Thank you for ruining my Valentine's Day. Thanks for waiting until after Matt and I got back from dinner and then deciding to lay into us. You know damn well that things have been tense with me and him lately, and I've been looking forward to valentine's day for weeks, so that we could have some time alone together and get back on track.
Thanks for keeping me up arguing till 1am, and then saying this morning that you don't give a shit that I'm tired. You should, because I have to get up and go to WORK and earn my money to pay for this damn engagement party, and replace my car, and MOVE OUT! Thanks for saying that you don't care that I'm tired because you're 10 times more so and you have to go help unload the truck for the Salvos today. You don't HAVE to do it, and I'm not bagging you for volunteering. I think it's great. But don't compare my paid work (to stay alive) to your volunteer work. It's similar, but it's not the same. You don't get any financial benefit from it. I do. Because I only got about 5 hours sleep, I'm stuffed today. And I just know I'm going to have a bad day, because I'm not on my game.
And yes, I'm angry with you. You can't say stuff like "you don't marry the first man you sleep with" and "your relationship is a trainwreck waiting to happen" and "if you marry him, it might be the biggest mistake of your life"... and then expect me not to be angry. The point is, I have that engagement ring on my finger, because I LOVE HIM, and I know what I'm doing. And you may very well say that we should go ahead and have the party, and move out together, but then you reckon it's going to turn to shit. I can't say that's not a possibility. But at least wait until I move out. I need to be in my own house, and paying my own bills, and be totally independent to see how things will go. And at least this big argument helped, because if me and him can't make it through you saying that "he proposed to get back at you", or whatever else you said that I don't remember, then we can probably make it through anything.
One more thing, I HAVE been standing up for you. He called you a control freak and said that me and Dad do whatever you tell us to do. And I told him that was a load of bullshit and to stop talking crap. But you don't know this, because I didn't tell you, because I knew it would hurt you when you found out he said that.
I think I might be beyond angry now. I'm so hurt. I'm sick of feeling like everyone's fighting over me. I'm not worth it. I'm sick of him getting all snarky because I have a close relationship with you and Dad, and I'm sick of you being snarky as well. I'm sick to death of feeling like everything is MY fault. You know what? Matt nearly left me last night. I asked him if he wanted the ring back and it took him to damn long to say no. That would make you happy, wouldn't it? Him leaving, so that you can blame everything on him.
He doesn't hate you like you think he does. He just doesn't understand our family dynamic. And stop bagging his family. He knows he's mother, brother, and sister are gambling addicts. He knows that his other brother is a junkie. And he knows that his brother in law is an alcoholic. HE, himself, does not do drugs. He does not drink to excess. He does not gamble to excess. The most I've ever seen him put in a pokie machine was $20, and I let him know I was not impressed. I'm not dating his gambling mother or siblings, I'm not dating the junkie, and I can't stand the alcoholic. Actually, being "exposed" to all this has confirmed that I want nothing at all to do with those sorts of things. So stop using it as an excuse to try and break us up.
Do you know why I'm writing this online? Because I just want things to settle down. I don't want to aggravate the situation any more by actually telling you this, because you might not listen anyway. Just... ARGH! I'm 19 for stuff's sake... I've got my own life. I just wish you wouldn't say such hurtful things.
Love (and lots of anger),
your only child