|Sunday, September 19th, 2004|
|long has hell
wow i forgot i even had this bitch...haha anyway, i started a new one name is riddlette hit me up iunno...
anyway, uh, shit is happenin like mad
i'm a freshman now omg omg lol
i'm going to homecoming wtih a senior wooop wooop
its a lette too hella!
i met my brother curtis...kinda cool but man is he a hick
i'm tryin to meet my other bro, jay, iunno yet
im also a aunt, got 2 neices (girls) kaylie and hunter (weird name for a girl huh?)
uhhh i'm clean yay me
uh morgan is the hottest guy in the world omg he's so sexy
uh, yea...england kicked ass...i went to england btw, in august i think, for rox's weddin, it kicked ass...
i miss ricie like hell
uh yea...peace out Current Mood: sleepyCurrent Music: twisted - afraid of me
|Thursday, June 3rd, 2004|
i'm out of the friggin hospital! yay me!
mike and i are basically no longer talking...
there goes my higher power! lmao
oh well right?
anyway, while i was in the hospital, i met this kickass guy
his names kaye
he likes everything i do, and yea, we're like clones!
he's super hott!
i have to get ready for school
-tabbi Current Mood: awakeCurrent Music: pianno
|Wednesday, April 28th, 2004|
its been a really really long time since i've done anything on this...
anyway, i'm no longer with coty, its been a really really long time since we broke up
now i'm with mikey
and its been going really well...
over valentines day, he was put in the hospital,
and i almost had a heart attack (not litterally) XD
i've broken some promises to him.
also, genna, my "best friend" betrayed me,
but we're ok now.
ricimer and roxanne, and chris are in england,
so i'm basically alone!
and it hasn't been to fun
about my broken promises...
i did somethin i promised i wouldn't do,
i can't tell you all what
but im really sorry for it
i was supposed to be getting help
but i kinda pushed my help away...
but now its time to do as i said
and i'm gettin help
and i'm putting myself first..
mikey i hope you read this...
i'm really sorry,
and it'll be awhile until i see you again...
b/c i'm putting myself first...
i'll make myself better
and i know i can't do it by myself anymore...
i love you, and i'm sorry
please forgive me...
i love you aria... Current Mood: blankCurrent Music: under the moon - icp
|Tuesday, January 13th, 2004|
last night coty asked me out again!
hehehe i'm so happy i have him back again
so happy omg hehe
today i have exams...
guitar and algebra...
hehe please pray i'll get it right
byes Current Mood: content
|Monday, January 12th, 2004|
i should still be asleep...
7 sleeping pills again
i should be asleep...
i hate genna
i hate ricimer
i hate aisling
i hate seth
i hate yasmine
i hate you all
i'm not a toy for you
you can't just fuck up my life
and expect me to forgive you, ricimer
i'll never forgive you...
sorry chris for scaring you yesterday,
i wont be trying it again...
i've promised mikey...
i miss coty
i can't even talk to him anymore
i keep thinking about him
and the more i think the sadder i get...
but i can't stop...
i'm still in love with him...
doesn't matter tho
exams are this week...
and my counciler's gone to have surgery
so basically i'm screwed
no time to use the phone and talk to mikey
no one to go to at school...
well...in a way, i'm not screwed, cuz this is what i want i want to die...
so, i guess its you who's screwed
i'm fine with it...
but your not...
i can't do that to you...
wow i'm such a skitzo...
i love you
and...i'll stay here for you..
nothing else really matters...
hehe at least i still have one person i can go to...
thank you Aria...my Aria
My guiding star ^__^
lol now and forever... Current Mood: crankyCurrent Music: crushed - Collide
|Friday, January 9th, 2004|
ok yea...thrusday night...
the day i wrote in my blurty that i would never cheat on coty...
guess what happened that night??
i made out wiht my ex..who i HATE
i mean i hate the guy and i made out with him??
god i'm stupid
i dont know why i did...i really dont...
