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[31 Oct 2009|02:07pm] xyour_suicidex dear fucking tim. what happened? how did you go from being so in love with me it made me nervous to not giving a shit about me? how did we go from me being skeptical and not expecting it to start, let alone last, to me sitting here crying wondering what I did or said or didn't do that made you stop liking me. How did you turn me into such a fucking cliche? why do i have to sit here and wonder if you fucked someone else while you were with me? DID you? You probably have since we broke up, anyway. at least one girl. You told me once in a moment of honesty that you've dated 38 girls. You've reduced me down to a number. I'm now number 39. You used to tell me about your ex's a lot. I wonder what you'll tell people about me. If you'll tell people about me. Maybe I don't even qualify. Long distance doesn't count or something. I keep replaying everything over. and. over. what the fuck did i do wrong? I tried not to be clingy. I was attentive when you talked, I didn't talk too much, I tried to give you everything you wanted. So why am I the one left feeling like shit? I am so tired of talking about you, thinking of you. Did you know I can't even fucking touch myself without thinking about you? That was more than anyone who's reading this wanted to know, but you were the first person I showed EVERYTHING to. I told you things I've never told anyone. And you threw it all back in my face. Fuck you, number thirty nine. 4 unsent letters ~ the words you meant to say

I don't feel anything when I kiss you really, just your lips. [18 Sep 2009|02:32am] justsignbythex [ mood | sort of baffled ] [ music | Islands- The XX ] I don't feel anything when I kiss you really, just your lips. You're kind of like opening a bag of chips and getting mostly air. I see a lot of simple qualities in you that I value. Number one is your mind: your gift and passion for words, the proper way you speak, how you appreciate the hell out of music and all kinds of it. And then there's the basic attraction I have to you: your beautiful, tense expressions and your shoulders and hands. I mull over your little obsessions and quirks, your organized nature. I think it's better that we're just this close, no closer. I've thought of it before... why I was never put in that place, just in your bed or on your couch or into the back seat of your car with my pants off. In the end, I decide it doesn't really matter. I try not to wonder if I'm the only one who knows you this way. You intimidate me like no one else can. Your time is time I look forward to. But... when I kiss you it's just your lips. I almost wish it was more but it never is. It's always just lips. the words you meant to say

[22 Jun 2009|03:00pm] singletear To all the fathers out there... never forget your children, never replace your kids with your children from a new marriage. Never let anyone crush their spirits. If you only have one girl, make sure she is a daddy's girl, cause thats all she really wants. the words you meant to say

[17 Jun 2009|11:38am] aidyll dear jess, you're such a fucking cunt. it's amazing how you manage to make every little thing about you. it's always amazing how i manage to put up with your bullshit and self-induced crap of you, you, and more you. you are NOT perfect, nor will you ever be close. so stop pretending, stop being a cunt, and stop trying to be louder than everyone else. it's not making you the center of attention, it just makes you more annoying. i also really want to tell your andrew ab how you fucked jim and denied that he was your bf at the time so it made it okay. it didn't, and doesn't, you're just a whore. late. 1 unsent letter ~ the words you meant to say

How's my fucking foot crushing your over-made-up face sound like for fun? [13 May 2009|07:03pm] justsignbythex [ mood | bouncy ] [ music | Ride, Nick Drake ] Dear College Whores (who give the entire female gender a bad name), Stop sucking dick or I'll slice your throat open so that you can't anymore. I'm sick and tired of hearing these stories about you bitches being down to fuck in a matter of hours. Blame it on the alcohol, right? I'd have to be blacked out to be fucked by some cheap looking brosef, hair-gelled, polo wearing motherfucker (who smells like beer and an obscene amount of Axe) in a frat house bathroom. No matter how drunk I get I will never be as low as you. You're not ladies, you're tramps. You're predictable, you spread disease and then you giggle about it with your equally brainless friends. You're not in college to learn, you're in college to get attention and get called "hot" with your tits hanging so far out of the shirt you call a DRESS, its inane. You're tools. You'll take attention from anyone who will dish it out. "It's just having fun..." Right, it's having fun. Exploiting yourself so you have something to talk about is fun. Looking like trash is fun. Tanning until you look like a goddamn Oompa Loompa is fun. How's my fucking foot crushing your over-made-up face sound like for fun? Being a population made half of butterfaces, I dare anyone to call me jealous even once. It's come up before as a petty, witless attempt to justify your idiotic behavior. How could a successful, attractive woman be jealous of a slut like YOU? True, all women love attention. It's Psych 101, not that you'd know. But you couldn't PAY me to accept the kind of crude, disgusting attention that you not only get but continue to beg for. Leggings aren't pants. Wearing spike heels to class makes you look more like a moron than anything sexy. Stop giving young women a bad name. Stop disrespecting yourselves. God, if you can't do that, flat out stop existing. 4 unsent letters ~ the words you meant to say

