| Return to self loathing. |
[[04 Jan 2007 @ 01:09pm]] |
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sick of the way i am feeling. waking up watching myself slipping. should i just take out my eyes? no longer want them for this life. acting strong only on the outside. hiding shame and pain on the inside. i've tried to block my mind of this and pretend is doesn't exist. loosing my mind once again. stranding my thoughts (no matter what i said). sleepless nights staring at the ceiling. sanity running on empty. try to block my mind of this and pretend it doesn't exist. loosing my mind once again. stranding my thoughts (no matter what i said). taken for granted again. stranding my thoughts no matter what i said. loosing my mind again. stranded my thoughts no matter what i said. loosing my mind once again. stranding my thoughts no matter what i said.
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| Comprimise is just another contridiction |
[[13 Apr 2006 @ 01:35am]] |
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--Lacuna Coil-- "Humane" |
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Well, im back. Its been 21 weeks(according to the more details button) since ive typed in this biatch. I was just lookin at my ex gf's journal entries and reminicing about the good and the bad. And all i could think about was me bein a dick to her the whole time we went out. We would always fight about the most stupidest shit and most of it would be my fault. Ya know, i swore to myself that i would never end up like my dad. Always drunk, fighting with my mom and me, and basically thats whut i did when i was with nicky. Wasnt always drunk, matter of fact i dont think i was ever drunk around her. But we did always fight alot cuz of me. If i could take it back i would. Maybe wed be still together today. Maybe we wouldnt. But life always has its twist and turns. Maybe we just werent meant to be. I havent talked to her or saw her in a long time, Shit i cant even remember the last time i saw her. But i hope shes doin ok.
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| Its been awhile blurty... |
[[14 Nov 2005 @ 11:00pm]] |
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--Lacuna Coil-- "Humane" |
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Long time long time... i think its been months since i typed in here, Oh well no one reads it anyways, im just bored as hell. Anywho alots been happening. I got my ged, i got a job, and well shit i still dont have a girlfriend haha. Oh well though i guess, ill find someone someday. Ive been reading sid's suicide girl blog and she pisses me off man. Shes always talkin about how she hates bein alone and whut not, and hates how her friends fuck her over and shit, but shes not willing to make new friends. And whut i mean by that is, she doesnt get to know me. She never gives me a chance, I read her posts, and try to give her the best advice i can(even though im a stranger to her right now) she doesnt even reply to me. All i want is for her to give me a chance and get to know me. Thats all i ask for is that too much? I dont think it is, if you ask anyone of my friends they ALL have good things to say about me, its not like im this major dickhead to people and whutnot. I dont know, i just wish shed talk to me thats all.
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| Might as well update since no one reads this... |
[[24 May 2005 @ 11:16pm]] |
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--- Chevelle -- "Closure" --- |
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Whut to say, whut to say. There has been someone on my mind lately, i will not mention any names for, well just cuz i dont feel like it lol. If she reads this though, she'll know its about her. I try and try to talk to her but she just wont give me a chance. It makes me mad in a way, but there is nothin i can do about it. I really wish she would give me a chance just so she could see that im actually a nice guy. But i know it will never happen. Its a shame. I just hope that one day she'll take the time to get to know me and see me for who i am. Thats it, i dont feel like typin here anymore. Later
"Closure has come to me myself, You will never belong to me."
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| "And she's buying, the stairway, to heaven..." |
[[23 Apr 2005 @ 01:44am]] |
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-- "The Rain Song" -- Led Zeppelin |
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Whuts up people? I haven't posted in this for about 2 weeks now i guess. Thought today would be a good day to post somethin fresh. I dont have any exciting news for yas though. Sorry bout that. All i did this week was sleep and i helped my cuz Stevie move outta his old apartment to a new apartment. Im still pretty damn sore from all that shit, but i dont care cuz itll build muscle mass, so thats kool. Other than that today i went over brendas house and chill with her mom for a bit. Then went to corey's house and chilled with him and helped him get his house together for his dinner date with his ex but not his ex cuz they are dating or some shit. Its confusing. Anywho, after that, corey left to go pick her up and i was walkin up the street and seen matt waitin in his truck for brenda and i talked to him for a bit. He asked me whut i was doin and if i wanted to chill, so i said yea i guess so and i chilled with him and brenda. We tried to figure out whut to do but failed miserably, but we ended up goin to taco bell and then driving around and shit. Then after that they got a movie and went to brendas house to watch it and i was all set with that so i came home. Tomorrow im supposed to be goin over my cuz nates house so he can teach me more of "stairway to heaven" on the guitar and maybe some other shit. Corey might tag along. Hope he does so he can see how good nate is at the guitar. Welp, thats all for now i guess Ill post later on or somethin in the future.