but i hate myself..
i mean, we made out, and thats about, i couldnt stop the kissing part,
but at least could stop anything else
friday night, i call coty...
and i tell him what i did..
i dknot know if i made the right choice
but hell, i have to be honest
i love him
i really do
he's the only thing that kept me from blowing my head off
and look what i've done to him!!!
god, please save me
i wonder if anyone even reads these things i right...
anyway, i know a few people do...
so, genna..i'm still
i dont know what to do genna...what am i gunna do...
i broke connies wall lasta night hitting it
i feel bad...
being fucked up is not an excuse to do the shit i did
there is no excuse...none at all
i cryed so much last night, my eyes are still burning...
thank you missy, tre...E...expessially connie...for being ther for me....
i can't believe i did that...
i can't believe it...
god i'm so stupid...
you have no idea how much i love coty
he's alll i've talked about, dreamt about, thought about...
look at what i've done to him...
fuck fuck fuck
i dont know what i want to happen...
i love him so much...
but i'm scared
i dont know if i wanna stay with him...
he shouldn't of been hurt like htat
he's given up so much for me...
look what i've done...god...
look what i've done... Current Mood: depressedCurrent Music: heartless - seven ten split
|Thursday, January 8th, 2004|
wow its been awhile
well heres my update
i'm going out with coty (duh)...god i love him...god i love him lol
on the 14th it'll be our 2 month thingy wutever
over the break, my friend keith died
rox moved, and audrey and evan are moving over march break
on my break i'm going to meet mikey...
lets see...monday, joe saw me cry
and hasn't left me alone since
giving me hugs in the hall way n walking me to class
he rode my bus yesterday, and when we were getting off, well we were already off
he grabs me and kisses me!
JOE GOD DAMN YOU
i didn't kiss him back, i pushed and i ran to my house and i cryed
he should of seen that one coming...
i mean i bit him last time he hugged me...lol
i LOVE coty
and i wont cheat on him...
i wont i wont i wont
September 9, 1988 - December 30, 2003 Current Mood: blah
|Saturday, January 3rd, 2004|
|coty coty coty
hehe god i love coty
god i love him
haha people he's mine you can't have him
god i love him so much
i love the way he makes me feel about me...
god he makes me feel pretty, he's so nice to me...
i wish i could be wih him...i really do
coty means the world to me...
he's everything...he's my everything...
i dont know what i'll do with out him...
kill myself probably
i just hope i dont fuck this one up...you people have no idea how much i love him...
i've never been this happy with someone
i know that he's far away
and alot of you people dont understand
and thats fine
i dont need you to understand...
i love him
and he loves me
so fuck you all
wow i love him
i mean when i talk to him i get all fuzzy lol
even when im like freezing
just talkin to him makes me all warm...
god i love him
you people have no idea
mmmmmm i love him Current Mood: bouncy
|Sunday, November 30th, 2003|
hey its been a really really long time since i've updated this thingy
ok so now...
today is sunday
happy turkey day btw
i'm going out with this really hot guy named coty now
THANK YOU SHALAFI!!!!!!
omg coty is like *drool*
i'm really really happy that i'm goin out with him
i dont talk to chris anymore
rox is moving...on the 4th i think thats a thrusday
mom has surgery tomorow
so i wont be here
>_> i get to be passed around by my relitives
if i want to get a ticket to washington by this summer, i'd probably have to get a new job
>_< ugh grr
things i do for love
thank you so much stephen...
thank you...so much...
i love you forever
*sigh* Current Mood: cynicalCurrent Music: shallow water - sylver
|Saturday, November 15th, 2003|
ok like...friday my bf breaks up with me
and i was about to quit my job to spend more time with him
today. i get fired for leaving early to try and see him
funny? i'm laughing my ass off
thank you life
for being so cruel
mike ur stupid
u and ur damn pride
YOU GOT A KNIFE IN UR BACK
go to the hospital u psycho!!!
