| View: | User Info. |
| View: | Friends. |
| View: | Calendar. |
| View: | Website (web). |
| View: | Memories. |
| You're looking at the latest 20 entries. Missed some entries? Then simply jump back 20 entries. | |
|
|
Blurty for Hold your breath because u only makes things worse.
|
||||||||||||
| Thursday, April 22nd, 2004 |
|
||||||
|
Ehh.....I've been really sick past two days. I still feel like a pile fo crap but I'm so bored from sitting and doing nothing that I dunno I convinced my mom to let me on for a little bit of time. My mind is a wreck and my mom is sending me to yet another shrink and I dunno it just pisses me off 'cause we all know what she's going to say and it is absolutley pointless in wasting the money. My meds already cost a fortune...I've got Astelin nasal spray, allergra-D, Nicomide...and those are the pills. Differin cream, Triaz cream, Aldara cream, Claritin readi-tabs...Zyrtec or something for my allerigies and then every month I take Augmentin or something for strep...and I just want to get my damned tonsils out because in the past eight months I've had throat infections about twelve times and that just plain sucks. I think the reason my stomach is bothering me is all the damned vodka I drink. And I heard people in my school (people that work there....whatever) that they want me on happy pills because I am scaring other students. Fuck them. They can all burn in hell. A hundred years, a thousand eyes, a million tears. xxzzxxolliexxzzxx |
||||||
|
|
| Tuesday, April 20th, 2004 |
|
||||
|
Ohhhhh god. This week sucked. Chloe killed herself...what joy. Ricky Danny and Lil won't tell me how though....think I know enough or some other shit. I guess it's for my own good. Whatever. I've been in a really crappy mood forever...and I sleep a lot latley. I used to enver sleep and now that's all I do. I'm also in a weird eating phase. Most of the time I'm a pig...that's normal. But some days I don't eat anything, well next to nothing. Yeah I ahven't eaten once today...and I'm hungry but I just have no desire to get up and make myself something. And I can't go in my kitchen b/c it reminds me of Chloe because there is the clock that she wrote shit down on behind so my parents wouldn't see (they don't know she exsists) and I dunno I just cry whenever I see it. I ahve strep again, what joy, so I'll be home the rest of today and tomorrow. I feel like crap...and I think Danny's nails were too long and he cut my so now it hurts like a mother fucker. Ah whatever they're (ricky danny and lil) here because they don't really trust me on my own...I wouldn't either....but whatever. xxzzxxolliexxzzxx "..the world did cry, the night you died. and i am no good at suicide.." |
||||
|
|
| Saturday, April 17th, 2004 |
|
||||||
|
Oooooo back from vacation.....I don't feel like typing my entire vacation out. Eh, so in volleyball today we won...like that is anything special. Later on...movies...I think...but I don't feel like sitting still, like I am normally made to do. I mean, if movies were meant to be watched in the theatre, they wouldn't be put out on VHS or DVD. Eh, whatever. So now....I don't know Ricky is here and I don't know what to do with him. And then again I'm freaked over Spike.....she's all suicidal and shit again. Whatever I shouldn't dwell upon it. xxzzxxolliexxzzxx |
||||||
|
|
| Thursday, April 8th, 2004 |
|
||||||||
|
Well today is my birthday....I would tell you how old I am but I honestly forgot. Ah...whatever. Lemme see, basically all I am doing today is packing for Florida tomorrow (and I know you will ALL miss me with a burning passion) and then I'm going to Fatpipe later (..those computer places....DDR MACHINE, BITCH!) with some people. But er....that 'tis all I know. I don't even really know who is going. Ah, whatever. So then last night..I pissed myself way too much. Spike's friend Noelle ims me asking if I am the person from fat camp..and even though it's mean, I couldn't help form laughing. Then they created Skanks 'R' Us when Gab and Ang came in the chat. Gab was so pissed/scared of them I seriously almost pissed myself. I even did at one point..*blush* Eh, then Spike imed these guys Rocco and Alex that my really close friend Tina (....epitome of ghetto, but I <3 her anyway) saying these really funny things about her. It was short but so damn funny. xxzzxxolliexxzzxx '..just throw it back, for one more night. on a starlit and moonstruck night. the ground did fold, and eat us both. but oh my love, i did devote. beneath the rafters, the angels sing..' |