[15 Apr 2009|02:31am] crayolamarkers [ mood | aggravated ] Best Friend, do you even desire to be called that anymore? do i even desire to be called your best friend? we've been friends for 16 years now, but i think for the last 4 things have definitely been a little shaky. ever since you started dating your ex, you've been completely consumed by boys. i mean, yeah we were 15, but you still chose him over me. we'd have our weekly sleepovers, but you'd sit on MY house phone and talk to him for hours while i laid there wondering when you were going to get off and actually talk to me. it definitely pulled us apart, but who was there for you when you broke up? that's right me. i was there with you to spend every second you needed me until you found your present boyfriend. there's not a time that we haven't spent together in the past 2 years that you have been dating him that he hasn't come along. the worst part is that you invite him without asking. i love him to death and think he's a great guy for you, but honestly, i don't want to hang out with the two of you. you can't keep your hands off each other. it's annoying. can't you hold off for the few hours that you're with me? i think it's rude. i thought it was also really rude that when i traveled 5 hours to spend a night out with my two best friends that you left because you, once again invited your boyfriend to tag along on a girls night and he felt uncomfortable. so you left me in an unfamiliar place to satisfy him. i shouldn't be called your best friend because you have no idea that i kissed your ex only a few months after your horrible break up. i'm not going to say that i didn't like it, because i did and kissed him back without hesitation. that was over four years ago, but i hung out with him recently. i told you i did, but definitely didn't tell you what happened, nor did you even want to hear that i hung out with him. i don't know if you were mad at the fact that i had smoked up with him or if it was that i was hanging out with him. i didn't want to start a fight, so i didn't even bother to ask. we only kissed that time, but the next weekend things got a little out of hand. i don't think i could ever tell you that i slept with your exboyfriend. to be honest, i don't feel bad. you broke up over four years ago and you are happy in the relationship that you've been in for the past two years. i want to tell you so i don't feel like i'm lying to you, but i know that you are going to be completely over dramatic and tell everyone, including your mother, who will in turn hate me and probably make my life hell. you'll turn this into everyone's business when it isn't. i'm sorry that i feel like i can't tell you. we need to work on our friendship, because what we have right now is really shitty. i love you no matter what, hopefully you feel the same. dear best friend's exboyfriend, you drive me insane. you are beyond wrong for me, but only for one reason that we'll never be able to get around. you're my best friends ex and that'll never change. the first time you tried to kiss me i was shocked. what was going through your head? i finally let it happen after you continued for the next two days. i think it was more wrong then because you two had just broken up, though that was over four years ago. wow, i can't believe it was that long ago. i hadn't seen you in probably a year or so and i knew what i wanted when i did finally see you. i tried to change my mind the whole night, but of course you probably read my mind and invited yourself into my house. it brought us back to the scene of the crime. you're not as smooth as you may think you are. once again, i knew what i was doing was wrong, but i didn't care. i purposely brought someone with me when i saw you the night before i went back to school. she was my shield from doing something wrong for a third time. then the madness just continued once i got back to school. we continued to talk about the 'what if's' little did i know they would come a reality days later. i wasn't expecting anything when i got to your house that night, but i left with everything i wanted from you. it was so wrong, but it felt so right. laying there in your arms was what i needed most. i felt like i kind of used you, which i never thought would happen. i don't know, maybe you were using me too. i don't think you're like that though. i didn't think i was like that either. now, we're in a situation i don't even know where to begin to get us out of it. i think you're kicking yourself now that you're talking to your most recent ex again. i feel like your regretting what happened between us, but honestly honey, theres no way of making it go away. are you trying to turn me off by telling me you have been talking to her or that you planned on going to see her when i come home this weekend? you're not. i have no claim to you nor do i want one. do you think i should feel honored that you are staying home to talk to me instead of going to see her? i don't. i mean, yes, i do have feelings for you, but i'm not sure if it's really you or just the idea of you. i guess we'll have to see after we talk. until then, avoid pissing me off with your light heartedness about this entire situation. i know that's how you are, but now's not the time for that. kthankscyainafewdays :) the words you meant to say