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| On a lighter note... |
[[04 Apr 2005 @ 03:23pm]] |
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-- "The Remembrance Ballad" -- Atreyu |
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I had fun at the club this passed saturday night. It was a very good night. I hope me and corey go again this saturday and i get to see that chick again. I give up on tryin to get sid to talk to me. I guess she doesnt wanna be my friend. Oh well i tried. She'll be missin out. If you know me, post to this thread and say whut kind of a friend i am, just in case sid reads this and then she'll know whut kind of a person i am. Im done. peace
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| Fuck you! |
[[02 Apr 2005 @ 02:42am]] |
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--"Five vicodin chased with a shot of clarity"-- Atreyu |
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Fuck you! im so buzzed right now, so much for saving the rest for the club tonight. Me and my cuz Corey are goin back to diesel tonight, i dont really wanna go cuz they play more hip hop then rock which sucks. Thats why i wanna go to club hell on a friday night and just sit on the couch and chill and listen to ROCK music and whut not. Maybe if i get lucky a girl will come sit down beside me and talk with me and get to know me unlike some frikin girls online. Its so inconsiderate to not reply to someones i/m's or emails. Least you could fuckin do was say stop fuckin talkin to me and that would be it. But no, you have to be an inconsiderate prick just like everyone else in this god damn world. I fuckin hate people i wish they would all fuckin die and id be the only one around...alone. You try to be someones friend and they slap ya right in the face. Thats the last fuckin time i do anythin else nice to anyone again. From now on im gonna be an inconsiderate prick and asshole just like every one of you mother fuckers out there in this world!! Fuck all of you!
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| diesel... |
[[28 Mar 2005 @ 12:36am]] |
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--"Maniac killa" -- Twiztid |
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sup? so i went to club diesel last night. Whutta frikin blast i had. i mean i stood up at the bar most of the time and danced to only 2 songs lol but i hadda frikin blast...who knew clubs could be so much fun haha..well i mean it was rock night so maybe thats why...listenin to good music, watchin hot girls dance...couldnt ask for a better time haha. Anywho, im thinkin bout goin to club hell on a friday, my cuz said she could get vip passes cuz she knows tha bouncer ..other then that i would like to go to club hell on another night, i forgot whut it was and whut day it was lol but i wanna go to that on that day too if that made any sense haha. im done peace
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| thought i would update... |
[[25 Mar 2005 @ 12:53am]] |
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-- "Spin the bottle" -- Twiztid |
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So the last time i was in here i was talkin about how this chick hasnt noticed me. Ive given up on her i really dont care if she doesnt notice me, shell be the one missin out on somethin. But anywho, me and my cuz corey are planning to go to club diesel on saturday night to check out how the alternative rock night is and shit. Hopefully we will have a good time and meet some kool people. Our lives are so boring we just decided we were sick of it and wanted to get outta the house on occation now lol. Thats pretty much it ill talk to you all later peace.
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| Updating.. |
[[12 Mar 2005 @ 10:39pm]] |
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-- "Ohio is for lovers" -- Hawthorne Heights |
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Ok..so there is this girl, I would really like to talk to her more, but it seems like everytime i try to talk to her she dont give a shit. How do i get this girl to notice me? or at least have a conversation with me? She seems like a really kool girl, but i wouldnt know cuz she doesnt talk to me lol. We talked twice. but that was it. I have no idea whut else to do. If anyone has answers please post em in here or instant message me.
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| nothingness... |
[[12 Mar 2005 @ 01:11am]] |
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-- "headstrong" -- Trapt |
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Yea so i didnt do jack shit today except at about 7 pm goin over coreys house. From there he asked me if i wanted to go see a movie with him and his gf so i was like alright i dont giva shit. So afta about a half hour of them debating on whut movie to go see they finally came up with an answer.They decided on Hitch. I must say, that movie is fuckin hilarious. You must go see that movie. Anywho me and him drove up to providence to get his girl and from there we went to the providence place mall. We watched the movie and then when it was over at 11:50 pm he drove his girl home and we came home. and now im here with nothin to do bored as hell. When will my bordom ever end?
