clubbing like crazy in Portland. I would just have fun hanging out with Angela and whoever else went along with us, dancing until around 4-6 in the morning! I kinda grew tired of the club scene though(they kept playing the same music all the time) so I decided to find something else to entertain myself. So I decided to do some digital photography and I found a second job. Around this time I met someone very special to me online. He's a great guy and I finally met him in July after many nights of talking until 4 in the morning on the phone with him. We started dating and even went on vacation with eachother near the end of August. It was around then that he asked me to move in with him, I was having some problems at home and I needed a change so I decided to take him up on this offer. It was one of the best decisions I have ever made, I can't even describe what it is like to wake up next to the same person every day. It is wonderful, amazing, spectacular, fantastic... words can't even sum it up. I love him dearly and I hope that someday the world will allow us to get married, regardless of the bans that recently were put up on our unions. And if you're reading this Jake! I love you! *kisses and hugs*
Peace...
current mood:  calm
current music: Paula Abdul - Straight Up
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Monday, March 17th, 2003
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3:05 pm
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 Your Guy is Arm Candy Randy!Your kind of man is Arm Candy Randy. He has plenty of money and good looks - and can keep up with your many demands. You like to make your competition jealous and show everyone just how much you're worth. Arm Candy Randy is the perfect way to make you look even better. What Guy is Right for *You*?More Great Quizzes from Quiz Diva
I had the greatest weekend!!! On Saturday I went out with a large group of my friends to the club and we had a great time. I met up with a guy named Jake there... he is soooo hot!!!! He's my boyfriend now so I'm so happy. And he is going to prom with me... I get to end my senior year with a bang and come out to everyone in the school!!!! Anyways, this week in school has already started out somewhat slow... and being somewhat tired... (from getting home at 10:40 as opposed to 8:00 when I was supposed to be home...) Well... I guess that I'll talk to all of you later.
...::Niel::...
current mood:  cheerful
current music: T.A.T.U. - All The Things She Said
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Friday, March 14th, 2003
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12:21 pm
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How can I describe what happened to me over this week...? Well I guess that I really can't. Things have gone crazy and out of hand. I decided on what college I am going to and everything is arranged as far as that goes. Thank God That is one less thing that I have to deal with. I'm going to the club this weekend again with my friends, but things are different this time. There may be someone that ends up getting hurt really bad. I don't want to hurt him and I told him that there is no need to wait any longer for me, but I don't think he got the message. I drank a bit last night and I can only imagine what I did :-|. Today, I relax and prepare for tomorrow evening when so much is going to be determined. There is one possibility that seems so distant now, a person that I can only dream of seeing at the club. I miss him so much, but I don't know if I'll ever be able to see him again. I didn't recognize my feeling as it was when I first met him. I realized what I felt after New Years, but I was too much of a chicken-shit to tell him exactly how I felt and I ended up losing him. There is only one way to right this terrible wrong and that is just to tell him how I feel about him with no fears and no regrets. There is only one thing that I wish from him. I saw it in his eyes, there was something that he wanted to say to me, but he was afraid to tell me too. If by some miracle I am able to put him behind me after this weekend then a chapter of my life will be over and I can move on to the next one. I love you Jerrad, so much. I hope that I can hear from you again soon. And I want to tell you that I love you. Other than that finals week went great. I raised one of my grades that had fallen back up to an acceptable level. I started my new classes this week and I enjoy them so far. I think that I'll be able to do very well in this last part of a chapter in my life. This part of school will be forever gone once the year is over. I make a statement to all of my friends that may be reading this. Thank you for being part of my life, as I walk down the next part of my path I realize that I must take it alone. If we are meant to keep in contact then we will stay in contact, if not then I must thank you for influencing my life in whatever way that you have. I look at the rest of my life with a kind of excitement and anticipation, I have so many questions right now and I seek their answers.
..::Niel::..
current mood: contemplative
current music: Lasgo - Something
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Sunday, March 9th, 2003
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10:51 pm - Hey hey everyone
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ok... On Friday night I left with Angela and Angelica to go to Klub Z in Portland. We had a great time. There was some sort of special event going on where they wrote down numbers on stickers and stuck them on you to have notes written to you. (I was 19 :-D!) Anyways, I kept on getting this message from number 60 and I couldn't figure out who it was, but at the end of the evening I knew and I was making out with this person!!!