I CRYED OVER YOU
BECAUSE YOU WERE HURT
that hurts man...that really fuckin hurts.
dude i'm jobless...
haha anyone got a job for me?
i can play the blues?
i can get money off of tips...hopefully
i'm good; right?
audrey ur a sicko!
but yes, i love you any way
|Monday, November 10th, 2003|
I FEEL SO FUCKIN GOOD RIGHT NOW
i bitched the crap out of my ex (WOOT)
had a really good fuckin day
XD god i'm happy
i'm goin out w/ audrey tonight
lol yea he's like takin me sumwhere...i dunno where tho...
probably to seth's
seth rocks omfg
but..his sis...aisling...scares the fuck out of me...
fuckin rapest! XD
last night i went to the coolest party!
fuckin live band!
lol it rocked..
cept this morning i had a huge fuckin hangover
and everyone started like "OMG"ing at my bus stop this morning
fuckin funny...good god...
i think i pissed myself laughin so hard
HAHAHHA I LAUGH AT YOU HAHAHAHAH
weeeeee Current Mood: crazyCurrent Music: fireproof - pillir
|Friday, November 7th, 2003|
i'm fuckin happy as hell!
i gots a bf =D (maybe now karen will LEAVE ME THE HELL ALONE!!!!)
sorry audrey...ur mah bestest friend, n yea i dun love u like that XD
I LOVE MY IRVINE (vangs)
sekshi omg sekshi *drool*
i'm like...omg! XD
shut up mike..i'll kill you!
today kicked ass
i mean omg!
HELLO PEOPLE I'M GOING OUT WITH THE SEXIEST MAN IN THE WORLD XD
yay i've been like waiting a year to go back out with irvine
today rox Current Mood: bouncyCurrent Music: happy happy joy joy XD
|Saturday, November 1st, 2003|
jessica i loved you...you were my best friend...but i dont understand...why didn't you tell me? why did you have to put your life to an end...
i fucking watched my best friend die today at the hospital...i held a dead girls hand...and kissed a dead girls lips...
i'm fucking tired of picking up after you people...so you know what, fuck it
i give up.
here is my blood, draining from my body...vampires come...drink me dry.
i broke my pentagram ring i got for my bday by punching a wall ;_;
i liked that ring too
i just got it for my bday *crys*
today sucked royal ass. Current Mood: bitchyCurrent Music: in the end - linkin park
|Friday, October 31st, 2003|
|get the fuck over it
i dont want to hear about it, ok?
stupid silly people...
people suck ok?
get over it
you wont find what u want right now so just shut the fuck up
and don't spaz out whenever you end a realationship!!
i dont want to hear about it
i dont want to hear about how he/she makes you feel, or how they look at you and u feel all fuzzy inside.
its called an ulster. go get some meds
i do NOT want to hear about your sex life
keep what you do in your bedroom IN your bedroom.
i dont want to hear it
cuz everytime i do, i have to vision it.
and quite honestly
the thought of you nude with a man/woman makes me sick
ok? it just makes me sick.
so shut up
dont come to me and ask for advice,
and then turn around and dont take it
you know why your life is so fucked up;
you made it that way, and then, you didn't listen to me.
i hate you hypacrits...
so, wensday was my bday, and it sucked ass...
we just sat around chris's table and drank
that was it
party in the house -__-
i haven't really updated this thing for so long.
haha suckers. now you cant read about my pitiful life!
Current Mood: amused
Current Music: seperate - sevendust
|Sunday, October 26th, 2003|
haha irvine!!! i win!!!! u let me...but i still won! so BOOYA
lol ^_^ chris, i'm sorry for trying to break ur face! and roxanne, i'm sorry for breaking ur arm, dislocating ur knee, and breaked 2 of ur ribs >_< lol thanks for the bday present! i love it!!!
i spent all my money on you roxanne...lol
weeeeee kelly n me are friends again
what the FUCK am I supposed to do about karen? NO ONE WANTS ME WITH HER!!!! gaaaaaaaah fuck you all...lol
ok...something HUGE is about to happen...i can fucking feel it....
this is gunna be big, and alot of people are about to die....
i know it...
i can feel it in my blood...
someone is to be sacrificed...
but i feel i am the one who has to sacrifice that person...
and...i think i know who it is going to be...
i love you, but i know what i have to do...
