Latest Updates:
10/05/04 After an extended break, I'm back. I've got a different job and plan on updating my layout soon.
12/03/03 Started putting recent AIDS headlines at the end of each entry and changed my default icon.
11/27/03 Rearranged my layout a bit and changed the dates on my entries so that my entries can easily be read from the beginning. This shouldn't change much for people who read this from their friends list.
Welcome to my Blurty.
I am an Elder Helpling counselor in Baton Rouge, Louisiana, and I write about my job in this blurty. Until recently I was an AIDS counselor, and the majority of my old entries are about answering the AIDS hotline. I can be reached on AIM as AIDShotlinedude, or via e-mail at undisclosed{at}myway.com.Due to the confidential nature of my line of work, my name, the names of my co-workers, my location, and the names of my callers have been changed.
This journal contains sexual content, obscenities, and mature themes that might not be appropriate for children under the age of 18. If you are offended by this sort of material, do not read my blurty.
Anyway, thanks for stopping by. I am confident you will enjoy your visit.
- Recent Entries
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- About Steven
- AIDS Combat Zone
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Interesting Articles
Latest AIDS Headlines
New AIDS Awareness advertisements to air during SuperBowl The Marion Star (Ohio)4% of HIV positive Americans passed on HIV each year in the 1990s aidsmap.com
Switzerland to require HIV test for asylum The Washington Times
Durex stops making condoms with nonoxynol-9 The Advocate
A special message to Steven's friends
Before reading this entry, please read my last post (click here)
I guess I should start by introducing myself.
Farewell...
Well my dear readers, Steven is calling it quits.
I feel like this journal, in its 15 months and 105 entries, has run its course. Since World AIDS Day things have gone downhill, and so I have decided to step out gracefully rather than let my journal become a victim of neglect.
To make a long story short, I have told all the stories that I needed to tell. When I first started writing here, I would come home from work each day with several ideas for entries, all of which had been inspired by actual calls. As time passed, I found that I had written entries that covered most of the common calls, and many of the rare ones. Lately I've felt like I can not come up with anything to write about without having to sift and dig until I found something inspiring.
I realize I left a few loose ends over the past month. Hopefully, these brief explanations will bring closure to any unanswered questions I have left you with.
Our takeover of the suicide helpline fell through at the last minute. The crisis response team of our local university outbid us and has been taking the suicide helpline calls all month. This was a simultaneous disappointment and relief. As much as I enjoyed volunteering for the crisis helpline years ago, it would have changed my current job very much, and change is often difficult. My co-workers were universally relieved. I was the only one who seemed to be looking forward to the new challenge at all. Perhaps it is best that nothing came of it.
Chad resigned on the day classes started back. His letter of resignation stated that he picked up an extra class at the last minute that interfered with his work schedule, but I suspect he knew he was close to being fired for his poor attendance patterns (he had been reprimanded for showing up late even before leaving me high and dry). I can't say I'll miss him.
Am I leaving anything out?
Special thank-you's:
to
poepoemyto
misscharlieto
bonsinsessionto
ceadsarcvitriolicto
yuliagto
saygoodbyeto
gymbunnyto
descendingangelto
realgirlto
iwishyouknewto
thefoolbtbloopersto
candy_darlingto
giishto
lucidoneto
rraadioheaddto
mikessecertoneto
snowto
redscreamsto
thursday_nextto
strollto
barelybreathingto
_predatorto
unseentearsgoldchaosdragonmagic_152empyrealdotdotmiaI appoligize to everyone who I left out, but let me say that each and every one of you on my friends list is extremely valuable to me. Thank you for the comments, the chats, the updates, and for reading my blog.
And finally, a special "thank you" goes out to the lurkers. I know you're out there, reading silently. Thanks for visiting and for coming back, and feel free to email me anytime.
I'll probably continue posting weekly AIDS headlines, and for those of you on my friends list, look for a special message in the form of a friends-only post.
The End.
P.S. If you only take one thing from this journal, make it this: We can win the fight against HIV and AIDS. The battle begins with you and me and the decisions we make. Keep yourself informed of this deadly disease, and talk openly about it with the people you love. Find out your HIV status, and encourage your sexual partner(s) to do the same. We can win.
-Steve
AIM - AIDShotlinedude
Yahoo! - undisclosedblurty
undisclosed@myway. com
Don't you hate it when...
Note: This blog has moved. Please visit http://aidsblog.blogspot.com for the latest updates!
Some calls are just plain rough.
I was answering the hotline yesterday and I spoke with a woman who had a one-night stand with a married man, and for the first minute of intercourse they didn't use a condom. They then stopped and put on a condom, then finished having sex. After this happened, she heard that HIV is transmitted through pre-ejaculatory fluid, which is present throughout intercourse, and she called me to find out if this was true or not.
Yes, I told her, pre-ejaculatory fluid transmits HIV and it is usually present while a man's penis is erect, and so if they began having intercourse before he put the condom on, she was probably exposed to it, and so there was a potential for her contracting HIV if he was HIV positive.
Naturally this was not what she wanted to hear, and she began crying on the phone. We ended up talking about a lot of things, but she asked me one question that left me speechless:
"So what are the chances that I contracted HIV last night?"
We're not allowed to answer questions like this one. We're only supposed to speak in terms of "Yes, you are at risk" or "No, you are not at risk." Technically speaking she was at risk, but realistically speaking, it was a VERY VERY low risk. First of all, there was a very low chance that her partner was infected with HIV. On top of that, even if he was infected, her chances of contracting it from such a brief exposure to such a small amount of fluid was also very small. I wanted to tell her, but my hands were tied.
"I really can't answer that question," I stammered, "except to say that there's a possibility that you contracted HIV from that encounter."
She went on, "I just think I could deal with this all so much better if I knew my chances of not having it were greater than my chances of having it."
