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Sunday, January 18th, 2004
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12:24p - Boy you just a stupid bitch and Girl you just a no good dick
AHHHHH! I have bought my yeah yeah yeahs cd! Everytime her mouth opens to spill some sexual lyric or naughty sound it is like an orgasm and i cannot help but have convulsions and sweat. Theres so much energy in the songs, simple emotions of killing and wanting to have sex, and lyrics that are juicey. Oooo. She is just so awesome. Not to mention that their album art is the best i've ever witnessed... its so odd and yummy. The guitar man plays a mean guitar too. Clearly... this must be my favorite new band. Karen O. is my valentine. wee.
BOOM!
current mood: I'm gonna set you off
current music: yeah yeah yeahs - pin (comment on this)
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10:18p - We're all gonna burn in hell
They don't love you like I do.
They don't love you like I do.
Must Karen O. bewitch me with these sad words that somehow seem so airy and cause me to exhale my broken heart? Oh if she must. They make me feel like crying, because... they don't love you like I do. Oh no no.
So valentines day is coming up soon. Last Feb. 14th I brought my journal to class and poems and writings of how i find myself useless and how i shouldn't be breathing in this world splattered out. I always act happy when the day rolls around. I hand out cards with hearts and lord of the rings characters on them with candy kisses and laugh and giggle when people give me strange looks when i ask them if they want a kiss. And of course that morning on the bus i sang "Do your feet hurt"... a song i can never listen to without feeling horrible and like dying and running around crazy and suchness. Word of advice... never sing your favorite punk love song to anyone you find yourself involved with... you will never be able to think happily about it again. I shall never sing to anyone again for that matter. All because of HER. Unfortunatly HER. I'm getting over this... slowly and painfully. It is just taking too much time to get over this hump like bump (lol) to stop obsessing over her. Even though i claimed to find nothing special and found her rather replusive the other day at school... it never ends. Sadly... i do know the taste of a never ending ache. I think... this valentines day... will suck. The sooner all of these "loving" holidays are over, the better. BUT it will be so much fun. I shall make valentines for my friends! Even though that will not fill the void, the hole, the piece of my pie she forcibly stole and ate then vomited up because it tasted like shit. It be easier if she did give up on our friendship instead of telling me she misses me. Oh god i miss her too, but does it matter? I can't have a day in my thoughts to myself. I guess i am cursed. I am cursed. Does that make you happy? Are you happy now? Even without a trace of you, you still disrupt my life. You torture me with every minute you're not here. I don't want a hug. I want you, but your such a mess. Apparently my rehab hasn't help. Jessica said I'll get over you with time, but my gosh WHEN DOES IT END?!?!?? I think its harder because she was actually a friend before that "stuff". She's not some nobody i can just toss aside after one date and avoid. Addictive is the sight of HER.
I saw mona lisa smile. I liked it. It made me laugh. cute girls. Kim likes cute boys though... thats why she wants to see that hockey movie. lol. The preview of the hockey movie came on and said i..." ew hockey"... said she..."yeah, but cute boys." I sometimes forget the rest of the world is straight. But that was a good movie though. It made me realize something... as of course everything i see or read makes me come to some conclusion of some sort. As julia roberts was sitting near the edge of the pond like substance after founding out that the man who taught italian in the school who she was now sleeping with did not go to europe during the war to learn italian, that dude came up to her. She confronted him and he revealed that no, he just spoke the language and people just assumed that thats where he went. She was like... why didn't you tell me? He was like... becuase you're so prefect. It would make me feel uncomfortable, stupid, flawful, false, a fake, a phony, unintelligent.... ok so he actually said you're intemidating with your all mighty prefection and you got it going on and you don't lie like an asshole like me who sleeps with students. I shall refrain from saying how this accounts to my life in any way. But the movie, that hurt to get that somewhat realization that people don't tell the whole truth to people that don't lie. they act ashamed... and they should be ashamed.... making up some excuse to why you can just lie and keep the truth hidden to make you seem more important than you actually are. Some sort of drama you wish to create you attention straving child?
This is why i must watch loads of tv and internet surfing... so my brain stops thinking on its own accord. I think too much. Why is this? Why must I think? More importantly why must I feel? Why must i have wants i need to have fulfilled? And why... couldn't I have been a mongoose? Why?
Dressy Bessy was in a magizine. Everyone hates GC, but everyone wants to fuck Benji. I saw bitch and animal. I learned how to sing on the streets. That Simple Plan boy so stole my pink eye shadow. Duos are not trendy. I'm walking on a thin line. Someone is sexy.
I'd kiss you, but I'd have to kill you.
current mood: Like a ball of thunder
current music: yeah yeah yeahs - y control (comment on this)
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