Dear Blain [11 Apr 2009|04:06pm] glaciercrow I am going to be leaving you soon. I will do it the nicest way I possibly can. I have to get a second job when the house loan gets approved, just so I can pay for everything - the $500 condo fee, the $400 car payment, the storage unit, the cells phones for me and the kids, the money I owe my mom, the money I owe Sean, the $500 mortgage payment. You already hate that I spend time at home away from you, cleaning house, doing laundry, cleaning up after my pets and playing on the computer. I'm not going to come hang out over at your place while you sit and build up your characters on WOW. I can do things at home while you do that. And I know you aren't going to leave WOW to sit and watch TV with me. We have such an involved relationship, lol. I guess that's why it easier to say it's time for me to move on. I appreciate that you have been involved in my life this past year. I know that it is going to be hard on you no matter how I approach this. I care for you, but it is not the unconditional love necessary for a successful relationship. I really can't say that it is love at all. Hugs and kisses the words you meant to say

[04 Apr 2009|10:39pm] retro_chica Dear Boy, These thoughts, they sound so much better in my head. When I think of word "oragami" I laugh and remember how we spent two whole hours teaching each other the craziest manipulations of paper, just because we had nothing else better to do. When it's etched in pen, the r is disjointed and oddly attached to the o, and it just looks like a word. The memory isn't there. The roof is leaking again. I can hear the tin bucket pinging again. I always liked tin buckets, always loved how they reminded me of warm Sunday mornings with a tall glass of lemonade and a gardening spade. Like the 1950's without the gender roles. Just love. I guess that's why I bought the bucket from Ikea; because you thought it was cheap, and I thought it was special. And you said you liked it because I found beauty in it. Because I saw the best in everything, even when you couldn't. The drip, drop, drip drip drop is picking up again. It doesn't have a melody anymore, it's just spattering and stammering like the rush of words that always flowed through my mouth. To me, I always thought you saw it as just a bucket. You never really told me why you liked it, I just assumed because it was Ikea you wanted it, you always liked that store. You laughed and told me that I was always so insecure, that you found my ramblings adorable, that you loved to hear me talk. That's when you told me about the bucket, do you remember that? And every part of me wanted you to hold me, to comfort me. I wanted to hide underneath our blanket with a flashlight and wait for the rain to stop. We would make shadow puppets, and tell each other our deepest secrets. But all I could hear was my voice, and the pinging. I guess all along it was me. In all our wonderful pizza-making-from-scratch nights, or movie marathons, I felt like we were always forgetting something. I had too many questions to ask, and you forgot your cue cards. I wanted more than I asked for. Last week, when we were lying together on the couch, and the power was out because of, of course, another thunder storm (we're such romantics, we picked the rainy city), I rested my head on your chest, and instead of feeling the warmth of your body, the rise and fall of your heart, I heard that damn pinging. I didn't want to hate the pinging, I didn't want to even think about it. But it's all that echoed through my mind. It bounced off the walls and reverberated like the only sound that existed in our world. A random stream of drops. I wanted you to love me so badly. I wanted you to clutch me in your arms with all your strength as if there really was a monster under the bed. I wanted to mean something to you, like you do to me. But it was always me, always the pinging. And unless I bombarded you with a grocery list of questions, you didn't have much to say. I don't blame you. So I'm writing you this letter, folding the paper in half so you'll think its smaller and less significant than it actually is. And if you see a crackle in the paper here or there, don't think it was my tears. Just wonder why hadn't I chose a clean sheet of paper, if that at all. I probably should have told you long ago that I'm not the one you want. But I guess you figured that out in a different way. We saw x meets y and different trains, and understood that distance makes all the difference. And the need wasn't the deep, or hungry as we would have liked it to be. I think we saw too many bad remakes of Romeo and Juliet. I'm sorry for making you watch so many chick flicks with me, you should have told me that you hated them. I am writing you this letter, because you never did. Because I loved you without really knowing why, and that secretly, a small part of me wishes that you'll read this and come after me. You don't have to. Don't. We're better off this way. Before I go, I'll empty the bucket, you can have it. And I'll finally call the roof guy. Maybe it's just a band-aid solution, but it's the best that I can do. You'll never know how much you mean to me, Girl 2 unsent letters ~ the words you meant to say