"Actually," I said, "because you could have only contracted it if he himself was HIV positive, and a minority of people in Louisiana are HIV positive, there is less than a fifty percent chance that you contracted it."
Upon hearing this, you would think she would be relieved. I hoped she would be, but in reality I knew better. Unfortunately, I was correct.
"Yes, but what if he did have it? What if he sleeps with random people all the time? How long do I have to wait to get tested?"
"Three months" I told her
"How am I going to wait that long?" she moaned. "If I have it, what are the chances that I would give it to my boyfriend if I had sex with him?"
Her words made a light go off in my head. I said, "Again, I can’t answer that question, except to say that anytime two people engage in unprotected sex, and one of them is HIV positive, there is a chance that the other might contract HIV."
But then I changed the direction of the call. We started talking to about how guilty she felt for cheating on her boyfriend and for helping a married man cheat on his wife. We talked about this for a good while, but by the time she had to go, she didn’t seem to be feeling much better, nor did she seem to catch on to the fact that her chances of contracting HIV were relatively low. It was pretty frustrating overall.
I guess this entry doesn’t really have a moral or any greater purpose. I suppose I could take the moral high ground and say "That’s why you should never cheat on your significant other," but I don’t think that’s the message here. Perhaps it’s something about taking responsibility for your actions, and dealing with the real consequences instead of concocting fatalistic consequences that aren’t even very realistic.
Take it for what it’s worth. Now it’s time for headlines.
Latest AIDS Headlines
More than 1% of Mumbi (India) police are HIV positive The Times of IndiaIn Africa, Poz Moms Better Off Breastfeeding Toronto Globe and Mail
Who Infected Libyan Children? The New York Times
Yearlong media awareness campaign to launch during Superbowl 365gay.com
Belgian cardinal advocates condom use lifesitenews.com
Conmen cash in on AIDS The Harare Herald (Zimbabwe)
U.N. enlists broadcasters in battle against AIDS Reuters
Au revoir... pour maintnant
Hi all,
I hope everyone is having a fabulous start to 2004. Things are okay with me, but I've got a ton of graduate school application deadlines coming up, and so I'm going to be taking a break from my blogging for a few weeks until I have all that straightened out. In the meantime, I'll try and keep reading my friends page, and I may post some AIDS Headlines if any of those catch my eye. Wish me luck.
Oh, and please read the below news article about Swaziland. It's a shocking account of what's going on in that tiny nation.
-Steve
Latest AIDS Headlines:
Fraudulant "cures" touted in hard-hit Swaziland Stuff News (New Zeland)Japanese-specific HIV test begins testing The Daily Yomiuri (Japan)
Antiviral Drug Reduces Genital Herpes Transmission Science Daily (US)
Headlines Update
I'm still super busy with everything that's going on in my life, so this isn't a real update, but there were so many good AIDS Headlines lately that I couldn't keep from updating. Check these out!
Latest AIDS Headlines
Steady Partners Keep HIV Patients Healthy ReutersNew York Governor's Address Ignores State AIDS Crisis Gay Men's Health Crisis (Press Release, Yahoo)
Next-Generation AIDS Drug Trials Abandoned 365gay.com
UK Government Warned Against Compulsary Testing of Immigrants AIDSMap.com
Florida Bill Requiring Testing of Newborns Passes Senate Associated Press
Left high and dry.
Yesterday sucked.
As stated before, staffing is low on the holidays. Yesterday morning there were two of us answering the line: myself and Chad, a new part time employee. I got in at 8:00 and was scheduled until 4:00, and Chad came in at 9:00 and was scheduled until 2:00, at which time Claire would be coming in to replace him. Things started off busy and stayed busy all morning, but Chad and I both had time between calls to catch our breaths and prepare ourselves for the next call, so things were okay at first.
Then, at 11:45, Chad came up to my desk and asked "Hey, will you cover for me if I leave early?"
"Can you wait until I've had lunch?" I asked. I told him I had ordered a sandwich, which was to be delivered around noon.
"I was really hoping to get out of here before then. I'm driving to Oklahoma City tonight and I really need to get on the road."
"I promise to eat fast once it gets here," I told him as my phone started to ring. I hadn't eaten anything all day, and I was really looking forward to my sandwich.
When I got off the phone, I looked around, and he was gone. My phone started ringing again almost immediately. I answered it, and it was, of course, a suicide call. The clock on the wall read 11:55
When the delivery boy knocked on the door, it was 12:05. I had to put the suicide caller on hold to get the door and pay for my sandwich. I returned to my call, helped the caller through her situation, and watched the lights on the switchboard blink steadily, indicating callers waiting in queue for me to get off the phone.
At 12:20 the call ended and my phone immediately started ringing again. I ignored it for long enough to call Claire and see if she could come in early. She didn't answer and so I left a message on her cell phone. I took a deep breath and took the next call.
The phone continued to ring nonstop. I was able to take a few moments between calls to nibble at my sandwich, but it was far from satisfying. Mercifully, Claire came in at 1:30, and I was able to take my much-needed lunch break.
As you can guess, Chad is now on my official shit list. After thinking about it I decided to send an email to the supervisor detailing what happened. I very much resent having to miss my lunch break and getting stuck as the only person on the phones on a busy Monday just because he failed to adequately plan his trip around his work schedule, especially when I was willing to cover for him if he had just allowed me ten minutes alone with my sandwich. (as the old saying goes, "Lack of planning on your part does not constitute a crisis on my part")
I'm a nice guy, but please don't take advantage of me.
Latest AIDS Headlines
Chinese Officials Confirm HIV Outbreak ABC News (US)Lower HIV Drug Costs Benefits Indian Pharmaceutical Firms The Navhind Times (India)
Native Americans See Rise in AIDS Infection Rates ABC News (US)
Merry Christmas to all...
Well folks, I just arrived in my home town to spend some time with my family and old friends for the holidays. Things have quieted down very much on the lines, and so I really don't have a lot to report. Nicole seems to have stopped calling us, though I suppose I won't know for certain until I get back into town in a week.