Saturday night was much more "interesting". I went with Joede and her bf, we picked up Matt on the way there and I saw a really cute guy that I met from online, but I didn't go up and talk to him. Actually I finally talked to him on the phone like 10 minutes ago :-)! Oh yeah, if you're reading this... you have a sexy voice ;-)! Anyways, I'm back at home now after an exhausting weekend. I'll keep you all posted on what's next.
..::Niel::..
current mood:  giddy
current music: 50 Cent - In Da' Club
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Wednesday, March 5th, 2003
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10:51 pm
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I had a great time today :-). My first day of finals completed and one more day left of this term. I met this cute guy who happened to be named Jerrod :-|. I want to get to know him better. Tomorrow I'll find out more about him, because there is a rumor going around that he is totally into me. So I'll believe it when I see it :-D (hoping that he does like me) ;-). Well I need to get to sleep cause it is late here...
..::Niel the Dreamer::..
current mood: cheerful
current music: Fleetwood Mac - Edge of Seventeen
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Sunday, March 2nd, 2003
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6:56 pm - A Long Awaited Return
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 You'll Get Caught Doing it On the Kitchen Table!You're a traditional girl with a flair for romance. You appreciate a candlelight dinner and a good bottle of wine. You believe love improves sex, but you've been known to be impulsive. The kitchen table fits your impulsive nature perfectly... And it's great for not messing up the bed when you're having an affair. On the outside you look proper and even a bit conservative. But on the inside, you're hotter than your oven on "Broil"! - Especially when you start fantasizing about your crush walking in! Where Will You Get Caught Having Sex?More Great Quizzes from Quiz Diva
Well... a lot happened last month and finals are next week for the second term. I am getting sooo excited about graduating!!! :-) Anyways... I did end up breaking up with Jerrad. It was an interesting story which I'm not going to share here, but my friends have been setting me up with guy after guy for the past few weeks and none of them have quite been what I've been looking for. I met a guy named Chris this weekend and I am really excited about getting to know him. I think that he's sooo cute and I just love his voice (its really deep and sexy). Anyways, I'll try to keep you posted. Later everyone.
..::..:::Niel the Greatest:::..::..
current mood: content
current music: Dido - Thank You
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Thursday, January 30th, 2003
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9:01 pm
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8:55 pm
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Today has been one of those days that change everything. I had a very long talk with my dad about a few things and I now realize that a lot of things are going to change around here. I finally applied to the college I want to go to and now it is just a waiting period to see if I am accepted. I am getting really excited about going off to college :-D! Well I need to get back to work... so I'll talk to all of ya later.
current mood:  blah
current music: Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds - Red Right Hand
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Wednesday, January 29th, 2003
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3:14 pm
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Heya everyone! Well... I just got home from school and I am getting ready to go to the play tonite to do a shoot for yearbook. I finally just let my feeling for Jerrad go for now... and hopefully things will get better. I had a long talk with Deana today, who incidently bit me after the conversation (she's a freak! lol). Well I need to get working on my stuff... so I'll talk to all of you later! *glam*
..::Niel the Photographer::..
current mood: complacent
current music: Da Rude - Sandstorm
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Tuesday, January 28th, 2003
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9:54 pm
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9:40 pm
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Hey everyone. My day turned for the worst when I received a phone call from a "certain person". I am not going to name this person. But, I will say that he caused me a lot of pain and grief. Someone said to me "One day after you are done playing you will know what it feels like to have your soul torn apart" Well I guess that is true. In my heartache... I find deeper myself immersed in a feeling that I am truly alone for once. Even being surrounded by people doesn't help me now. I fear that I am growing depressed as my life begins to dull and the people disappear.
..::Niel::..
current mood:  depressed
current music: Creed - One Last Breath
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4:00 pm
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Today was a great day! :-D! I am soooo excited. I met up with this really cute boy named Rueben and OMG... he is sooo hot! He is completely into me. Apparently he has been worshipping me from afar afraid that I would reject him. I told him that I thought that was silly and that all he had to do is ask if he wanted to go out with me. I feel really happy now. Other than that... today was fairly normal. Sara bit my ear; which really freaked me out :-s. And Toni... was being just as precious as ever *glam*. Well... I g2g, so I'll talk to all of you later.
...:::..::Peace - Niel::..:::...