||||||||
|
|
| Wednesday, April 7th, 2004 |
|
||||||||
|
Today was....bad? I dunno....and I don't care either. People were cracking jokes all day 'cause I use big words or some other shit....and I am finally off for Spring Break. And Florida is on...Friday. Oh joy...one week with my 'rents and Grandma in clsoe quarters. My idea of a grand time. Ah whatever we get our own room and don't really need to go everywhere with them but it will still be a trip from hell. And last night was horrible. Twist randomly shows up....I hate him with a burning passion....the little bastard stabbed my thigh and cut the part of your wrist that faces up when you type. Man it hurts like hell and I had to wear a gigantic amount of bracelets to school today so people wouldn't ask questions. Normally I wear ten on one arma nd thirteen on the other...no jelly things..I'm not fond of them...but I had to wear thirty je;l-things on my left arm....God he is such a jackass why won't he just leave me the fuck alone. On the flipside, we went to see Living Stations of the Cross. Oh, was that funny. I sat with some guys and Tina, Gab, Ally and Mich sat behind me...man it was funny. At one point it looked like Mary Cleophis (Annie) was giving Jesus (Alex) a hand job...Mary (Kelsey) blowing him...and Mary Cleophis blowing him. I was cracking up it was so damn funny...and then my quarter fell onto the floor and everyone turned around and stared me...I didn't like it much. xxzzxxolliexxzzxx '.. so take take, everything. and leave me scrambling. reaching for something that was there in anothers place ..' |
||||||||
|
|
| Tuesday, April 6th, 2004 |
|
||||||||
|
Tina is over and we are having a jolly good time. Oh yeah.....I left a message on Taylor's cell....(high pitch voice) 'Tina wants hot sex with John' and she got really mad. She's hyperventalating right now. :D I am so nice. Hahaha, she's absolutley freaking out...lmao I can't stop laughing. Hehehehe.....well, she doesn't want to see me updating on this...and I assume she won't wanna see me and Ricky hooking up later....so....g'bye for now. xxzzxxolliexxzzxx |
||||||||
|
|
| Monday, April 5th, 2004 |
|
||||||||
|
Today was.....ok? We had a make-up test...I think I did ok...Whatever. Then I came home and sat on the computer a long while. Then my mom wanted to 'bond' and dragged me out of the house to the mall. She dragged me into PacSun and amde me waste my money on a new shirt and a wallet...which I actually think is ok....and..*pauses, gets ready for the real suprise* a necklace. Booya..? Ah, whatever. I got a super-sized slurpee and frolicked through the mall. It was SO much fun. The people stared at me....it was truly much fun. Ah, then I came home and since we are renovating our house soon my mom went into my room and went through my things and when I walk into my room was starting to open my binder (which has my diary in it...the personal shit that I don't want you reading. :D I am so damn nice.) Anyway, she was about to read it and I was like...why the hell are you going through my stuff?...And she told me she was just looking to see what it was. Yeah, and the cover says.....'my private shit'....how obvious her lie was. I was infuriated....I didn't do anything. God, I dislike her with a burning passion. I would say hate but you can only hate the ones you love. God I can't stand her. And she's making us go to chruch in Florida...yeah, like that's where we really want to go. Shoot me quickly.....I'm going....I need to find where to put this thing. xxzzxxolliexxzzxx '..i want it..these wounds wont heal..is there anyhting i wanted...anything i needed..' |
||||||||
|
|
| Sunday, April 4th, 2004 |
|
||||||||
|
Today was nothing worthy of mentioning.....I slept 'till twelve, went to my grandmas unfortunatley, and slept/listened to music the enitre time. And now I am hanging with Ricky. Wink. xxzzxxolliexxzzxx |
||||||||
|
|
| Saturday, April 3rd, 2004 |
|
||||||||
|
*HUGS* TOTAL! give unheardxscreams more *HUGS* Get hugs of your own ::Whistles:: I didn't take it from Roxy...I swear! xxzzxxolliexxzzxx |
||||||||
|
|
|
||
|