Yesterday was interesting. During my 8 hours on the phone, I got no fewer than four calls from HIV patients who were in town visiting or passing through and left their AIDS medicine at home in another state. There's not really a whole lot we can do for a person in that situation, apart from have them call around the AIDS service organizations and see if they provide emergency medication services.
These people are in very dire straights. If you fail to take your AIDS medicine, you run the risks of allowing the virus to gain a stronger foothold in the body and of compromising the effectiveness of the medicine by allowing HIV to adapt and gain resistance to the drug. Understandibly, half of my callers decided to return to their homes for their lifesaving medications.
The other two felt they could not. The first one didn't have the money for another round trip ticket on such short notice, and the 2nd didn't want to raise suspicion among his family members, none of whom knew his HIV status.
I'll be a week away from the hotlines, but i'll still be reading my friends list and possibly writing an update or two, but they'll probably be philisophical or news-related rather than dealing with hotline calls.
Speaking of news, I found todays headlines even more fascinating than usual. Here they are.
Latest AIDS Headlines
Woman with HIV sentanced after transmitting virus Jacksonville Times-Union (Florida)Rapists kill HIV victim news.com.au (Austrailia)
Uganda Looks to Children to Help Fight AIDS Reuters
Keeping it brief
1)
gymbunny2) Nicole called while I was on break today, so I dodged that bullet again.
3) I've made my sitemeter public, so if you've ever been curious how much traffic my journal gets, click the counter at the bottom of my entry and you'll see for yourself.
Latest AIDS Headlines
Zimbabwe Agriculture badly affected by HIV/AIDS United NationsIndia May Begin AIDS Vaccine Trials in Mid-2004 Reuters
HIV policy shift in US could alienate gay men uk.gay.com
Steven Makes a New Friend
Staffing is always low for the holidays, and with good reason. People want time off for Christmas, to be with their families and to take care of the holiday necessities. The college kids go back to wherever they came from and everyone gets a much needed break from things. I am no exception to this. I'm going home to spend some time with my family over the week of Christmas, and I'm very much looking forward to it.
Fortunately, along with the decrease in staffing comes a decrease in the number of calls we take, and so our director can let just about everyone get as much of a vacation as we ask for. In return, if we are not on vacation a given week, we may be required to work longer or more irregular shifts than we are accustomed to.
Typically my workday is 9am to 5pm, with an occasional variation here or there. Lately, however, I've been asked to work evenings to fill in for the college-aged volunteers who left town in the middle of last week. I don't mind it one bit. I'd work evenings all the time if it was up to me. I'm an incurable night-owl, and waking up at 8:00 every morning is not my preferred schedule.
At any rate, last Thursday was my first evening shift of the holidays, and tonight was my second. None of the calls I took seemed particularly memorable, or even interesting. I answered the phone when it rang, provided the information I was requested, and let people talk about their problems when they needed to. 'Twas all very routine.
Fast-forward to my second evening shift, which was today. I got to work at 2pm, and took my regular seat next to Brianna. We exchanged our usual pleasantries, and then the following conversation took place:
Brianna: I talked to your girlfriend earlier today.
Steven: Claire?
Brianna: No, on the hotline. She's called about three times and keeps insisting that she speak with you.
Steven: Who is it?
Brianna: She says her name is Nicole and that she talked to you last week. All I could get out of her was that she slept with a guy and now he won't talk to her and that she told you the whole story.
Steven: Oh jeez
At that point I started to remember. I talked to Nicole Thursday night. Like Brianna had said, she had a one-night-stand with a guy from her class, but now class was over and he hadn't called her since they shagged, which was a week before she called. She asked a few questions about STDs, but mostly she just seemed to want to vent about how hurt and ashamed she was. I let her do this, which may have been a mistake.
Brianna: Not only that, but apparently she called Friday, Saturday, and Sunday asking to speak with you, asking for your schedule, asking for your direct extension. You can see for yourself if you go into the call records for the past four days.
Steven: I'll take your word for it.
Brianna: What did you say to her anyway?
Steven: Nothing. I just let her blow off steam.
Brianna: Well I wouldn't let Claire know about it.
Steven: I can deal with Claire. Do you think she's going to call again tonight?
Brianna: You can count on it.
Steven: Fuck.
She called twice tonight, and both times, she ended up talking to the other counselor. I was relieved, to say the least, but I'm afraid this is a bullet I'm not going to be able to dodge for long. I'm working 32 more hours before my vacation starts this Saturday. I need to figure out what to say when I pick up the phone and it's Nicole on the other end.
I think for the next four days I'm going to say my name is "Frank" when I answer the phone. It's because of callers like her that I'm glad we operate out of an undisclosed location.
Latest AIDS Headlines
Why HIV Kills More Shy People www.betterhumans.comAIDS to cost Zambia $10 Billion annually The Times of Zambia
Reporters; Changes.
Yesterday was a slow day on the hotline, as Fridays tend to be. My most exciting call wasn't all that exciting, but I did manage to amuse myself with it.
Steven: Louisiana AIDS Hotline, this is Steven
Reporter: Hello, this is Lisa with Channel 5 Action News, and I needed to get the number for [name of local AIDS service orginization]
Steven: Um... sure. Are you trying to reach the location in Baton Rouge or New Orleans?
Reporter: Baton Rouge.
Steven: All right, I'll be pulling that up for you.
Reporter: Thank you.
Steven: So are y'all doing a story relating to AIDS?
Reporter: Yes, actually it's a follow-up to a World AIDS Day story we did.
Steven: Ah. I see.
moments later Steven finds and provides the phone number
So what was so amusing about that call? I was completely nervous through the whole thing. I was more nervous than I've been on any suicide call, or on my first shift, and the only reason I was nervous was that she was a local news reporter. I guess I was afraid she was going to ask to interview me or something. Anyway, when the call was over and I realized how much it shook me up, I just had to laugh out loud. My coworkers think I'm crazy.