[13 Mar 2009|12:47am] queenofpain3 dear ex-friend who I have always admired/hated, When we were both in our pitiful states we were the greatest of friends. Partying, hanging out almost every day. And then you'd find another boy toy and forget I existed. You were just as hateful if not more so about all our other friends or people we knew. Yet I looked like the bad person because when I had a problem with someone I confronted them whereas you just talked a bunch of shit behind their back. I loved being friends with you but I always hated it too. You're so freaking pretty and skinny and talented and everyone loves you. But it's all so fake 'cause underneath it all you're just full of shit. And you're parents give you freaking everything!! and yet you were always bitching about how bad your life was. YOU MAKE ME SOOO MAD and I don't know why I can't just get over it 'cause I know you're sure not losing any sleep over losing me as a friend. It's just not fair. Why do you get looks, talent, friends, intelligence, everything?? I work my ass off and I'll never get where you are because I don't get everything handed to me. I hope someone slaps you off your high horse some day. Sincerely, Your bitter friend the words you meant to say

[13 Mar 2009|12:40am] queenofpain3 dear boyfriend, I am sorry to say that I once again have fallen back into the patterns of old relationships. I don't know what's wrong with me. Everything was so amazing right before I left and when I got back. I couldn't possibly think that I would sink so low again. We were so ridiculously happy. The minute you didn't seem quite so interested, probably because you were bogged down with school and work, I betrayed you. I don't know how I could do it. I sought comfort in a friend and that lead to many inappropriate nights with that friend. And then when ridiculously drunk I kissed another person. It's all so ridiculous and I have fought with myself time and again to tell you the truth but I love you so much and I really don't want to hurt you and confirm your mistrust in women. I've gone so long lying about it then sometimes I even forget it happened. I'm so sorry. I swear nothing will happen again. I know now how important you are and I have stopped talking to the friend who I once sought comfort in. I'm so sorry. I'll do whatever I can to make it up. Sincerely, Your unfaithful girlfriend :-( the words you meant to say

[11 Mar 2009|05:04pm] breaking_even [ mood | accomplished ] [ music | Neyo - Mad ] To the stupid bitch I used to be jealous of, This situation far surpasses the Jerry Springer world, straight into fucked-up ville. Seriously. You're mad at me.. because my ex boyfriend told you that I was trying to steal the man who married ME back from YOU by using my ex boyfriend to lure you away... after he shared all the dirty, naughty, kinky little things you did for him, with me and anyone else who wanted to know? I can't even get through that statement without Laughing. Do you have any idea how much of an idiot you're making yourself out to be? You're a 25 year old woman with a daughter to take care of, why are you sinking to the levels of a jealous, egotistical 19 year old boy? IF I wanted my leftovers back, I wouldn't be giving up my plan to anybody. And that's really what he is.. isn't he? Leftovers. He cast you aside as soon as I steppd into the picture and spent the next three years with ME. Married ME. While you sat at the sidelines moping and pretending to be my friend, pretending to care for me. AFTER I accepted your apologies and forgave you for fucking yourself on cam/the phone for HIM when I wouldn't have him. When we were fighting and he was drunk and upset. And the next day, he'd come to me.. tell me the truth, tell you he was just using you, and you'd run off crying while he apologized to me and begged for forgiveness. What makes you think he wanted anything to do with you in any other way but sexual? What makes you think that just because I left him, and he was alone, that he really gave a shit about you? He didn't. You were easy to please and he knew you'd have him. And now you're riding around on your high horse because someone I dated for two months is telling you that I'm trying to steal him back from you? Honey, if I was taking him from you I think he'd.. have to be with you, right? He isn't. He tossed you aside a long time ago when you fucked my ex boyfriend, the same guy telling all your little secrets and lying to you about the truth about the situation, while he was over in Iraq and miserable. You got off on pain and he had fun inflicting it. Don't be stupid, it never went beyond that. And even if it had, I had nothing to do with either of them being finished with you. I am happy, with my boyfriend. He treats me right and he's good to me and I don't ever have to worry about him getting BORED and upgrading to a better model. It's almost comical that you're angry at me because you were never good enough. Something you really need to get through your thick skull, is this: They were both bored with you before I ever said a word to either of them. Before I ever tried to HELP you. I never had to do or say a word, you simply weren't good enough. And at the end of the day that's what really bothers you. The fatter, less attractive girl won. Every time. And when I finally left him, you felt like you'd accomplished something, until reality smacked you upside the head and you saw the situation for what it was. You were convenient, and that's all you'll ever be to either of them. I hope you have a wonderfully miserable life and that for your daughter's sake you take your head out of your ass and learn to be a mother first, and an easy whore, second. Sincerely, The Wife and ex girlfriend of the men who didn't want you. the words you meant to say