Wow...mad hangover and I have a game later...oh, joy. I think I am gogin to die on the court. Errr whatever. Ricky stayed over and this is pretty funny since my mom doesn't know he exsists. BUT...we just cuddled all night and then fell asleep..not what you are probably thinking. Err yeah....I ahte drinking so much...well I hate that I do it.....but I like the feeling of being stoned...it makes everything..kinda hazey and shit. Ah, whatever. xxzzxxolliexxzzxx '..best friends means i pulled the trigger, best friends means you get what you deserved..' |
||
|
|
|
||||||||
|
Today was an O.k. day....I got a 98 on my test....umm....the two tests I had to take were easy...umm...I threw food in Tina's hair and she flipped...I came home. I sat there for three hours just pondering things. Yeah..lemme see, then I went to volleyball practice ane I actually did pretty well. I yelled at someone...I don't really remember why. THen I came home and my rents fell right asleep and I came ehre since I have no life. Then Ricky came over with some drinks and we got stoned and shit. I think he had some other shit but I didn't. Wants to fuck but I don't. I do want more to drink. xxzzxxolliexxzzxx '..with every passig moment it just keeps getting worse these walls are getting smaller and i am six feet beneath the earth and i will be, oh i wil be just lost..' |
||||||||
|
|
| Thursday, April 1st, 2004 |
|
||||||||
|
I had a grand time tonight. My sister is a redneck, she made sponges have sex...uhhhh uhhh oh yeah Lau. Then she made hats because GS is now a totalitarian thing wheree she is the dictator and her me Lindsey and Melissa have to wear newspaper hats. Yeah....Lauren D. would be in it too but she ripped her hat and became a disgrace. Whatever....then Lauren A. (my sister) sang the third track on SOTY cd. IT was quite funny. Then Lauren D. and I made this jolly 'lil walk for...TWELVEEE!!!!! Hahaha, that was great. Fourteen, bitch. I think I am going to sleep good tonight, so off to do my homework and then I'll listen to some music and then I think I am going to go to sleep.....g'nite. xxzzxxolliexxzzxx |
||||||||
|
|
|
||
|
Just so damned bored........................I miss Kent terribly as well right now. Dwelling o the pastis no good. Whatever. I was never good at this you know. xxzzxxolliexxzzxx |
||
|
|
| Wednesday, March 31st, 2004 |
|
||||||||
|
Today sucked. Tell me something that isn't typical. I woke up. Half day at school. Went home. Ate food. My dad forced me out. Joy. Said I had to be happy. Screw him. His friend didn't die. Whatever. I came home. Sat by my lonsesome. Put my stereo on and Senses Fail came on. The EP. With the song 'Steven' on it. I was hysterical. Whatever. Then....I just sat tehre and stared at my wall. I was in this weird thing...like a different state of mind. Surreal almost. I felt like I was watching myself from the outside. I wish I were. Just another tragic storybook, my life is. I wish I could be...I'm lie that kid Jay in the book Jay's Journal. Start happy at the beginning and then sucked deeper in through a vortex that drags me to the very bottom. And then my life starts falling apart. I get into a fourth month long abusive relaitonship. Get the shit beat out of me, physically and emotionally. Brandon shoots Andrew. Andrew shoots Brandon. My best friend dies for me. Friends commit suicide. I attempt suicide. No one except a few know. I drink some. Get stoned. Do stupid shit in the back of Kent's car. Get pregnant. Have a miscarriage. See a friend hang herself. See a friend shot himself. Have him die in my arms. Kent kils himself. Further I go....I might have HIV. Something happens to Ricky and no one can know about him. Kyle comes over. Shoots himself in the mouth. How tragic. Another abusive relationship. Woop de fucking woo. I swallow pills. Vomit them up. Swallow s'more. Vomit them up too. Ricky has sex with Chloe. Chloe is a wreck. Ricky leaves. I sit here now. Oh, the joy of me. Shoot me quickly. xxzzxxolliexxzzxx xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx To take...this handgun to my eyes And watch...my cells start to rise My flesh starts to break As the bullet enters like a snake Through one side of my head And out the other one And I'm..to scared...to live....tonight.. And I'm..to bare to shed..my plight Now I'm to scared to live tonight Too bare too shed my plight (Please tell me I'm not wanted) The bullet break right though my flesh A catharsis of my own distress (Please tell me I'm not wanted) xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx |
||||||||
|
|
|
||||||||
|
Eh....haven't updated in quite a while. My mom got mad and told me no more. So then I told her to burn in hell. And she all.....go upstairs. Now I sound like...I don't know. Whatever. Last night was really bad. I don't know why I did it again. Ah whatever. Riky left for the night but just informed me he need me for tonight and tomorrow night. Then it ends...then it ends...it's hard taking care of someone without anyone knowing it. Ah...whatever... xxzzxxolliexxzzxx "..all embraced under one common song...buried that day but lived on..? |
||||||||
|
|
| Sunday, March 28th, 2004 |
|
||
|
For Starters 1. I call myself: Ollie 2. I am this old: 601 3. I hate it when: im wrong... 4. I love it when: im with ricky 5. My favorite thing to drink is: berry infused water 6. My favorite food is: Taco bell..smarties...fod in general....roxy's cakes... 7. I am this tall: 5'8 8. I weigh this much: 122 9. My favorite shoes to wear are: checkerboard vans 10. My favorite article of clothing is: tripp skirt 11. When I get up in the morning the first thing I do is: take my clock and throw it against the wall 12. The last thing I do before I go to bed is: put pajamas on? wow, these are realy weird questions Shower Time! 1. I take baths or showers: i hate both. but i shower cause i have to.... 2. My favorite soap to use is: are you a stalker? dove 3. I use this shampoo: herbal essences 4. I use this conditioner: ^^ 5. I use a comb or a brush: brush....thick hair..i must use one...godamn you nature..or mom.... 6. I blow dry my hair or let it air dry: blowdry. i dont likeit wet. and blowdrynig is quicker...id ont ahve any patience 7. I use this kind of shaving gel/cream: wtf? you want to know what i shave with? 8. My toothpaste is: umm....whatevers in teh tube? 9. My toothbrush is this color: silver...or black...or white...i dont really remember 10. I like hot or cold showers: hot 11. What I think about in the shower: things? 12. My favorite thing about the shower is: the five setting massge water-thing 13. I listen to this kind of music when in the shower: my awesome singing power...im that damned good 14. I lock the bathroom door when in the shower: yes...i learned to do that the hard way Elementary School 1. My mom drove me to school or I rode the bus: bus. my rents were never home... 2. I went to kidnergarten and my teacher’s name was: Mrs. Munich. she was SO cool 3. My favorite teacher was: Mrs. Supon/Mrs. Luisi/Mrs.Branscum 4. My least favorite teacher was: mrs.dondiego 5. My first field trip was to: fire island! WE GOT TO MAKE A VOLCANO BITCH! 6. My favorite field trip was to: SAFETY TOWN! WE GOT TO DRIVE AROUND IN LITTLE CARS ON A MAKE PRETEND HIGHWAY! I GOT THE MUFFIN MANS CAR!!! 7. What I remember most about elementary school is: gogin back to SROL in fourth grade 8. I attended this elementary school: SROL MUSIC 1. My first cassette I bought was: i never got one.. 2. My first CD I bought was: i didnt listen to anything until fifth grade- it was then...uhh..the get up kids i think 3. I at one time owned records/or still do: nop 4. My favorite band is: finch...or...disturbed...or senses fail... 5. My favorite female singer is: uhh..? 6. My favorite male singer is: lead of senses fail...he is one sexy person 7. The decade of music I like the most is: 80's to current 9. Name of all the concerts I have been to: mostly local at teh downtown 10. My favorite concert was: err....the early november...pretty good...;D ricky 11. This concert was ok/sucked: never been to a crappy one..if it did i dont remember 12. I would love to see this person/band in concert: roxy had an orgasm....i just shutup and quickly type 'finch' 13. Name of concerts I have been to that are local bands: to many to list asshole - thank you for those kinds words 14. My favorite CD is: senses fail...from the depths of dreams/ep 15. I listen to this radio station most often: K-rock...92.3 16. I play my music at this level: room/computer/bus/car/loud 17. I wish I could meet this dead artist: KURT -thank you again 18. I wish I could meet this living artist: um! UM UM UM! I dont know... -and again 19. I wish this artist would shut the hell up: Hillary fucking duff -yet again 20. I have been to the Rock n’ Roll Hall of Fame in Cleveland: nope... 21. The best thing about the RnR Hall of Fame is: wish i knew what was in there..ha -and again 22. Who I want to see in concert again: glassjaw 23. Who I want to see in concert someday no matter the price: umm...? Television and Movies 1. I cannot miss this tv show: The OC -i fucking love this show 2. I wish this show would be taken off the air: anyhting hand-drawn and lizzie mcguire 3. My favorite rerun is: FULL HOUSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 4. My favorite tv shows are: The OC.... inferno..anything real world or road rules... 