Later that day was the staff meeting. Normally these are nothing special, but at today's meeting, our director informed us that we were negotiating to take on another hotline; namely, the suicide hotline I volunteered with several years ago. Apparently they have been in financial trouble for a while now, and starting January 1 they will not be in existance anymore. We're one of the only agencies in the area capable of answering a 24 hour crisis line, and so they're very likely going to end up choosing us to take over from them.
Naturally this is really big news for our agency. Many of our counselors didn't like the idea of adding a line, but they never worked for the suicide line. Personally I'm looking forward to this change, if it happens. I miss my crisis line days.
Latest AIDS Headlines
U.S. Study Finds 'Best' AIDS Cocktail ReutersIndia AIDS Hotline gears up NewsToday (India)
Pennsylvania Medicaid ordered to pay for liver transplant The Advocate
Suicide
I woke up yesterday morning and realized that my Friday night drunk post wasn't all bad, and so with all the supportive comments I recieved, I decided against deleting it (though I did fix the HTML in my news links). As
magic_152At any rate, three suicide calls in 2 hours is certainly a stressful event. They all are running together in my mind right now. Let me think about if I can sort out which was which.
The first one was one of our most common kinds of suicide call: the "I just found out I have HIV and my life is over" call. These calls are not easy. Living with AIDS or HIV means completely changing your life, which is often enough to make it feel like your life is over. You also have to overcome the stigma attached to AIDS, and make the choice of if and when to tell your friends and family, and what to do about your previous partners, and how to confront the person who you think gave it to you.
It truly shakes your world from the ground up, and it's more than some people can take (although a third of Americans living with HIV or AIDS say that their quality of life actually improved following their diagnosis. Meanwhile, a third said their life was about the same, and a third said their life was worse [Link]), and the result is that sometimes an HIV diagnosis makes people want to kill themselves. Many of those who do end up calling us.
My second one for the day was an uncommon one. The young woman who called us did not have any sort of AIDS related concern. Her husband had died three years ago, and her only child died in a car crash while driving home from spending Thanksgiving dinner with the caller. Basically she called us because when she opened up her phone book, she saw the words "trained counselors" next to our number, and so she called. It was my first non-AIDS related suicide call since I stopped volunteering at the suicide hotline, but Brianna told me she had taken two or three calls like that before.
The final call was by far the hardest. The caller was first diagnosed with HIV in 1984, and progressed to full blown AIDS in 1987. Back then he lived in New York, where he became active in HIV outreach among other young gay males. Many of his HIV positive friends did the same, however the last of them died in 1995, at which point he left New York for Louisiana, hoping to make a difference here. He became the associate director of an AIDS service organization in Shreveport before quitting to found his own clinic in a rural area with a disproportionate number of low income people with AIDS.
His health took a turn for the worse this past spring, 19 years after he was first infected with HIV. His temporary leave of absence from work soon became a permanent one, and he went under the care of his local hospice on November first.
For those of you who aren't familiar with hospice programs, they are set up to aid victims of terminal illness when they have less than a year to live. The ones I've had experience with are wonderful, caring organizations that make a tremendous difference to the patients they serve. Unfortunately, going into hospice care made my caller feel like his struggle with AIDS was nearing an end, and that he was tired of fighting. He was prepared to down a bottle of pain pills and wash it down with whiskey. Fortunately he did not. After 45 minutes on the phone with him, he agreed to call the hospice and let them know how he was feeling, and to call us back if he couldn't reach them or if he needed someone to talk to again. By that time my day was over, and I was ready to stop answering calls.
I hope my three callers are doing okay tonight.
Latest AIDS Headlines
Soaring HIV Infections Going Unreported in Japan Mainichi Daily NewsBetter Health, Better Lives for Sex Workers Washington Post
Free Condom Dispensers Installed Throughout D.C. Capital News 9 (Washington DC)
been drinkign
ok maybe this isnt a good idea, but im' updatign while intoxicated.
reuben took me out to get me drunkd tonight because i had 3 suicideal callers in the last 2 hours of my day today. he paid for it. he's such a good friend.
I will write more about them when I wake up tomorow. I will probably edelete this post if Im smart too.
Recent AIDS Headlines
Cultural Practices Perpetuate HIV/Aids The Harare Herald (Zimbabwe)Religions rise to Aids challenge BBC News
Needle Bill to be Revised The Jersey Journal
AIDS Headlines
Today I was browsing news headlines on the internet and I had an idea: Why not include international AIDS headlines in my journal somehow? A few friends seemed to like the idea, and so I've decided to give it a test run. I searched for a few sample headlines, and I have put links to them on my info page and at the bottom of this entry (see below poll). What I have not decided is whether to put the links only on my info page, only at the end of each entry, or to do both. It doesn't really matter much to me, so I decided I would put the question to you my readers.
Poll #2997: AIDS News
Open to: all, results viewable to: all
Where should I put AIDS headlines?
View AnswersAt the end of each entry
7 (43.8%)
On your info page
Both places, like it is right now
Neither, I don't like the AIDS headline idea
If you have any suggestions or other input, leave a comment :)
Latest AIDS Headlines
China Tells Its Public of Enormity of AIDS Toll New York TimesAIDS Pandemic Set To Explode For India's Billion OneWorld
HIV infection cases on the rise in Tennessee Jackson Sun
17,000 Canadians don't know they have AIDS/HIV CBC News
Nude men featured on HIV campaign billboards stuff.co.nz
December First, Take Three
Having just emerged from the treches better known as the Louisiana AIDS Hotline phone room, I'm happy to report that World AIDS Day was a success. We got a fair number more calls than a normal Monday, though neither I nor my fellow counselors felt overwhelmed. This was probably due to extra staffing, but sometimes no number of extra counselors will slow the torrent of calls that is caused by a major event or promotion. The old timers at the hotline like to talk about the day Magic Johnson announced to the world that he was HIV positive, and how it was so much worse than the worst HIV Testing Day or World AIDS Day us young whipper-snappers could ever imagine, only it lasted for a solid month nonstop, and AIDS Ribbons fell from the sky like raindrops. Okay, so maybe they don't exaggerate that much, but I think that day (November 7, 1991) has achieved a sort of legendary status at the hotline, and those who around back then have earned the right to embellish the truth a bit.
