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cowardice. |
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After All, Sondre Lerche |
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Dear Alex,
The first time I saw you I caught myself wondering if I'd see you again. When Mary told me this guy kept coming around the store looking for me I sort of hoped it was the kid with the green eyes under the cute glasses from Friday.
I'm sorry about what happened between us. I really did like you, I think you know that. I think you liked me too. You were fun to be around, til 5 am even. I loved falling asleep on the couch in your armpit watching Iron Chef. I loved what you said to me the first time you kissed me. I caught you looking at the side of my face and asked you what you were doing. And you said, "Trying to figure out how I want to kiss you." It was nice waking up in your bed, stuck to your stomach, naked. It was nice for the week that it lasted. We never made anything official. I'd never slept with someone after so short a time... ever. I asked you what we'd do when we ran out of movies and you replied, bluntly, with a cigarette bouncing on your lip, "We won't run out of movies."
We didn't have to run out of movies. You ran out of feelings for me. And it was my fault. My stupid mouth. I guess I want to tell you that I felt this funny little pang of connectivity with you before I even knew your name.
And I'm glad I met you.
Roxanne
Dear Sean,
I have NEVER met another human being who can not only quote Spongebob, but who's favorite character is also the random "MY LEGGGGG" guy. You and I see eye to eye on almost everything. We talk constantly and in day or two we'll finally get to see one another... face to face. Right now you're out with that girl you seem to have fallen so hard for. You've known her for a week and as far as I've tried to talk you out of sleeping with her, I know you will anyhow. Your first time is probably happening right now. As I type this... with your week long crush.
Now to the tough parts of this letter. You are naive, love. So naive. You're a hardheaded kid. You're a lot like me. And as much as I love how similar we are, I hate it all at the same time. I tried to convince you earlier that losing your virginity to this girl you've only just met, regardless of a "connection", is foolish beyond words. I can't make you see it. I've tried to convince you that she isn't really any different than any other girl you've had a crush on. I've tried to explain that love takes time. I've opened myself to you, told you about my past, my loves, my losses, my everything. All to keep you from the same.
I don't want to see you make the same mistakes I did; you have become my best friend and I want to protect you, care for you. But... part of me wants to be in her place, maybe not right now, but later. I want room for it. That is strange coming from a woman like me. I've been all over the place, haven't I? I know all kinds of things. What I know more than anything though, is what it takes to make real love. And I think, as time goes by, as we spend more and more time together... that I might see myself falling into a funny place with you, awkward as you are. Your quirks, your connection to me and the way I am is enough to poke the little bruised spot on my heart and say "open your eyes." I don't want to see you grow so attached to this girl and forget that there's someone right in front of you too. Someone who will lay around with you, with no shoes on, drinking whiskey in the fall, eating grapes and quoting Spongebob, singing really old Radiohead songs, bitching about bad grammar. That's you and I. Me and the other part of me which has suddenly, rather quickly, deeply and entirely turned into you.
Fondly and more so,
Calamity Jane/ Kar
Dear Emily,
I don't even know who you are or what your face looks like but I really kind of wish you didn't exist because you're complicating everything for me.
Dear Mal,
I wish you would get help for your anorexia. You think no one knows... but we all know.
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