5. The best night for tv: Monday and Thursday 6. My favorite dramatic actor on tv: THEY ALL SUCK! 7. My favorite dramatic actress on tv: err...me? 8. I like comedys or dramas the best: comedy.... 9. I don’t like to admit that I watch this station: uhh...? 10. The station I watch the most is: fuse 11. The music station I like/watch the most often is: fuse 12. I watch tv this often: 5 hours a week or so... 13. I like to eat while watching tv: YES! SMARTIES! -SAME!!!! and cookies. 14. My favorite commercial is: i put my headphones on during commercials. 15. The commercial I absolutely despise is: tampon commercials.... all of them -i hate watching them 16. I love to watch this award show: VMA-s are mad funny to watch... 17. My favorite movie is:white oleander and pirates of teh carribean 18. I could watch this movie over and over again: whtie oleander 19. I know the words to this whole movie: pirates of tyhe caribbean 20. My favorite actor(s) is/are: uh...dont really ahve one...johnny depp is good but he lives in france and hes a flaming liberal ...i dont like liberals....i know i'm a hypocrite 21. My favorite actress(s) is/are: girls suck... see above 22. I go to the movie theater this often: very often. Miscellaneous 1. I still write letters and mail them out: nop 2. I spend this much time online a day: i live on the computer. sad, u have no life. 3. I like to do this when I’m online: listen to music, talk to people, update journal, go on coke 4. My favorite place to travel to is: florida 5. My favorite phrase is: shutup dumbfuck 6. My favorite quote is: i dont know much good ones 7. I really want to go here someday: ALASKA AND SEE THE PRETTY SNOW!!! 8. I live in a(n) house, trailer, apartment, townhouse, condo: house.... 9. I’ve always wanted to own one of these: mmm... a life -took the words outta my mouth 10. My most treasured item is: ricky 11. My goals in life are: get a life, life to 25...and im not joking 12. My favorite sport to watch is: sad...but football 13. The friend(s) I couldn’t live without: ricky, lilly, kels, danny, chloe, tina, gerard, veronica, dana, l-brandon, andrea, kent, ty, kyle-l, gab..i think, 14. I’m so happy I met: ricky 15. I miss this person the most: kent..i miss him 16. I don’t miss this person at all: twist and andrew.... 17. I wish I knew this person better: dana..were stil clsoe though/.. 18. I have the most fun hanging out with this person: LILLY!!!! 19. I really screwed things up with this person: kent..and kyle..i could have saved them 20. This person makes me laugh a lot: ricky, lilly, chloe, kels, danny, tina, gab 21. This is who I run to when I need to talk: ricky-lilly-kels-tina-danny-veronica-gerard 22. I’ve known this person forever: ........... 23. The most recent person I met is: dana 24. My favorite thing to drink is: you asked this already. stupid. berry infused water 25. I collect this/these: rings 26. This is on my walls: bands posters/band pictures/pictures/paint 27. I’m a sucker for: having someosn hands on my waist... 28. I couldn’t live without : ricky 29. My favorite photo I have is: me and kent 30. The thing that drives me completely crazy is: ricky doing taht weird lok on his face.. 31. The best thing about my life is: ricky 32. The thing that makes me saddest is: bkent 33. The thing that makes me happiest is: friends 34. This relaxes me: massages 35. This makes me nervous/stressed out/upset: chloe 36. My favorite scent is: kirra from pacsun...i lvoe that shit on guys....for me...lilu from pacsun 37. My favorite place to go when I want to be alone: my room 38. My favorite section of this survey was: I HATED YOU DUMB FUCK! I DONT KNOW WHY I STOLE IT FROM ROXY! |
||
|
|
|
||
|