For the most part my day was spent giving out test site referral after test site referral. As always, there was an occasional caller who would say one thing or another to throw me for a loop. My favorite of the day:
(after giving this young man a test site referral and answering his questions about HIV. It sounded like there was a party going on in the background, at 11:00 AM on a Monday Morning)
Steven: I'm glad you called Matthew. Be sure to call us back if those phone numbers don't work out for you.
Matthew: Thanks man, but tell me something.
Steven: Sure.
Matthew: If I call back, am I going to get to talk to a fine-ass female
Steven: Um. What?
Matthew: You got any fine-ass females workin there?
Steven: Here?
Matthew: Cause if I call back, I'd really rather talk to one of those honeys, know what I'm sayin?
Steven: You might get to, but then again, you might get stuck with me again.
Matthew: True. I still might call back.
Steven: Feel free to. Can I ask where you heard about our hotline?
Matthew: I saw your commercial on MTV....
"Fine-ass females." The gals at work got a kick out of me telling them about him (And they said they would transfer him straight to me if he did call again).
But I have to admit, I'm no better than Matthew sometimes. I got a call from a perky sounding graduate student at the University, who was asking for the latest HIV prevalence statistics. I could have easily just told her the web address for the statistics online, but she sounded like a fine-ass female, so I offered to look up the data myself. She accepted my offer, and we had a nice conversation about her current research project, World AIDS Day, and various other things as I leisurely flipped through the statistics binder. She thanked me generously after I gave her the numbers she was looking for, and for a split second the thought crossed my mind to ask for her phone number, but I thought better of it. Not only would that have been unprofessional and against hotline policy, Claire would certainly object to it, and I'd be crazy to risk losing her and my job over a voice on the other end of the hotline.
The call I'm most proud of came later on in the day. Otto was a truck driver who broke down yesterday in the middle of nowhere while passing through on I-10. He got his truck to a shop, found a motel, then went to a bar. That's where he met Jeanne. Jeanne went back with him to his motel room where they had unprotected sex. This morning Otto's truck was still not fixed so he went back to the bar again.
Jeanne wasn't there, but word had spread that Otto had left with her the last night. One of the regulars at the bar took Otto aside.
"Look man, you don't want to touch Jeanne," He told Otto.
"Why not?" Asked Otto, beginning to get worried.
"She's got Hepatitis," said the bar patron, "I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole."
Naturally, Otto panicked. He found our number in the phone book in his motel room, dialed our number, and was connected to me.
Unfortunately, Otto didn't find out which strain of Hepatitis she was diagnosed with, but I told him which ones he was most at risk for. I confirmed that yes, it is illegal in this state to have sex with someone without telling them that you've been diagnosed with an STD, but that it's not a law that is easily enforced.
"but so what can I do?" Otto pleaded
A light came on in my head. I looked up some information on Hepatitis B (the easiest of the Hepatitis strains to transmit sexually), and found out that if Otto gets an injection of Hepatitis B Immune Globulin (IG) within the next 2 weeks, he can substantially reduce his risk of contracting Hepatitis B. Additionally, I discovered that Hepatitis A also has an IG which offers the same protection. Additionally, if he goes ahead and gets immunized against these two viruses, he'll never again have to worry about catching either of them.
"And Hepatitis C?" asked Otto.
I took in a breath. "I'm sorry," I told him. "Hepatitis C does not have an immunization, and I'm not finding any information about there being a preventative Immune Globulin for it."
"Oh," he said, disappointed.
"The good news is that Hepatitis C runs only a low risk of being transmitted sexually," I told him. "If you get the treatment for the other two, you're probably going to have your bases pretty well covered. You've got two weeks."
Otto thanked me and assured me that it would be much less than two weeks before he went in for the IG and the immunizations.
"You never really think about it until it's too late. Thanks for your time, Steve."
"Thanks for your call, Otto. Call us back if you need anything."
So my most memorable World AIDS Day call was the only one in which AIDS didn't come up a single time. I'm sure that's a part of the reason it stood out to me, however, another reason it stood out was because Hepatitis was on my mind thanks to the comment left in my journal by my new friend
eveninghawkTherefore, at the risk of sounding preachy, I have a new request for all of my friends and readers:
Get immunized for Hepatitis A and B. Neither one is as nasty as HIV, but they both can kill you, or at best, make your life Hellish for a while. Think of it as two less things to worry about.
Major Props.
Ok, I'll be honest, I'm not 100% sure what "Major Props" means, but I'm pretty sure it's how kids these days say "Thank you very much." I'm such a dork.
My first round of "props" goes out to
thursday_nextyuliageveninghawksnowsparklingerinsaygoodbyeSecond, I want to thank the new wave of friends who I've added and have added me over the past week or so, namely
_predatorclosetotheflametextoempyrealeveninghawkgoldchaosdragonunseentearsmagic_152thistleberryFinally, I would like to send out a general "thank you" to everyone who is increasing AIDS awareness everywhere in the world. This is a "thank you" that is directed to many people who will never read this message, but it is universally directed to everyone who reads or has ever read my journal. You have taken the time to get more familiar and comfortable with a frightening and uneasy subject. For that, you have earned my respect and gratitude. Thank you.
I was going to include in this post my report of various noteworthy calls that came in on the hotline today, but I fear that would be too long an entry, and so I'm going to just go ahead and submit this one right now, and get to work on the World AIDS Day update.
