|
[08 Nov 2009|01:15pm] |
no point struggling now.
let myself freefall.
come what may.
when i hit rock bottom i'll know how to get back up. at least that's what i think.
i'm sick of how my wanting to be silent is often misinterpreted as indifference by others. it is even more disappointing when the ones whom you think will love and accept who you are do so too.
i also want to know.
why humans complicate every single thing?
why are there so many symbolic gestures or actions or behaviors we need to display in order to let others know that we are genuinely sincere at a very particular moment?
i'm so sick.
just this morning i had the urge to sweep everything off the coffee table. but i can't. because that'd be perceived as rude and immature.
for me, it's a means of taking it out against things that don't really matter. rather than issuing a slap across someone's face.
maybe i'm just rude, selfish, insensitive, whatever.
but i don't give a shit. my life is lived not to please others. i was given life to enjoy the beauty of this world.
unfortunately, apart from nature - trees, sky, clouds, flowers, massive ocean, i see nothing particularly beautiful.
on some days when you are in love, everything looks good.
on other days when you feel like everyone is aiming an arrow at you, there's nothing to be seen.
so...do i shift my sight away from those arrows (which are gonna come anyway) or enjoy the scenery for as long as i live?
is there a word that means "angry" + "sad"?
how about "angry" + "1/2sad" * "dejection" / "hopelessness"?
i think i'm wasting space on earth. i should just die off. i mean fuck off.
okie....back to my books. hope i'd forget the shit soon.
|
|