*polishing knife* Current Mood: crappyCurrent Music: house of 1000 corpses - rob zombie
|Saturday, October 18th, 2003|
i just got back from the hospital! wee!
i had to go cuz during school i started like coughing up blood and stuff...
dude if i keep this up i'll have to be hooked up to iv's and shit
lol im gonna die!
nah..im probably fine -__-
hehe Current Mood: creative
|Thursday, October 16th, 2003|
today was hell...
ok today was my dads birthday
he died 4 years ago
i hate him
i've always hated him
he deserved to die...
first period i got called out by our police officer so i could be searched...
ok i missed all of first period, execpt my playing quiz, which i got a 75 on...
ok then second period we have this nasty black lady that hasn't showered since the ice age
luckily i got pulled out again.
my counciler wanted to talk to me
it was his dads bday too...
him and his dad didn't get along either...
so we talked
and i cryed
it was hell..
pure utter hell...
i'm still being threatened to be killed
and i keep getting weird little flash backs of things and people i dont remember..
and i hate it
chris tries to help me with it, but for some reason i just get mad
so does audrey, but...he's fine...i guess...
i just feel helpless
but i'm used to that
a bunch of people are starting to hang around my locker
of course i'm always late to school
my friend says they stay there all homeroom and switch
its kinda freaky
they're waiting for me.
they're asking around for me...
i wonder what it is they want...
this is my life...
welcome to hell Current Mood: distressedCurrent Music: the new shit - marilyn mason
|Wednesday, October 15th, 2003|
i tried to kill someone today...
and i almost did it...
i broke her bones...
i choked her...
i felt good about it...
it felt good to have her blood covering me...
i got pulled off, and it didnt feel good anymore...
luckily, she said she just fell, and i got bloody becuase i tried to help her...
i hate her...
she was following me this whole time...
i've been carving a sage flower into my skin...
sometimes i cant see it
becuase my blood covers it...
i'm covering my whole body in my own art
and it will scar, and be there forever...
unlike my soal... Current Mood: contemplative
i hate rich people who think they have nothing
i hate skinny people
i hate pretty people
i hate friends
i hate family
i hate everyone
i hate that when my friends need to talk i listen
and when they cry i hold them
when i need to talk, they blow me off
when i cry, they leave...
I hate cheaters
I hate pills
they make me fake;
make me happy
but it only lasts for 8 hours, then life goes back to hell.
i hate liers
i hate myself
i hate hipacrits
i hate you
i hate happy familys
i hate happy people...
and everything i am
and everything i will never be...
I hate Life. Current Mood: rejectedCurrent Music: end of life
|Tuesday, October 14th, 2003|
today....wasn't a good day...
im being threatened to be killed >_<
joy to the world...
omg we had a new bus person thing..omg she's a bitch..
she forgot to pick us up after school...so this old crusty lady that sounded like that yellow thing from monsters inc had to drive us...
and i have to sit up front cuz i get in trouble in the back cuz i beat the crap out of someone earlier...and she didn't shut up
so she missed our turn and it ended up my stop which is usually the first being the last...
alright i'm home now and i'm talking to the sexiest man alive! (RYAN) omg omg omg...lol >_<
he has vamp fangs now...
can you say "drop dead sexy!" ?
i cant wait till this summer, when i get to spend time with him *dies*
we were supposed to get together last summer but he took off the wrong week -__-
its cute how stupid he is...
ok...lol i have to go to counciling soon...-__- Current Mood: excitedCurrent Music: sun dont rise - mushroomhead