World AIDS Day 2003
Tomorrow, December 1st, 2003, is the thirteenth annual World AIDS Day. I'll be working on the hotline as usual, though I volunteered to take some overtime hours to help manage the extra calls we expect to be taking. Hopefully I'll have some good stuff to write about when I get home tomorrow.
In the meantime, I would like to encourage you all to do your part to raise AIDS awareness. Wear an AIDS ribbon, bring up World AIDS Day in your conversations, learn more about AIDS, educate others, and get an HIV test (I'm beginning to sound like a broken record, but trust me, it's important). You can get information about all these things from a local AIDS service organization or by calling the National AIDS Hotline at 1-800-342-2437.
I'll leave you now with some AIDS facts courtesy of UNAIDS and WHO
People newly infected with HIV in 2002: 5 million (over 13,500 per day)
AIDS deaths in 2002: 3.1 million (nearly 8,500 deaths per day)
Estimated number of people living with HIV/AIDS at the end of 2002: 42 million
Total of AIDS deaths at the end of 2002: 28.1 million
Total number of AIDS orphans: 13.2 million
Number of children under age 15 living with HIV: 3.2 Million
My journal continues to change.
I decided I don't like "Bob" and "Alice" as my generic names for callers to the hotline. I think I want each caller to have a different name. Therefore, I'll be pulling my callers' names from the list used to name Hurricanes. That way individual callers won't seem like they're the same people as I talked about in previous entries.
I finally finished updating my layout. You can see it here (let me know if you see any mistakes or have any suggestions).
Gone for the holidays
Au revoir, tout le monde! I'm heading home for the holiday and I don't expect to be updating while I'm away. I'll be very likely to make it online from time to time though, so I'll do my best to keep up with my friends list and to be around to chat oline.
In my absence, I'd like to leave you all with some suggested reading... Namely, my favorite advice column of all time, Savage Love.
Check him out every week at http://www.theonionavclub.com (Mature content)
Happy Thanksgiving!
In my inbox this morning
From: Helen T.
Sent: Tuesday, November 18, 2003 6:09 PM
To: Steven S.
Subject: caller message
Steve, I got a call from a woman named Rose who wanted me to leave a message for you that her mom tested neg and she says you helped her out alot when she talked to you. I printed out the call form and put it in your box in case you wanted to see that. Helen.
All I can say is.... Wow.
I had given up on hearing about the resolution of Rose's situation.
I guess that counts as a "Happy ending," relatively speaking. I had almost forgotten about those.
A job that follows me around
I recently realized that I have been neglecting my other writing projects besides this journal, and so for several the past few nights I've taken my trusty notebook and a pen and headed down the street to the local book store/coffee shop to work on my novel. I've found I'm able to get a lot more writing accomplished when I am somewhere besides my apartment, and that a bookstore/coffee shop is the perfect place to get my creative juices flowing.
Last night I was sitting at my table, sipping my dark Colombian blend, and chewing on the cap of my pen, as I always do when I'm feeling uninspired, when I felt a tap on my shoulder.
"It's Steven, right?"
It was a young woman, a relatively new volunteer who I had first met over the summer, and ran into at work a few times since then. Nevertheless, I was surprised she remembered my name, mostly because I could not remember hers.
"From the hotline, right? umm..."
She saved things from being akward with her reply. "Shannon. It's ok. I'm glad I ran into you. I needed to talk to someone about a few calls."
"Sure," I said, capping my pen and closing my notebook. Why not? I wasn't getting anywhere with my writing, and she seemed nice enough. "But let's find someplace more confidential." A crowded coffee shop was no place to discuss calls.
We wandered out into the parking lot and sat on the curb. Her questions were pretty typical; She asked what to do when there aren't any testing sites near the caller, what to do when the same sex caller just calls again and again and won't give up, how to handle callers who seem to be angry with you, how to handle it when she got her first suicide call. I answered her question and assured her that she had handled the calls just fine and that she would do great on her next calls. When the subject changed to less confidential stuff, we returned to the warmth of the coffee shop to continue our conversation.
After what happened on Halloween with the woman at the party pulling me aside to talk about her son's IV drug use, I've realized that this is definately a job that follows me around. It probably only does because I let it, but I think I've concluded that I don't mind.
Jinxes, Rabbit's Feet, and the Full Moon.
With Veteran's Day coming up this Tuesday, many of my co-workers asked for Monday off and went out of town this weekend, mostly to fun places like New Orleans, Biloxi, and even Vegas. I'm trying to earn some overtime, so I stayed in town to fill some of the empty shifts yesterday and tomorrow.
The hotline is a place of superstition, which means I'm out of place somtimes for not being a superstitious person. The main superstition is that you are never supposed to talk about how many calls are or are not coming in. If you do, you are definately going to cause there to be more calls, unless you knock on wood. Knocking on wood, of course, appeases the AIDS Hotline gods and stops them from overwealming us with a deluge of calls.
Some counselors have magical or religous charms to ward off bad hotline luck. The day after Sarah got hired full-time, she immediately decorated her desk with paraphernalia for the New Orleans Saints football team.
"Why do you have that stuff cluttering up your desk?" asked Reuben. "The Saints suck."
"They're from New Orleans and Saints are Catholic, like me. I keep this stuff for good luck."
"The Saints still suck," Reuben replied, knocking on the wood of a nearby door frame.
I will admit that there are some semi-superstitous rules I follow. I try to avoid working after dark on major holidays because the callers that call at times like that are often in an extremely bad mood and hard to deal with. I feel I have justification for that observance; Holidays are a stressful time for people, and anything that would prompt me to call an AIDS hotline instead of doing normal holiday rituals would probably put me into a bad mood too. Other people don't have anyone to be with on the holidays, and that sometimes makes them angry, though more often it makes them sad and lonely. Either way, if they decide to call us, it is not going to be a typical call.
