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some days even my lucky rocketship underpants don't help.. [08 May 2005|10:57am]
I am an abusive person-I'm sick ad I'm a psycho...
Yesterday,I came home quite late around 10PM and was so tired...find out that guests are coming over-I FLIP!!! just a few days ago I had got terribly upset over frequent parties and dinners and stuff because I have extremely bad childhood memories and am forced to smile and manipulated like a puppet during these and I hate all that...
Anyway,I had threatened to kill myself last time(see?I'm a psycho!)...and yesterday I was livid and I suggested that it would be better if I jump off the building and then they can serve my flesh as a sumptuous entree...:(
and I punched my mother in her abdomen-I really didn't think it was a powerful blow since I wasn't really up to much and things were seriously going slow and blurred...
later my mom cried and told me that the punch had left her winded for breath and that it had hurt a lot...
I do love my mother a lot...and i have hit her before too...in self defence because she used to get violent with me without any reason but yesterday it was not "physically" provoked...have I turned into one of those "abusive husbands" who drag their wives by the hair and beat them up black and blue and are later devastated and tearful and profess their undying love and promise never to hurt them again?...
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