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[03 Apr 2008|07:47pm] |
Dear "father".
This is the letter that I will hopefully one day have the guts to actually send to you. Now don't get me wrong, I'm very happy for your new home, and your new wife. But why did you have to become even more distant than ever? I'm finally starting to realize all the things that my mom would say about you, are true. When I was little I thought you were amazing, and it's sad because I never gave my mom the credit, when she was the one who raised me, because you were never there. Once I turned 13, and you became more distant, I realized everything was just played out. Your mother likes to tell me that you wanted to "wait" to move until I was able to drive to come see you. Are you kidding me!? You are the one who left town, and hour and a half away, and your expecting me to waste MY gas money? It still doesn't sit right in my head. You only care to see me whenever your family is around to try to show that your a "good father." But if they knew how are relationship really was, because you fake it, they'd realize how much of a dead beat you really are. I mean since we don't have a relationship at all. I know in August I'm starting college and all and I'm becoming independent, so you think it's fine in your head to not see me. I haven't seen you in two months! Every Saturday you make another lousy excuse on why we cant meet up...Oh excuse me...Why I cant drive down to see you, because you have to go shopping for furniture, which is obviously more important than your own daughter. You seriously have NEVER been there. I mean I know there are people out there who don't even have a father, but it hurts to know, that you do, and your his daughter, but your at the bottom of his priority list. Last time I saw you, I had to come because your sisters were coming...You didn't even say one word to me. Only Uncle George was talking to me and joe, he kept telling me why the hell would i want to be an Animal cop, and my goals should be higher than that. Which is fucked up. Since thats my dream job and all. And all they kept talking about was how now you are your new wife are ready for kids. ( FWI I wasn't invited to their wedding, never even met her family in a course of maybe 6 years of them being together ) I'm an only child. And it will feel really weird watching my father from the outside take care of another child. In a way I would be jealous, because i can see all the things your doing for your new wife that you would never do for my mom, so why would you treat her child bad, if you two were to have a kid. These are just some of the thoughts that have been on my mind for the past 2 months since i haven't seen you. I'm pretty sure someone would drop dead if they heard the rest i had to say. You have done a lot of fucked up shit to me and my mother. And you seem so oblivious, and you TRULY think your a perfect father! You seriously think you were a responsible parent! How the hell could you have been! You were never there! your seriously not a parent, just a sperm donor. And it really hurts to say that, it really does, but it's true. it just seems to be bothering me a lot more now, now that i can look back on everything and really understand things now.
You know how they say like father like son...Yah well everyone only sees your father one day out of the entire year, christmas eve. Soon its going to be the same shit for you, because your new family is more important... And i don't think you realize it. And i don't think you ever will.
-Sam
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