There is one superstition that I haven't made up my mind about, and that is the full moon phenomenon. The consensus amongst the superstitious hotline staff is that the full moon causes more people to call us and causes the calls to be more unusual. Now, from what I hear, it has been proven that the crime rate goes up when there is a full moon, and people at the hotline always say "The moon causes the tides, and the human body is mostly water, so it has to affect us." Honestly, I'm not convinced by either of these arguments. An increase in crime could be caused by the fact criminals are able to see better after dark. Also, while I don't pretend to understand all the scientific ins and outs behind the tide, I struggle to understand how they could generalize to human bodies and behavior. Intellectually, I really want to believe that the full moon doesn't have anything to do with calls on the hotline. It sounds too unscientific; however, as soon as I've convinced myself that the full moon doesn't influence calls or callers, I have a day like yesterday.
Yesterday was not just the full moon; it was a total eclipse of the moon. I worked from 3pm to 11pm and was the only counselor there for the last 6 hours of that shift. Very few people called with actual HIV concerns. About half the times I picked up the phone, I encountered silence on the other end, which is a good sign that the caller was a sex caller who had hoped to get a female counselor. I also heard from Mr. Condom Buster and another man who I assume was a sex caller -- he got nervous and hung up when I asked him if he had called us before. Five calls came from dementia patients at intensive care AIDS group homes, four of them from the same man who insisted he was going to kill the people who keep spying on him. I managed to get him to tell me name of the home he was staying in, and then called the weekend supervisor (who works from home) so that they could inform law enforcement and the nurses at the group home that one of their residents was making threats.
None of those calls were difficult, though. I only had one truly challenging call all night. You know a call is going to be bad when it starts off like this:
Steven: Louisiana AIDS Hotline, this is Steven.
Ivan: Hi Steven. Is there anyone there I can talk to?
Steven: Yes, I'm a counselor.
Ivan: No, I mean anyone else?
Steven: I'm the only counselor available right now.
Ivan: So you're saying you're not going to transfer me?
Steven: I'm saying I'm the only counselor available right now. Is there something I can help you with?
Ivan: Yes, you can help me by letting me talk to somebody else.
Steven: I'm here to talk to you.
Ivan: I know there are other people there...
Steven glances around the empty phoneroom, wondering where these people are hiding.
Ivan: ...and I want you to transfer me to one of them.
Steven: Even if there were other counselors available, I couldn't transfer you.
Ivan: I think you can.
Steven: My phone does not have the ability to transfer.
Ivan: I think it does, and you just don't want to transfer me.
Steven: How were you hoping I could help you today?
Ivan: By transferring me!
Steven: Sir, I'm looking straight at my phone right now. It does not have a transfer button. If you would like to hang up and try calling us again, you might get another counselor, except that there is nobody but me available right now.
Silence
Steven: So. Was there something that happened today that made you want to call?
Ivan: Fine! You want me to lay it all on you? Don't say I didn't warn you!
So after that exasperating runaround, Ivan goes into this big, long story about how it is that he caught HIV from a prostitute, gave HIV to his wife, who found out she had it when she got tested after she became pregnant, then left him and filed a lawsuit against him, which got thrown out of court because he wasn't aware of his HIV status when he had sex with her, but now she has sole custody of their young baby, who might also have HIV now, and blah blah blah...
One thing to understand is that Ivan used up all of my empathy in the first 3 minutes of this call, and then remained cold and manipulative throughout the rest of it. I was seriously having to bite my tongue to avoid telling him off and hanging up on him, which is something I've never had to do.
So anyway, 30 minutes into the call I begin to realize that the call isn't going anywhere, and I also notice that there's another caller in the queue waiting for a counselor to come available, so I try closing the call.
Steven: So Ivan, we've talked a lot about what has happened with you contracting HIV from the prostitute, giving it to your wife, the custody battle over your son, and how frustrating this all has been, but ...
Ivan: I see what you're doing. You're trying to get me off the phone.
Steven: I'm having a hard time figuring out how you were hoping I could help you today, Ivan.
Ivan: I called you so that I could talk. That's what this line is for, right, to just call and talk?
Steven: Ivan, I explained to you earlier that this is a crisis, information, and referral line for people ...
Ivan: Yes, shut up, you told me. This is a crisis, or it could be.
Steven: All of the things we've talked about so far have happened months or years ago. Our counselors are not trained to deal with long term counseling issues.
Ivan: So transfer me to someone who I can talk to.
Steven: What I can do, Ivan, is try and find you some phone numbers for counselors in your area. They would be happy to talk to you about...
Ivan yelling: I don't need a fucking head shrinker, and I am not going to hang up until I am ready to.
Steven: Ivan, there are people who call this hotline whose lives are in immediate danger. I need to keep this line open for those callers.
Ivan still yelling: Somebody's life is going to be in immediate danger soon! If the wrong person walked into this room right now, something bad might happen.
Steven: Are you saying someone's safety might be in danger?
Ivan still yelling: If the wrong person walked through that door right now!
Steven calling his bluff: Ivan, it sounds like you're in a dangerous situation. Would it be all right if I had my supervisor contact law enforcement to go out there and make sure you and everyone around you is safe? I really am worried about you.
Ivan not yelling anymore: Oh... um... no. Don't do that.
Steven: Are you sure? We're usually able to get a trace...
Ivan: Yeah... yeah. But I'm not hanging up. This call is going to be over when I'm ready for it to be over. You're going to have to hang up on me if you want me off before I'm ready.
Steven: You're not going to hang up on your own?
Ivan: Not until I'm good and ready.
Steven sets the phone down on the hook with a "click"
*SIGH*
I hate having to be that way, but there were other people who needed our services, and I wasn't about to let this guy cheat them out of that.
I looked at some call records from the past few weeks and saw that this guy has called before and was just as manipulative with those counselors as he was with me, and he talked about the same stuff. I'm going to bring him up at the next staff meeting and see if anything is going to be done about him. I strongly feel that he is abusing our hotline and our counselors, and I'd have no problem if we banned him from calling us.