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| sorta bummed... |
[[01 Mar 2005 @ 08:13pm]] |
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-- "Until the Day I Die" -- Story of the Year |
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sup? not shit here just sittin at my cuz corey's house talkin to my cuz nate online. im sorta bummed about my cuz kelly leaving to go back to new hampshire. even though she worked 24/7 while i was up there.. i still had fun and just bein there when she got home and seein her was just so awesome. she is one of my very best friends(besides bein family) it sorta sucks that she doesnt live in the city anymore but ahh well. i think the next time im prolly gonna see her is april vacation if i can get a ride if i cant then ill prolly see her in june when she comes down for brendas graduation. and then after that at my cuz angels wedding. all in all, i miss my cuz kelly alot and i hope i see her soon. i think i might get drunk tonight.
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| updating.. |
[[28 Feb 2005 @ 11:27am]] |
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-- "like a stone" -- audioslave |
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well hello there. whuts goin on? its been a couple of weeks since i last posted in this thing so i guess ill do it again now. last sunday(not yesterday) my dad picked me up and brought me to new hampshire. nathan didnt wanna go cuz hes a lil girl and i called brenda at 6 30 in the mornin to see if she wanted to go but she didnt eitha. so it was just me goin alone. so i was up there all last week. it was a lil borin cuz kelly was always workin but hey i aint gonna complain i had some fun up there. everybody was supposed to come down wednesday, but becuz steve wanted kelly to watch him play she had to work wednesday, thursday, and friday to get saturday sunday and monday off. so me kelly and brock came down on friday night. ok. saturday night. remember when i posted somethin sayin that i thought only one of the 4 people i asked to go to steves show was gonna go? well thats exactly whut happend. tristin is the only one that showed up. well everythin was goin fine at the show.. pretty much till my cuz kelly showed up lol. but it wasnt her fault. it was stacy's fault for startin with my cuz angel and brenda..then kelly got into it lol i was waitin for kelly to knock her out lol. kelly was doin all sorts of hand gestures when she was yellin at stacy, it was so funny lol. but anywho, it seems like everytime steves band plays out there is drama happening. i still hadda good time though. kinda borin cuz no one would stay and talk to me, they would for bout 2 seconds then get up and leave. but ahh well. last night i went to brendas house and hung out with brenda kelly brendas mom and jess. i had nothin better to do then to watch kelly make up her designs for some guy that shes gonna paint his resturaunt in boston. kelly asked me if i wanted to help her, but i dont know i hate painting. but i prolly will help her cuz im just nice like that lol. well i guess thats it ill do this again some other day peace.
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| fucked up shit... |
[[15 Feb 2005 @ 10:20pm]] |
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-- "Insect Kin" -- Bush |
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well last night and today was interesting. Last night i found out that my ex gf was goin up to new hampshire the same week i was supposed to. That sorta made me not wanna go. But i was like fuck it im not gonna let her ruin my shit. So today i wake up and shit get ready for school and then i left school at 715 at night. I ended up walkin to mcdonalds where my friend brenda works and i asked her why my ex gf was goin to new hampshire anyways. So she told me it was cuz she wanted to visit these guys that are in a band and she needed a place to stay. See, if she woulda told me that she wanted to go visit my cousin, that woulda be alright. But finding out that she just wants to use my cousin for a place to stay..NO WAY am i letting that happen. So, tomorrow i am callin my cousin and tellin her the story and all that good shit. There is no way in hell im lettin you use my cousin so you can go visit some guys and prolly blow all of em just like you blew my friend. AINT FUCKIN HAPPENING SO FIND SOMEONE ELSE TO FUCKIN USE FOR A PLACE TO STAY. I'm fuckin done ill type in this another night when im not so fuckin pissed off. PEACE BITCH... Oh yea...i hope you read this too
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| Valentine's Day sucks |
[[13 Feb 2005 @ 11:59pm]] |
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--"Solitary Man" -- H.I.M |
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I hate this day, pretty much everyone of my friends has someone to spend valentine's day with cept me. It really sucks man. I wish for one day I could spend at least one valentine's day with someone and make them happy. It sucks when you can't tell someone that you love them and want to be with them foreva, and that they make everyday with living for. One time i did have someone that i could say that to, but she broke my heart, and there-after I haven't trusted a girl since. Sometimes I wonder if i will ever trust another girl. Day in and day out i keep searching for who i really am. I think i'll never find out who i really am until the day i die....
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