************************************************************************************************ It's so nice sitting very still. In a room where no on else can feel. The pain that breaks my heart each day. I'm not ok. The sunlight shining threw my window, lets me know that i'm still alive. But why I let you inside my heart. I'm such a fool. Paint my face in shades of blood and grey, and take the seat right next to me. But I should've know you were a killer and now I'm dead. A gaping hole, shot threw my heart. A loss of connection from your poisoned dart shot from your tounge to end my life. But in blowing at the fire, you light your strife.You'll never know, oh you'll never know. That the hardest thing about dying is, knowing you'll never see the light of day. A gaping hole, shot threw my heart. A loss of connection from your poisoned dart. My head it now spins, my ears bleed gold. I try so fucking hard, but I don't fit your mold. you ripped my heart out, you tore my eyes out ************************************************************************************************ |
||
|
|
| Saturday, March 27th, 2004 |
|
||
|
Err...Scott...(friend from school) put his hands up my pants tonight...then he told everyone I was wearing a thong....and that I ahd cum on my pants....and then errr it was awkward. I didn't get to hook up. This kid Luce (pronouced luch) kept making fun of my checkerboard sneakers and grabbed my ass and asked me if I was pregnant...damn Mark for telling him shit. Yeah...then a big problem with Ricky. Man..I care for him and shit but he's taking advantage. Whatever. Everyone tehre was so damned prude. Luce was hot...and he made himself ahve a fake boner with a bat. But he was a jackass...oh well. I'm tired....out. xxzzxxolliexxzzxx |
||
|
|
|
||||||||
|
I got nine hours of sleep. ::yes:: I have insomnia. Sleeping isn't easy. And I got NINE hours of sleep. Maybe I will get reverse insomnia and sleep all the time. Sleep all the goddamned motherfuckingshit away. Whatever. Roxy- Steve is hot. Very hot. I wet my pants. :D Er, well....I am getting my hair cut. I really want to get red-ish higlight-things but my bitch of a mom is still bitching about last night. Whatever. Then I have a party to go to. I wish it was like the old ones...it's only three hours and full ofprude kids. Hugging is all the way for them....it really is. Sad. I want to hook up. Some of the guys have. The on I like has. Ricky just hit me over the head with a book. Uh oh. Whatever. It isn't like he hasn't. .............. Well...I will stop boring you now and go eat my cookie and my cake. xxzzxxolliexxzzxx |
||||||||
|
|
| Friday, March 26th, 2004 |
|
||||||||
|
What the hell is wrong with me? I thought I moved apst everything. I thought I left my past behind. Four years of pure torture. I thought I left it al behind. I was talking to Ricky. I haven't. I haven't left any of it behind. At all. I still break down and have panis attacks every day. I still feel like I'm lost and alone. I miss Brandon. And Kyle. And Ty. I really miss Andrea. I really really miss Kent. I even miss Andrew. Even though he abused me. I still miss him. I don't know why. I even ahve the scar on my head from when he threw my head through the damned glass. I really miss Kent. I really really do. I feel like I have lost so much with him gone...he said not to hate him for doing it. I don't know if I do or not. I really don't. I feel what I did for him for Ricky now but I still have that feeling of empitness. Never complete. Only when Ricky holds me. That's the only time I feel complete. Ever. Then the rest of the time I just want to walk out, take a gun, and shoot myself. Like Kyle. Or Kent. Or Ty. Or Andrea, but she hanged herself. I just want to give up. When I finally do I'll use pills. Break the trend of shooting. Break it...how I wish I could. My mom is flipping a shit 'cause my sis pecked her b/f on the lips in front of my mom. She amy enver see him again. Ever. I think I may go talk to my sister...we fight a lot but..we're blood? I feel really bad right now. I want to make my mom experience pain. Immense pain. Then I would wish to swallow a box of painkillers and slowly and painfully die. Have my mom see the pain on my face.SOB she is. I dislike her with a passion. I can't hate her. You only ahte the ones you love. I don't love my mom. At all... Whatever. I needed to get all of that out. xxzzxxolliexxzzxx |
||||||||
|
|
|
|
Blurty for Hold your breath because u only makes things worse.
|
||||||||||||