Things I learned on the hotline today
It was a busy day on the hotline today, as Mondays usually are. No single call stands out in my mind as being new or interesting enough to write down here.
As a matter of fact, 90% of today's calls would never have happened if the people of Louisiana would simply abide by the following common-sense rules:
1) Use condoms
2) Be monogamous
3) Don't hit your children
4) Don't hit other people's children
5) Don't hit women
6) Don't hit men
7) Don't touch anyone in any way or any place that they don't want to be touched
8) Don't get addicted to drugs
9) If using a drug that requires use of a needle, flush it with clean water between uses
10) Don't take things that don't belong to you
11) If you have engaged in unprotected sex or shared needles with someone, get an HIV test
12) If you know you have HIV, don't share needles or have sex with anyone who doesn't know you have HIV and understand that they could catch it from you
13) Get yourself and your partner tested for HIV before you become sexually active.
[Rant] (directed at nobody in particular, yet directed at everyone)
Please, people. Get tested. Seriously. All it would take to get this epidemic under control would be for the people who have HIV to know that they are HIV positive, and for them to know how to protect the people around them. That's all it would take, and in 30 or 40 years, HIV would be nothing more than a memory.
So get tested.
I got my first HIV test while I was still a VIRGIN who had never done injection drugs or recieved a blood transfusion, so I don't want to hear any excuses like "I've only been with a few people," or "my partners told me they were clean." I won't have it. Get tested anyway. That way, when you meet someone who you feel IS at risk, you can more effectively encourage them to get tested. You can tell them that yes, it was scary, but that you feel so much better now, KNOWING that you and your partner are clean (and believe me, it's a great feeling).
I'm begging. Spread this message to the people you love, and encourage them to spread it too. Don't do it for me; do it for yourself and your loved ones.
Oh, and follow those other rules I posted up above. They're important too.
[/rant]
I know it's idealistic and not entirely related to HIV, but I had to get it off my chest. This happens sometimes when I go back to work after an extended break.
Steven's mood: GET TESTED
Steven's music: GET TESTED
Weekend
Thanks for all the well-wishing. I'm feeling a good bit better, but I didn't go to work all week.
Last night I took enough cold and flu medicine to kill a small dog, and headed out with Claire to a party with some friends of hers. It was great. We met some really interesting people and had a great time.
Naturally, one of the things that happens when you meet people is that they ask you what you do for a living. I don't know if other professions experience this same phenomenon. I've found there are five basic ways people react when I tell them I'm a counselor on an AIDS hotline, and I had each one happen at last night's party:
1) The conversation killer
Partygoer: So are you still a student?
Steven: I graduated and now I'm a counselor for the Louisiana AIDS Hotline.
Partygoer stares blankly, creating awkward silence
Steven: Umm. So, that's what I've been doing for about three years now. What do you do?
Partygoer: I'm getting a business degree. It was nice talking to you, Seth.
Steven as partygoer turns around and walks towards the keg: But my name is... nevermind
2) The change of subject
Steven: So how do you like journalism?
Partygoer: It's good. I love writing and it feels like I'm making a difference in my community. You know, by informing people.
Steven: That makes sense.
Partygoer: So what line of work are you in?
Steven: I'm a counselor on the AIDS Hotline.
Partygoer: Did you catch last week's game?
Steven: I missed it.
Partygoer: Bummer.
3) That must be so hard
Partygoer: You're a counselor on the AIDS Hotline?
Steven: Yes.
Partygoer: So you talk to people who might be dying?
Steven: Sometimes.
Partygoer: Oh my God, i couldn't do that! That must be so hard! How do you do that?
Steven: um... They train us well.
Partygoer: And you just listen to them when they call?
Steven: Yes, and give them phone numbers and information if they need it.
Partygoer: I would freak out if I had to do that. I don't know how you are able to do that. What's the hardest call you ever got?
Steven: ......
4) Polite interest
Partygoer: Are you in graduate school?
Steven: Not yet. Right now I'm working at the AIDS Hotline.
Partygoer: That's cool. How long have you been doing that?
Steven: About three years.
Partygoer: Do you enjoy it?
Steven: It's very rewarding.
Partygoer: I'm glad you like it.
Steven: Thanks.
Partygoer looks towards kitchen: Is the punch any good?
5) Open the flood gates
Also known as: They invited a caller to the party.
Partygoer pulls Steven aside: I couldn't help overhearing, but didn't you say you work for the AIDS hotline?
Steven: Yes.
Partygoer: I'm really worried about my son. He's 25 and he shoots up heroin. It's possible to get AIDS that way isn't it?
Steven: If he's sharing needles with someone who is HIV positive, he could definately contract HIV through his drug use. I can tell you're scared for him.
Partygoer: Oh my goodness, I'm just terrified for him. He could already have it.
Steven: That's true
Partygoer: I tell him what he's doing is stupid, but he never listens to me. He says he's being safe, but I just don't know what to believe...
after 15 minutes of talking to her outside on the porch
Steven handing my business card to the partygoer: And here's the number to our hotline. Let your son know we're here 24 hours a day, and he can ask questions, find a place to get tested, or just call to talk about everything that's going on.
Partygoer: Thank you so much. I'll give this to him the next time I talk to him.
Steven: And we're there for family members too, so you can call us too if you feel like you need to talk about any of this.
I know AIDS Hotline employees aren't the only people who run into those sorts of reactions. I bet saying I was a stock broker would be a conversation killer sometimes, and some people would change the subject if I told them I was a TV repairman. I would be surprised if accountants and lawyers didn't sometimes give out 15 minutes of free advice to people they meet at parties, and I'm sure brain surgeons and rocket scientists get "wow, that must be so hard!" even more often than I do. All the same, it amused me when I ran into all five of these reactions in one night at one party.
Anybody else out there get strange reactions when telling others what your job is?