[22 Jan 2009|08:13pm] crzy4u2134 Dear joe, I'm finally happy. Please, leave me the fuck alone. love, the girl you took for granted for months 3 unsent letters ~ the words you meant to say

[12 Jan 2009|12:59pm] confusedxoxo Dear Boy You werent suppose to mean this much to me. Iv fallen for the one person i shouldnt have. And the hardest part of this whole situation is that neither of us really know whats going on. Neither of us know what the other is thinking. Sometimes i think it would be easier for the both of us if i just walked away but i cant, i cant imaging you not being in my life anymore. I dont know what the hell is wrong with us, we both know this isnt fair on eachother or her but we continue to do it.... Sometimes i honeslty hate you the words you meant to say

fuck my liife [11 Dec 2008|11:43am] stonedfairy [ mood | bummed ] [ music | nicki minaj. ] ok. so maybe I did make the chance meeting kinda uber awkward. but to be honest I was just really annoyed with your stand offish attitude. I mean we hang out then silence. nothing. and it just kinda sucks. I suppose I'm taking it more personal because its you. well fck my life for actually wanting to be your friend. sucks for me I guess. idk it just makes me feel like I'm one of those friends that isn't really a friend. which sucks. g-ross. eck. I'm just kinda bummed. well that's all. -your not really friend gigi the words you meant to say

[18 Nov 2008|12:53pm] disembowel To the cold fingers that used to trace up my spine-- You are connected to the hands that hurt, the hands that held, the hands that are attached to the devil himself. It was never enough, but you fed me more and more chemicals and sedatives and numbness that I gladly accepted. I broke down the same way your bones broke on my skull. And I still can't believe I stayed with you through the hospital run. I should have wrapped the belt tighter around your throat, I shouldn't have asked for the favor back, but you were willing and I was desperate. The hands that hurt, the hands that held... release. Those weren't conversations, they were manifestations, you swore you heard demons and they were demanding death upon me. You really wanted to kill me. I said, "Go ahead and just fucking do it." You were close, I know, I couldn't breathe, I couldn't see, I couldn't hear. You were close. I remember one night a companion's voice fluttered through the phone line, behind the voice with the summer sky eyes, "Maybe she likes it." Cold fingers, you really fucked me up, I think. The last snow fall held your deathbed, yet your murderous breath still tickles my nape and whispers degrading stories of disgusting love. I hope you're rotting into a shade of red and brown. -- spine. the words you meant to say

[31 Oct 2008|04:34pm] shootingpromise im so happy you in my life. you are my best friend and i would go to the end of the world and back for you. <3 "all of a sudden now you're back again. i thought you were happy with whoever or did you dream about me now and then?" the words you meant to say

I just had to say this [27 Oct 2008|11:34pm] stonedfairy I wish things worked out differently. I wish just this once I wasn't right. that we could be friends and be happy for each other and there for each other. but reality is never as sweet as my fantasy world. I just want you to know, despite my anger, despite my disappointment I am truly happy for you and like I've always said I can't hate you. so while saying "no hard feelings" would be a stretch I would like to say I wish you the best. and as for me, not that I expect you to care, I'll be okay. warriors walk alone. always, gigi the words you meant to say

[14 Oct 2008|06:47pm] xyour_suicidex dear self, could you please tack on at least a bit of "esteem" to the end of your name? It's sort of barring me from doing anything with myself. could you please let me know why you're so goddamn uncreative? unmotivated? so fucking sad all the time? Just get over your teen angst, please. It's really killing everyone around you, you know they don't really understand. Keep it light, keep it simple, keep it shallow. the words you meant to say

[14 Oct 2008|06:40pm] xyour_suicidex Dear Benj, I'm so disappointed in you. It makes me nauseous. You've changed so much. the words you meant to say

[14 Oct 2008|05:25pm] xyour_suicidex Dear J, I hate you so much. God fucking damnit, I hate you. I'd forgotten how to cry until you. I only cry when I'm angry. I told you that once. So if you ever see me crying over you, I'll just let you think that. I'm crying over you because I'm angry. Because i fucking hate you. This is deeper than you realize. the words you meant to say

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