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Monday, January 27th, 2003
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9:21 pm
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The rest of my evening has been rather interesting :-|. Jerrad called me and I kinda didn't want to talk to him and wanted to all at the same time. I was able to get in contact with someone I haven't talked to in ages! I was sooo excited! *glam* I called up Rachael (one of Jerrad's friends) and I asked her if she knew what was going on with him, because I think that he might've been sincere with his apology. He tried to ask me to forgive him and go out with him again. I think that I'll sleep on it before I decide if I want to out with him again. Well anyways I am going to sleep soon. So I'll catch all of you later. :-)
current mood: gloomy
current music: Titiyo - Come Along
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3:07 pm
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 Deep tounging, nibbling, and locking lips for hours are on your agenda. You've been known to wear lovers out with your kiss, before getting to anything else on the menu. And given that you kiss so well... imagine how you do everything else. How Do *You* Kiss?More Great Quizzes from Quiz Diva
Today was interesting in school today :-|. Everyone seemed to be gone on that field trip. *sigh* Anyways, I finished another emergency article for newspaper today and called some ads in for the yearbook. I talked to a really cute guy today *glam*. He is soooo hot OMG! I think that he is interested in me, but I'll have to wait and see where things go with that. Tonight I think that I am going out to the movies with Angelica, Angela, Becky, Sara, and Brian. I am still kinda upset over my breakup with Jerrad, but such is life. I hope that I'll get over him soon :-(. Well anyways...
..::..Niel..::..
current mood:  drained
current music: Avril Lavigne - Complicated
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Sunday, January 26th, 2003
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9:50 pm
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Your Sex Sign is aries!
You're fiery, independent, and the best anyone's ever had.
You're so hot that you drive everyone wild with sexual frustration.
You're a total star when you're on top, but you also need to be impressed in bed.
What's *Your* Sex Sign?
More Great Quizzes from Quiz Diva
lol... I am getting ready to go to sleep now that I have finished that report that has been irritating me for the past few weeks or so... *sigh* Well anyways talk to all ove you later.
..::Niel the Love God::..
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8:51 pm
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Hey everyone,
I just came back from a long weekend... :-| I went out clubbing on Saturday, but it was different from when I normally go. I didn't really enjoy it too much. I guess that I am still thinking about Jerrad. *sigh* Oh well, I guess that I'll just have to go on without him no matter how much it pains me to do so. I am happy to be at home though. It was chaotic on my way home! I was driving my mother's car and we were almost sideswiped by a HUGE truck! I came home and the remodeling was finally finished :-) Yay! Anyways, I gotta go...
..::Peace::..
current mood: relaxed
current music: Dido - Thank You
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Saturday, December 7th, 2002
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8:17 pm - Its about time that I put a new entry in here...
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Well I guess.it is most definately time for me to record a new entry on the incidents of my life... Hmmm... well after my finals week which was right after my last entry I was drawn into massive amounts of chaos.... scheduling, classes, etc. I finally ended up getting two totally new classes in my schedule (Independent Study) and Yearbook. I think that yearbook is going to be a really fun class. I have a lot of friends in that class so I think this is going to be a great term. I can't wait until I graduate =S. I need to hurry up and get outta here. Well I suppose you all are wondering what is going on with Andy. Well I am wanting to know that myself. I brought myself the other day to say that I love him after he already told me that he loved me. I really like him and most definately can see myself spending a lot more time with him. I need to go and meet up with him. All we have been able to do is talk on the phone and online. He lives pretty close so I now I am really wishing that I could go "drive" and see him. Well anyways I am just going on about Andy in this entry... he is sooo cute and omg... sooo totally my type. Well anyways talk to you later everyone =). I'll try to keep ya posted. Laters...
I have climbed highest mountain
I have run through the fields
Only to be with you
Only to be with you But I still haven't found what I'm looking for
But I still haven't found what I'm looking for
I have kissed honey lips
Felt the healing in her fingertips
It burned like fire
This burning desire
current mood:  bouncy
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Monday, November 18th, 2002
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9:01 pm - Finally... I am back to edit this thing...
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Well it has been two weeks since I last wrote in here... I am so bad... always neglecting this thing... oh well... well anyways... I am going to talk about my past two weeks. I went out clubbing and had alot of fun, but keeping to my promise... I didn't pick up on any guys... Well that is nearly over and I am suddenly finding myself in a relationship with a great guy named Andy. I hope to hear more from him. He is a cutie that lives near me. Well anyways... school has been rather... how should I put it... interesting =S. Well anyways thankyou for reading all the way down here... talk to you all later =).
current mood:  artistic
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